I'm So Scared

[Toni]

I go out twice a week and up until last night I have not had any adverse reactions, including when I've passed the gangs of teenage girls and boys. But, last night was something else. I drove to town dressed in a below the knee skirt and twinset (And pearls) and parked my car in the usual street at quater to eight in bright sunshine. While I was parking between two cars I noticed a group of women coming out of a bar. These were women not girls and there was eight or ten of them. After I'd parked I found that the car was surrounded by them and they began banging on the roof and windows and shouting things like "I'ts one of them f*****g freaks" and "He's a f*****g tranny" then they started grabbing their crotches and breasts (Not mine I hasten to add) and doing that disgusting thing with their tongues. After a couple of minutes they got tired of their sport and started to drift away still effing and blinding at the tops of their voices. I sat in the car for a couple of minutes with the doors locked and then decided to go home as I felt so scared and to tell the truth I was terrified that they'd come back. As I said at the beginning these were Women aged from twentys to fifties not young girls and now I'm wondering if it's really worth going out dressed at all. Had this been teenagers, boys or girls I don't think it would have bothered me that much because it's more or less what you expect of them but from women some of whom were not that much younger than me well...... what do you do? How do you deal with it?

[eleventhdr]

I think i very well might have run a few of them down with the car that would have scared them a lot more then it did you.

But then this is just me talking other's might have done otherwise

I have had to deal with this kind of stuff even when dressed as male there are all kind's of nut's in this old world and these sound very much like them.

It was none of there busniess what or how you were dressed at all.

Stupid people like that deserve what is coming to them!:.

Jayt Suzy!:.

[GypsyKaren]

Toni, I can give you one good piece of advice, never let a bunch of a**holes dictate how you live your life. Try to just blow it off, that's what I do. The worse that's ever happened to me is getting giggled at by teen-age girls a couple of times. So what? I really don't give a rat's ass about what some 14 year old girl buying Clearisil at Walgreens thinks about me, and I'm surely not going to hide so I can get their stamp of approval on what I do. If this ever happens to you again, rev the engine, put it in drive, and go for road kill, I think they'll scatter pretty quick.

Karen

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Toni,

I'm sorry that some small-minded obnoxious Brits have caused you such anguish. I very much hope that you will not let this dissuade you from getting out and about again. You certainly have more courage than I and I wish that I could get out of my own front door.

Em

[Lilith Moon]

Toni.


Here's a :hugs: and some :love:

I had a bad experience with a pack of howling teenage mallrats in a crowded shopping center, I didn't have a car for protection and was forced to walk away from the scene...while wearing a rather tight skirt and heels, I might add. It was my worst nightmare.

However, I got over it and you will too. Closed-minded bigots have always preyed on minority groups and anyone who they see as "different". Since then, I have had a few taunts and giggles but so what ? Who cares what **holes think?

[Ipexx2]

Bring water gun full of beach. And start beaching them if they coming for you next time. Your going to have to get hands drity sooner or later.

[Michele]

Fill it with some cheap strong male cologne... like Brut 33 or Old Spice... You won't run the risk of putting someone's eyes out, and I am sure they would enjoy getting skunked :p

[Felicia]

you handled it properly. A water gun with any kind of liquid would only have added to your problems, as would mace. It is clear that these women were looking for trouble and you were their choice. Try to put it behind you as best you can. (HUGS) Felicia

[Amelie]

I know how people on this forum despise acting anything like a male, but you CDs are men, punch one of the girls on the nose, they will soon stop their harrassing. Same goes for teenage girls that bother CDs, they are teenage girls, direct a bit of violence towards them and they will go away.

This is how the T-girls do it in my neighborhood, they don't let woman bother them. Maybe a bunch of men can be trouble, but women or a single guy aren't a trouble to them.

