Dressing your son

[Karen Beth]

Would it ever be right to help your son dress?
If you found that your son wore girl's clothes, would you teach him how to dress appropriately?
How far would you go?
How old should a boy be before he's allowed to cross dress?
I'm personally undecided; I love to wear women's clothes but it was rough growing up. I borrowed my mom's and sister's clothes and always worried that someone would know that I dressed up.

[TeriAnn]

Since I don't have a son I could not answer truthfully but as being a male myself I would hope someone would help me to understand what it is like to be female if my heart desired to. When I grew up I was deep in the closet and was there for a very long time. Now I have outed myself to my wife and I feel free and ready to be myself. I would think it would be alright to help him dress this way but only if he has to true desire to be female. Hope this helps
TeriAnn
Just wish I had had help when I was growing up. Oh well!0.02

[EricaCD]

I would tread VERY carefully here. For starters, don't do a damn thing until you have spoken to a competent psychologist with experience in transgender issues (who knows that you are a CD).

Obviously I have no problem with the fact that some boys crossdress! However, a parent who facilitates (in the eyes of a family law judge: encourages? suggests? coerces?) crossdressing may find himself or herself losing custody of the child.

This is ESPECIALLY the case where we are talking about a CD parent who, in her very first post here, states that she "enjoy[s] the idea of Petticoat Punishment especially for young boys".

Erica

[TeriAnn]

If he receptive to it u might take him shopping and buy him his frist outfit and heels. This might help make him feel better about wanting to dress as a girl

[Holly]

Have you talked to his mother about this??

[Karren H]

Well, interesting question!! I guess if he needed help I would help, I tend to help those in need!! But he doesn't listen to me now so I doubt he'd listen to me about dressing!! How would you like you dad or mom to tell you haow to do something??? LOL Times haven't changed much.....hehehe

Love Karren

[Kate Simmons]

MY answer is definately NO! Wait until he is old enough to decide for himself. End of comment on that. Ericka

[Lawren]

If my son, (if I had one), ever confessed to me that he had tried and/or liked CDing I would definitely encourage and help him to go as far as he wanted to. Within reason of course.

[Karen Beth]

I understand that caution is necessary when dealing with children; I wouldn't want to do anything to harm a child and support capitol punishemnt for those who do.
I do enjoy stories of Petticoating young boys but prefer to see boys who willingly dress as girls.
It's not an easy road when you're young so an understanding parent could smooth out many bumps.

[Jill]

I would not assist him, I would not encourage him. If I had to talk to him about it, I would discourage it but to a small degree knowing that massive amounts of discouragement and opposition from family, friends and society didn't change my mind.

And to mirror what Erica said, I have worked in the mental health field and been involved with family situations. In the wrong states, wrong courts and wrong situations, you could very well lose custody of your child.

[Jennaie]

If your a mother, a GG, it is perfectly ok. If your father, a cd, well, the world looks at that through a whole new set of eyes.

[Shelly Preston]

Use Extreme Caution

Speak to his mother first but be careful.
If you are not together as a couple, you may get the blame.

The only encouragement that should be given is that any garments you find in the wash should be returned to him.
No comment should be made on the clothes.

It is most unlikely he would want to talk about it.
There is no guarantee he is a CD he may just be experimenting.

I know when I was younger the last thing I would have wanted, is a discussion with my parents

[purple_spider GG]

If you son is transgender then he won't need encouragement or coercion. I think that what we would do as parents, Louise and I, is that we would not over react or be suprised and we would ask him how he feels and why he wants to do that.

I know some people would argue that it is the influence of the cross dressing/transgender parent that is impacting the child, my parents in particular, but then most trans-girls on here probably, and I know there may be exceptions, came from straight traditional family units. So I would not argue that a child of transgender parent is necerssarily going to be transgender themselves because of their parent. It is the way you are born after all.

