Dressing vs. Passing

[Angela-Renee]

Hello Everyone,

I know I am new to the forum but I was curious...

What is most important to you ladies: being able to dress as the lady that you would like to be or being able to pass as the lady you would like to be.

ANG :)

[Lilith Moon]

I have a need to present as female. I need to look in the mirror and see a woman looking back at me. Similarly I would like to be able to walk down the street and be accepted as female, but I'm realistic and know that I cannot pass 100% of the time.

However, I love the feel of female clothing. The swishing of a gypsy skirt, the click-click of my heels, the rustle of a full petticoat. The taut feeling of garters on my thighs. The gentle nudging of hoop earrings on my neck as I move my head. The restrained feeling of a tight long skirt.....I could go on, but you probably get the picture :D

[Kate Simmons]

ANG,,,, I'm probably not the right one to be responding to this but I'll give it a shot. I have two personas and need both in my life. If I don't have both, everything goes off balance. With myself, it's not so much a question of dressing or passing but who I choose to be any given time. Whoever I am I am that person. I am equally comfortable being Richard or Ericka but it wasn't always that way. I once got so high up in the clouds when I was Victoria, I almost didn't come back down. It took a while to straighted that out and it's it's part of the reason I changed my femme name. Getting back to your question, both dressing and passing are important to me but not that important. I figure if I'm going to dress, I want to take the time and energy to be convincing. If I'm successful at passing, even better as I have accomplished my goal and I really "eat up" compliments. I'm not overly concerned about it however and just try to be myself. That's where the enjoyment and satisfaction come for me at least. Just be yourself and be happy with who you are. Take care, Ericka

[Joy Carter]

Well I missed King Arthur's Court, the can-can is out of style and the Antibelam South (Southern Pride Here !) is no more so I guess if I wanted to pass (never will) I would have to dress as the rest of the GG do, yuck! :chained:

[Abby Lauren]

I dress for the joy of feeling like a woman in her feminine finery. As an added bonus, I prefer to look the part as well and not be exposed as a man. But, dressing as a woman is the prime goal.

[Laurie Ann]

I dress as a woman and try my best to look the part. If I am out dressed I would like to think I pass but thats not important.

[Karren H]

Hello Everyone,

I know I am new to the forum but I was curious...

What is most important to you ladies: being able to dress as the lady that you would like to be or being able to pass as the lady you would like to be.

ANG :)

Both, dressing and passing.....passing kind of reaffirms that your dressing skills are acceptable!! LOL And it's really no fun to dress an just stay home any more!!! Going out enfemme adds sooo much more to the experience whether it be danger or excitement..

And welcome to the nut house!!!

Love Karren

[steffie39]

Definitely dressing as a lady. If you feel pretty, you will look pretty to others I think. If you were to "pass" but not feel pretty, then is that really passing? Recently I have come to redefine my own definition of passing.

Passing: Presenting yourself as a woman in good enough fashion where general society will treat you as a woman (even after hearing your male voice). I have recently walked through malls and in stores and even when I ask questions of the sales ladies in a soft male voice, they treat me like a lady even though I'm sure they knew I was a man. I think it's because there is no illusion or deceit but me just being Steffie. To me, this is the essence of passing.

Steffie

[Kate Simmons]

Well I missed King Arthur's Court, the can-can is out of style and the Antibelam South (Southern Pride Here !) is no more so I guess if I wanted to pass (never will) I would have to dress as the rest of the GG do, yuck! :chained:
Didn't know you were a history buff Joy. We could re-enact all of the above. Still waiting to hear from you on that Southern Belle thing. Ericka

[VERONICARH]

I feel if I can pass as a woman it is very important to me. I think that if looking femme is what I am trying to do. Passing so others can see me as a woman. My opinion. Veronica

[Lawren]

I gave up on "passing" a long time ago. I just dress up to wear the clothes now. I just love the way they feel on me.

[sparks]

I just like having something femme on my person. For awhile I carried a bra strap in my pocket like femme security blanket! Still made me fill better just having it there. Have never tried to pass I would have to shave.....Lots!
And haven't fully dressed in years! More into quick supergirl type changes!

