discovering early/discovering late

[Tabatha]

I am very new to all of this so the last thing I mean to do is come off sounding like a know it all. I do want to pass along some general thoughts and observations though.

I think there are advantages and disadvantages for those who discovered cd'ing early on and also for those who like me have only very recently discovered a her in their personality.

Advantages for those who have came upon this early on is that by the time you are adults and have been for a while you have probably gotten somewhat of a pretty good idea as to how much of a feminine side you have. For some it is a 24/7 desire as I have read and for many others it is a part of your overall personality and you have come to terms with it and have learned how to balance it out and coexist these two parts of your personality. In a way I think it might even be advantageous to the so called "normal male" especially if you have a loving and accepting S/O who willingly participates in your lifestyle.

Not that there must undoubtably be many struggles of course and this is where I must claim my ignorance being that I am only a partial crossdresser and have not encountered all of the many things so many of you have, who knows, who accepts going out in public and all.

As a disadvantage must be how painful growing up must be. Just growing up is so damn hard and I even had decent parents and no horror stories. At the time I had no gender confusion. It must leave many scars and many bad memories.

That is an advantage someone like myself may have being that I don't have those types of emotional scars. I pretty much know who I am.... at least as far as a male goes. I have many lifelong traits, hobbies, interests and such.

NOW, the disadvantages of discovering late is that at least in my case, having surrounded by many friends who are the tough, macho type, emotionally and much of my personality is still actually like this and I enjoy this part of me. Then, one very stupid day you get the hair brained idea to try on a pair of women's shoes just to see what walking in them feels like and then WHAM!

Not going to try to tell you differently at this point, I still rountinely wish that I had never done this. If it hadn't been for that day, I wouldn't be feeling all of the crazy thoughts and the sudden shock of discovering there is a part of me that is feminine. After about 40 years as a "normal guy" this can really do a number on your psyche let me tell you. I'm just so glad there is now an understanding and support groups and forums such as this one. My first few attempts to try to figure out what the hell was going on with me led me to some pretty scary she male porn sites and it greatly confused me and scared the living sh-- out of me. To learn that guys can lead a life, raise a family and still have wives and girlfriends and be a cross dresser is a very refrshing an releaving feeling from what I first encountered.

I have a long... LONG way to go. I'm just now discovering this part of myself and I really don't know where this will take me. I still feel the normal attraction to women I always have but now I also get a feeling of wishing I was walking in their shoes, literally. I wish I was wearing their clothes and looking like them. Not all the time but those feelings come up and processing this after all this time is quite a hard thing to deal with. I do have hope though. I think by finding some undestanding people and by learning some new coping skills this may one day even become a way to live and enjoy life far better than I ever have.

[Joy Carter]

May have been three or four but this has been with me and at at the age of fiftysix it's till here. If what information there is today was there when I was a teen I may have transistioned. I wanted so much to fit in but in the back of my mind I knew I was differant. You just can't imagine or you can, sitting there with your buds drinking beer looking a women thinking yeah I'd rather be in her shoes. I don't have the need to be with a man but if I had transistion I would have gone that route easily. So life is never fair I have told nothing new here nothing you have not heard before. CD ing is my only personal enjoyment I just wish I had the courage back when my body would have been more easily changed.

[Brianna Lovely]

Although I will say that I discovered my desire / need to CD late in life, that is only one part of the story.

Sometimes in the journey through life, we have to stop and smell the roses.

In my case, after several years of soul searching, I accepted the fact that I'm half male / half female. And I think that all people are half and half, it's just that some have not discovered or admitted it yet.

I say, accept yourself for who you are, learn to love yourself, and enjoy life.
Hugs,
Brianna L.

[Emily1]

DUH - whats normal ? - You are :rolleyes:

[Teresa Amina]

When I was a little (and not so little) boy I sure wanted to be a girl! But you learn first to keep it to yourself after a few embarassments and then as the teens hit to even deny it to yourself. Those early desires are pushed down into the subconcious. Life goes by with a series of indulgences and suppressions and then Something happens. You can no longer keep that TG nature down, you have to come to terms with it and let yourself be yourself, a strange mix of nature and conditioning.

[Ms. Donna]

When I was a little (and not so little) boy I sure wanted to be a girl! But you learn first to keep it to yourself after a few embarassments and then as the teens hit to even deny it to yourself. Those early desires are pushed down into the subconcious. Life goes by with a series of indulgences and suppressions and then Something happens. You can no longer keep that TG nature down, you have to come to terms with it and let yourself be yourself, a strange mix of nature and conditioning.

:yt: :iagree:

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Jolene]

Tabatha ......... I feel many of the same things as you do. You are not alone and as I have found here there are many who shere these feelings with you. These forums are a big help to us.............. Jolene

[gender_blender]

I have photographic evidence that proves I have been cross gender expressing since the age of 3. I cherish that picture of a little boy in a skirt.
I've always known I was different and I've never questioned it.


~Charlie

[Clare]

Well, I have been crossdressing since I was 12 years old and always knew I would forever. However growing up was very difficult trying to accept/deny this side of me as a teenager. To use your phrase, it has left some scars on my younger life.

I have had several femme 'cycles' as an adult, but in recent years I have basically come to terms with who I am as a transgenderist. I have no plans to transition unless unforseen circumstances occur, but now i'm trying to focus on the future rather wish my difficult past as a crossdresser never happened.

[betty56]

May have been three or four but this has been with me and at at the age of fiftysix it's till here. If what information there is today was there when I was a teen I may have transistioned. I wanted so much to fit in but in the back of my mind I knew I was differant. You just can't imagine or you can, sitting there with your buds drinking beer looking a women thinking yeah I'd rather be in her shoes. I don't have the need to be with a man but if I had transistion I would have gone that route easily. So life is never fair I have told nothing new here nothing you have not heard before. CD ing is my only personal enjoyment I just wish I had the courage back when my body would have been more easily changed.
My feelings exactly, Joy you said it all!:D