I am not sure how the laws work in the US but I am sure that if you son was transgender then your support as a transgender parent would not mean the state took your kids away. I am a social worker in the UK and TBH TG parents are not on the hit list for our services. The EU would kick arses if we did ;)

The answers are never simple and the only way forward is to talk openly to your child and not make them feel guilty or ashamed of being transgender if they are. If however your son is CDing because they see daddy do it then it is important that the parents explain what transgender is and that son does not have to CD if he is happy looking like a boy.

Hugs
debs
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[Kate Simmons]

I can verify what Jill said about losing custody. A good CD friend of mine is also a counseler and we have discussed this at great length because another friend's So dresses in front of her son. I would not encourage it at all. I do not dress overtly in front of my grandsons and would never encourage this type of activity where young children are concerned either in connection with myself or assisting them to do so. In all honesty, if I had a choice, I would not do it myself but I don't, so I make the best of the overall person that I am and deal with it the best way I know how. Take care, Ericka

[Julie York]

Hm well ok. Here we go........

From your past posts I suspect that you are not genuine and that you are just having a thrill at our expense.

You do not present yourself as either sincere or genuinely concerned. Your interest in petticoat punishment is fine by me, but not when it is wrapped up in some psuedo question to tillilate you.

You just floated an outragious CD fantasy idea in our faces and are sitting back enjoying the outcome.

If not..prove me wrong. You are certainly no delicate flower to be outraged by me actually asking you sensible questions are you?

Your question is not sincere. Your intent is even more disturbing.


Prove me wrong.

(Here's a shovel. It will come in handy.)

[Eugenie]

Extremely delicate subject...

In most countries encouraging a child to x-dress, be it by a CD father or a consenting GG mother would be severely judged from a legal point of view.

There are several things to consider:

Besides his chronological age, how mature is he with regard to his behavior in general?

Did he tell you about his x-dressing or do you just suspect he is doing it?

Is your wife aware of his desire to X-dress? If it is just a suspicion from your part, did you speak about it to her?

Perhaps your wife and you may consider getting advice from a psychologist. It would seem to be a reasonable thing to do, providing you find one that really understand the subject. But also one that you can really trust, especially if you want to disclose your own x-dressing, which may be necessary if you want the psychologist to have all elements to help your son.

The one thing you probably want to avoid is to influence your son's X-dressing behavior be it by encouraging it or by opposing it...

I know my mom found out about me having "borrowed" one of her girdles when I was a very young teenager. She gently downplayed the episode... Of course that didn't stop me from continuing...

One thing I'd like to share: I've recently had a hint that my own father might have been x-dressing. In addition, I have also some hints that my son is interested in women underwear... Could there be some genetic factors to X-dressing ?

I hope you'l find a solution to help your son.

Eugenie

[Karen Beth]

The question was not meant to tittilate.
Yes, I enjoy Petticoat Punishment as an idea but I don't condone it in reality.
In fact, I do have a son who in his late teens who is a CD'er.
I did not encourage it but let him know that he wasn't doing anything harmful.

[Julie York]

How did this knowledge of his interests come about? How did you find out? What did you do about it?

It IS an interesting question you have posed. So tell us a bit more about it. You have no characterisation. Who did what when and why to make it believable?

[carolbitv]

i would not do it. walking on very thin ice. could get very ugly. if it's thrill u want u need help big time

[Karen Beth]

There was a walk-in closet in his room where we stored things. I was looking for some exercise equipment one day and found panties that I knew didn't belong to anyone in the house.
I asked him if he was dressing up and he denied it.
I told him that his mom and I would understand but he continued to deny it.
Later, I found pictures of him dressing up with two other neighborhood boys.
He said they were "just fooling around."
Over the years he's stashed his older sister's panties and slips. I've found receipts for pantyhose, panties, and several bras.
I've tried to reassure him that it's no big deal but he refuses to admit to anything.
I've never dressed around him or encouraged it so his mom and I don't know why he started.

[KathrynW]

Hm well ok. Here we go........
From your past posts I suspect that you are not genuine and that you are just having a thrill at our expense.
I agree, Julie...
I believe we have yet another case of Trollicus Maximus here.

