Little advice for the girlfriend??

[FrankieJ GG]

Hello, So I am here because I have a few questions or maybe concerns. I met my boyfriend about 6 months ago, from the time we met we have been great friends, it took us a litle bit to decide that we were going to do the relationship thing, but now know it was the best decision ever. I am crazy about him and him about me. So a few months back, right after he asked me to move in with him we were out all night and came home very drunk, had some wild sex and he tells me he has a fetish but wasnt ready to tell me what it was and that he just wanted to show me. Of course I was overwhelmed with what it might be and excited and curious I really wanted to know. So eventually a couple weeks later he told me online, we were chatting while I was at work. He sent me a pic of him dressed up for Halloween cause he told me about it and I wanted to see, thats when he said, "you know that fetish I was talkin about" Truth is I had a pretty good idea that what it was. I at first didnt think I would be able to deal with it. But it did not take long to realize that it was a TOTAL turn on. So I asked him, is this something you want me to be a part of? And he said hell yes. So it took a little bit but finally one night I asked him to dress up for me and he did, so I went and got all sexy as well. We had the most awesome sex EVER and I was totally into it, I like it. So we have done it quite a few times now. He wanted to leave the house dressed up one night and I said ok lets go which I think surprised him so we drove around went to a park and had some more awesome sex there!!! So heres where I am starting to run into a problem, lately, less sex, and I dont think I have ever been hornier in my life, I want him all the time, dressed up or not. We just dont do it unless HE feels like it. I am afraid to initiate if for fear he will not want me. I want him to dress up for me more often than not. But he has been doing it without me. Its wierd but I dont like that he is doing it without me. I mean he has been doin it alone for years but he was so glad that it was something he could share with someone now. Its almost like I am jealous but I cant figure out if that is what I am feeling. I am not sure how to tell him this either. I just want to say, look dress up for me all the time, whenever you want or whenever I want. I mean when we have sex sometimes he just says go take your clothes off and put on this pair of shoes, (he likes shoes) so I do, how come I dont feel comfortable telling him how much I like it and want him to do it for me. I thought he knew but why is he doing it when I am not home. And am I still not completly comfortable with it? Is that why I cant tell him how much I want to see him like that. I thought I was. It is mostly sexual still but I also look at him dressed up and know that we are really close for him to share this with me, he looks beautiful to me. He has never shared this with another person even in a couple very long relationships. Just me. I am falling in love with him and I need to be able to talk to him about this. I just need to know how......

FrankieJ-

[Anita Mae GG]

Well I can relate to the turn on part of it as it really is that way for me too! Same with our sex life, only when he wants it I have been turned down many many times...(every week the past month) I think it is a libido thing for us. He is tired and I am not as tired. Not sure.

I would talk to him about it straight out. The one thing you have to do in our unique situations is communicate no matter what it is.......

I felt a lot like you and still do sometimes. I get jealous when he is up here looking at pics of other Cd'ers...why can't we have that time together??? But such is life.

Good luck, talk to the man and tell him how you feel. Trust me...being open is #1 in these cases

Welcome to our little family :welcom:

[Julie York]

Welcome to the forum.

Sounds like he is still coming to terms with having someone to share it with. And though you might find this hard to understand, sometimes it is not something you want to share some days. Think of it like....going for a nice walk in the country with a friend....and then one day you just want a little time in the country on your own. They are slightly different experiences and so you shouldn't take it as a personal sleight if he wants to dress on his own now and then.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi FrankieJ

I've read your post in detail, and a few things stand out in your words. I Understand how you feel, and believe me there is nothing like having a understanding SO, but this seems from your discription all to have happened very quickly and both of you have amost been railroaded in to this situation together.

Remember he has been dressing for sometime, and unfortunately it can be something we learn to deal with whilst we are alone, So the whole pace of this, and what has happened may have taken him completely by surprize. it's clear from your post, you have taken a very positive lead with this, and he might be a little shell shocked by that, and be waiting for the wheels to fall off of the wagon, you've kind of made his dreams come true, and therefore he might be under the impression it's all going to go pear shaped on him, and just waiting for the bump back to earth.

Also as you have been so active, it might just have overwhelmed him, hence just stepping back might be all he needs here. ie the forbidden fruit has just been put on the menu, though most would yean for a taste of it, his diet of late has been nothing but!!!

