Outed in a big big way, almost

[Lilith Moon]

Yesterday one of the girls here PM-d me to tell me that there was a BBC Radio 4 item on gender, thanks Stephanie100. After listening to it I considered that the item, as usual, was rather sensationalist. It focused on two transsexuals, one MTF and the other FTM. It also did an interview with members of a rave type club in London that welcomes TG and gay members...I think it was the Way Out club...some of the interviewees sounded very camp to me. Then there was a long discussion by a group of academics on gender in English literature. This was all very interesting and the Way Out club sounded cool to me :-).

However, this was a magazine program aimed at "ordinary housewives" and I came away wondering what impression they would have gained about us. You see, the silent majority of people like us, who quietly get on with our CD and related issues within otherwise conventional lifestyles was not mentioned at all. I felt that we were being presented as freaks for the sake of prurient entertainment. Pretty much the normal way that the media handles our issues, I guess.

So, I rattled off a quick email to the BBC via their online comments form saying what I thought, as above...complete with phone number and went to bed.

This morning my wife woke me up with an "Its for you" and shoved the telephone hanset into my hands. I said good morning while trying to wake up fully. The caller responded with "My name is Jo, I'm from the BBC and we would like to put you on air this morning to discuss some of the interesting issues that you raised in your email. Would that be OK? " No, it wasn't OK. I'm out to my wife but I didn't want to out myself to the audience of some 10000 people that listen to this national UK radio channel. My mother-in-laws reaction on hearing my voice on her favorite radio program would have been interesting, to say the least.

I do feel that I've let us girls down a bit, but I just couldn't do it. Sorry :(

At least my wife, who is barely accepting, saw the funny side of this. She said that the expression on my face was priceless :)

On a positive note, this demonstrates that we can make a difference if we are prepared to be a bit more visible. I wasn’t ready for it, but maybe next time…

[JoAnnDallas]

If it was on the radio, then it would be easy to keep your ID secret. You could explain that as part of the secret life that most CD's have.

[RenaCD]

O Lilith don't be Sorry! you did a great thing just by sending that E-mail, you made someone aware enough to make a Phone call to you and thats a Very big Step for us All. My wigs off to you Girl for taking a step forward in defense, Your a Hero or Heroine, I too would of Loved To See the Look on Your Face, I probably would have hide under the Bed!:hiding: :^5: :cheers: :bighug:

[Wendy me]

getting involved is a good thing as far as letting everyone down i say you did not let everyomne down ...look at the possitive your email got the show to call you so thats a possitive ...we might want to say or do more but at the same time we do need to keep that comfy spot ...well done...

[DonnaT]

It's good to hear you at least got their attention, and hopefully they'll remember your comments next time they do a like story.

However, I was confused by what you said:

You see, the silent majority of people like us, who quietly get on with our CD and related issues within otherwise conventional lifestyles was not mentioned at all. I felt that we were being presented as freaks for the sake of prurient entertainment.
If the silent majority wasn't mentioned how were they presented as freaks?

What was said?

[Sharon]

You didn't let anyone down, Lilith. It's significant enough that you presented another view. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that they read your e-mail on the air anyway, only without your involvement or name.

I would really love it if you would share with us the e-mail you sent (minus the name and phone number, of course.:) )

[sharifemme]

On a positive note, this demonstrates that we can make a difference if we are prepared to be a bit more visible. I wasn’t ready for it, but maybe next time…

Lillith...

Thanks for doing as much as you were comfortable with. I recommend that you connect with a support group or organization that has outreach providers and refer such people to them. That way, the media would get professional speakers who know most aspects of gender identity and your ID would be safer.

I know Triess and STGA have people who do this and most others, I presume.

Sharifemme

[CharlaineCadence]

Poppit,
you did not let evey one down for you responded to them and sent the email. did you expect them to call and ay hay we want you to talk live? No you didn't so you did not let us or yourself down hun. it is all good.

Kiss kiss
Char

[carol ann]

Lillith
You certainly did not let anyone down - in fact you represent the vast majority of us who have to do what we do secretly in the background because we know there will no understndaing not only in in the wider world.
but often with our own family as well as friends and colleagues.

If we try to defend our position, we will certainly be made into just an object of fun and ridicule and that price is not worth paying.

There is no simple solution in what is still a prejudicial and narrow minded society despite all the so called freedoms that are talked about so often.

[Lilith Moon]

Thank you all for your kind comments. I appreciate them.

Donna asked:
>If the silent majority wasn't mentioned how were they presented as freaks?
>What was said?

What I meant was that the program claimed to be about gender issues, but then featured people who represented only certain small sub-groups that many vanilla folk would consider "sensational" and "entertaining". In other words, anyone listening to the program would have formed the impression that gender issues are primarily about wanting surgery and going to TG Rave scenes.

They failed to mention anything at all about the majority of us who quietly get on with our lives, either closeted or making occasional trips to the mall or out to our friends or whatever and simply want to present as femine. They also failed to mention that there is a whole spectrum of behaviour ranging from the guy who secretly tries on his wifes undies now and then right through to those who seek to fix their body to match their true selves.

[Lilith Moon]

You didn't let anyone down, Lilith. It's significant enough that you presented another view. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that they read your e-mail on the air anyway, only without your involvement or name.

I would really love it if you would share with us the e-mail you sent (minus the name and phone number, of course.:) )

Hi Sharon,
It was actually a feedback form on the BBC website. But really, my comments were close to what I put in my original post in this thread. I didn't make copies and stuff because I never imagined this would happen. The BBC website does offer a facility for repeating certain programs as ipod broadcasts, so I may go see if my email was read out.

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Lilith,

Just wanted to say that your original post did make me giggle. I appreciate it must have been unnerving but I hope you can now see the funny side. Now I wish I'd provided some feedback.....!

Em

[Lilith Moon]

Hi Lilith,

Just wanted to say that your original post did make me giggle. I appreciate it must have been unnerving but I hope you can now see the funny side. Now I wish I'd provided some feedback.....!

Em
Yes, of course, Emma. I've been grinning about it all day....what a rude awakening it was :D

[stephanie100]

Thanks Lilith
My and Your views on the show mainly agree with they did do a phone in thing wednessday but there is something today ( SAT) but we will be shopping.
Fortuately I did not put phone number in the email. and I sent dare not enter stephanie's mailbox.
You let no one down I dont mind being out to friends but id like to tell them not have them hear me on national radio.
Now I feel guilty for causing you a problem Lilith and Im sorry

Steph

[Lilith Moon]

Now I feel guilty for causing you a problem Lilith and Im sorry
Steph

Steph,

There's no need at all to be sorry. With hindsight I think it was funny and my generally unaccepting wife thought it was hilarious...which is a positive thing. I think I should give you a big "thank you" for alerting me to it.

I'll see if I can listen to todays program.

Hugzzzz

[Lilith Moon]

Go here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/01/2006_18_wed.shtml

To hear some phone-in responses to the original R4 program.