kids.....

[sierracd6]

I am a single dad and my son has no idea of me crossdressing. I do it when he goes by his moms everyother weekend and that is it. What would I do if say his mom ever brought him back early and I was caught? Anyone go through this or have any thoughts?

[Caitlintgsd]

That's a tough one. I've never openly discussed this with my children due to my sife's request. I'm pretty sure they both know. I saw my son (16 y/o) looking up GID on the internet about a month ago. And a couple of weeks ago my daughter (9 y/o) and I were having a conversation. She revealed to me that she knew I'd gone out dressed the night before but didn't want to discuss it. She thinks that cd'ing is "just weird".

[sierracd6]

It just worries me sometimes....I keep everything out of sight and never have even brought up the topic. I just want to keep it out of hie eyes and give him one less thing to worry about. He is going on 12 and is not a baby anymore.

[KathrynW]

It just worries me sometimes....I keep everything out of sight and never have even brought up the topic. I just want to keep it out of his eyes and give him one less thing to worry about. He is going on 12 and is not a baby anymore.
He doesn't need to deal with this. Out of sight. Out of mind. I'd keep it that way if I were you. :straightface:

[sierracd6]

And I do and always will...but if for some stupid reason he does find out, I just w
ould like to know how to deal with it....




white toast...............dry............nothing to drink...ellwood blues

[EricaCD]

Well, I would just say to take whatever precautions are necessary. Lock and deadbolt the door if need be. If they get home early and have to wait on the doorstep for 1/2 hour while you get yourself together, it's still not the same as someone walking in on you.

Erica

PS: I have every reason to believe Aretha was correct in calling it "best damn chicken in the state!" Now THAT'S a woman!!!!!! :)

[sierracd6]

Orange whips anyone???We are on a mission from god......Thanks girls, Erica, it has never been romotely close to that, but has always been an option to protect him..........

[Faye Emmette]

Sierra, I always have an escape route ( as I've detailed before)...
Being able to hear bikes or cars pull up out front, I can make a bolt for the bathroom and bygosh those stockings/bra/hairpiece/outfit come off quick... I have a pair of TrackieDax (Tracksuit trousers) and loose T-shirt there. Then just dawdle out saying I was about to have a shower.
Just go without the makeup on Sundays too I'd suggest.
Sometimes, "Time is Tight".

"Sometimes it breaks my Heart seeing kids that age goin' bad" ... Ray Charles at Rays Music.

[Wombat]

I'm in the same position Sierra - single Dad, full time son who's 13 and a half time daughter who's 5. Two different ex-wives too - I like doing it the hard way :rolleyes:

At your son's age, he's about to go through a large identity shift himself as the hormones kick in. He doesn't need to be confused about his Dad as well. That doesn't mean he won't handle it well - many do, but it's better if you can avoid it.

The secret is, NEVER LIE. If he catches you out, tell the truth. Total honesty will defuse most problems and will make those that it doesn't defuse easier to deal with because you both will be able to talk about it. Make sure you aren't dumping your problems on him though - it's easy to do as I'm sure you're aware (the divorce game is soooo much fun :( )

On a more immediate and practical level.

The change overs. Mine are the other way around at the moment - she picks up from me and I pick up from her. There can be a lot of issues in how changeovers are done and timed but with this arrangement, you can dress until it's time to leave, safe in the knowledge YOU are setting the timing.

I know the stress about 'when do I change back' far too well, and that awful changing into drab and then having to wait an hour for them to turn up because you misjudged it. A solution to that is to give yourself an activity that you can't do while dressed as you wait. In my case, I go work on the boat - useful and satisfying and I never felt sorry about not being dressed.

Keep swinging son. Being a single Dad is doing it the hard way but by cripes the rewards make it worth it.

Wombat

[sierracd6]

I give myself a couple hours before I change back, you are right, kids don't need to be confused, this day and age things are so different for them than it was for us. I'm only 35, but things are just so strange for kids these days. She drops off and is usually good on the time, and she knows that I do this, so if she is going to be early, she calls. I just worry I won't get all that damn mascara off. I tend to put it on thick. And personally, being a single dad is the best thing in th world.......

" we have both kinds, country and western".....bobs country bunker

[allisonrn06]

I am divorced and married to my second wife.I have custody of my 2 teenage sons.My ex-wife knew about my dressing and to my knowledge has never told my boys or anyone else for that matter.I do worry occasionally and fleetingly that she may tell them when "the time is right",but have no rationale for thinking this.I would never want them to know,unless i were to find out that one or both them are CD's.

[Sharon]

Does your son's mother know about your crossdressing? If so, and if you have a good relationship with her, it should be a simple matter to get her to call you before she brings your son home.

One rule I gave friends and family many years ago was that they had to telephone me before coming over to visit. I used the excuse that I was usually writing and needed the extra time to close things down and settled so I could pay attention to them when they arrived. And with very few exceptions, everyone has always honored my request even after all these years. Maybe you could do the same.

If you ever do get caught, I suggest you just have a explanation ready and be completely honest.

[Julia Cross]

My comments are in line with all the others here. I would make sure there is a way noone can come through the door unannounced. That way they need to knock, giving you time to change, if need be, you can always claim you were in the shower.

But should you get caught, come clean and explain what crossdressing is and what it is for you. your young son will need help in understanding this, don't leave it up to him ti figure out, because he won't.

Julia

[Dixie Darling]

I agree with what the others have said. At the age of 12 his hormones are just about ready to start making changes in his way of thinking and even in the physical sense.

One thing I haven't seen mentioned that you might consider is pre-preparing some documentation that's suitable for whatever you consider to be HIS level of maturity at the present time in case you ever were discovered. Keep it in a secure location, but easily retrievable in case you need it in a hurry. Also, keep it UPDATED so it parallels his level of maturity. What you prepare at the present time might seem too simple if he dosen't discover your secret for several years so you would want something that's on his level of understanding at the time it became necessary to give it to him.