You just floated an outragious CD fantasy idea in our faces and are sitting back enjoying the outcome.
And possibly with just one hand on the keyboard? :eek:

[Karen Beth]

Ladies,
I very much resent your implication that I'm not being truthful.
I write CD fiction but it is strictly on FICTION sites.

[KathrynW]

Ladies,
I very much resent your implication that I'm not being truthful.
I write CD fiction but it is strictly on FICTION sites.
ummmm...sorry....not buying it.... :straightface:

[GypsyKaren]

You want to know if it's okay to let a child croosdress, then you turn around and say that you already have a child that crossdresses. Hmmmm, such a coincidence, must surely be running in the family, something in the gene pool. Sorry, I don't buy this either.

Karen

[Helen MC]

Neither encourage nor discourage but facilitate and condone.

The above assumes this to be a genuine query, but like others I feel that the Scottish Legal Verdict of "Not Proven" should be applied here.

[crusadergirl]

I like your story its pretty good weather your lying are not it don't matter. You got to understand ppl aren't open minded they don't see outside the box. Its just the way it is. No one believed anything i said but i did tell some crazy stuff, humans just don't get it.

[Sissy_in_pink]

I have court my son in bed wearing a bra, and have told him that when he leaves home he can dress in what ever he likes. Although my wife knows about my Crossdressing I don't want her finding him in womens clothing as she would blame it all on me. So, no I would encourage him or help him to crossdress for fear of the repercussions.

[Ambercd12]

and i love it she also told me that she wanted a male and female children i was to be the girl.

[Caitlintgsd]

My son has made comments in the past. My wife stated to me that she should get a new bathing suit. He jumped into the conversation and stated that would be nice in so that he could wear it while he was home alone. I didn't comment or attempt to discuss the matter. I don't dress in front of my children and have never discussed my situation with them. If he were to bring it up I'd discuss it. I think he knows anyway. He's made comments regarding GID in the past. I don't know if he was referencing to me or himself.

[Karen Francis]

Son in late teens (18+) is a legal adult, so nix the custody issues. Who initiated the subject: Crossdressing father who is in or out of the closet at least to immediate family? Is the father vicariously living his wishes thru his son?, very common in sports and other parental endevors, rarely healthy.
The history of the son's behavior, especially when young and unaware of the societial prejudices- trying on sisters shoes at age 5 etc.
A transgender friendly competent professional would be well worth the money here...

[HaleyPink2000]

I'd think Good parenting would dictate that a person control what there Children Say, Do, how they act etc. Any variation is not good parenting. A child that is allowed to cross dress is not in my opinion being controlled properly. A person " Adult " Should not make a big deal over the occasional dressing thing but should take the bull by the ears when it comes to the all the time dressing. If it was that the Child, say 5 years of age reached down and pulled on Mommy’s slip to be silly then nothing should be said. But if the Child was into bending His / Her Gender then I'd say it's time for a Doctors office visit to find a counselor etc.

Myself My Mom did slap me when I did pull on Her slip at about age 4 going on 5. I remember the beating rather well. Was at my Grand Parents Home where we lived. My Grand Mother was so mad at my Mom, Shook Her finger at Her and everything. My Grandmother told my Mother to just let these things go, and not to make a big deal of it. Told Her She'd cause me problems later if She kept beating me for every little thing.

Well My Mom was a beater. My new Father when I was 7 was also. I got beat if I did leave a light on. Almost any infraction I'd get it. That’s not the way to handle Children.

I agree with my Grand Mother, proper parenting starts with over looking the small things. Then only fighting the larger issues. Pick the battles, don't battle every day. You get my drift I'm sure.


If they were 15 and did dress, I'd have to sit down and have the Dad talk with them. If they were 10, I'd tell them "You go in there, and put on your own clothes. Then put the ones you have on in the laundry". I'd not make a big deal of it.

[Julia Cross]

Well, if I found my son was a crossdresser, by his own accord, then yes I would help him just as I would help him pick a suit. We all acknowledge that crossdressing is not something that is here today and gone tomorrow, so if he is crossdressing without your influence, then it is rather likely he is a young crossdresser. Why not teach him how to dress appropriately, so he can avoid the same mistakes we made. And at the same time you would be teaching him confidence in himself. Hopefully he would feel less guilt as most young CD's do and more self-acceptance.

