Got Stay Focused on Reality

[Jerry]

I am afraid I’m being consumed and I’d appreciate your input.

The last year has been a real roller coaster ride. Telling my wife. Going to therapy. Trying to quit. Purging. Coming back. Starting a new collection. Scheduling times when I could dress relatively guilt free.

Today I took a few hours when the house was empty. Pure joy. I took a few pictures that will need some editing. But I promise to get them to you all soon.

Now that I’ve joined the forum, a fact I’ve not told my wife about yet. I’m sure she will see it as a further transgression. Maybe I’m projecting my thoughts on her. I love the forum, and can’t wait to get back on line and see who’s doing what.

I’ve always thought about dressing and being a girl. In the shower. In bed. Driving. Walking through the mall. Anytime my thoughts have time to wander, it seems dressing is my default.

Now I find dressing affecting my other responsibilities. It’s distracting me from work and responsibilities at home. It’s a reason to procrastinate from those tasks I really don’t want to do. It’s almost like I want to get fired.

Am I making an excuse to come out? Am I creating a scenario to justify it?

How do I create a balance? Help! Jerry

[babe4life]

Jerry,

I am surprised no one else has jumped in here yet. Maybe we are all trying to find balance?

I have gone through the same madness. Things start evening out after a while. You just need to keep yourself in check a little bit at this stage of the game or can really give you a lot of trouble later on that you really don't need at all.

Good luck :)

Love,
Vicky

[babe4life]

Erica, I think we can safely say that you don't teeter very often or very well ...

:D

*Vicky ducks and runs for cover*

Love,
Vicky

[Sharon]

"Balance" is tough sometimes. No -- it's tough most of the time! Do I continue being a man because that is what is expected of me? Do I continue to hide what is felt so strongly within me?
It's tough to say the least. Here I am. on a Saturday afternoon, all dressed up, but unable to put make-up on or brush my hair because I'm awaiting a delivery. Where's the balance in that? Why can't I be brave enough to take a stand and proclaim to anyone who cares that I am what I am?
Kids for one, three of them, plus four grandchildren. I cherish being "Pop Pop" more than anything. And my neighbors, all outside today raking up leaves, while I sit inside and indulge myself. If they saw me en femme, would they forbid their children from talking with me or asking me out to play touch football with them? Sure they would.
Balancing is something everybody does, no matter who, or what, they are. Most people have a way of acting with their families, another way with their friends, co-workers, or schoolmates. We just take this "split personality" thing a little further than most.
"I yam what I yam" as that noted philosopher Popeye often spoke. But for many of us, we have to choose when we are who we are.

Okay, enough seriousness for one day. Thanks for letting me rant. I think I need a cup of something stronger than coffee.

Love,Sharon

[JoannaDees]

It is amazing how much commonality there is amongst us. I've been going through some of the same feelings as it pertains to getting on with life after a divorce. I spend maybe too much time online, in this forum and on YIM chatting. I spent hours last night, and here I am again this morning. The vaccum I brought into my room last weekend, which didn't get used because I was "just going to check the forum" and that and YIM lasted hours, is still right there looking at me to say "use me". The house needs cleaning, the yard needs mowing, dog poop everywhere, etceteras, etceteras. And I want to get out to a movie ... The Incredibles is supposed to be good.

I'm gonna go do all that stuff RIGHT NOW ... but first I'll check YIM to see if anybody is on .... :eek:

[Tristen Cox]

hmm... Looks like those two won't help you find any balance :rolleyes:

Jerry,
Just take one thing at a time. Relax and think things through before you do them. Keep seeing the outcome as positive and work towards it with your heart, mind and spirit. My opinion only.

Hugs,
Tristen

[HELENE]

:rolleyes:
oh been there seen that FELT that its so very powerful
amazing how it effects your life ,
but becareful of those who love you as there lives change too

















I am afraid I’m being consumed and I’d appreciate your input.

The last year has been a real roller coaster ride. Telling my wife. Going to therapy. Trying to quit. Purging. Coming back. Starting a new collection. Scheduling times when I could dress relatively guilt free.

Today I took a few hours when the house was empty. Pure joy. I took a few pictures that will need some editing. But I promise to get them to you all soon.

Now that I’ve joined the forum, a fact I’ve not told my wife about yet. I’m sure she will see it as a further transgression. Maybe I’m projecting my thoughts on her. I love the forum, and can’t wait to get back on line and see who’s doing what.

I’ve always thought about dressing and being a girl. In the shower. In bed. Driving. Walking through the mall. Anytime my thoughts have time to wander, it seems dressing is my default.

Now I find dressing affecting my other responsibilities. It’s distracting me from work and responsibilities at home. It’s a reason to procrastinate from those tasks I really don’t want to do. It’s almost like I want to get fired.

Am I making an excuse to come out? Am I creating a scenario to justify it?

How do I create a balance? Help! Jerry

[Wendy me]

jerry this is not a race to get anywere take your time one step at a time, do what is right for you and your life

[Amelie]

I wish I can help you with some advise on balancing your CD life to your other choirs. But I can't.
As Erica said, she is on the edge, I have fallen over. I can not balance everything. I have lost jobs over my "Fem" problems. I lost family members who don't talk to me. I have very few friends. Sometimes I don't know if I'm coming or going. I daydream a lot, I put myself in another world, ignoring everything around me.
Sorry I can't help you with my experience. I gave up trying to balance things out long ago.
I will say one thing, this forum has some beneficial side effects to it.
Love Amelie

[Wendy me]

if i am not for outhers
what am i ?
if i am not for myslefe
who will be?
if not now
when?

[Julie]

Jerry, I agree with Vicky, only you can judge the situation with your wife though.

Welcome Helene, nice to have you here.

Tristen, love your avatar, very nice.

[babe4life]

Oh hi Helene!

Welcome to the forums! Pull up a chair and relax a while :)

Love,
Vicky