[Barb Valentine]

Hi Toni
Sorry, but some times thing like that are going to happen
You can't let that stop you from enjoying yourself

And beside you know the old saying
Instant A**hole just add alcohol

Glad to here your OK

Hugs Barb

[Kate Simmons]

I've been in these situations. I ignore these morons as they are bored usually and looking for some kind of entertainment at someone else's expense. Some of the things I've done is walk away (swinging my hips a little), said:"Hi how you doin'?" or just shrug my shoulders.That usually shuts them up. I'm still waiting to be called a "bitch". Then my response woud be either: "Yes?", "...and?", or "Your point?" Contrary to what some may think, I don't look for trouble but will defend myself physically if necessary. This gal ain't afraid to use her muscles for sure. Discretion being the better part of valor however, I usually walk away. They are looking for you to be embarrased or some kind of "shrinking violet". If that doesn't happen, they usually lose interest and wait to pick on the next unfortunate "victim" who comes along. Take care, Ericka

[Lisa Marie]

Well I have a couple of suggestions for you. Take a shot gun along with you scare them out of their wits. Or just simply ignore them you know what goes around comes around. Sounds to me its just a bunch of white trash women. Hope this helps

[Paula Jaye]

Toni
Sounds like you handled it well. People are scared of what they don't understand. When they are scared they become agressive (attack is the best form of defence etc.). When folks are drunk they scare more easily.

Don't let this put you off being you. Most people will ignore folk going about their business; as long as you don't prevent them doing the same. So chin up gal and get out there.

[Lawren]

I would not recomend hitiing them with your car but I would have driven away slowly enough so that they could have gotten out of your way. (Did that once with some migrant workers who thought I'd stop an 18 wheeler just so they could stand in the road and chat. :D) Or. if you are a braver soul than I am, you could just sit there in your car and do your nails, check your makeup, brush your hair, etc. This would give the impression that you don't care what they think and might take the fun out of their taunting. If you can ruin their fun they will stop.

[Ms. Laura]

I definitely think that you made the right decision. You don't want to harm them with your car, I can just read the headline! You also son't want to fight with 10 women, it only takes 1 to whack you in the back of the head. Then you're in the hospital, dressed in women's clothing, filling out a police report. No thanks! The same goes if you're dressed in drab really, it's just not worth it unless you MUST defend yourself.

Good Luck in the future, you're more courageous than me.

[JoAnnDallas]

What I want to know, is what was these women doing in a BAR at 7:45 AM?? Sounds alful early to be drinking IMHO.

Besides, you did the right thing. I liked the suggestion that you just sit there and check you makeup, hair, file your nails, and just pretty much ignore them.

[Joy Carter]

I have seen many women at their worst so I'm not surprised at your story at all. Don't get yourself in a jamb over this do nothing but slowly leave many an A-hole has gotten big bucks from someone because that someone didn't use restraint. I have seen several "women" out there and they have the right to be there, being disorderly and trying to provoke someone is a violation of the law in the US so do the right thing and leave like a lady. :hugs:

[wendy]

sorry to hear about your ordeal, I think those women had no rights to harass you like that.

But after reading your story, that is one of the reasons why I don't go out anymore, alot of people are still not accepting of the CDing lifestyle.

[Sandra]

Hi Toni

From what you have said you handled it well, but please don't let what happened stop you from going out dressed again, as you have said up to now you've had no adverse reactions.

By the sound of it they'd proably had a "skinfull" and you just happened to be there, not very nice I know. Anyway at least you are safe and came to no harm. :hugs:

[EricaCD]

Toni - that sounds like a disturbing and frightening event. You did absolutely the right thing in waiting for it to blow over. Any other response (physical or verbal) would probably have aggravated an already bad situation.

In a confrontation, the best approach is to do whatever you can to defuse the confrontation, even if it means discomfort, embarrassment or outright humiliation. I studied martial arts for years and am quite big--yet in the few instances in my life where it came up I have not hesitated to back off from a brewing fight. That basic rule does not change simply by virtue of your being en femme at the time. Good decision.