I strongly believe it would be wrong try to introduce him to crossdressing - why would one even think of doing such a thing, and I STRONGLY oppose anyperson dressing a child inappropriately.

Enough said.

Julia

[Krissi]

Even though way this question came about might be questionable, that doesn't change the fact that this is a very interesting topic. There are just soo many scenarios that can play out with this.

First off, if you're in a seperation or divorced situation and your spouse/ex knows about your dressing, you cannot put yourself in a situation that could take you out of your childs life. No encouraging, no supporting, heck theres not even any plausible deniability. As soon as the mom finds out, rather you know or support or not, you're getting the blame for passing it to your son like crossdressing is koodies. I don't really know how to procede here. The best course might be to point out that to her that I was about this age when I started, you might want to keep an eye out for signs.

In a "secure" couple, where she knows you dress and supports, I still don't even know how far you can push this. I think it's probably seen as more okay for a mother to help than a father. I know this for sure, I wouldn't be caught in any father son dressing time together. Even if you dress and your son does too, I'd lean more towards keeping your own dressing private, and leave it up to mom as to how much support to give.

If you're in the closet, kick your son out and tell him to get his own. Mom's gonna catch one of you, and if it comes out that she catches him, and then finds out about you too the poop will hit the fan, and the best you'll probably hope for after that is supervised visits or a trip to the Dr Phil show.

The one thing I know you can't do is go off on the child and try to be "in control" and eliminate crossdressing from your son's life all together. If any of us got caught and cracked down on as kids it obviously worked, hence we are on this site :rolleyes: I would probably do what I think most of our parents did, keep quiet, monitor the situation as best you can. Let them explore, you just want to make sure that sonny boy's not dressing like a hooker and zippin over to the truck stop to supplement his allowance!

There's a related question off of this. What happens if you crossdress and your son doesn't but you find out he's gay? I think that might stike fear in even the most supportive of moms (and a few dads too).

[ginafaye]

i wonder how the child family services would respond if they were told.... no matter what your intentions however inocent or well intended someone would surley think your helping or encourgeing was wrong and take meauses to ensure the safety of the child......that said...... my mother dressed me in my sisters hand me downs as a baby.............wore hand me dwn panties till around first grade ........and she used me as her dress dummy when she took in sewing.........but i only dressed on my own a couple times around puberty........about ten years ago my wife awakened the femine side in me ......was this because of the small things that i remember as a chid or was ......sort of how the twig is bent so grows the tree.......or was i born this way ? that all said im very happy now and love my girly side .........i guess my point is please cosenting adults do what ever you want but just leave those kids alone........

[purple_spider GG]

From my own experience as a social worker I have not come across children being taken away from CDing/transgender parents. I am not sure where people get this idea from.

My friend is still with her husband and her husband is transitioning, no one has taken their three children away from them. I also knew a family where mum is F2M and no one took his baby daughters away. I know other people who are full time transgenderist who are raising their kids while dad is dressed in female mode all the time around them, Louise lives full time so any kids we have will see their dad in female mode.

There are no child protection issues if the only thing is that dad/mum is CDing or transitioning, at least there are none under UK law anyway. The UK has just made it law for TSs to change their birth gender now but we have also recognised the rights of those parents to retain all responsibility and care of their children and retain their legal parental status.

I think the main question was that if your child is cross dressing then should you encourage it? Like I said just talk to the child and find out if they are transgender. If they are then there are support groups and places to go for transgender children in the same way there are support groups for children who are GLB. However it is not wise to push the child into a decision, it is best to let them move at their own pace.

To ban your child from CDing if you are CD/Transgender yourself is hypocrisy; you just need to make sure they are informed of the issues around it and if need be get a good counsellor from the gender trust or mermaids involved.

