In The Closet

[Sandra]

Hi Girls


This is a question about being in the closet and :hiding: your CDing. Now bare with me because I have to get the wording right :) Does hiding your CDing add to the excitment of dressing, eg knowing that you could be found out, not really knowing that the afternoon you are at home all dressed up, your SO or family member could walk in and catch you.

And lastly why the hell are you still in the closet? :)

[rpservices1]

kids I would like nothing more then go out but kids and a wife that don't under stand

[Julie York]

a) No it makes me miserable.

b) It would make me MORE miserable.











(not a good week)

[Joy Carter]

Blind Fear !

[Marla S]

a) Like Julie said.
b) It is only dressing, not a stunt.

[Shelly Preston]

No it does not make it more exciting

It would be unthinkable not to be in the closet as I live in an enviroment where the guys have to be macho

[Xandra]

Okay, here goes:

a) I don’t think so, as “hiding” it is where I am at the moment - i.e. not going out in public. Having said that, I do find it thrilling though perhaps not for the reasons alluded to in your question;

b) Have not found the key that opens the right door

Good questions.

Alex.

[SherriePall]

I hid it for years. And no, there was no thrill or excitement involved. Only fear. I am one who loves his wife and feared my discovery would end it all. Fortunately, when I told her, it didn't although she is far from thrilled with my hobby. Fortunately, for me at least, I didn't tell her before marriage because she says she wouldn't have married me.

[jillinla]

There's a certain thrill to being secretivev (lingeries under my suit at work)

Why still here?

Happy

have a good life that I don't wish to destroy

[EricaCD]

Not in my case, certainly, if the question is "does hiding enhance the erotic aspect".

Technically I suppose I am still in the closet, in that I conceal my dressing from my SO even though she knows about it. I remain in the closet because my wife currently wishes to deal with this issue by avoidance, and remaining in the closet is the best way I have found to respect her wishes.

Erica

[Teresa Amina]

Never found the furtive dressing more exciting, but it does seem there are a lot of adrenaline junkies in this forum who probably do! Much nicer now that my closet has become so much larger and unlikely to be walked in on at any moment. I'm only out to an old friend who confided his being Gay to me last summer. Figured that was a good start. I'm still here in the closet for a while yet as I work out some more of the Inner Drama.

[Dawn D.]

With me, I don't get any excitement or thrill out of nearly being caught. Quite honestly the thought itself scares the heck out of me. Now, my wife knows and is somewhat supportive and growing more so each day (I only hope that continues). Although she has not asked to see me dressed yet and I have aggreed with her to take it slow.

As to the second question.........To much of a public presense in this small community, would definately impact hard on family, friends and the bank account!


Dawn

p.s. having said all of that I would relish the day that no one would care!!!

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Sandra, The only "excitement" I encountered when I was doing it in secret was that I successfully concealed it from my wife. Then I knew it would be okay for the next "go around". Now that I'm open about everything, it seems to be a natural part of who I am and it's no big deal. Ericka

[Jeri Rene]

1. At first I suppose that it did add something to it but now I just dress because I feel like it, nothing more that that.

2. As with most of the ladies I'm still in the closet because of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of loosing the few friends I have.

[Clare]

Does hiding your CDing add to the excitment of dressing? Eg; knowing that you could be found out, not really knowing that the afternoon you are at home all dressed up, your SO or family member could walk in and catch you?
Not at all. In the past, being discovered was a major fear and actually reduced my dressing enjoyment and experience.

And lastly, why the hell are you still in the closet?
I guess it comes down to two things. The first is that I don't want to upset my Father in his older age and retirement years. In recent times he has had his youngest child committ suicide and his Wife of 45 years die from Cancer, so I don't want to burden him with another 'shock'. Secondly, as much as I really want to start revealing Clare to family and friends in general, I just feel that the appropriate time has not yet arrived - but it's close!...

[VERONICARH]

I'm still in closet because of what it might do to the family. LIVE IN small community, everybody knows everybody. I know SO would totally freak out and turn everyone against me. Veronica

[Carol Sue]

I would not want to get caught and do everything to avoid it. It is not exciting. I only dress when the chances of getting caught are extremely low or non-existant. After almost 40 years of marriage, kids and grand kids I really don't see how telling any of them that I have crossdressed for about 55 years would benefit any of them or me. On the other hand telling them would definetly change all of the relationships and probably not for the better. They think I am one person, and I am that person. I am also another person that they do not know and probabaly do not want to.

