How Do You Feel About Support to a Young CD?

[Ebonee_Tgirl]

The thread on forced feminization encouraged me to put up this thread. It's not really related but it got me thinking about what I experienced and wondering about your thoughts and experiences.

My question is how do you feel about an adult supporting and encouraging a teenager who is crossdressing?

I was supported from 13 to today and I have found it to be a wonderful part of my life.

I started to play around with crossdressing about 10, using some of my Mom's clothes, which looked great on a 10 yo lol. I actually did get caught fairly early by a relative (an uncle). As you can imagine this was just about the most embarrassing and frightening moment of my life. He was pretty cool about it and promised not to tell my Mom. He never mentioned anything again until I was about 13 and I was at a basketball game with him and out of the blue he asked if I was still crossdressing. I lied and said NO. He knew I was lying and said something like I should never feel ashamed to express who I am and left it at that. I really liked him a lot and a few weeks later made a teary confession to him. Anyway, without wasting too much time here, he gradually became a real support for me. He paid for me to get clothes that actually fit, sometimes he would sit with me when I was dressed and talk about life and what I wanted. He never got sexual with me in any way (though he would always tell me I was beautiful). He was just a real support through some tough years. He is married to my Mom's sister and as far as I know straight as they come. Also, interestingly, he is the only white person in our family. He helped me with getting to meet some other CDs and helped me find support groups, mostly online. When the time came for me to come out (as gay first, then as a Tgirl some time later) he openly supported me within our family when nobody else did. He even helped pay for my breast implants, after much discussion about the pros and cons and seeing a counsellor.

I will be honest, I think I was in love him after awhile, though I've pretty much gotten over that. But, like I said, he never made any moves nor did I. To me, falling in love with such a person and acting on it is the only real danger of this kind of situation.

[DonnaT]

Encouraging the CDing? No
Supporting the crossdresser? Yes

Some support may appear to be encouragement, but in actuality, is mere support. Encouragement would be suggesting the CDer dress, for example. The CDer should be the one deciding when and where, and the adult should be there either tell them it was ok, or that it wan't a good time, or that the where was ok or not safe.

As for buying them clothes, it's better than letting the CD go out and borrow/ steal them, safer too.

[Bonnie D]

It's always questionable when a man is doing the supporting and encouraging. There is usually an alterior motive. When a woman is supportive and encouraging it's usually honest. I'm glad your uncle kept it all platonic.

Bonnie

[Shiny]

An uncle and a young boy is at the outset a "thin ice" territory and I agree a woman might be more understanding but these days with those school teacher ladies who knows?

Maybe CDing should be in the "closet" and a solitary experience, I don't know.

[kathy gg]

Your story is very interesting.

In Toronto there is a very well known group called SOY {Supporting Our Youth}, it is a social group for teens, young adults and also allows adults to mentor those who are coming out as gay/lesbian/bi/or trans. We had a friend {a crossdresser} who actually signed up to mentor a young transexual teen {mtf}, I woudl guess she was around 16. The teen got kicked out of her home when she came out as gay {then trans} and our friend {her mentor} actually helped her get government housing {lots of paperwork/redtape involved and without some adult helping her work the system I am not sure she would have just wound up a street kid} in a decent neighborhood where she could attend school without getting harrassed. Our friend even looked into finding her part time employment which would allow her to dress as her gender of choice.

Eventually the teen did ask for a different mentor, as she wanted a real transexual who lived full time to help guide her. Not sure what ever happened to her.

I do think in "controlled" situations it is possible to be a friend to a confused young person. But in this day and age, any adult, male or female would be risking some possible problems, if they did not know where to draw the line.

I often have joked to my husband that if our neice or nephew ever turn out to be anything other than "100% Johnny Normal" and "100% Jane Normal" his sister and her husband would not be able to comprehend it. I know that if our neice or nephew ever wanted to talk about sexuality/gender subjects we would offer as much of an ear to listen as they needed. But I would draw the line at facilitating anything. Ultimatly a young person who lives with their Mom and Dad does have house rules to live by. And you have to respect your parents, plain and simple, even if you dont' agree or they dont' allow you to express who you are. Eventually everyone gets to move out, go to school, get a proper job and become independant and will not have to answer to their parents. But until that point comes, you have to play by the rules.

