Coming out: Guys vs. Girls

[Samantha?]

Hello, all. I'm on my way out of this closet (I'm a TV, out to my SO, my sister, and my mom - besides them, no one else knows) and something has crossed my mind. Do any of you find that it's harder to come out to men? It seems obvious that it would be, but I guess it never struck me how much of a difference it makes.

I was about to come out to my closest male friend today, but couldn't bring myself to (even though I was wearing very obviously girl's shoes!). Sometimes I feel I would have no problem telling the women in my life (or even random ones) without a second thought. I was thinking that maybe it has something to do with the fact that maybe guys would feel betrayed by this kind of a revelation...I don't know.

Just looking for any kind of a response here; advice, stories, anything.

Hmm...I seem to be rambling here...+?

[uknowhoo]

I'm definitely the same way. I have only told a female therapist, and my two best GG friends so far. I'd find it very hard to come out to any male friends, or my dad. My brother is quite non-conventional in many ways, and very non-judgemental. I may come out to him at some point. T

[Theresa9]

I have always been able to tell my girl friends and SO's about CD, because if they are confrontational about it I ask them why is it OK for women to wear mens clothes and not vice versa? If they are the least bit enlightened this makes sense to them:equality. The right to wear clothes of the opposite sex.

I have a few close male friends and since they are very radical I told them. One of them was a CD also. None were freaked out about it.

It's usually easier to tell women but I have told some and they were much more intolerant of CD then males I have told.

I joked with my last GF when she was wearing a dress I would comment on how I liked it and said ..."now if it came in a size 18 I would be able to wear it"... I said this enough times to where I just finally came out and said I was serious.

[ReginaK]

I think guys are easier. If I tell a guy, they usually get it or they don't. If I tell a girl, I get 101 questions about it.

Haven't tried it with any family members yet though.

[miche_miche]

Do any of you find that it's harder to come out to men?


in my life the only people I've come out to have been (female) SO's. i do think that it's harder to come out to a guy. maybe it's just timid me, but i actually fear physical harm from guys.


I was thinking that maybe it has something to do with the fact that maybe guys would feel betrayed by this kind of a revelation...

i'm not sure if "betrayed" is the right word, maybe "threatened" is a better one. people who feel threatened are dangerous.

[Samantha?]

Yeah, "threatened" IS a better word...the way I meant "betrayed" was more in the vain of saying that maybe they become so confused that they might start over-analyzing every interaction in the past...makes them uncomfortable and confronted with their own identity and sexuality, which, in this culture, is still very taboo (for men to think about themselves as anything other than "heterosexual men").

I'm sure sure what response I fear...maybe it's that of a changed/dead relationship because of something that I feel (in my mind) shouldn't matter in friendships anyway. (And getting beaten up...but that's bound to happen sooner or later, eh?) :eek: :p

[Faye Emmette]

Only my two past girlfriends have known of my dressing.
If I were to let my secret out, I think it would be in a converstaion with the crowd at th epub or something.
I'd imagine we'd all discuss it and perhaps laugh and then everyone would discuss it from then on.
I might lose all my friends though I doubt it. I don't think I would have any reason to selectively tell of my 'other side'. Everyone should know.

[Clare]

I hadn't really thought about it in that context Samantha. I know i'm afraid of losing my closest male friend when I tell him about Clare. Most guys I know have families, so if they reject me, I'd lose them all as important people in my life. As for GG's, well I have lots of female cousins and a few lady friends - I have just assumed they'd be surprised and accept it or ridicule me.


I think guys are easier. If I tell a guy, they usually get it or they don't. If I tell a girl, I get 101 questions about it.I think Regina has a point!

[Helen MC]

Yes it is far more difficult to reveal that one is a CD to a male than to a female I have found in my experience over 40 years and agree with Samantha on the reasons for this. Many men both feel their own masculinity somehow threatened and will immediately condemn you as a "Poof" or "Queer" even if you are Heterosexual and they know you to be such.

[Angela Burke]

My mother was fine with my crosdressing.
My four older sisters have always known and are fine.
I've always found it easier to talk about myself to GGfriends (I mean girlfriend in the sense of "just friends")
Now, I've twice had close loving relationships that ended very, very badly due to my stupid fault of not coming clean at the outset.
I have only ever talked about my crossdressing to three male friends who I know I can talk to about anything, and vice versa.
One of the reasons I like this forum is that I can talk to the girls here very easily.

[Kate Simmons]

My two sons were in their late teens when they found out about me. I think initially they were worried that they might lose their Dad but since that hasn't happened they got through it and are just fine. Ericka

[Jill]

I do think that Regina has a good point about guys and girls but I really feel very uncomfortable in general when it comes to coming out to guys. I typically fit into a manly role, I'm a guys guy generally. I have come out to 4 of my friends and they are all GG's.

[jjjjohanne]

Maybe I need to get my nerve up and out myself to a guy. I forever am avoiding males when en femme. I will not go to a cash register ran by a man when shopping. I avoid men when in stores and dressed.... If I was totally honest, I am most afraid of black men, then teenagers, then white men, then white and black women. I am most comfortable around foreigners of either gender. If they do not speak much english, then I feel as free as a bird. I don't know why I have these fears. My best assumption is that I am afraid of two things: One, how much they might openly react to me, and second, how much they might disapprove.

Joe

[TGMarla]

I think women are more in touch with human sexuality than are men. Men get caught up in the "macho" thing. Women don't. Women are more often comfortable with their own sexuality, too. But these generalizations are obviously blanket statements that do not cover everyone. I've never voluntarily told anyone, so I don't know which would be easier.