[Kristen Kelly]

Well I missed King Arthur's Court, the can-can is out of style and the Antibelam South (Southern Pride Here !) is no more so I guess if I wanted to pass (never will) I would have to dress as the rest of the GG do, yuck! :chained:

I do agree I dress so much to pass I have many pairs of fem jeans some embroydered nice tops 3 different pairs of fem sneakers'" love my pink ones", few places I go women dress are in skirts only chance I get to is if I go to the mall midweek then I can wear nice business casual.

[michelleliz]

Look the best you can and just be the women you are inside.


MichelleLiz

[Ann lee]

I think both are equal, but very important, if i'm going out i want to pass as much as possible

[FionaAlexis]

Tough question! As the two are inextricably connected. Dressing is more important - its the defining activity if you're a crossdresser. If your further accross TG spectrum then for most its how you try to connect with your true gender.

Passing is very important to me although I'm really still exploring whether I'd be willing to settle for something less. In any event it's what I'm striving to achieve right now and I would not be content simply with the dressing.

In some ways, it goes back to the old poll question 'would you rather be a hot looking tranny babe or a totally passable frump?'

Fiona xx

[Natalie tv]

I try to dress to pass and this i hope will give me confidence when going out dressed.

[crusadergirl]

I would like to pass but i don't think i would b/c i just don't act like a girl. I can pass as in looks but i can't truely be a girl. I always wanted to look like a superheroine like the huntress so maybe one day i will pass.

[Kate Simmons]

I always wanted to look like Black Canary myself Hon. Nice looking gal but who won't take an BS from anyone and has a little "attitude". Ericka

[Shelly Preston]

I would say I dress to be the woman Iwant to be.
as for passing well that would be an added bonus.

I should say that I dont go out

[stephanie100]

I have a need to present as female. I need to look in the mirror and see a woman looking back at me. Similarly I would like to be able to walk down the street and be accepted as female, but I'm realistic and know that I cannot pass 100% of the time.

However, I love the feel of female clothing. The swishing of a gypsy skirt, the click-click of my heels, the rustle of a full petticoat. The taut feeling of garters on my thighs. The gentle nudging of hoop earrings on my neck as I move my head. The restrained feeling of a tight long skirt.....I could go on, but you probably get the picture :D

Could not have put it better:thumbsup:
Steph

[pedebra]

Dressing is the most important. Even though I love to put on my forms, wigs,
and make up, dress up and go out as a woman, if that choice were not available I would still dress.

[BeckyCath]

I guess the whole passing debate comes down to gender identity...

I identify as a woman, but i am realistic enough to realise that i probably don't pass as well as i think i do.

For me, passing became the be all and end all for a good while, and i got really depressed when i didn't pass, but to be honest, since i went full time, passing became less important, and i am just getting on with my life.

2 little stories from the last 72 hrs... I was at the biggest hospital in Oxford on Friday afternoon seeing my psychatrist, and on the way out, i had to pay for my car parking, and the machine ate my pound coin, so i used the call button and called one of the parking attendants to come and rescue me. As i was stood there,an elderly gentleman came over and explained that the machine had eaten his money too, so we stood there chatting for a while. Eventually the attendant arrived, and the first thing the elderly gentleman said was "It was this lady who called you, so she's first in the queue" The attendant sorted the machine out, gave me my money saying "There you go ma'am" I guess i pass...

Then on the other hand, i went to the local post office saturday afternoon to buy my road fund licence disk, all my documents are still in his old name, so that was obvious to the woman behind the counter, but she was totally composed and relaxed... I don't know if i passed then, probably not... but still..

Scuse me for rambling, but i guess "passing" can be like chasing the end of the rainbow. I have found that the more i accept myself, the more i like myself as a woman, the more i realise i am doing this for myself, not for the approval of others then "passing" seems to get easier.

I think I just want to be accepted for being me, but being accepted as a woman is nice!

Rebecca

[Falcor]

I'm not to concerned over passing[actually immpossible],I just enjoy being a happy tranny,plodding along,asking nothing more than what I have,good health,nice family,in apretty town by the beach.
Really,it doesn't matter how convincing we look,just think,how bloody lucky we are,to be what we are!

[Sally24]

I have to say that passing (whether it's my judgement or someone elses) is paramount. I've tried dressing in a hurry when I don't have much time and it's not worth it. If I don't look beleivable to me then I don't dress. The same goes for going out. If I couldn't pass, I wouldn't go out, it's just the way I am.

As for superheroine (is this a sub-thread?) your dating yourself a little Ericka, I remember Black Canary but probably these young girls won't. I always prefered supergirl myself. Those primary colors and that short skirt! Long live the silver age comics!