[Khriss]

..fear if ridicule..
..fear of rejection..
..fear of unforseen consequences compounded by ignorance..(bigtime!)
yeah - I peek out of the closet sometimes..but it seems sooo much "safer" !? in there !
xx"K"

[Satinpeta]

I know how you feel as I too have been a closed item for 3 marriages, two kids, one death and now a lover who loves to make love ANY time of day so over 40 years I too understand, but I am on my own for a week soooooo I will bea little freeier!

[Scotty]

kids I would like nothing more then go out but kids and a wife that don't under stand

+1, ex wife would deny my visitation in a heartbeat.

[Connieminiskirts]

Before I chose to let othere know about Connie, I dressed in secret partly out of fear of what my family would say or do. I never told either my 1st or 2nd wives about this. (at this time only 1 of my own natural children knows.) And when I chose to tell them I was ridiculed, disowned, call more names thana most politicians get called and fianlly left alone. Seems my family, even my sisters who started this whole cd thing in me, have some idea that if your a male in aksirt then you are "gay". You cant be "straight" and dress a a gilr!!! So I just dont ever bring up the subject at all.
OH yes, I have NOTHING against gay men or women, to each his or her own.

I still dress mainly at home with my wife, as thats just how things are at this time, But with summer coming on thats gonna change..........

[Danielle]

Hi Sandra,the crossdressing for me is about mood and if I have seen a gorgeous outfit or high heels then I get the itch to get home and throw my stuff on!!Hiding is kind of fun you could say.

[Dana]

Hiding was born out of necessity ~ being from the Deep South, its just not condoned, accepted, nor understood. If it ever got out ~ it could cost me "BIG TIME" and its already has cost me that ! I've paid in spades.

In my previous carrer from which I reitred from (military) it could and would get you court martialed, and booted from the service. Even after having invested years of time, effort, energy.

I'm fairly certain that were it to become known ~ that it would cost me my job. And, I live in a place where "good jobs" are hard to come by. What few of them there are ~ people have had them for years and years, they plan on keeping them, and you're going to have to just about kill them to get them away from them.

Having been married, (once) to an 8th grade HS dropout, didn't help either ~ and this was before the internet. There were NO resources, no where to turn, nothing. Which elevated the "freak" factor up by a factor of about a billion, caused all kinds of self-loathing, depression, and generally beating myself up.

Hiding? No! It definately got the old adrenline to pumping ~ during the close calls.

But, to be honest, in both my marriage and my one other LTR, (Long Term Relationship) I tried to be as honest about it ~ as possible. I was searching, looking for the answers to the questions ~the solutions to the problems ~ but at best all I was accomplishing was stabbing in the dark. Was not fun.

I have pretty much reconciled myself that I'm a CD, will always be a CD, and that as a consequence that I will live my life singel and alone for the rest of my life.

That's OK! I'm fine with that, and because of my childhood experiences, I am not traumitize by being single and alone ~ it doesn't bother me. And that is preferable to living a lie (don't read anything into that ~ just my personal experiences) hiding, denying, trying to be something I'm not, can't be and will never be.

I'm not about to get into another relationship with another GG, and go through what I've gone through! I'm NOT! I'm just not going to do it! The heartache, the heartbreak, the drama ~ I can live without.

[Dana]

Hi Girls

And lastly why the hell are you still in the closet? :)

LOL! I would NEVER have expected you would use that word!:love:

[miche_miche]

Hi Sandra,
Hiding is terrible but necessary for me. The fear of being discovered is nothing less than terrifying, and there really is no upside to that fear. I'm not surprised to read the other responses to your post and see that most of my in-the-closet sisters seem to feel the same way.
But then again, I don't like horror movies or roller coasters either, and I've never had the urge to skydive!

Ciao!

[Dana]

Hi Sandra,
Hiding is terrible but necessary for me. The fear of being discovered is nothing less than terrifying, and there really is no upside to that fear. I'm not surprised to read the other responses to your post and see that most of my in-the-closet sisters seem to feel the same way.
But then again, I don't like horror movies or roller coasters either, and I've never had the urge to skydive!Ciao!

