cd

[jenny sissey]

My wifes a chistian but i'm sure i'm not.I gave my heart to the lord 1979,thats when i met my wife and i keep it a secrat un till1988,thats when i told olwyn which split us up three times we are now to gether but we don't talk about it atall,i just do it now and again,i also like to regress(adult baby)which i only do occatnaly when theres no one about this is another side of me she does not like.please help.i get very suicdle and i'm on antidepressants

[DonnaT]

Why do you get suicidal. I mean, there are clearly times you don't feel suicidal, so what happens to make you feel like suicide?

[mudanjel]

I would investigate the anti-depressant that you're taking, Jenny. I tried Zoloft for chronic pain and it made me very, very depressed...just plain dead inside. After I weaned myself off of it (you can't stop meds like this cold-turkey), I could see why the Dr. asked me if I had any suicidal thoughts before he prescribed it.

[Toyah]

I wish I could help hun but I find Christianity too devisive and set in its ways

[Sharon_Rose]

I have thought many times about putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger. I have always backed away because I don't believe that is why I was put here or that is how I was meant to end my stay. Fear of the unknown is nothing...tomorrow is unknown yet we work our way through it. Other cultures believe that suicide is an honorable way to satisfy a disgrace. I will not argue with or about other cultures. You must make up your own mind. Is life really that bad? Do you enjoy seeing the flowers in the spring; the blue sky; the sounds of nature?

My opinion ONLY...suicide is an irreversible cop out.

[Lilith Moon]

I would investigate the anti-depressant that you're taking, Jenny. I tried Zoloft for chronic pain and it made me very, very depressed...just plain dead inside. After I weaned myself off of it (you can't stop meds like this cold-turkey), I could see why the Dr. asked me if I had any suicidal thoughts before he prescribed it.

Now, that is interesting for me!

Many years ago, I was prescribed anti-depressants. In retrospect, I'm convinced that this was a misdiagnosis at the time. However, after taking them for a few days I did start to get suicidal thoughts. For the first time in my life I found myself fantasising about my funeral and wondering who would be attending.

I threw those pills down the pan and have never taken anything like that since. In recent years I have really become depressed about CD issues but no way am I going to take stuff that messes with my mind like that.

[TGMarla]

I gave up Christianity long ago, and I don't feel in any way suicidal about it. And if not having opportunities to dress as an adult baby is causing you to feel this way, then professional help is what you need. I've seen a lot of "girls" who get really depressed over crossdressing, or lack of it, and it's just not worth it. Choose happiness, and find an alternative outlet for yourself until you find an opportunity to dress.

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi,

I need to comment here. I was very concerned at the initial post because there are obviously many hidden, unspoken issues and Jenny is obviously hurting. I am also concerned at some of the advice being given. Having been where Jenny is, I know how much damage words can do, even if the intention is right. This is not a criticism, just an observation.

I was on a variety of anti-depressants for a number of years. Some may have been helpful, some were definitely not. The one thing I found when I finally came off them was clarity of thinking. Before, it was like thinking under a blanket, but now I can think clearly all the time. I have emotional ups and downs as my posts here indicate but it helps immensely to be able to think clearly about things.

I also come from a staunchly Christian background and this has caused huge problems in trying to resolve my beliefs with my crossdressing. I still haven't. But I am happier now than I have been in a long time.

I am willing to share my experiences at length either publicly or privately if it would help but will spare you that unless you want me to.

Jenny, I'm happy to help, if I can.

Em

[VtVicky]

First we should be clear that there are many kinds of anti-depressants. And they all do not work equally in all people.

The biggest problem with some anti-depressant use is that they are easily prescribed by general practioners without the proper psychological work up. It is very unlikely that a general practicioner will have the time necessary to do the proper work up. I know that psychotherapy can be more expensive than getting meds from your primary care practioner. But you get what you pay for. How many patients have the trust, and opportunity, to discuss anything in depth with their MD? What percentage of the members of this forum have told their MD's that they are crossdressers? There are far too many psychological componets to crossdressing to allow someone to prescribe psychotropic medications without a full history. And, by all means, when you are shopping for a shrink, check on their experience with CDing.

When the SSRI's (Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors.) first came on the market they got a lot of bad publicity because of an increase in suicides. When the dust had settled, most in the profession attributed it to the increase in non-therapists prescribing the meds. Most responsible MD's are now prescribing it only with an agreement from the patient to get involved with counseling. And then giving only enough for the patient to have time to connect with a therapist. (NOT "Christian Counselors". They seldom have any medical training, have their own personal agendas, and tend to "pray over the problem". And they are usually not third party reimbursible.)

I hate to contradict M*A*S*H*, but suicide is not "painless". It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Get to a good psychotherapist ASAP. (Psychiatrist, PhD Psychologist, LICSW (or local equivalent) Clinical Social Worker, or Psychiatric Nurse Practioner.)

Good luck, Let us know how you make out.