[Adrienne Heels]

I think the passing as a lady is the most important.....I want to be viewed as a female.

[Kate Simmons]

I have to say that passing (whether it's my judgement or someone elses) is paramount. I've tried dressing in a hurry when I don't have much time and it's not worth it. If I don't look beleivable to me then I don't dress. The same goes for going out. If I couldn't pass, I wouldn't go out, it's just the way I am.

As for superheroine (is this a sub-thread?) your dating yourself a little Ericka, I remember Black Canary but probably these young girls won't. I always prefered supergirl myself. Those primary colors and that short skirt! Long live the silver age comics!
Actually they should if they read comics. Black Canary's daughter is a member of Birds of Prey, a DC comic. I liked Supergirl also but she(the real one not Proty) died in The DC Crisis. C'mon though, we ALL know there was no Supergirl, it was really Clarkie in drag. Ericka

[Dena]

If I have passed, it is only because no one gave me a second look. I don't
like to dress that way! I have found that when I'm looking my best I like
to be recognized as male.

[FionaAlexis]

I
Scuse me for rambling, but i guess "passing" can be like chasing the end of the rainbow. I have found that the more i accept myself, the more i like myself as a woman, the more i realise i am doing this for myself, not for the approval of others then "passing" seems to get easier.

I think I just want to be accepted for being me, but being accepted as a woman is nice!

Rebecca

Good stories, Rebecca. I think they demonstrate how difficult it can be to self assess. It really depends what mood I'm in - if I'm in a up mood I know I'm passing - if I have self doubt I feel sure I'm not passing and that people are just simply non plus-ed by a tranny now. Sometimes the 'approval' of others is letting ME know THEY know. I was drinking coffee in the food hall section of a local shopping centre and a woman in a group at the next table, who had been behind me at the cafe counter, was staring at me quite intently and I could see her in my peripheral vision. Eventually we made eye contact and she smiled - but it was that 'I know what you are - and its OK' smile. It was benign - but she desperately wanted to let me know. I have found this happen a few times in different ways but I'm not sure if it's genuine approval or just self congratulation.

For me your last sentence would be turned around - I want to be accepted as a woman but being accepted for being me is nice.

Fiona xx

[Kate Simmons]

I guess the whole passing debate comes down to gender identity...

I identify as a woman, but i am realistic enough to realise that i probably don't pass as well as i think i do.

For me, passing became the be all and end all for a good while, and i got really depressed when i didn't pass, but to be honest, since i went full time, passing became less important, and i am just getting on with my life.

2 little stories from the last 72 hrs... I was at the biggest hospital in Oxford on Friday afternoon seeing my psychatrist, and on the way out, i had to pay for my car parking, and the machine ate my pound coin, so i used the call button and called one of the parking attendants to come and rescue me. As i was stood there,an elderly gentleman came over and explained that the machine had eaten his money too, so we stood there chatting for a while. Eventually the attendant arrived, and the first thing the elderly gentleman said was "It was this lady who called you, so she's first in the queue" The attendant sorted the machine out, gave me my money saying "There you go ma'am" I guess i pass...

Then on the other hand, i went to the local post office saturday afternoon to buy my road fund licence disk, all my documents are still in his old name, so that was obvious to the woman behind the counter, but she was totally composed and relaxed... I don't know if i passed then, probably not... but still..

Scuse me for rambling, but i guess "passing" can be like chasing the end of the rainbow. I have found that the more i accept myself, the more i like myself as a woman, the more i realise i am doing this for myself, not for the approval of others then "passing" seems to get easier.

I think I just want to be accepted for being me, but being accepted as a woman is nice!

Rebecca
That's the way I feel Hon. Being accepted is nice but being accepted as a woman is a double affirmation and makes me feel good about being myself. Ericka

[Leslie16]

It's a little of both, I think, but lately I'd have to say "passing" is the no. one goal. I used to think I would never never never be able to pass, but when I started going out in public last year, I was shocked that I did pass so much. So that got me started on improving my passability, to see how good I could look. First came dressing more conservatively, wearing nude hose instead of fishnets, keeping the skirt lower, etc. Then I found when I'm out if I wore a coat or something over my lower body that helped immensely. Better makeup was important -- I'm still working on it, but a couple of pro makeovers has helped my skills I think. A new and better wig was a big step. Replacing my big "C" cup breast with something more proportional helped. Then a LOT of work on a curvy figure -- lots and lots of shapewear to compress my middle, and padding for below.