So talking and being available to listen, absolutely, that is what family is supposed to be about. But anything beyond that and an adult then might be walking on shakey ground.

[KathrynW]

My question is how do you feel about an adult supporting and encouraging a teenager who is crossdressing?

NO, NO, and...NO...
This is a *very* sticky area to even be talking about...
A grown man encouraging a 13 yr. old boy to crossdress and even financing breast implants for him? Oh Lord...where do I even start about telling just how wrong this is? :straightface:
I suspect trolling here...I guess we'll see...

[Shelly Preston]

Kathy is correct to point out the pitfalls of supporting a young CD
Listen to them let them know the options but don't try to influence them.
It has to be their own decision on which path to take.
You have to be extra careful when dealing with young people.
Especially where the subject is not seen as a normal activity to most.
Encourage them to seek confidential advice to eliminate you being accused of undue influence.

I am glad everything worked out OK in this case but it wont always have a happy ending

[DonnaT]

I suspect trolling here...
I doubt it. Seems she's been pretty consistant. http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=413034#post413034

[Ebonee_Tgirl]

NO, NO, and...NO...
This is a *very* sticky area to even be talking about...
A grown man encouraging a 13 yr. old boy to crossdress and even financing breast implants for him? Oh Lord...where do I even start about telling just how wrong this is? :straightface:
I suspect trolling here...I guess we'll see...

Just to be clear, I was an adult when I got the implants. Also, what does trolling mean in this context? Should I be insulted? :eek:

[kathy gg]

Hi Ebonee

I am sure Katheryn can speak for herself...

But I did want to at least give you some overview on this forum. We get alot of people who write pretty "wild" posts. If the member is new and the story seems pretty "out there" alot of people tend to think they are getting their leg pulled.

This can be a fun, cool, place to make friendships and this place is a real lifesaver and lifeline for alot who don't get alot of outlets to express themselves. Because many of the more active members here like this truthful, open, and accepting environment I think most of us want to keep it that way. But you have to realize alot of crossdressers come online and use the net for frolic and like to tell some pretty unreal stories, which are jus tthat.....unreal. Many have posted things which we later find out are pulled from Fictionmania or the member realized they have been caught in a lie and then they suddenly disapear.

I think if you continue to post, share more of your life, and just be a presence you will see that people will have less doubts about who you are and the stories you post.

I dont' know how active of an online person you have been untill now, but this is how most forums with this level of particpation and active users are. We want to have new people join and feel a part of this community, but we also dont' want to feel like we are being made a fool.

Your profile states you are age 19, and we have had alot of 19 yr olds on here tell some pretty wild stories....also, you dont' have a photo, which to some is almost a sign of something ain't right. I would think someone with breast augmentation would have a photo of themselves, I mean after all, that is pretty major.

But, I will give you the benefit of the doubt for a few more posts.

But really, you have started with some titalating topics....why dont' you post more about your present life as a female, how do you support yourself, do you date, boyfriend?, I mean.....talking about titalating subjects, well anyone can write that...Talking about the mundane everyday life of a transexual female, that is far more of an interesting topic to share.....




Just to be clear, I was an adult when I got the implants. Also, what does trolling mean in this context? Should I be insulted? :eek:

[Julie York]

I was in retirement but I can't resist this one.


A troll is a post that is not true, meant to provoke reaction. Now you know.


But that aside.
As a matter of curiosity I have read ALL your posts because well, they were just too curious so I have read everything you have posted. And all I can say is How old are you really? And please do tell us about your breast implants. You see, you come across as very intelligent and amazingly knowledgable about the whole CD /TS thing and your understanding is way beyond your professed years (20?) and that is a good thing. What isn't so good is the breast implant thing. The Uncle business ......well that's your business. But the breast implant thing....That is something I seriously would like to know ALL about. But see, when I ask questions like that I never hear from anyone again. so I'd like to know all about how your Uncle paid for them and where they were done and how they were done and how this affected your job, career, friends, and so on. You are 20 after all. It must have had quite an impact.

