Why I can't confess (yet?)

[fionasboots]

For anyone who tried desperately to come up with excuses to give to my SO as to why I'm shaving my legs, thanks!

For those that said "fess up", or "honesty is the best policy" here are the "simple" reasons why not (at the moment) this it not a good idea:

1) I'm pretty new to all this so "confused" would be an understatement. One thing that does worry me is "will I look as good as her" - there are some stunning people out there and I'm inclined to just not bother if I really can't look that good.

2) My SO (actually my wife - SO just seems a good "cover all" description) would freak out completely. She has never shown any indication that she would have any liberal views about this. Also I doubt her family would be too pleased ... mine would certainly be pretty shocked, etc. I think we also have some things to sort out about out relationship anyway (not related to my CDing just other stuff - adds to the confusion is my head)

3) I think the most important reason for not coming clean is my son. He is still a toddler so he probably wouldn't notice what I was wearing to be honest and some may argue that now would be a good time so he can get use to it. It's more the indirect impact this could have if I came clean.

I think the last reason is the most important, although maybe everything could be summed up as "I simply don't have the courage to confess" and that's maybe the over-riding reason. And that's something I've got to figure out for myself.

There's a whole lot more complicated stuff in my head but I best leave that for another day.

Seeya,

Fiona

[Kate Simmons]

Think I finally see the spot you are in Hon. It's tough, no bones about it. Even when they were babies, I never dressed in front of my children and they never knew about it until their late teens. They needed their Daddy. I certainly wouldn't let them down in that respect. Thought about leaving but just couldn't do it as I did love my wife after all. The only thing I could do was go back in the closet and just use convenient opportunities to dress when no one was home but me (I worked a rotating shift). Even so, my wife had the uncanny ability to know when I dressed as she could tell by my improved attitude or whatever. Someone as close as your wife will know for sure that something is "up". I don't envy you and the decision you have to make. Whatever you do, rest assured you have the best support in the world right here on this forum. Wish it existed when I could have used it but back then being a transvestite (as it was called then) was more of an object of jokes and no one addressed the real issues and feelings. We are all in it for the long haul together. Take care, Love, Ericka Kay

[Kaitlyn Michele]

there is no rule to all this!!

you don't have to "share" this with your wife(if you dont want to)..she doesnt have to share it with you...i have 2 kids, i would never ever dress up in front of them...but that's just me...

when i told my wife, that was basically it...we havent communicated
about in any way except negatively and we're soon to divorce...

..and you know what...i kind of knew it going in so maybe i wanted this but we are splitting up ...

so be real careful and be honest with yourself first!!! good luck..i know how hard this is!!!

[Faye Emmette]

Gee Fiona,
As Michelle says, there's no rule to this.
If your life will drastically change for the worse, then unfortunately you'll have to keep your secret. And enjoy your moments.
If you think perhaps others around you will understand, then either by leaking out hints or just coming out with it is us to your judgement.
Regarding the smooth legs, cyclists shave their legs as well as perhaps other sport players. Can you take up even amateur cycling? Or research any other activity thatll cover for the smoothies?

[gender_blender]

1) I'm pretty new to all this so "confused" would be an understatement. One thing that does worry me is "will I look as good as her" - there are some stunning people out there and I'm inclined to just not bother if I really can't look that good.

2) My SO (actually my wife - SO just seems a good "cover all" description) would freak out completely. She has never shown any indication that she would have any liberal views about this. Also I doubt her family would be too pleased ... mine would certainly be pretty shocked, etc. I think we also have some things to sort out about out relationship anyway (not related to my CDing just other stuff - adds to the confusion is my head)

3) I think the most important reason for not coming clean is my son. He is still a toddler so he probably wouldn't notice what I was wearing to be honest and some may argue that now would be a good time so he can get use to it. It's more the indirect impact this could have if I came clean.

I think the last reason is the most important, although maybe everything could be summed up as "I simply don't have the courage to confess" and that's maybe the over-riding reason. And that's something I've got to figure out for myself.

There's a whole lot more complicated stuff in my head but I best leave that for another day.

Seeya,

Fiona

#1: Do it for yourself. Compare not yourself to others in terms of looks.

#2: Sounds like not being honest from the start has gotten you into a difficult situation, huh? You've proven that honesty remains the best policy, but only if you are consistant in truth-telling to those you are supposed to care about the most.

#3: You should read "She's not There," by Jennifer Boylan. It's about an extreme case of fatherhood transgenderism and finding the courage to live an authentic life. She is still legally married to her wife and her children, who have seen the entire process, refer to Jennifer as "Maddy" (combination of Mother and Daddy). Great read. Mine's autographed 3 times.

They mostly sound like excuses to me. :P


~Charlie

[rachel_rachel]

3) I think the most important reason for not coming clean is my son. He is still a toddler so he probably wouldn't notice what I was wearing to be honest and some may argue that now would be a good time so he can get use to it. It's more the indirect impact this could have if I came clean.

There's a whole lot more complicated stuff in my head but I best leave that for another day.

Seeya,

Fiona


As a daddy to a 13 month old boy, my advice to you is don't go there.
My son absolutly freaked out when i picked him up while dressed, he was about a month old.
They know your face, your voice, your touch, and they can feel it when you're stressed as well.......

As for the second part of your post that i cut and pasted....
Yes, i think you should. Plain and simple.

[chantelle]

Go with what u feel and want. I am counsillor and would advice u to be aware that u know how u feel about both sides to the story. Then u shoudl consider that she has feelings just like u and that u should not rush this. Some of us have gone through what u are u going through. U have a unique sense of who u are and to change that at all is to question who u are. I believe that u should just come to terms to what u want from her realy and see how much u are willing to accept if that doesnt turn out like u want it to.
Be realistic and dont be surprised by anything.

I am there if u want to talk some more.
Ur friend
chantelle.0.02

[ava_bruna]

Hi Hon, you know being 30? you have a long time ahead of you, this isnt something you HAVE to do, your right in saying it's something YOU have to think about and do. so give it time and maybe like me , in your later year's you'll find yourself, ( inner);;)
Huggie's, Ava.

[Gurly]

I'm with you 100%. My scenario is identical to yours and I know EXACTLY what you are going through.