I know that I will never really pass, esp upon close inspection. But despite that, or maybe because?, I want to get better and better. And of course, sometimes I still dress for fun, not passing -- at a TG place, or home alone.

[LindaTS]

It's very imortant to me that I pass. Right now I'm about 90% now and working to be full time. There are a couple of major stumbling blocks in the way that I may never be able to overcome but I do go out anytime I want anything from the stores, being food, clothing, makeup, etc., etc. Like any of us I've been read several times without any problems because of it. But if I ever do make it full time I definitely need to pass 100% of the time.

[BarbaraNY]

Hello Everyone,

I know I am new to the forum but I was curious...

What is most important to you ladies: being able to dress as the lady that you would like to be or being able to pass as the lady you would like to be.

ANG :)

I don't know if "passing" should be something that should be all consuming. Sure there are all "schools of thought" on the issue and they run the gamut from being an absolute necessity to one of total indifference.

In my mind, and it took me a long time to come to rationalization, "passing" was something that was important when we were all going to school; or if not currently, something we all do when we're pushing the speed limit on our local superhighways.

I've been enjoying the lifestyle for several decades and I can say, and this includes myself, we CDer's can get caught up in the issue of "passing" to the point of total distraction. The ever pervasive issues of "passing" can make us all paranoid.

I have seen the thinking..."is my "do" the way it should be?" "How's my makeup holding up? Is it too much? Is this skirt current and contemporary? Is this blouse to provacotive? The concerns can be endless and overwhelming. Yet, did you ever really take note of a real GG? A real GG doesn't concern herself with half the issues we tend to. Granted the argument is obvious, they don't have to. Point well taken.

Yet, I've known GGs dispite there God given natural beauty that will not leave the house without makeup and every hair in place. Just about every GG sees room for improvement. No one can improve on human nature, yet there probably isn't a GG that won't give it her best shot.

We CDer's so frequently lose sight of the reality that GGs come in all sizes shapes and forms, their physical stature is just as varied as ours.

Many tall CDer's first concern is their height. Has anyone taken the time to note that there are plenty of TALL GGs walking the face of this Earth of ours. If your tall, look around, your sure to see manny a GG that'll stand 5'10" to 6' or better in her bare feet. Learn from what your observing. How is she dressed? Emulate don't compete, you can't! If your really an experienced CDer and really good you just might manage a close 2nd and that's as good as it will ever get.

Underlying all the issues surrounding "passing" can be resolved with another one word: "confidence." Almost all of what we're ultimately trying to achieve can be accomplished quite effectively with just some, and it doesn't take as much as you might think, CONFIDENCE. It's all less appearances than it is CONFIDENCE.

"You are what people see." and "You can hide in plain sight." Dress appropriately, do all you can to blend in with your surroundings. In that vein, pay attention to your sourroundings and "when in Rome..."

Not every man is a Rock Hudson, Tom Cruise or George Clooney; similarly not every woman is a Christie Brinkley, a Merrith Veara, or a J-Lo. When we throw those "images" around we're talking the exception, not the rule. The joy of our lifestyle should not be those standars but to match "average" fem looks and appearances. Note that I said "match" NOT compete.

Were it a competition every CDer would lose hands down, we can't compete, but we can emulate. In that effort while we all reach for the sky we need to recognize that all of us will have to settle for the roof. There isn't a CDer that looks in the mirror at his "fem" image and see one image while in reality the rest of the world sees and entirely different image all hinging on the Cder's efforts to "match" his mind image to realities image.

I don't know any CDer that has ever "passed" a 100% of the time, I've never been so successful. The reality is that some days you pass, and on other days no matter what you do the mantel clock stops as you pass it on your way out the door.

You want to pass every time? Spend some serious bucks...go for electrolysis, have your face restructured via palstic surgery and a host of other medical procedures up to and including SRS. These are extremes and for most CDer's beyond reach and for the most part probably totally unnecessary for the average CDer.

However, there are ways to compensate, even the simplest things can have great beneficial, if not dramatic, effects and impact...go get a professional manicure, any number of beauty salons would be more than willing to give you a "makeover." subscribe to any number of home service cosmetic outlets...Eve Arden, Mary Kay, etc.