You want some credibility?

Here's you opportunity.

[KathrynW]

You want some credibility?
Here's you opportunity.
RETIREMENT???
I THINK NOT!!!! JULIE...You're the one we need on this thread the MOST!
And besides...you state things so much more eloquently than I... :be:

[Julie York]

RETIREMENT???
I THINK NOT!!!! JULIE...You're the one we need on this thread the MOST!
And besides...you state things so much more eloquently than I... :be:

You're welcome. Have some pop corn and a comfy seat.

[Christina Nicole]

Support from a parent or close relative is ok. I would draw the line at encouragement. Let the child take things at his own pace.

I don't see a problem with that support coming from an uncle. The image of male predators is an exaggeration perpetuated by the media. Yes, the problem exists, but nowhere near what the media leads one to believe. Y'all are watching far too much television.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole.

[carol ann]

Whilst I think support from a female relative ( Mother, sister, aunt) can be but is not necessarily ok I think that one has to be ultra-cautious about support or encouragement from males because it may be from someone who has homsexual leanings and is trying to get a boy in a situation which may go much further than would be desireable

[JoAnnDallas]

Her in Texas, you have to be real carefully dealing with youths. Recent laws that have now gone into effect are very very tough. In fact they are so tough that if a father doesn't like his daughers BF and see them kissing, could have the boy arrested on sexual charges and the boy if convicted end up for life on the sexual preditures list.

[ShortSkirt]

Personally, I dont think it matters where the support comes from, as long as its support with no hidden agenda. The closer the person is the better the support.

Come to think of it, that goes for bra's as well, the better the fit the better the support.:p :lol:

[Kimberley]

At the risk of hijacking...
I am a firm believer in support in any way we can. I am not quite sure how one can distinguish the difference between support and encouragement. For instance, is offering a few dollars in clothing to a young CD support or encouragement? Many know the perils of theft and have been caught in the act. So is helping support or encouraging? It is IMHO a definition of semantics. Kathy made an excellent point with her story about their friend helping out a youth. Was that support or encouragement? Personally if I thought it would keep a youth safe by parting with a few dollars then the money would go. The risks to a youth in detention (particularly one with sexual or gender issues) are horrendous.

I think the line has to be drawn at emotional and or physical involvement. I see a lot of opinion differentiating male and female support. It does make me wonder if there isnt just more than a little phobia here. Why is it that a male has to be under suspicion where a female is not? Today, help by either gender can legally be a quagmire in this province. (My wife is a youth counsellor so I am very aware of the legal ramifications in Ontario.)

Just a few thoughts.
Kimberley.

[allisonrn06]

I have 2 teenage boys and while I would not wish for them to be CD's,how could I not support them if I found out they were? It would be major hypocrisy for me no too.

[miss_sarah]

I see a lot of opinion differentiating male and female support. It does make me wonder if there isnt just more than a little phobia here. Why is it that a male has to be under suspicion where a female is not? Today, help by either gender can legally be a quagmire in this province. (My wife is a youth counsellor so I am very aware of the legal ramifications in Ontario.)

Just a few thoughts.
Kimberley.

oh thank you! I was thinking this very thing while reading some of the responses. I think the clarification should be that SOCIETY would likely see this support/help from a male relative to be a sticky wicket vs. that of support from a female relative. Of course, society would think we're all perverted freaks, since we're making broadstroke generalizations here... Society's interpretation of reality is as skewed as a liberal news broadcast.

The fact of the matter is, women are just as guilty of sexual abuse as men - we've seen an influx of news stories lately of female school teachers in some way inappropriately involved with young children.

It's unfair to suggest that a MALE relative supporting the crossdressing of a MALE youth is somehow on the edge of perverse. Hey, I'm an uncle. I have two neices and two nephews. I support them in EVERYTHING they do - from contact sports that I don't even like myself, to video games, to singing, playing musical instruments and performing. Would we suggest that I would be perverse for being an outlet for a neice or nephew who's just decided he's gay and needs someone to talk about it? I sure hope not.


