How to keep the discussion doors open?

[sparks]

So I think I have to jsut accept the facts and accept my wife wants no part of this cding thing. To be truthful I often don't as well. But since it's not going away and hopefully my wife is not either. How do I find that middle ground?
We've been married for ten years and together for fourteen. She has known for the last seven. I have always kept this to myself since she had no desire to go any further trying to understand it.
I'm in alot of turmoil these days trying to keep it to myself. It hurts living with a secret that would chase most or all of my freinds and family away. The forum is about my only outlet for it. And I think it displeases her that I come here as well.
If all I want is talk every now and again with her about it and she doesn't want to. What can I do? I would like to keep the communications open for those really tough days.
Maybe this question is more for the unaccepting gg's but any views are welcome.
She said before if I try to bring this inot the marriage she would divorce me but how do I talk to her about things that are weighing me down without her thinking I'm trying to push this stuff on her?
I'm the opposite of pushie. I mean I've pretty much kept her free and clear for seven years haven't I. But this year has been hard on me and for some reason this cd stuff is constantly harping on my brain. I can't shut it down.

But please give me some views if you need more info message me or post it?

[admirerplus GG]

Sparks,

I do not have the benefit of knowing all of the facts in your personal situation to be able to provide informed advice. I am under the impression that you care deeply for your wife. Perhaps getting objective help from a professional counsellor would help the communication with your wife.

Over the past 2 years I have needed to speak to some one about my own life's challenges. In my own experience, I found that a counsellor was very helpful for me.

I wish you happiness and success in your relationship. Good luck!

[sparks]

The town I live in is to small for the counseller department. Wouldn't trust em here anyway! Things have there way of getting around even when confidential. My family is end all be all for me.
I fall in love again with my wife everyday. I just look at her and I melt inside. I guess that's why her unaccepting a part of me hurts so terribly much. I know she was my soul mate and knew it from the first date.
What to do what to do.

Perhaps I should be more vocal and more confident like the advice I get from the forum. If confidence was cheap I would buy a whack of it. I get the gitters just thinking about bringing up the conversation but I guess I just should bite the bullet and do so. It has been two weeks since the last conversation.

[Sandra]

No matter how hard it is try talking again, tell her how you really feel and ask her what she wants and how she feels. Have you told her that she can come here as well? If you can get her to join, she will see that she is not the only GG and many have the same worries problems.

Whatever you do I wish you luck.

[Kerry Owens]

She's right, knowing you are not alone helps you with coping.

[dancinginthedark]

Sparks,
I wish I had all the answers but I don’t. I can tell you my opinion but that is all it is, my opinion. Okay? First you may have to face the harsh reality that she will never willingly discuss this with you. But grown ups have to compromise. IMHO it is unfair that she knows and will not even discuss it with you . I can see cutting her some slack if she doesn't want to participate but to not even talk with you? To not even offer support or a shoulder if you need someone? How hurtful and in my mind, cruel. ~ I am not a clone to my DH. We do not agree on every single thing. Would be a bit boring if we did. I am still willing to talk with DH about anything. I may get angry or pissy, especially if I am having a bad day, but I do warn him of this [kind of a “warning mood swings ahead” kind of day for example] before we proceed with the conversation. My DH knows I can get umm passionate at times so the conversation may turn into a heated debate. That’s okay though. We learn more about each other all the time like this….Maybe a gentle reminder would be helpful of times you made concessions for her benefit. I know I can be knot headed sometimes and while I may not like to be reminded that I am being unfair it does make me fully aware and also tells me my DH is fully aware of that fact too.
If she absolutely cannot bear to talk about this you will have to make a decision. Can you live like this and can you do the compromising here or do you absolutely have to have your DW to talk with about CD-ing? Will there be any real benefits to you if she is negative? If there is nothing to be gained then perhaps coming here should not be seen as an "all I have thing" but the wonderful opportunity and gift that it is. There is no reason you cannot join other groups and make even more friends here. There is the chat feature too and I think it would make you feel less a lone on those days when you need to feel a more RL connection verse a post and reply format. Make sure to remind your DW why you are here, everyone needs to feel connected. No one should have to be all alone. It is her choice to not be a part of this important part of you life so what right does she have to make you feel badly for needing to feel like you belong and have others accept you as who you are completely.
While I haven’t tried the chat room here [but I have used other’s] it does me a world of good to be able to chat. Those instant replies are sometimes just what I need to hold it together and not feel so alone in the world. I can be in a very bad place and chat for a bit and feel so much better inside. (((hugs)))

PS- See folks, I can make almost short replies. :D

[sparks]

Ah hell this whole situation seems to piss me off! Nothing I do ever seems right. It's still a denial thing I think for her. At the end of the last discussion about CDing she asked me why I love because she so stubborn and unwilling to change. I replyed because my love for her was unconditional. We kissed and went to bed. That was it and nothing now for weeks.
I think I'm just being a nut job! I've kept this in the closet for hersake for seven years. Never flaunted it, never pushed it. Never disturb a sleeping bear. Now for some unknown reason this is all I can think of. I've always thought alot about dressing but now I think more about it. I often think about dressing fully and dream of shopping.
I will just go back to our old ways of don't ask don't tell. It's easier than trying to get a ball rolling that is flat on one side.
I just don't think I can restrain from not dressing to keep the peace.

[kittypw GG]

Perhaps I should be more vocal and more confident like the advice I get from the forum. If confidence was cheap I would buy a whack of it. I get the gitters just thinking about bringing up the conversation but I guess I just should bite the bullet and do so. It has been two weeks since the last conversation.

Here in lies the key. Be confident. Why should she try to be tolerant because you so easily go back to your corner. Lack of confidence about yourself often translates to negatives when you are trying to get someone to accept something about you. If you don't have confidence and feel embarassed about it then how is it that she would want to jump on that band wagon?

Write down the things that are important to you. Figure out what is negotiable and what is not and build from there. Use humor and make it fun. I suggested to tony to fix her dinner only wearing a sexy apron. Use your imagination. Buy two different kinds of sexy panties, get a video on errotic massage, have her put on her panties and lay on the bed. You could be wearing yours under your robe. You come into the room with your vanilla massage oil dissrobe and got about doing the massage and see what happens. Like I said use your imagination. Don't be pushy or distasteful or rude but don't back down. Keep telling her how important it is to you and go slow. Spoon feed her don't shove it down all at once. Start to get her to tolerate little things like you wearing panties.

If you are a great husband otherwise and she is your sole mate then she will eventually accept this part of you. Women are not stupid. There are a lot of men out there that are bad partners. She will know this and not want to give you up so easily even though she says she will. She naturally wants the situation to go away and as long as you back down it will never be something that is accepted.

Sparks you are fairly articulate and you obviously are a great artist so you must have a good imagination. Make your crossdressing artistic and beautiful not negative and shameful.
Good luck to you and :hugs: Kitty