And I thought it was just me?

[Jolene]

I could quote most all of the posts here. My family would Never understand this so my closet is the safest place for me. I can share it with all of you here and it helps me so much............. Jolene

[Faye Emmette]

Getting caught by the missus might mean death or ridicule or all bad things.
That fabulous feeling when she's gone to her Mum's place for the night with the kids and you can doll up and sit on the sofa and really really relax... It's a fantastic sensation.
Or it was when I was married but now I have all the time in the world and can be who I want to be.
Like being retired, I don't have weekends to look forward to but I still have them, and I have the freedom to dress all the time and I still enjoy it.
The adrenaline was probably there, but back then, it was mainly the 'holiday' feeling.
My tuppence..

[susiej]

Well, there you have it. Mine will be the 30-something'th post in this thread, and most of us have said the same thing. Fear is not fun. No, really, fear is NOT fun.

I know that I certainly do not dress for the alleged thrill of avoiding being discovered -- I suppose it would be like Neo dodging those bullets in The Matrix. I am very careful not to be discovered, and yet nearly every one of the few nights a year I can go to bed en femme, when my wife and daughters are out of town, I have dreams about being exposed in some ludicrous situation.

So -- the tough spot we closeted girls are in is this: we dress in spite of the fear, not because of it. Whatever we do is because we have to, and fear of discovery is part of the price.

Hugs,
Susie

[Scotty]

Being caught - like I said bad because I have a daughter etc....

There is excitement though, from time to time I'll get up in my nightshirt, go out and make coffee and now I totally forget whether the blinds are open or not.....someone could drive by and see me, or maybe a neighbor through the side window but I'm OK with that......they'd have to admit they were looking in my house for one!!

And back to my story of me at the lake- I was terrified, but I look back and it was exciting!

I work in a VERY conservative place though - my career and life as I know it would be over if someone there found out - I'd be back to working in the big city - which was OK cuz I could dress however I wanted at the dot-coms :) We had several CD's there and it was all good, both MTF and FTM...

[FrillyKnickers]

I have no choice but to remain firmly in the closet, it would totally ruin my life if someone found out.

I don't often get a chance to dress, at the most about half an hour every week - I could spend longer, but I need time to get things out and carefully pack them away again (all very time consuming!), it hardly seems worth it, but the experience is amazing. I must admit though, during this time it all feels very exciting yet I am terrified of being caught at the same time. I dream of a time when I may be able to spend a whole weekend dressed - that would be fantastic!

[heathr1]

That is a very good question Sandra.

I live alone, so the prospect or risk of me getting caught does not apply.

The fact that CDing is not fully accepted maybe adds to the appeal.

I'm partly in the closet as I told a GG I was dating a few years ago and she was fully accepting, but have told no one else as I'm scared they may thing less of me and worried to their reaction.

[Sandra]

Wow

Thanks girls for you replies i didn't expect quite so many, I am gonna add a bit more later but it's time for brekkie and I'm starving.

:hugs: to you all

[Ellaine]

Hi Sandra :) To be honest I'm of an age where I just dont give a fig anymore..for myself... I'd be out tommorow. BUT :( SO is tooo significant lol and the "kids" would jump ship !!! Still, the pressure is on. I really am getting fed up with all the prejudice and paranoia. I am so much happier, pleasing myself!

[Kate Simmons]

Sandra and all, I have to say this. I certainly do not want to minimize the impact coming out of the closet may have on family and friends. I paid the price of being ostrasized by most of my family. I was kicked out of my church and lost most of my friends as well. I've spent the last 5 years or so building up new friendships with folks who accept me. If I had it to do over, I wouldn't have done anything differently though as I was tired of living a sham. Right or wrong, it was MY choice and I feel better about myself for doing it. Everyone has to decide for themself, however and decide just how important it is to them. Ericka

[Sandra]

Hi Girls,

I really do understand what you are all saying about coming out of the closet, I will be honest Nigella was ready to tell our friends way before I was, as for family, we told our daughter when she was 14 two and a half years ago and she was fine about it, I told my mum, that went down like a lead balloon, Nigella's parents are no longer with us and never knew, her brothers and sisters we hardly see and if we did she wouldn't hide the fact from them.

