"The Question"

[Dana]

Me? Being a CD, drinking just to get to sleep, a ruined marriage, children, divorce, financial ruin, bankruptcy, being career military, what I've been through, what I"ve gone through.

Its crossed my mind ~ that the solution was a .45 slug through the brain housing group. Surivor's guillt didn't help.

[RebeccaLynne]

Dana, my heart goes out to you. Please remember that God is only supposed to give you what you can handle, and you've survived, so don't give up. We're here for you, plenty of shoulders to cry on. Stay with us, dear.

[size7satin]

There are very few days that I don't have that slug feeling...even more so after the wife died... but then I find all the small things I tend to overlook that unloades the chamber.

Every need to just let all that is bottled up just send me an email and we can use each others shoulder on yahoo messanger or something.

[Dana]

There are very few days that I don't have that slug feeling...even more so after the wife died... but then I find all the small things I tend to overlook that unloades the chamber.

Every need to just let all that is bottled up just send me an email and we can use each others shoulder on yahoo messanger or something.


Just tears, just tears!

[size7satin]

No one sees the thousands shead tear while sitting in the fetal postion on the bathroom vanity..... But you ....... but your not alone...... anytime i can hand ya a hankie just drop me a line........

[Barb Valentine]

Hi Dana
I think a lot of us have been there
I was in the same boat 7 years ago (except for the kids & military)
Self employed working 15 hours a day 7 days a week and not getting any where,and I had days I put a gun to my head and said who would care.
But I pull myself out of the slump and did some soul searching.
It wasn't easy but I did it and I think you can too.

Besides you have something I did not
All of us here to help and support you

Please feel free to PM or email me any time you like
Together we can get through this

Hugs
Barb

[celeste26]

That partly why I refuse to have a gun in the house.

[Dana]

Just a weak a moment! I'm sorry! Love!At AM WOLD! (Jim Cusio) Love you! "Ok, I see, he's better than better than me!" I'm STILL here! Thanks for the love! It means a lot! Someone in this world gives a damn! {tears}
!~

[GypsyKaren]

I was in Mexico with friends a few years ago, and I met a fellow Yank in the parking lot. We started talking about this and that, and it turned into a pretty good moan and groan session. After a few minutes of that he suddenly stopped, looked up at the sky and said "but you know, it could be worse, and it's a nice day". I really took that to heart, because he was right, there were a lot of people who had it worse than me, and it really was a nice day too. Whenever I get the blues I think of that guy, and it always makes me smile. Something to think about...

Karen

[size7satin]

Time for a glass of milk, a nighty and my bed..

meeting you tonight
even if only in this thread
in that moment of doubt
gave me reason to remember
as long as there is just
1 thing in life that is good


We Will Be OK


... goodnight

[CammyT]

Dana dear,
Retired Army, I could tell you stories! Let's just say that since I'm buddhist, and because of what I've done for my Country, there is no way I'm making paradise in this life. The best I can hope for is a short very painful soul cleansing in hell, then await another re-birth, another chance.
Like Karen said a lot of people have it worse then us sweetie and be thankful for the small things as Size7Satin said.
Take Care Hon
If you ever need to talk about any military issues, PM me. As they say, "Been There, Done That. No wonder they wouldn't let me keep my MK23, MP5 and
M24. Just no more thoughts of using yourself as the 0 meter silhouette okay?

[Joy Carter]

I was on the edge once too Dana but I got past that and found that there were some who cared I just didn't realize it at the time. Take the support here and try to connect with those who care we all need it every day.

God Bless Joy

[Tina Dixon]

I don't understand, life has not always been rosy for me but I don't understand how a person can think that way? Sorry.

[geegee2]

whatever you dont do that awful thing, there are too many here that care what happens to you. I for one have been there and actully had the gun in my mouth with the hammer pulled back. Yes,that close, but a voice in my head said "its not that bad, pull yourself together and get dressed and go out" and thats what I did. Iwent as GeeGee and looked at all the other people around me thinking what kind of problems do they have and then said to myself "problems like any one else has and they are still here too" I hope you can understand what I am telling you.Also stop at a church, any one you find and just sit there in the quiet and listen to what can be heard there. If you need a shoulder to cry on pm me and Ill get back to you, girlfriend dont dispair, we are all here for you. Heres a big fat sloppy kiss for you and even bigger hug. LOVE HUGS AND KISSES. GeeGee2

[Kate Simmons]

I don't think there is one of us who haven't had that thought at least once. I've been through the whole nine yards myself. The fact that I'm still here tells me something however. There is a reason for everything and someone somewhere has a reason for me being who I am, otherwise I wouldn't still be here. I personally have found my answer to that and will just continue being who I am for as long as necessary. Besides that, I've touched so many others in so many ways. I owe that to the folks I care for and who care for me. Just my thoughts, Hon. Take care, Ericka

[Teresa Amina]

In 1980, when I was in the Navy stationed in Texas, I went awol for a while and at one point things looked real hopeless and I loaded the revolver to see if the round came up. Spun the cylinder lots of times and looked- that primer was under the hammer more times than not! Didn't really want to die but could have slipped and done myself in by accident, and once put a hole in the ceiling. That brought some focus! Well I've lived as long since then as I had to that point and have gone through some worse things (like my wife dying last fall) but I've never wanted to take the lead pill since that time in the Navy.:thumbsup: Hang in there!:hugs:

[suezeq]

been there 11 years ago married 21 years accepting gg for 6years then my cd ing was a problem so she had to go too many rows meet my wife on internet 6 years ago told her even before we meet no problems atall went bankrupt in 2000 lots af money was oweing unable to pay working as many hours in a day as i could best thing that happened to me was meeting my wife she brought me from the brink of distruction have not looked back since

[Sharon_Rose]

I understand your situation. All it takes is four pounds of pressure on the trigger. It would end your problems but what about the implications of those things you are yet to do? I am battling the financial issues and the homefront issues - why? I don't think I have acheived what I was put here to do. You will ultimately make the decision but I would bet on you "sucking it up" and beating this thing.