The girls here are absolutely correct to stress that you really should not let this impede you from going out. The sleazy women that you encountered do not deserve to be empowered in that way!

Sympathizing and relieved you are ok,
Erica

[Julia Cross]

Very disturbing, I can't believe people, especially women still behave in such a manner. i can't imagine that happening here. Perhaps you need to reconsider where you drive to.

Julia

[Laurie Ann]

Alchol = stupid behavior. I hope you chalk it up to ignorence and let it go at that. Good luck on your next outing.

[Andrea]

I think its a group mentality, women who would normally be ok on their own acting like blooming stupid kids when the're in a group and drunk as skunks. Only takes one to act stupidly and they'll all follow. :Angry3:

Heres a :hugs: for you babe hope you feel bbetter now.

[BeckyCath]

Toni, I hope they didn't damage your car whilt they were pounding on it.

Got to say it's never happened to me, you must have been unlucky, in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Don't let it put you off...

Rebecca

[DonnaT]

I think I would have layed on the horn for as long as it took to get them to either leave or for someone to come found out what the commotion was about.

[Bonnie D]

I think you did the right thing Toni by not doing anything since they were only verbally abusing you and it hadn't come to anything physical. Hopefully nothing happened to your car but aside from that you are okay. Don't try to move a car while it's surrounded by people who are just being verbal. If things started to escalate stay in your car and start beeping your car horn. Hopefully they won't want any more attention than they were already getting. After they leave I would drive away and go home unless I was there to meet someone or really needed to buy whatever I was there for. In that case I would move the car somewhere else in the parking lot and not stay too long.

Don't let this discourage you though, just chalk it up to a bad experience.

One other thing I wanted to point out is that white trash girls/women will have white trash boyfriends/spouses. So you have to be careful how physical you got if you didn't have to. If it came down to protecting yourself that's one thing, getting physical because you're angry for their ignorance is something else.

I'm glad that they left on their own and you are okay.

Bonnie

[eleventhdr]

Not running them over just running them down with the car that is scaring them enough that they would not be doing this kind of stuff anymore.

You can scare someone with a car bad enough without runnning them over a car can be used to your and there advantages without going way beyond the bounds


I have done this in my own in my own past with creeps like this they never bothered me again after i did so


Belive me there are always going to be lowlifes that delight in trying to make life miserable for everyone else simple because they are miserable and or just out to ruin everything that they do not understand or care to understand!;.

So!;.

Jay Suzy!:.

[chattaboxx]

hi toni,

sorry to hear about your situations.

I hope this doesn't put you off, maybe it will make you grow stronger. before christmas i had a bad situations with some girls in a shop, which made me feel rally low but time makes things better and if you do stop doing what you like doing it means those women have won !

I think you should get out there, and be strong

Louise
(chattaboxx)

[ReginaK]

I think i very well might have run a few of them down with the car that would have scared them a lot more then it did you.

Agreed. But not because I was scared. No one touches my car except the dealership and the detailer. Anyone who beat on my car, would get beaten on in exchange.

[paulaN]

I'd say you handeld yourself very well. It still must have shook you up a bit, you'll be allright in a little wile. whatever you do don't let them win. keep on gurlen.

[SherriePall]

Toni -- Sorry about what happened to you. You'll get over it something like falling off a horse. You have to get back on or in this case, back out dressed. Sounds like those women (definitely weren't ladies) had a case of beer muscles. Take care, hun.

[btmgrl6]

you did the right thing...stay strong and don't let a bunch of losers bully you into stopping something you enjoy. . I think people like that are the exception, not the rule.

[Toni]

Many many thanks to all you lovely girls who have taken the time and trouble to offer me words of help and encouragement. I have taken all your views on board and I can tell you that the bullys haven't won, I will be out on Sunday night as bold as brass and twice as pretty! Once again thank you to you all.