I do wish it could be easy for all to "come out" I guess in a perfect world may be it could happen.

[Audrey34]

Very few people know I dress (2 of my sisters and my therapist) and it's no big deal to them. But I would prefer if my entire neighborhood not know about Audrey. I can fight, but I can't fight the entire block. Also, I would dearly love to join my local Tri-Ess group. But I'm so damn terrified of showing up as Audrey that I haven't joined yet.
-Audrey

[BeckyZ]

Coming out to my wife was very difficult. It came down to an all or nothing decision, i.e. I figured if she rejected me she would also throw me out. Not easy to do after 32 years of marriage. Now when I ask her why she accepted as well as she did, she replies that I must have known deep down that she would not throw me out. Actually, I did not have a clue how she would react. At any rate, it all turned out better that my wildest dreams.

As far as coming out to the rest of the world, she is more worried about that than I am. The intolerance in society for race, religion, sexual persuasion, etc. is truly amazing. We would have to move to a big city to allow that to happen.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

To borrow a line from Bladerunner: "Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?"

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that crossdressing behavior commonly changes over time. For myself, when I started, the transgressive aspect of it -- the sense of doing something forbidden -- was part of the excitement. And I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only one. (And I know some people for whom that does seem to be part of the attraction years later.)

But when you realize it's more than just some experimentation, then being in the closet is very hard. Like others, the main reason for me has been fear -- fear of the unknown. Will I loose my job, my friends, my family? Realistically, for myself, I know that my imagining are far worse than the likely reality -- which is why I've started opening the closet door bit by bit.

I just reached a point where I've gotten tired of compartmentalizing my life and I'm willing live with the consequences. It doesn't mean I'm going to walk around in a "nobody knows I'm a crossdresser" t-shirt all the time or show up en femme to clients. But I've stopped worrying being seen by the neighbors and would like to start telling friends. (Family is another matter -- since they live in different parts of the country and I only see them a few times a year I don't feel as much of need to tell them.)

[TGMarla]

There may be some element of excitement to being caught, but that's certainly not what this is all about. I'm "in the closet" because that's where I've always been. It's where we all start out. My attempts to kick that door in were met with negative resistance from my wife. As for others, well, most of the world is not open minded or socially evolved enough to handle it positively. They instead would react by pouring derision on someone who crossdressed. Not really worth it in the short or the long run, I think. Why am I still in the closet? My wife does not seem to want this to be a part of her life. I never told her beforehand, and it's really not fair of me to spring it on her now. I told her, but she does not talk to me about it. My conclusion is that this is how she wishes to deal with it....by not dealing with it. So I remain closeted, and we coexist quite well.

[allisonrn06]

Sometimes I think it does get me a little more excited thinking I could get caught.Actually, I wish sometimes my wife would catch me if my boys weren't home at the time.I haven't been able to bring the subject up to her since before we were married and that's also the last time she saw me in anything femme.The reason I am still in the closet is not so much that I'm afraid she will leave,it's that if she got mad at me for some other reason,she might say something about it in front of my boys,and I don't ever want them to know.Actually that's not the only reason,but it is one of the big ones.

[Lorna]

Like so many others, I have so many reasons why I would not want to emerge from that "closet" - though the freedom to do so would be wonderful. I certainly get no pleasure from the possibility of being found out: indeed, that possibility is what almost always restricts my dressing to very short periods of time when I can be sufficiently sure it is safe. This limitation is also a reason why I have not tried to go further than basic crossdressing - no make-up, wig, etc: there would just never be time to put it all on and get it all off again.

[Gurly]

I wouldn't say the possibility of being caught is a thrill in the good sense but nonetheless......a thrill. Unfortunately I've always dressed when it was absolutely safe to do so. I was raised in a very loving yet somewhat critical household. So, imagine how it would have been had my family (especially my two brothers) found out about my dressing. However, I am adult now and have a daughter, so she is the prime reason for my not coming out. She adores me and I don't want to upset that apple cart. She's very smart and I do think she would accept my dressing, but for now........no.

Plus the fact that I am in the middle of a very acrimonious separation from my wife and if she found out............yikes!

I would like to add that being totally in the closet DOES provide an extra "kick" to my CDing, sort of an "I've got a secret" thing going on. I often find my self thinking "if they only knew" when around friends or family. I love it.