I think the line has to be drawn at emotional and or physical involvement.

Bingo.

[Julie York]

Twenty four hours and no answer. How strange.

[Nicole Lee]

Supporting and encouraging are two different things. Supporting is when that young individual is already into crossdressing, or has feelings about it that can't simply "go away." Encouraging is telling someone that isn't into crossdressing, to crossdress.

I very well agree with support, because it's HARD for a young teen to find support groups for crossdressing because a lot of crossdressing sites are deemed as "adult" and usually will not welcome anyone under 18, and then that teen has no real source to look to for support.

But encouragement, that's different. Think of it, you wouldn't want someone telling you SHOULD do something that you clearly don't want / never had interest in doing.

[Julie York]

cough cough

Still no reply?

[Ebonee_Tgirl]

First of all, thanks to everybody that has posted to this thread. Lots of good thoughts and opinions. I do think I have been blessed to have this very special uncle. I guess after reading most of the posts, I'd say he SUPPORTED me rather than encouraged me. His support hasn't come without problems for him as others in my family have gotten pretty nasty with him.

Julie, I do have to make a living and take care of other business and so i'm not online or on this site EVERY day. I'm not trolling, was kinda offended by your attitude but i'll get over it. I guess I see where you are coming from but also I've been challenged on my lifestyle by SO many people I was a little hurt to find distrust in here. Having thought a bit more I guess I do understand a little bit. I'm not sure why you feel that implants are a bad thing. Surely that is a personal choice and defnitly not one I'm alone in making in the tg world. My uncle gave me a big amount of the money required but as far as the world is concerned I paid for the surgery. I was not the first tgirl to be treated by the facility I dealt with, but I WAS rare. They required me to meet with a counsellor and I was also advised of health concerns and also of the potential problems should I later decide I regretted the decision and wanted them removed. Once I convinced them I was completely aware of all the implications of the decision I was making they did agree to proceed.

I AM 20. I have spent all of my life surrounded by adults, no bros or sis and only a couple of real kid friends. My Mom and various relatives and Mom's friends basically treated me like a little adult lol. Probably more than they should have. So maybe I am more "aware", I don't know. Also, I excelled throughout school (I was accelerated through gr 4), especially in english and english lit and I have taken quite a few post secondary exposition courses and a couple of creative writing as my goal in life is journalism and novelist.

As I said in some other posts, coming out as gay at 15 and tg at 17 created a lot of issues with my Mom and others in my life. She is only now starting to show any kind of acceptance and that is with great difficulty. The last couple of years have been up and down ones for me. As for how implants have affected my work? Well, I was asked not to talk about my work on this site. I'll just say the implants are a benefit in my work. :)

As for my knowledge of the TS/CD world I really don't think it is so strange. I've been totally into this life since quite young and have spent a lot of time trying to learn as much as i could. I KNEW that I was a GIRL really early and so I think that motivated me.

I hope this satisfies the doubters. If not, oh well.

[Kate Simmons]

Support an youngin' to dress? Not in my backyard. No way, Jose. Ericka

[Connieminiskirts]

My grandson and I had a talk about crossdressing. He has seen me dressed several times. He tole me there was a boy in his school here in Nv.who he was friends with who was a CD. Now these kids were in the 7th grade at the time. My grandson and family are now in Ms. and this was almost 4 yrs ago.
K. asked me what it was like and if he could dress up with me sometime. I said NO! You want to dress well okay, but It would be much better for you to do so with your friend, who as I was told, dresses all the time at home. I would NEVER have allowed my grandson to dress at my house. Nor would I have taken him anywhere if he was dressed.
I do not think he is still even interested in this, as they now live about 2500 miles away.

I suppose having someone to talk with is a good thing, But the youngster needs to make thier own choice. If a question is asked, answer it honestly, but thats all. Its like anything else, be nice but never get personally involved with a child!!!!