[uknowhoo]

t:yrtw:

:)

:hugs:

t

[Angela Burke]

Hi Toni,
Sorry to hear about your recent bad experience, but I'm glad to hear you're not going to be put off.
It's just an unfortunate fact of life that arseholes exist to a greater or lesser extent everywhere.
It's also thankfully a fact that the good guys do outnumber them, they just don't get as much publicity.
I'm glad you weren't physically hurt.
Please keep wearing your skirts with pride!

[Khriss]

I have had such bad dreams about "goin out"(like Your incident !)..while I think discression is the better part of valor.. I've always kept a tire iron under the front seat ...invasions of personal space (your car) etc. including violence by a crowd no less,would be freightening !! Car "jackings" happen here in the US a lot !... and they say ..give up the car..save yerself,,,,
In Your situation Toni ..I'd be thinkin' of swingin' the Tire iron .. BUT.. I'm 6'4" trained by my uncle "Sam" ..( yet someone may have brought a gun to the fistfight?)
people looking for trouble allways seem to find it ..often more than they bargained for eh? while it easily goes both ways , and defending Yourself can become assault in this age of litigation...
You did the right thing (You let it pass)...pitty there is such hate out there....
You.. "We" shall overcome !
(staysafeandkeepthefaitheh!?) xx"K"

[Lilith Moon]

Many many thanks to all you lovely girls who have taken the time and trouble to offer me words of help and encouragement. I have taken all your views on board and I can tell you that the bullys haven't won, I will be out on Sunday night as bold as brass and twice as pretty! Once again thank you to you all.

Go girl !

:cheer:

[Karren H]

God, I'd pee my panties!!! Tough chicks over there?? I'd still go out, just find a safer more TG friendly place to go!

Love Karren

[janedoe311]

I though Brits were more opened minded than that. I would have figured that in NY or some other US city but SF, though it could have happend in some parts of SF. Anyway they were probally just drinking, hope they felt bad about it the next morning.

Too bad they could not be set to jail for that.

[Siobhan Marie]

Toni, that sounded terrifying, you go out Sunday night and enjoy yourself. I would love to go out dressed but don't have the bottle or the wardrobe (yet!).

Have a lovely time and take care

:hugs: Anna x

[Jillian310]

What a terrifying experience! I can just imagine how you must have felt. I do hope that you will be able to overcome such an unpleasant experience quickly. I know that I am at best marginal when it comes to passing, but I try to not let that hold me back. Once, in a restaurant with a girlfriend, a drag performer, and her SO, I overheard two young women talking about us, as one said to the other, "Look, they are guys." The other time a security guard followed me as I was mall walking in my strumpet outfit. But neither was anything like those hooligan women! Hang in there, try to put it behind you, and go on with your life as you choose to live it.

[melinda1222]

I agree with Amelie you can't let people bully you and degrade you now granted there are certain situations where a more subtle approach must be taken, but don't back down to a bunch of ignorant asses. I think sometimes we forget that under our dresses we are still men. You have just as much right as the next person to do as you will and not have to tolerate being harassed while doing it. So I say if ever presented with the same situation slip back into to guy mode real quick jump out and deal with the situation like a man.

[AmyCarter]

If it happens again ask them to join you on the dance floor. If they agree it wouldn't matter how bad you look dancing since they'd look worse; if they said no, it'd probably confuse them enough that they'd just walk off and leave you alone.

[Bev06 GG]

[Had this been teenagers, boys or girls I don't think it would have bothered me that much because it's more or less what you expect of them but from women some of whom were not that much younger than me well...... what do you do? How do you deal with it? [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
I know its awful isn't it, but I hate to say this, women can be everybit as bad as men when in a group and under the influence of alcohol. One of the reasons I never go out on a social with the girls from work is because theyre shocking show offs when let loose on the town and have quite often ended up in trouble with the law. I think maybe theyre trying to prove that they are every bit as game for a laugh as a group of fellas. On there own they wouldn't dream of causing a scene, but with the group anything goes. You'd have been fair game and they'd have talked about it all week at work, but now theyre probably just planning their next little outing. I can assure you that we are not all like that, but then neither are all men. Dont let it put you off, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, it'll probably never happen again.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[aprilgirl]

That was a very unfortunate incident and I'm sorry that you had to endure that Toni.Alcohol can bring out the worst in people and don't leave out the whole gang mentality issue.I'm sure once they sobered up and remebered the event they felt bad about their actions.If they are'nt embarrassed then they have more problems than they can handle.