Expensive? Yes, you could go broke. But bare in mind these are professionals, they do it for a living. They can match their products to your complexion to perfection. Visit a reputable female apparell outlet have yourself measured to determine your proper clothing sizes. If your going to wear a skirt or dress at least make sure they fit properly! These are put a few immediate remedies available for what can be akin to "instant gratification" and improvement.

I am often amazed with what we as a "economic force" unto our own will spend on our "fem" wardrobes and not even make the slightest effort to ensure the outfits we spent our hard earned money on fit properly and are apprpriate for our build and stature.

A GG can look at agrment on the rack in the store and she will instinctively, in her minds eye, know how that garment will look on her. They know colors, styles, cut of the cloth and sizes. How many of us have seen any number of women grab a garment off a rack hold it up spin it her hand and then hang it back up on the rack? What that GG just did in a matter of seconds with all but computer speed was mentally assess that skirt, blouse of dress and made the iron clad determination, irefutible determination, as to how that garment would look on her.

The "acid test" is when she heads to a fitting room with it in her hand. Even that's not a guarantee she likes it and it's for her. She'll try it on check the morrors from a half dozen angles and perspectives then she'll make that crucial "buy-no buy" decision.

How many CDing husbands have seen their wife's buy a garment only to have it relegated to the deepest receses of her wardrobe with the tags still on it, never worn. What happen here is that that garment she thought looked so good in the store didn't pass the ultimate wear test.."the test of the light of day." She brought it home tried it on in the brightly daylite bedroom and said "Gee, it didn't look like this in the store?"

In that regard, the absolute best way to ensure a high degree of "passing," if that's what's keeping you awake at night, is to DRESS YOUR AGE. Dress in outfits that compliment your stature and build, weight and height. If your fifty years old with a twenty year old beer gut, leave the leather mini's and platforms in the closet. Better yet, throw them out! Your long past that style fo "fem" wear, you'll only look rediculous in such outfits. Even GGs don't wear those styles and fashions.

If all you want to do is go to a Club, run to the supermarket, hit the Mall and the myriad of all the things the average GG does without so much as a second thought you need only to be attentive to your surroundings, dress appropriately, tend to all personal grooming issues and you should experience very few if any problems with regard to "passing."

Practice can pay dividends yielding the best results the finest outfits won't guarantee. Pay atention to those details, don't slouch, keep your head up high, smile, look people in the eye, You've nothing to hide don't behave like you do. The way you carry yourself says a lot about your entire demeanor and who you are, or in our case appear to be.

With practice the day will arrive when a GG will compliment your, your outfit, your appearance and your overall bearing. When that happens take stock of your instant appearance, commit it to memory...you just got that peer approval we all work for.

However, don't let it go to your head. Women aren't stupid, in fact there extremely perceptive, instinctively so, it's there survival mechanism, it's what keeps them safe. Your visual presentation screamed female, yet her instincts said male, and all she was doing was recognizing, acknowledging and complimenting your efforts. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Your efforts have been approved. Now be just as gracious, return the compliment even if its nothing more than I like your earrings." It can be just that innocuous.

Another "passing" thought or is it thoughts on "passing?" Whatever, or nonetheless, consider the reality that we'll spend all kinds of money on clothing, even if it's does nothing to promote a positive female image, but we won't spend a dime to educate ourselves.

Get on the WWW and avail youself of the countless publications commercially available on a whole range of issues regarding CDing. How to buy clothes, select wig styles, match makeup and color tones and as is germaine to this post..."PASSING." Key to the entire issue of "passing" can be summed up with another word: "PRACTICE."

When we don't do everything we can to promote a positive fem image we not only make a fool of ourselves we insult the female gender we are so desparately trying to resemble.

Who among us reading these post hasn't seen the popular "Mrs. Doubtfire?" Those that have seen it remember the scene where "Mrs. Doubtfire: boarded a local city bus, typical public transportation available in any major city nationwide. The Bus Driver, who apparently was "Mrs. Doubtfire's" approximate age totally "read" her as a woman his age and immediately began making "small talk" whith HER. Why? Well that could be answered two ways...the younger audience laughed because they saw it as his attempt to "hit" on her. A more mature audience percieved it as a bored Bus Driver driving a virtually empty City Bus late at night just looking for some idle converstaion with no ulterior motives.

