Do you worry about your SO's dressing on your kids

[Katiegirl]

My kids are now grown up, but when my marriage broke up many years ago, my SO said the "dressing" would have a bad effect on my kids. Now I saw my kids regularly while they were growing up and never " dressed" in their presence. I think they know I dress but they have never said anything to me.

My question is "Do you worry about the effect of your SO "dressing" on your children?"

[dancinginthedark]

I have mixed emotions and thoughts on this. One the one hand if I had known from the beginning and if DH was secure with his CD-ing we could have let the kids know and see and grow up with the CD-ing. Because Dad would be secure, confident and clear about his feelings and those positive feelings would have shown though. It would have been old hat and completely normal. But since we did not have “the talk” until three months ago it is a bit late to introduce this to our youngest [he is 12]. I won’t drag my 12 year-old into the closet with us. If DH wanted to come out to all of our family or even all of the kids [4 are grown] I could see telling our youngest. That would be different and I would be supportive of that. But to just tell the youngest? No. I would worry about the stress of keeping secrets not only from his friends but also his siblings and our extended family. Also how would our son, who has hormones going crazy and growing pains ~ not to mention discovering girls and advanced mathematics, react or adjust to seeing his dad “dressed”? If a boy is just growing into manhood, then wouldn’t he more confused dealing with dad’s wearing women’s clothing? Jeez, my husband has not even resolved his need to dress in his own mind so why in the world would I tell my son? DH flip-flops as far as self acceptance and has not resolved anything in his own mind. He is driving me insane with his doubts and splurge and purge ways. It is a roller coaster ride I have no intention of taking my child on. Bottom line if the dad in question is secure green light and no worries. Dad is not secure, then keep it to yourselves.

[Sandra]

Nope but my daughter was told about Nigella when she was 14 over 2 1/2 years ago. Amy even borrows her clothes and pinches her makeup :)

[LaceLuvr's GG]

Our children are only 6 and 5 - so we haven't shared with them that Lace likes to wear women's underwear. Just for the simple fact that they wouldn't understand - and would probably want to tell everyone. I have no problem of the affect on my children at all. It's sometime cute that my son will go to a store and tell us how cute certain women's shoes are, or dress up with his sisters makeup - doesn't worry or bother me a bit. If he feels tendancies to wear woman's clothing - we will support him 150%, how could we not? We have made a pact to make sure that we are raising open minded children. We answer questions they have about gay people and occasions they have seen CDers on TV and such. I feel comfortable enough knowing that my children will be open minded - and won't feel afraid of sharing with us if they ever feel the need.

That's the most important lesson we want to pass on to our children. Whether they are gay, straight, CDers or not - they WILL be accepting as they will know we are also. ;)

[purple_spider GG]

Hi
We don't have children yet but Louise and I have already decided that we will not hide her from our children. Hiding it IMHO seems to give it a sinister feel and implies it is something people should be ashamed of; like the skeleton in the family closet that everyone hopes will never be discovered.

I want my children to be proud of their dad and to grow up seeing transgenderism as just another aspect of the diversity of life. I do not believe in lying to children only for them to find out about it later in life and feel angry and confused.

If Children know from the start they have less of a problem with it, however each families situation is different. Any children I have with Louise are going to have a dad with breast implants so there will be no hiding it from them ;)

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[kathy gg]

Hi katie,....wow. this is a popular subject this week...

My husband and I are raising our daughter knowing about this side of our life. And I did say 'our' life, not just his. I am as active in this as he is as far as being a supportive presence not only to him but to our local community and online as well.

Although my husband is not a transexul, Amanda is very important and is as a part of who he as a human being. Since I enjoy this side of his femme expression, well there would be no little baby had it not been for me finding him through his 't' ness. So the whole trans issue is just another peice of the puzzle that is the whole picture of our life as a family.

I also feel though that the path we are going down is probably not best for alot of people. But we have things on our side which we are utilizing {living in a kick ass open minded part of the country} and having a gaggle of supportive family and friends by our side.

I also believe that in unity there is no struggle. I guess if my husband was not confident in who he was or I doubted this stuff or was uneducated then sharing this woudl be bad. But that is not where we are.

I think it only woudl hurt children when you have this as a conflict issue with both parents or when you have children who are not exposed to difference straight away.

Divorce would make it very hard. How could a kid not see this as a bad thing when the mom thinks it is bad?

Anyway, I believe as my generation continues to have families things will get better and this will all be seen as another part of the human landscape.



I aTE=Katiegirl]My kids are now grown up, but when my marriage broke up many years ago, my SO said the "dressing" would have a bad effect on my kids. Now I saw my kids regularly while they were growing up and never " dressed" in their presence. I think they know I dress but they have never said anything to me.

My question is "Do you worry about the effect of your SO "dressing" on your children?"[/QUOTE]

[Anita Mae GG]

Our kids don't and won't ever know...his choice on that

[Katiegirl]

Thanks for your posts , they have been very interesting.

Back in the 80's the situation was a lot different from today and this has been shown by your replies.

:)