Considering how much you go out without incident this was just a wrong place wrong time scenario and can happen to any of us.Don't let this speed bump deter you from expressing yourself.

Kim

[MsJanessa]

Hon--they sound like lowlife, trailerpark trash to Me---there are some people out there who offend Me be being on the same planet---so I treat them as the lower life forms that they are and ignore them---after all if I took My bull whip to them I'ld probably just get in trouble.

[Nameless For Now]

Some people react to people & things they don't understand with confrontation / agression.

You are out of threat and harm's way now, so relax, and try to live your life without dwelling on what must have been very scary and intense at the time.

It could have been far worse...



:love:

[Julie Avery]

What Donna said, lay on the horn.

In the bigger picture, I think this shows the limitations of our ability to "come out" 100%.

The world is not CD friendly.

[lostmyhubby GG]

I am just curious as to how these women knew that you were "one of those" as they worded it?
I guess I understand now why my hubby is reluctant to go out in public with me but i dont think anyone could ever tell the difference with him that he was not a real woman.
I am sorry this happened to you and hope you will not give up and hide....i feel the more like you go out for all to see and take your stand with the public the more people may educate themselves and come to accept it just as gays are gay,asian is asian,white is white,black is black...etc....we are all people and all have rights to be out and living our lives with out the stupidity and ignorance of others......
I also must say...real women+Alcohol = are the worst behaving loud abnoxious beings on earth......(however i have seen men act like pigs too when too much alcohol) so forgive,forget and LIVE
Perhaps get a fake policemans badge and flash it if it ever happens again, they then will say oh S*** and run...and think your dressed undercover!!!!LOL
LMH GG

[Ebonee_Tgirl]

What a scary ordeal. My advice is NEVER provoke a group like that. People are oh so "brave" in a large group. I don't know what you call it in England but here that kind of thing is called a swarming. It's usually teenagers though and very often girls. They pick some vulnerable person out, often someone of a different race, gay, or just a loner type. Even though you are a man, 10 drunk women could do you lots of harm so I think it was good you didn't try to retaliate or anything. Don't let those jerks stop you going out though. But maybe you might consider the safer places like gay or transgendered bars if there are any in your area. Going to a str8 bar dressed just might be too risky.

Take care hon

[gennee]

Toni,

You handled this situation in a mature, adult way. Transphobia is no respecter of ages whether a teen or a middle aged person. Don't let this experience stop you from going out. One thing is that you have the courage to be your true self.

Gennee :hugs: :love:

[LucyTwitch]

Hi

Did the right thing there, but just remember why you go out in the first place.

You could always carry home made leflets about CDing and hand them out or throw them at pepole like this. I bet at least one of them would keep one and read it.

Love
Lucy

[KELLYANN]

HI TONI. ya know i think in there sub-concious, they may be jealous of you! you probably dress and look better than they do! just a thought.:hugs:

[KrazyKat]

Toni, sorry, sorry, hope you're not having some PTDS from this, I think I would in such a situation!! :love:
I totally agree you did the right thing, good thing you weren't outside of the car locking up already!!
A pack of crazed animals on alcohol aren't something you can reason with, and blowing the horn would've crazed them more, I'm thinking! It might of made them a killer bee swarm!
I'm praying you keep your courage and wits with you, and yes, your gaurdian angel, too!! I'm sure she was there with you, dear.
I agree with KellyAnn, they must've thought you were competition!!
I hope you don't let this stop you from being yourself, you sound like a beautiful person!
Kat