Hugs
debs
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[Joy Carter]

We had one in the states some where in the mid West maybe. The boy was taken away from the parents because they sent the child to school as a girl the start of the following school year. I'll see if I can find something on it. But as far as me allowing it to happen to my child I would set him down and have some real long talks with him. I really wouldn't discourage him after he turned into an adult.

[purple_spider GG]

Ah right perhaps it was that states law then, the UK is different, but then again I can imagine it varies from state to state in the US. Isn't the mid west Bible belt country anyway? I suppose it would depend if they could show that the child was transgender and that they were supporting his rights to be his true self. But I still do not understand why they took the child away, for something like that anyway, unless their were other reasons involved too and they found definite abuse or neglect in the family.

There was something in our papers about a boy who had always known he was transsexual since he was five or something and had always tried to CD, cried and even tried to harm himself at age seven when his parents tried to make him wear trousers etc. He kept saying he was a little girl and in the end his mother took him to the Drs and they assessed him properly. She now lives as a girl, I think she is still only early teens, and the school has taken steps to protect her and support her whem she is in school. She will start transitioning when she gets to 18. (The state did not remove her by the way)

I think that it depends on the situtation. If you can proove your child is transgender then there are no reasons why the state should worry about it. If my kid was TG then only for protecting her/him would I say you should not go to school CD, but in the UK there are school uniforms anyway. But if she/he came home and wanted to change then I'd say 'Yeah go ahead'.

take a look at these sites.

http://www.drbecky.com/children.html

http://www.transproud.com/parents.html

http://www.firelily.com/gender/gianna/dilemma.html

http://www.susans.org/reference/gfam3.html

hugs
debs
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[KathrynW]

We had one in the states some where in the mid West maybe. The boy was taken away from the parents because they sent the child to school as a girl the start of the following school year. I'll see if I can find something on it. But as far as me allowing it to happen to my child I would set him down and have some real long talks with him. I really wouldn't discourage him after he turned into an adult.
Child Services pulled that kid out of there so fast it'd make your head spin...
And that's exactly what SHOULD happen if the parents took it upon themselves to send the child to school as a girl. That's pure ignorance.
If the child is gender dysphoric, diagnosed as transsexual, and under the documented care of a medical professional, that might be another story. And even then...I'm sure the child would be sent to a different school.
This is an ok subject to discuss, but in the context of this particular thread, the point is null & void. This was a troll posting by someone who writes TG fiction. It really don't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. :troll:

[purple_spider GG]

Hi
I am not sure if this is a troll thread then but it has raised some good points whatever the motives of the poster originally.

This might be of interest.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/parents/story/0,3605,516430,00.html


Also stonewall have a really good page for GLBT parents:

http://www.stonewall.org.uk/beyond_barriers/information/lgbt_issues/parenting/820.asp

http://www.stonewall.org.uk/beyond_barriers/information/lgbt_issues/parenting/819.asp

http://www.stonewall.org.uk/beyond_barriers/information/lgbt_issues/parenting/821.asp

hugs
debs
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[Clare]

I have often wondered whether my 4 yrs old Son will ever be a crossdresser. My understanding is that it is not an hereditary effect, but still, there is the possibility he may be a transgender when he grows up.

I guess it depends what age he is when I discover he is crossdressing. If he is under 12yrs, I wouldn't do anything except offer some guidance and minimal support until I knew for certain whther it was a exploration phase of his childhood or a more serious activity. I certainly wouldn't reveal my own transgendersim at this point.

If he was a teenager and I knew without a doubt he was actively crossdressing, I would discuss the issues of crossdressing with him. I would also tell him at that point that I was a crossdresser too. I know from personal experience the emotions and fears that I had as a child in a family that wouldn't have understood my crossdressing.

I would definately give him support, but that doesn't mean I would actively encourage his activities either. I would let him develope his crossdressing at his own level of comfort. My role would be to give advice and understanding when he needed it.

I sincerely hope he never has crossdresser tendancies since I know how difficult it has been for me all my life. But I am prepared to give him the help and acceptance he'll need in the future if it becomes necessary.