Something else along the same line that you might consider is a similar package of documentation for his mother. Of course, this is assuming that she isn't aware that you're a CD. If your son were to discover you, there's little doubt that he would relay his findings to his mother and then it would be to your advantage to have documentation on hand to give to HER also.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[rhondasxycd]

i'm a single father..i forgot my 13 year old son had a half day at school..he came home and caught me fully dressed..he was a bit shocked too say the least... i explained myself a bit..and later that afternoon when i was taking him too a pokemon card game..he said i love ya know matter what kinda clothes you wear ..

[sierracd6]

rhonda, I have a feeling my son would react the same way, but it scares me to find ou. but if he did, he did, and bothe his mom and step mom , yeah, I didn't learn the first time..hehehe, know and he could talk to them if he needed to also, but I wouldn't lie or come up with b.s. either....thanks girls for all your responses....It does make me more at ease that there are single fathers like myself....

[Caitlintgsd]

My wife and daughter are gone for a school function this entire weekend. So I took my son to see the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" last night. He laughed through the entire movie/performance. He said he wants to return. He did have several questions regarding "Frank" (the tv). Hopefully it'll open the door to more discussions.

[sierracd6]

Caitlin, I hope it does for your sake....so if he ever does find out, it'll be easier for everyone....not a bad idea.............

[purple_spider GG]

Hi
One day I suppose he will find out. Most transgender parents I know are open with their children about it, some have even grown up with a M2F dad or F2M mum, but it depends, as most people have said, on the relationship you have with his mother. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you should not have to hide it but each parent to their own and if you have chosen to wait until he is older then that is fine.

This site might help with advice (http://www.transparentcy.org/), and of course there is this myth buster site (http://mc01.equinox.net/users/a/afp/tgpmyths.html) I figure that the only reason people hide it is because they have an inherent sense of self loathing and believe that they are wrong; but you do not choose the card mother nature dealt you. Society's transphobia is a bigger problem for your children than your transgender will ever be. My partner is a full time TG and she has also changed her name. If we have children we have no intention of hiding it from them, we will advise them that society sucks and the world is full of prejudice and ignorance and I hope we can raise them to stand up to that be stronger and open minded.

You asked how you could hide it further from him? Well have a locked room he cannot go in, only you have the key, hide pictures, lock your computer with a complex password, ask him to call you when he is on the way home so you can have plenty of time to turn back into the cisgender he thinks he has etc. But be warned, once he finds out you are hiding 'something' from him you know how curious kids are, and he will try to find out what you are hiding.

hugs
Debs
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[sierracd6]

And you are right, the world does suck. Who are these people who come up with what is normal or not? Society does deem what is right and wrond for everyone. Times have changed and for the better though. I read an artical in the paper a couple months ago about how many gays were in the military during WWII. There was even a man they interviewed that said things have changed and he could be happy about it because he finally came out......I just smiled tp myself and said good for him................

[Julie Avery]

I'm with Purple Spider GG here. I don't see why there should be a presumption that this is something a CD's children should be "protected" from. I do think this is an issue, maybe the quintessential issue, where it is important to negociate with the other partner before unilaterally coming out to the child. But I do not think that the crossdresser should enter the negociation with the other parent feeling that there's something shameful about the whole issue, something they should be apologetic about, something from which "everyone presumes" children must be protected.

It was within my lifetime that "everyone presumed" that the unanswerable argument against interracial marriage was the effect it would have on the interracial couple's children.

[tvgirl4fun]

You ask how to deal with a situation. Ever consider the truth?

Funny how people don't think twice about that "little white lie". And the next one. And the next one. And sooner or later they forget what story they told about what, and when the truth finally surfaces, THEY think everyone else is over reacting and they forget that they were the one that started with the first story or little white lie.

When anyone comes into my house and looks into my bedroom (the door is always open) they would think it's a girls room. And it is right niext to my 17 year old sons' room. And it's been like that for 15 years!

Jaie

[sierracd6]

Good for you...how do his friends and peers interact with you? That is my big concern...

[tvgirl4fun]

I'm not sure what you mean by "interact". I don't dress around him if that is what you're asking. Also, he doesn't live with me full time, but is here very regularly. I don't hesitate to buy girl things when we're out somewhere. I put my hair up in a towel after a shower. I use hair bands or clips to hold my hair out of the way. When we're bewteen taking showers, it's obvious that I shave every where.

I think as long as you're honest and up front about things, people don't have problems. It's when you tell stories or try to hide things that people tend to start to mistrust you. I've gone to the PO (and other places) on successive days (sometimes the same day) in boy, then girl mode (or vice versa) with no adverse issues. I'm treated as a boy or girl depending on what I'm wearing. Went to the casino one day in girl mode and got a coffee, went back the next day in boy mode and the girl that waited on me said, "Me and (another girl) wanted to say we liked your earrings yesterday". It was really busy that first day so I know they didn't have time for chit chat.

I don't worry about trying to explain myself unless someone asks something. Then depending on what and how it is asked, I don't feel the need to explain something because of someone elses insecurity.

Hope this helps answer your question. Jaie

[sierracd6]

Jaie....thanks...you are alot more confident with yourself than I...good for you. I have my son full time, except everyother weekend....I just don't want him to get shunned socially if it is out in the open...that would be unfair...

[tvgirl4fun]

Well, it's up to you to try to make sure he grows up with "fairness" values. Then should he be "shunned" by anyone for any reason, at least he will know that it's by people that probably have issues of their own and don't know how to deal with them.
Jaie