I am not particularly religious but God watches over those who watch over themselves.

Don't do it.

Hugs

[Momarie]

Hey sweetie,

Please don't...people do care about you.
I could never know what you are going through, why you have had to struggle so hard just to be you. It shouldn't be this way and I am so sorry for your pain.
My hope today is that you will see some little sign, some small spark to encourage you, give you strength and lift your spirits.

[pinkscorpi1]

Ciao Dana .I think people of our age have all passed really hard moments in their lifetime .Who earlier who later . A depression like this happened when I was in My 20s Friends stayed by me and after the great storm slowly but surely the sun started to shine again . You're a soldier and I've got great respect for the military.If you need us we're here. Pink

[Anita Mae GG]

There are very few days that I don't have that slug feeling...even more so after the wife died... but then I find all the small things I tend to overlook that unloades the chamber.

Every need to just let all that is bottled up just send me an email and we can use each others shoulder on yahoo messanger or something.


Sorry to hear about your wife....:sad:

[Anita Mae GG]

I think we all have issues that drive us to at least think about that stuff......

I will say that being a CD must be hard, I can only imagine but I saw the hurt and fear in my husbands eyes when we talked about it and it broke my heart....... I imagine things aren't always easy but like GypsyKaren said, there is ALWAYS someone worse off than ourselves and I do think of that when I get upset about one thing or another.....God gave me 4 beautiful kids, a wonderful, special husband and the sun is out today...can't ask for more than that.......

I have a quote on my fridge that says: "if God brings you to it, He will see you through it" I believe that and I live by that......good or bad it is brought to me for a reason and to teach me something.....

Good luck and God bless!!

[sharifemme]

WOW, Dana...

Please don't ever do that. Your life is what you make of it. You have friends here and we are always here for you. You can always E-mail me if you need to talk.

We have all been there at one time or another. Don't give up on us, girl!

Sharifemme

segcd@usadatanet.net


Me? Being a CD, drinking just to get to sleep, a ruined marriage, children, divorce, financial ruin, bankruptcy, being career military, what I've been through, what I"ve gone through.

Its crossed my mind ~ that the solution was a .45 slug through the brain housing group. Surivor's guillt didn't help.

[Annaliese]

Me? Being a CD, drinking just to get to sleep, a ruined marriage, children, divorce, financial ruin, bankruptcy, being career military, what I've been through, what I"ve gone through.

Its crossed my mind ~ that the solution was a .45 slug through the brain housing group. Surivor's guillt didn't help.
Dana you are love here, we all have all gone throuth alot, my wife hid the key to the gun safe for years. The day I accepted my fem side was the day I started to live.

We are here for you.

Anna

[Casey Morgan]

Hi Dana. I've been there myself. I actually acted on those thoughts once. Fortunately (and it took me a long time to say that without a question mark) I got physically ill and expelled what I had swallowed.

The second time I was ready to act on those thoughts, I decided to tell the leaders of the mens therapy group I was in. I wasn't really sure why, but I figured that if nothing came of it I'd go home like I planned and "do it".

But now I realize that wanting to talk about it was a "go for broke" effort to stop myself. So anytime you feel like you need/want to say you're thinking about it, say so. Don't be afraid of wanting to tell people. In my experience it means there's a part of you that doesn't want to "do it". (Sorry for the euphamism, but it's scary to say "kill myself" or "commit suicide", isn't it? Perhaps that's all part of the "but at the same time I don't want to" thing.)

Anyway, I'm glad to hear the moment has passed. That's what it's all about, getting past that moment. We're here for you Dana. Please remember that. Always.

[Dixie Darling]

Dana,

Rebecca Lynne touched on this when she told you that God will only give you what you are capable of handling. This is very true. OK, so you've already BEEN through a ruined marriage, children, divorce, financial ruin, bankruptcy, and you drink at night just to get to sleep.

Let me share something here with you. God in His wisdom does NOT make any junk. He made you and I crossdressers for some specific reason. In fact, I've learned to accept this part of me as an unusual "gift" of sorts, but with strings attached to it in the form of an unaccepting society AND an unaccepting wife. Still, I view it as something that I've been given that I'm supposed to figure out what to DO with it. It seems that my 'niche' has been to help others to accept the fact that they aren't freaks of nature because they are crossdressers. As CDs we've been given the unique opportunity to experience a side of life that most men will never know about. And that opportunity has the potential to put us more "in tune" with our female counterparts. The realization that I am supposed to be trying to help others (CDs as well as their wives/girlfriends) is what led to the creation of my web site and the Yahoo group I moderate. If you LOOK for it in earnest, you too have a purpose for being a crossdresser. Once you determine what that purpose is, and react to it, you may very well find that things will begin to look a lot brighter for you.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd