Need help from all MTF Crossdressers

[rnewpoint GG]

It has been said that crossdressers make the best husbands and that they really love their wives and families. How many of you are like this? Do you cheat or sleep around? If not why? Is is because you have both qualities of male and female sides? Do you feel that if your wife accepted you as a crossdresser is this enough for you? I need total honesty. I am trying to help out a friend of mine that has a husband who is a crossdresser and having a hard time with accepting this. I know what I have gone thru with feelings but she needs a crossdressers point of view. These are basically her questions. please help me to help her. Rachel

[Veronica E. Scott]

It has been said that crossdressers make the best husbands and that they really love their wives and families. How many of you are like this? Do you cheat or sleep around? If not why? Is is because you have both qualities of male and female sides? Do you feel that if your wife accepted you as a crossdresser is this enough for you? I need total honesty. I am trying to help out a friend of mine that has a husband who is a crossdresser and having a hard time with accepting this. I know what I have gone thru with feelings but she needs a crossdressers point of view. These are basically her questions. please help me to help her. Rachel


rnewpoint GG & Rachel

I have been married to the same woman for 40 years now and if she excepted my Xdressing yes that would be enough although she does not and has rejected any suggestion from me to edcuate herself on this subject.Still 40 years ago I took an oath to love honor and forsake all others there was a time when I did cheat on her and told her about it we worked through it and it has been 31 years since then,my wife also told me that she had an affair about the same time and we worked through that also.None of this happened because of xdressing at that time I haden't told anyone about my other side until last year.A very long time to carry a secret,we are trying to work through this but it dosn't look good at the present,we have a very strange relationship right now and I don't know what the future holds for us I just keep hoping and praying that everything will work out. To be very honest I wished I had never told my wife about my other side,things would be very different now. Hope this helpes .

[CharleneCD]

I am going to start with the cheating thing. I think CD's are like anyone else. Some will but most wont. For me I will not. Why, because I made that commitment when I said my vows.

Now as for making better husbands, I will say that accepted CD's most likely will be. We go through life facing and fearing rejection for the way we are. So when someone accepting comes into our life we are going to show our appreciation and treat them special.

The real reason I think we make good husbands, is that we can offer so much more to a relationship. Not only are we the male partner in the relationship, but our fem side allows us to be a true friend. We will love to go shopping and sit around and have girl talk.We are much more understanding of what you women go through. ( not that we will ever totaly understand you though. Some things are still impossible LOL) I have seen so many so called normal relationships where the two spouses spend very little quality time together, whereas in my own relationship and from reading about some of the others with accepting spouses here in the forum, we spend a lot of time together doing things. Maybe thats why I have no desire to cheat. I have all I need with my wife. We are true partners.

As for other advise for your friend, I suggest she try accepting and participating. How can she know weather it is good or bad unless she tries. She has already invested time in the relationship so why not try. She may find that things are much better than she could have ever hoped for.

[DonnaT]

Been married to my wife for a little over 30 yrs. Never cheated, never even been attracted to another person since I met her.

Is it because of having both male and female qualities? I couldn't say, since I've always had those qualities, but I hope and doubt that if I only had the male qualities I still wouldn't have strayed.

Do you feel that if your wife accepted you as a crossdresser is this enough for you? She doesn't accept it, she hates it. But she tolerates it because she knows that this is an integral part of my being, that I can't quit and there is no cure. So, knowing all that, she wants me to be happy. And even though she hates it, and gets upset with me at times, I still will always love her; and knowing that she loves me despite my CDing, is enough for me.

I think she shouldn't worry about our relationships, which are as varied as the people involved. She should look at all her husbands other characteristics besides the CDing. If he's a good man, provides for her, loves her, and is honest and trustworthy, etc. Then the fact that he is a CD should be the last thing she needs to worry about.

Being a CD shouldn't be a deal breaker.

[ashlee chiffon]

no magic bullet answer here...
infidelity and promiscuity, trustworthiness and loyalty...

depends on the individual...what type of person they are and what their relationship is like...

being a cd doesn't cause men to be cheaters or more dedicated to their SO...
their morality determines that!

[Summer]

I believe you are getting the best advice you can get. There is no simple answer. I for one have never even thought of cheating. But like the other girls here have said quit sincik. It is a individual thing. either he/she is going to or not. It is a matter of being a stand up person or not. Who knows.

As for Trudi, Charlene, Donna, and Ashly, I have the utmost respect for these ladies. The give new meaning to Standup Guys. The world is a nicer place with this kind of respect for their vows and commitment.

Tell you GG friend if she knows her man and trusts him, Get on with the relationship. IF she doesn't trust, well what is there.
My two cents0.02
Summer

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

My take on it is that the way you CD is generally consistent with your overall personality. That's to say, if you're self-centered, you're CDing probably will be too. If you're inclined to cheat, it doesn't matter what you're wearing. Conversely, if you're sensitive and caring -- even if you don't feel you can show this in guy mode -- that too will come out. Granted, I think for a number of us a chance to take a gender vacation (and/or to be someone else for awhile) is a major reason we do it, so someone who is serious and ultra-responsible in guy mode might "just wanna have fun" in girl mode. But push come to shove, their "core" personality traits will show through.

As far as cheating, it's important to remember the difference between fantasies (things you enjoy thinking about but would never do), desires (things you'd like to do, even if you haven't yet) and actual behavior. It's true many CD fantasize about "being the woman" in a romantic and/or sexual context. But a lot of that probably has more to do with wanting to feel desirable en femme and for most folks it's just a fantasy. I know even a fantasy can hurt -- all the "am I not woman enough for him" feelings -- but really it's no different than the sorts of fantasies that the vast majority of people in relationships will admit to if they're honest. But if you're in a relationship, you shouldn't act on those fantasies if you want to remain in that relationship.

As far as male and female qualities -- there are simply qualities, some of which society chooses to see as "masculine" and "feminine." Some of us do have "feminine" aspects of our personalities, some of us don't. Many of us have a man's idea about what "being a woman" is like.

I'm single, so I can't really comment on how I feel about a wife's acceptance/unacceptance.

Bottom-line, being a CD can make someone a better husband, but it doesn't guarantee it.

As far as accepting, I'd echo what others have said -- she should look at her husband in totality. She also probably needs to take a look at her own attitudes toward gender roles. Does she have ideas about what a "real man" is like? And has she thought about the fact that he might find these ideas just as restrictive as she does when faced with expectations about what a "real woman" is like? Feminism was all about not having to adhere to certain gender role expectations "required" by your sex -- men should have equal freedom in that regard.

[Billijo49504]

I'm sorry, I can only speak of my own situation. I was married to my first wife for almost 13 years, till death do us part. I nursed her for 12 months with brain cancer. Then I married my second wife, 21 years ago. I couldn't cheat on my best friend. That just wouldn't be right. Then you have the Cd'er who had an affair with another CD. So I guess it al boiles down to the individual...BJ

[ColleenCD]

I see GG's as beautiful creatures of God. But I don't want any contact beyond friendly flirtation. My wife of 26 years deserves my attention. If she puts up with me for who I am, I cannot and will not risk losing her over moments of physical pleasure.

Colleen

[Nastasha]

Till death do us part.

My love and attention are for her and the kids, noone else.

[uknowhoo]

I've never even thought of cheating. We've been together 20 yrs and I know she'd agree I treat her like a queen. I'm sure that my feelings of femininity make me a better husband and father (if I do say so myself:cheeky: - you asked!). xoxo Tammi

[DawnRodgers]

A reply from the other side.
Was true and faithful for 40 years. Still consider her my only true love. Not interested in other girls though. My wife basically considers my needs as Dawn as nothing she can accept. She really doesn't want me to dress and considers those urges as something strange and weird. So, in a need for acceptance of my alter identity, an identity I just cannot abandon, I meet with others.
In their acceptance I find peace with myself. You can be sure that if I had my wife's acceptance and understanding, there would never be a reason to stray. Everything would be there in one package. Just like any other man or woman, we want to feel accepted and needed - not humored or felt that those we love are just putting up with our idiosincracies and hoping we will come to our senses or will grow out of our strange desires.
In all of those years I would have never thought that it would come to this although I have to admit that I am not surprised either. I accepted and encouraged her llife patterns, supported her needs and wants and, frankly, feel I got no support in mine. Tell your friend that the best way to handle this is with understanding and acceptance. A sure way to lose her huisband is to fail to try to meet him halfway here. If our wife cannot accept us we will look for someone, male or female, who does.
Dawn

[Ellaine]

Honesty is not gender related.
Trust comes from actions over time.
Just as having a certain blend of M/F mentality can make a male more sensitive and caring, especially toward an accepting SO; it can also work to inspire curiosity about the female role.
Those that are fortunate enough to be accepted by their partner, do realise just how very lucky they are.

That the truth is out between them, must be for the best. In a way, as often as not, it is similar for both of them that they have individually had this thing dumped on them. He has had some time to ajust, she now needs time too.

This link has many honest answers:
http://www.ladylike.org.uk/

Do let us know how it goes. We've all got our fingers crossed. :)

[Lawren]

Well, I am not a husband yet but....... maybe someday.

Anyway. In my case I have found that crossdressing makes me a better person because I am much more understanding of the GG's point of view.

1. I now know why GG's take so much time to get ready to go somewhere. It's a lot a work for them to look their best.

2. I understand why a trip to the "Powder Room" takes so long.

3. I understand why GG's are spend so much time shopping. They have soooo many choices to make and everything must fit perfectly. I also know the discomfort of ill fitting clothes.

4. I understand why they love to be complimented so often. After all the work to get her best look a GG wants someone to actually notice her and know what it takes to acquire that look.

5. ...and on... and on... and on.

Yes, I think crossdressers make better husbands because we a more personal viewport into the world of GGs and knowledge makes us better people. (I hope! :D)

Well, there is my $0.10 worth. (Inflation :D)

P. S. To all GGs. If I have said anything wrong I am open to correction. It will only make an even better person.

[pedebra]

When it comes to fidelity, CD's are no different that any other group of people. I have been with my wife for 25 years and have been faithful to her. I have fantasized about being the woman in a relationship with a man, but it is just that, a fantasy. My wife is the most important thing in the world to me and I would do nothing to hurt her.
Do CD's make better husbands because of our fem side, I don't know. It probably has more to do with the way we were raised. You treat everyone with respect and care for and nurture the ones you love.
I do feel that your friend needs to accept her husband's dressing. The total acceptance of that part of him will enable him to be a better partner. If she doesn't, he will always be holding back a part of himself and will be unable to give her 100% of who he is and she will feel it and wonder what is missing.

[Rikkicn]

There are many things that make cross dressing men good and perhaps great husbands. What comes to mind for me is that cder's have learned to look at the world more open heartedly than most men. They hold and express more love and sympathy for their fellow human beings. They are more willing to forgive and overlook the faults of others. They have a deeper understanding and can better articulate emotional states.

Most if not all of us were aware at a very young age that what we were doing, feeling and experiencing was wrong. It was so wrong that it was treated in harsh ways by the medical community. We then grew up trying to understand this strange notion that we were bad and wrong and to be laughed at while at the same time thinking that we were really no different that anyone else, except for our cross dressing.

I once took a course that maintained that "all behavior has positive intention even though the person doing the behavior may not be aware of it" Think of a child acting up or tantrumming. Their positive intention is to get attention and care.

Learning that my cding had a positive intention after years of being sure that I wrong and sick was thrilling to learn. It made me feel better right away and I hadn't figured out the positive side yet. I spent hours and hours trying to figure it out and then one day, there it was.

The positive intention for cding, for me, was that it taught me about prejudice and bigotry. It taught me to never ever read a book by it's cover. It taught me sympathy and compassion for other groups and peoples that have suffered from prejudice. It taught me to look at all points of view, always and so so much more.

Like other cder's I've spent countless hours trying to understand who I am and why I'm this way. We may never get clear answers to those question but while we're looking for them we answer those unasked questions. We all spend hours and hours thinking about cding and our live's. In some circles, they call those hours and hours in thought, meditation.

All of this helps to create in us a more open and receiving heart. Good marriage material for the woman or man that's ready for an exciting and thrilling time. Adventerous only need apply, not for the timid or shy.
Rikki

[stephanie100]

I have never cheated on anyone I am in a relationship with I am too sensitive and guilt would show.
That may or may not be due to my Fem side. Just to give an idea my partner broke a small pice of equipment though expensive ( a PDA ) I really felt sorry for the PDA.

The point being that I could not take the male view on cheating ( at least the Males I know) of what the eye dont see the heart dont greave over.
Hope this helps
Steph

[EricaCD]

The fact that I am a crossdresser does not change the fact that I am firstly a husband and father. I do my absolute best to provide a happy, loving, supportive environment for my family, and the reflection of my family's joy is the greatest pleasure in my life.

I would saw off both my arms with a fish knife before cheating on my wife. In 6 years of courtship and 12 of marriage the thought has simply never occurred to me.

I really don't know that being a CD changes who we are with regard to our families. My guess is that we have a mix of wonder-husbands, ok fathers and outright rat-*******s among us, just like the population generally.

[gennee]

It has been said that crossdressers make the best husbands and that they really love their wives and families. How many of you are like this? Do you cheat or sleep around? If not why? Is is because you have both qualities of male and female sides? Do you feel that if your wife accepted you as a crossdresser is this enough for you? I need total honesty. I am trying to help out a friend of mine that has a husband who is a crossdresser and having a hard time with accepting this. I know what I have gone thru with feelings but she needs a crossdressers point of view. These are basically her questions. please help me to help her. Rachel


I have been married for 26 years and love my wife deeply. Have never cheated or slept around. Though she doesn't accept my crossdressing, she doesn't keep me from doing it. I won't dress in front of her but I told her that it is a part of me. The fact that I first said that she's the one I'm in love with helped a lot. I'm hopeful that I can educate her about crossdressing.

Gennee

[rnewpoint GG]

Thank you so very much for all the responses so quickly. You have helped me as well. I hope that this helps my friend too. You are all very special to me. I hope that GGs read your responses as well and help them thru any problems they may be feeling. Thank You

Rachel