What was really going on in that scene was the Screenwriters successful efforts to give place and context to the underlying subtfuge or main premise of the entire movie. The extent Robin Williams went to be able to see his estranged children. The whole two minute scene worked effectively because she (Mrs. Doubtful), was dressed her age and appropriately attired for the environment she was in. Granted a lot of the success there was the result of the hard work and efforts of Professional Cosmetic Technicians, i.e. "Makeup Artist.

Yet, none of that technology is beyond the reach of the serious CDer. Do you think females are were born with makeup on? Of course not. It's a learned skill. They begin in their young teens, or whatever young age their Mother's allow them to begin wearing makeup, and it's a learning process well into young adulthood.

It's a learnd skill under the direct tutiledge of their Mother's, their peers and more importantly a lot of it is learned via a simple process..."experimentation."
They experiment until they zero in on their colors and tones. Once they hit that combination they do all they can to perfect it. In the meantime, until they reach that point their all over the color spectrum with upteen shades of powder, a zillion colors of lipstick, uncalcuable combinations of eye shadows and pencils. It's a learning process and it's nothing but determined practice until they and YOU get it right.

You married CDer's, look at your wife's Vanity Table your sure to find enough cosmetics to stock a Department Store. It's all about a never ending search for all the appropriate colors and shades for just about every outfit they have hanging in the wardrobe of thier minds. In a practical sense, they dare not find themselves in the situation where they put that favorite outfit on and don't have just that shade of lipstick to further compliment that particular outfit.

There isn't a GG that doesn't instinctively know what colors look good on her. They know what works and what doesn't. Every GG will readily admit when is comes to makeup that too little is enough. In that vein, stated another way, the least is the best.

We CDer's want to be very aware that we want just enough to achieve the desired results. How many CDer's have I seen over the years that have applied their makeup with a trowel? (Rhetorical question). Forget the "Stage Makeup," its unduely expensive and only works if, in fact, your going to be trapsing up and down a runway under bright stage lighting.

Tip: Your going out during the day, tone it down. Your going out to an affair in the evening...brighten it up. Your going to a special event and your really want to look good, your "fem" best, for that occasion? Then go to a local beauty palor and spend half a "C Note" for a professional makeover the afternoon of the event, go home get dressed and go out and have the time of your life knowing you've done all you could to "pass." Which having expended the effort you will find that the least of your problems will prove to be your ability to "pass."

Final thought..."all things in life are possible."

[gender_blender]

Passing is very important to me, both in public and private.


Charlie

[HaleyPink2000]

http://www.mosnews.com/news/2005/07/04/crossdresser.shtml


Breasts Betray Cross-Dresser Trying to Pass Moscow University Exam for His Sister
Created: 04.07.2005 12:02 MSK (GMT +3), Updated: 18:59 MSK


MosNews


A girl was not admitted to an entry exam at the Moscow State University after it was discovered that she was actually a young man trying to pass the exams for his sister, the Interfax news agency reported on Monday.

The dean of Moscow State University’s Journalism Department, Yasen Zasursky told the agency that on Sunday security staff who checked the contenders for cheat notes paid particular attention to a girl with bright makeup and “especially outstanding feminine features”. A thorough check revealed that the girl was in fact a young man who tried to pose as a girl to pass the exam instead of his sister.

The dean said that security were especially suspicious of the applicant’s breasts that were of “incomparable proportions”. They thought that cheat notes could be hidden inside her clothing. However, it turned out that the breasts were fake.

The young man was barred from the entry exam and his sister was also struck off the university entrant list for cheating.

[MsJanessa]

Passing is nice but looking good is even more important to Me whether I pass or not-----some of the most passable T-Girls I know are also the least attractive----they look like somebody's maiden aunt or grandmother---but pass completely---conversly some of the least passable t-girls I've ment are the most attractive---tall, slim willowy---with femme faces---but a little too tall and/or angular to pass.

