Want to tell my sister, seeking advice

[Jill]

A couple of months ago, I posted a thread that said that I had told a friend and that I think it was a mistake. That friend didn't rat me out or anything, but is not accepting or understanding and asked that I not discuss it with her anymore her. I can respect that and it's not fair for me to press it onto her. I've always known that she would be a fairly poor choice to talk to about it, but at the time I chose her because she's a fairly casual friend who isn't directly acquainted with the closest people in my life so I knew that if she freaked out, it wouldn't be a huge loss. Plus she was convenient. She could not get used the idea, and everytime we talked about it, it was sick and disgusting to her.

Now that she's no longer an option, I really feel the need to talk to someone about it, have someone involved with it. The next logical choice is my sister. She's very loving and accepting and expresses that to me. Today I was dressed and she called and said that she was off. I was very very tempted to ask her to come over, that I wanted to show her something; a "surprise if you will." In fact, I very nearly did, she wasn't really doing anything. I wanted to do it so that she would come in and I would be dressed and tell her that way. But, me being the cautious individual that I am, I didn't ask her to come over and I thought I would deliberate it, get advice and test the waters. She is immediate family. So I'm hoping people have advice for me, anyone want to help?

[DonnaT]

I wouldn't surprise her by being dressed.

Just ask her over and talk to her. She may not understand nor be accepting, but then again she may.

One of our former members finally told her sister, and it turned out that her sister was familiar with the TG scene and even made clothes for some TGs. So she missed out on not only having someone to talk to, but clothes her sister could have made for her.

[Annaliese]

A couple of months ago, I posted a thread that said that I had told a friend and that I think it was a mistake. That friend didn't rat me out or anything, but is not accepting or understanding and asked that I not discuss it with her anymore her. I can respect that and it's not fair for me to press it onto her. I've always known that she would be a fairly poor choice to talk to about it, but at the time I chose her because she's a fairly casual friend who isn't directly acquainted with the closest people in my life so I knew that if she freaked out, it wouldn't be a huge loss. Plus she was convenient. She could not get used the idea, and everytime we talked about it, it was sick and disgusting to her.

Now that she's no longer an option, I really feel the need to talk to someone about it, have someone involved with it. The next logical choice is my sister. She's very loving and accepting and expresses that to me. Today I was dressed and she called and said that she was off. I was very very tempted to ask her to come over, that I wanted to show her something; a "surprise if you will." In fact, I very nearly did, she wasn't really doing anything. I wanted to do it so that she would come in and I would be dressed and tell her that way. But, me being the cautious individual that I am, I didn't ask her to come over and I thought I would deliberate it, get advice and test the waters. She is immediate family. So I'm hoping people have advice for me, anyone want to help?

Test the waters first, When you do tell her, tell her that you love her and that you need to tell her something and you need her to understand, dont dress in front of her untell after you have told her, then only if she asks. I have want to tell a good friend for a long time and I have been testing the waters, I am going to have lunch with him next week and tell him, I will post after to let every one know what happens.

God help us.

Anna

[carol ann]

You know your sister better than anyone but i would suggest caution. Ask yourself why do I need to come out at this time? Are you contemplating a full life as a female? Are you preparing yourself for all the consequences of others knowing?

Remember one person, even someone close, knowing is likely to mean ten withing a short time and ten then will mean a hundred - friends, work colleagues, family, neighbours - can you take it?

[btmgrl6]

Maybe you can find a support group in your area. You might be able to find someone with the same desire that you have..someone to share with. This site is a great start. I found a friend on a site called Craigslist.org who lived close to me. we e-mailed back and forth for a while, and finally met up.....We became fast friends and often talk into the wee hours. We also shop,lunch, meet for coffee......all the girlfriend things.

Good luck
Steph

craigslist.org
if you'ed like you can e-mail me and I can give you the particulars

[livy_m_b]

I agree with the advice not to surprise her dressed. You can start a conversation that might lead to disclosure without committing to disclosure. If she shows signs or resistance or conventional thinking you can explore why she feels that way. You can also express how you feel about others who cross the gender line. If she's negative but gets the idea and asks pointblank, it's okay to divert the conversation ("Oh, let's talk about something else.") or in the most extreme situation simply to lie. Imo, one has no obligation to tell the truth to people who can't handle it with generosity, though it's better to have a literally true but ambiguous statement at hand: "Oh I have in the past but I'm not right now." Later if confronted you can say "I thought our relationship was most important" - women do tend to understand relationship issues. Keep focussed on preserving the relationship and it should work out in the long run.

liv

[steffie39]

I agree with the other girls here that it's better not to let her see you dressed. Tell her in male mode and then ask her if she ever wants to see you dressed.

