Falling out

[karen fox]

This thread is to all the GG's.
I know it's the crossdressing, but I don't think my wife and I can find a happy medium.
Why do we seem to keep going round in a circle, falling out then making up again? Why can't it stay good all the time?
She tells me I haven't accepted it myself, but I think maybe the issues we have are connected to me going along to the Boston Belles once a month. Perhaps I haven't accpeted it, or perhaps I still have those guilt pangs. I don't know.
HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP MMMMMEEEE!

[kathy gg]

Hi karen

Did a quick check in yoru posting history. Seems you two were at some happy medium back in Nove. But obviously things have taken a different turn.

Going to break down what you wrote vs. what I read in your old posts:

"Why do we seem to keep going round in a circle, falling out then making up again? Why can't it stay good all the time?"

Well in one post you said you had pushed for something and you should have checked with her first. If that was a one off, then I apologize for pointing it out. But it seems alot of problems are actually quiet simple. If you want some things your way one must make concessions in another way. Like a trade off.


"She tells me I haven't accepted it myself, but I think maybe the issues we have are connected to me going along to the Boston Belles once a month."

Are you looking at her for the ultimate acceptance? Women dont' say this without having seen actions take place to warrent this sort of comment. But then you say:

"Perhaps I haven't accpeted it, or perhaps I still have those guilt pangs."

Well then you answered your own question. You are still feeling some sense of guilt.

Would you like to tell us why? And really how can you expect her to be accepting when you are not so sure then about yourself.

I hate to say this, but when people are going through those ups and downs and coming to terms with all this they can be pretty dificult to be around and almost not worth the extra effort. I can understand why alot of women woudl say "umm get back to me when you are not a complete mess".

If you stay in the self loathing limbo you can expect to keep going in circles with her as well.

Anyway, based on what little you have shared that is my .20 worth.

[Lulie GG]

I know how you feel but from the GG side, it seems to be a circle, accepting, not accepting, accepting, not accepting, accepting, not accepting. I've taken myself out of the loop and put myself in limbo, I didn't want bad times any more but it has meant I lost the good times but I don't get hurt anymore. My hubby says he will give it up for me to get the good times back, I know that won't work. So we are both in our corners licking our wounds. Not good.

Karen if you find the way through all of this PLEASE let me know.

Love

Lulie

[karen fox]

Thanks both of you.
Perhaps I am looking for my wife's acceptance. I know I probably do fantasise too much on the subject aswell. And I know she didn't enter the marriage with a CDer, or so she thought. I should have told her all this.
It's so sad that there are so many in the same situation.

[~Kitty GG~]

Couples can go around and around in circles over a multitude of issues. Communication is usually lacking when any issue keeps going around and around like this.

Often the two parties don't really know and understand what they want. In order for the two of you to find a happy medium you have know what's absolutely needed for YOU and what you can compromise on. She has to find those answers as well. And then you have to be able to communicate those things.

If you suspect she doesn't want you going to "boston belles" once a month.. do you know WHY? What is it that she doesn't like about it? Quite often the wife is complaining about the CD issue when its really a lack of attention, an insecurity, or some other thing that could be dealt with.

Another thing that I found helpful was educating myself about CDing. The websites individuals have online showed me their view rather than just how it felt from my side of the fence. And gave me some ideas of the whys.. earlier I thought it was something guys choose to do.. like golf.

Lastly I found it helpful to get to know other wives. To not feel like I was the only one who ever had to deal with this sort of thing.. that I hadn't lost the husband lottery.

Once my fear and resentment were gone.. I could deal from my side. ~Dee~ had to conquor her shame and guilt. And we could support eachother.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[karen fox]

Thank you Kitty,
After reading this
"If you suspect she doesn't want you going to "boston belles" once a month.. do you know WHY? What is it that she doesn't like about it? Quite often the wife is complaining about the CD issue when its really a lack of attention, an insecurity, or some other thing that could be dealt with. "[/COLOR]
.. and after eventually TALKING to one another, I now find out apparently it's my problem, and my wife wants nothing to do with it. Well that's fine, but why do I feel like we had a major row before the last meeting all because I wanted to borrow a top but was not going to take it without asking.
She wanted to know the first couple of times I went, what I was going to wear, now she doesn't want to know.
She also said that if ahe decided she would go, I would be the first to know. I don't think I want her to ever go now. It's almost like tit for tat all the time!