[Kate Simmons]

You hit the nail on the head Barb. Confidence (not passing) is what it is all about. I got to the point where I was confident in myself enough to go out in public. I got to the point where I was confident in myself enough to be in a mixed crowd. I got to the point where I was confident enough in myself to use the Ladies room. I got to the point where I was confinent enough in myself to perform as my femme self in front of an audience. The confidence levels come with time and perseverence and a lot of patience. This is what I call developing my femme self. I now have a whole social network with friends who accept me as Ericka but it didn't happen over night. I'm interested in people and getting to know them. I knew it wouldn't happen however if I stayed in the basement and looked at myself in the mirror. Everyone has to move at their own speed of course but that's where the confidence comes in. You build it one level at a time and have to be willing to take a chance. The bottom line is, I really don't care whether I "pass" someone else's scrutiny or not. If I am confident enough in myself, I will enjoy being myself regardless of what anyone else thinks. Take care, Ericka

[Toni]

I just want to look as "nice" as I possibly can - if I "pass" as well then thats a big big bonus. I've done the mini skirt bit and it just doesn't work for me, although some would say my avatar says different (I really should change it).

[DawnRodgers]

When I first started dressing (oh so long ago - 40 yrs.+) it was definitely to dress only. For the sexual rush. No thought of passing except in my fantasies. As time went on it is now, and has been for quite saome time, to pass. It feels more comfortable, more natural to totally dress - and it is to toally dress. I have to be a complete woman - jewelry, make-up, street type outfits. Want to appear and act as a woman would. Could easily dress 24/7, feel totally natural and not have anything sexual intended or involved. Just go about my day as a woman and enjoy the feeling.
Dawn

[HaleyPink2000]

Passing, isn't that acceptance by our fellow humans?

To tell you a short story.

Last TriEss meeting 3 of us members did go to eat afterwards. It was to Smokie Bones. A nice restaurant, meat, BBQ, uggg... Well everyone treated us well and most said yes Ma'am this and that. The one Girl that waited on just us said " Hello, How are you Guys tonight". NP She says this to everyone probably. We had a great time. But I will tell you I look more the Grandma type than most Grand Mothers. One of the Girls has a short Skirt on, and a nice top. She does not pass well because of Her body shape and build. But, She gets accepted, respect and treated well at every place we go out to.

I usually wear the peasant skirt with a top covered with a very open knit sweater or shall. Something Knitted. For I get chilled easily. But you know we always have fun and no one causes us problems. We use the women’s restrooms etc. It's how you act totally. You act like a sleaze bag and that’s how you will be treated. You act and conduct yourself like a Lady and you will be treated as that.

Love to you and yours!

[maid phylis]

I dress for the joy of feeling like a woman in her feminine finery. As an added bonus, I prefer to look the part as well and not be exposed as a man. But, dressing as a woman is the prime goal.
dear abby wellcome back i missed you and i was worried about you my dear.love phylisanne:love:

[sierracd6]

both.....if out and about I would like to pass, sometimes by myself I want to be extra trashy

[Angela-Renee]

Hey Everyone,

All I can say is WOW!!! I really wasn't expecting such a great response from all of you and wanted to thank you for expressing your view point.

ANG :)

[Butterfly Bill]

Neither. I dress because the stuff feels good, and I don't even think about passing.

[Jodi]

I agree with BarbaraNY completely. When I go out, I try to be as presentable as possible. That means wearing appropriate clothing, makeup and accessories. When I accomplish this, I blend in and have never been hassled. I have passed the teenage girl test many times. It is all in presentability. That is a blend of clothing, makeup, hair, accessories, body language, posture, and confidence. I know that I don't pass 100%, but If I do my best to look good, then I feel good. As Barbara said, looking great is a lot of work and is not cheap.

Jodi

[Ellie]

My desire is to dress, my challenge to myself is to pass. Being able to dress as often as I want it my primary desire but I love the challenge of trying to pass.

I'm a big guy and I make for an even bigger girl but if I take the time and spend the money I feel that I could pass in a social setting such as a club or restaurant.

[Clare]

First of all, I have to say you made a great post Barbara. I was captivated by your comments - and yes confidence is the factor which makes 'passing' all the more effective.

Angela, I had a good think about your question. For me, dressing and emulating a woman is more important than the ultimate 'passing' desire. I prefer the stylish look and give attention to detail to ensure I appear and present as female as possible. However, I don't have feminine features, so i'll never completley 'pass' as a woman, but that's ok because as long as I feel and appear in a way that makes me comfortable, i'm happy.

In my case, the dressing is more important than passing.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I don't know if "passing" should be something that should be all consuming. Sure there are all "schools of thought" on the issue and they run the gamut from being an absolute necessity to one of total indifference...........<big snip>

I
Final thought..."all things in life are possible."

Barbara....you ROCK! Excellent post.


Veronica