Steffie

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with testing the "waters" first Jill. See my post to Tiffany on the "What should I do?' thread. Love, Ericka

[Jill]

I also want to note that this is the same sister that once caught me. I was 17 years old and when she came in through the front door, I ran past her and up the stairs to my room. It was all out of panic. A week or so later after that incident she approached me in my room and asked me if there was anything that I wanted to talk about, looking back I really feel like at the time, it was her way of reaching out, trying to understand and wanting to talk about. Because I was a very insecure teenager and completely mortified that I had been caught, I totally denied the incident. We have a great relationship, there's a lot of love and acceptance between us.

[Helen MC]

Over the years I have often wondered if I should tell my sister Anne. She would I am sure not tell my aged father who is very homophobic and would still be very anti CD. I do wonder how she would react to know that I secretly shared her knickers with her for 6 years in our teens assuming she didn't know and has never said anything?

[PTPJen]

I think if you tell your sister you should do it in a causl setting, lunch or something and be very respectful, tell her you trust her and that you want to tell her something that is very personal that needs to be kept between you two and that your trust in her is importnat.

By no means tell her when dressed, that way you are pushing her into it without any real trust, your ging her no choice and the shock may respond by her that you expect her to accept you. It sounds like doing it the non dressed way would be more approviate. Jenn

[Clare]

Jill, I have to agree with everybody else here. DON'T just reveal yourself fully dressed up - worst possible way to start! You have to to reassure your sister that what you have to say shouldn't affect your loving relationship and that you're still the same person. Make sure you give her time to think about it your intial revelation and don't press her for acceptance straight away. She'll probably have a bunch of concerns and questions. You should prepare for that, rather than seek her immediate understanding.

Good luck to you Jill - I hope it goes well for you.

[Samantha?]

Hi. Good luck with everything. Just wanted to say that I just told my sister yesterday. :) I was giving her a ride to school (she's 16) and decided that it was time to tell her (my mom found out recently as well, but that's another story). So, while driving, I revealed myself. Her response was basically "I don't care" and "Can we go shopping?" Now granted, I live in the Bay Area (near SF), but still, I think that telling family first (especially members you are pretty assured will be understanding) is a good choice. Chances are, since she grew up with you, she'll at least be accepting of another aspect of your personality. I agree with everyone else, though. Just tell her dressed in your male clothes, and be prepared to discuss it.

Anyway, good luck once again! I (and I'm sure everyone else, too) hope to hear a wonderful supportive story of your coming out to her next time!

[Joy Carter]

Does the term SHOCKED mean anything hon ? Take our advice and test the waters women are more accepting but she will remember the little hints you give and probably put thing to together fast. :hugs:

[Wendy me]

I also want to note that this is the same sister that once caught me. I was 17 years old and when she came in through the front door, I ran past her and up the stairs to my room. It was all out of panic. A week or so later after that incident she approached me in my room and asked me if there was anything that I wanted to talk about, looking back I really feel like at the time, it was her way of reaching out, trying to understand and wanting to talk about. Because I was a very insecure teenager and completely mortified that I had been caught, I totally denied the incident. We have a great relationship, there's a lot of love and acceptance between us.

ok Jill that opens things a bit .. ok you might talk to her as it realy seams you have a real good bond with her and just say rember when you cought me dressed up when i was 17 ?/ well i still like to do that ...to me she seams that you could talk to her abought it but there again ....

rember we here can only give our thoughts on things from what you tell us . in the end it's you that knows just how or if you should or should not tell her ... i know this part of our lives we hide can eat us up and the need to come out with it and share it with somone is strong for us .... thing is Jill at the same time we need to make shure the person we want to share it with , is also ready to do the same ... even myselfe being marryed for 24 years it is still slow going with my wife ...

Jill i wish you the best of luck in telling your sister .. just please make shure the time and your sister are both right .... once done it can't ever be undone...

huge wendy hugs.....

[DonnaT]

Ah, then the answer is simple. Goes something like this,

"Hey sis, you once asked be a question when I was 17 that I chose not to answer, but the answer now is 'Yes I do'."

[Carole/CCD]

but I would still not be dressed when doing it . Yes I agree that that is a good way to start the conversation but I would not be dressed