Take some time out, talk, and find out what he really enjoy's and what he wants to do here, it maybe that you just swamped his fantasy with yours. try to find some common ground on things you can do and enjoy together and take it slowly, he may just be totally in awe of your reaction and time as they say heals most things. just give him some space and talk when you can, i'm sure your find it's nothing more than it's all run away with him and he just needs a bit of space and time to himself!

Good luck

[kathy gg]

HI and welcome to the forum. I am also one of the SO's of a cd who does enjoy her guy en femme. Big turn on.

And I have to remember back to our first few months being married and living together. {we dated only six months long distance before marrying} He knew I really enjoyed this but he also seemed to want to hold back and not overwhelm me. Very sweet, but I kept saying, well i married a cd to have this 'on tap'...and what is with the no Amanda time!?? It was newness and also just as another poster said, these guys are just not used to being able to share it and it be so fun. They keep thinking the bottom is going to fall out or something will happen to make us stop being so hi-ho for it. I think my my hubbys case he just really wanted to make sure I would not go through cd-overload.

And truthfully they sometimes are just not in the mood, and all the seductive thumbs up don't really make a difference.

..but in yoru case I would imagine this is all newness fear and holding back you are dealing with. Sreiously girl, if this is yoru biggest problem you are not doing to bad.

And props to you for going with the flow. Your guy needs to kiss your bum!

[DonnaT]

And sometimes, the guy wants to chased.

Talking about it may or may not help. It won't help if he feels inadequate.

Try something daring. Like saying, "Honey I'm horney, go slip into something sexy and meet me in bed." Can't hurt.

[jeniinnylons]

But it did not take long to realize that it was a TOTAL turn on. We had the most awesome sex EVER and I was totally into it, I like it. We just dont do it unless HE feels like it. I am afraid to initiate if for fear he will not want me. I want him to dress up for me more often than not. I am not sure how to tell him this either. I just want to say, look dress up for me all the time, whenever you want or whenever I want. I thought he knew but why is he doing it when I am not home. It is mostly sexual still but I also look at him dressed up and know that we are really close for him to share this with me, he looks beautiful to me. I am falling in love with him and I need to be able to talk to him about this. I just need to know how......


So just come out and TELL HIM! ! ! ! ! ! ! !




We just dont do it unless HE feels like it.



Mines the opposite, we only have sex when she wants it. You might just have a much higher drive then he. People of both sex have high or low sex drives.




I thought he knew but why is he doing it when I am not home.



He may not feel that you are 100% acceptable of it.

[FrankieJ GG]

Thank you girls for your words, it does help, but at the same time I think the more I think about it the more confused I get... Aggghhhhh! It has been a little while since he dressed in front of me or for me. Yet we still look at pictures of other TS an CD's online and for clothes for him. We even went shopping for him the other day. He can now buy things in a store instead of all online because I am there with him. But then,he dressed alone again. I am sure he knows that I am 100% accepting. I think I may be afraid of losing him to this. I asked him when we were looking at pictures of TS if he was wanting to have an experience with that. He replied, "not really". But that means maybe right? When he first told me about the CDing he said to me, "you know I am a man, its just a fetish " I said of course. Should I be afraid that by me making him more comfortable with it he might be more comfortable taking it to the next level and straying from sharing this with only me??? I am feeling very strange right now and wonder if my words sound silly to you, yet I wont speak to any friends about this, he asked me never to tell anyone and I have to respect that even if I do have a friend that I think would understand. I need you ladies, I need reassurance or advice or a better understanding,:o :(

[Christina Nicole]

Oh pooh!
This reminds me of those scenes where there is a bunch of little kids with ice cream cones, except for one little kid, who very much would like to have an ice cream cone, too.

My wife doesn't have to get all excited and turned on whenever I have a pair of pumps on my feet, but something between that and the total revulsion of even the thought of crossdressing would be nice.

Sorry, but your situation is so far from my experience that I can't think of a thing to help you, FrankieJ. Enjoy and I hope you work out something to your mutual satisfaction.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

(Think I'll go listen to an old Rolling Stones song.)

[Jean GG]

Dear Frankie:

I have been married to a cd for seven years. I was very accepting and helped him to improve his look. The more I did for him...the more he raised the bar. That caused many serious problems down the road...problems we are now just beginning to resolve.

So...my suggestion is to look beyond the great sex and think of what you may need 6-12-18-24 months down the road. I am new to this forum, less than a month, and the one most important thing I have learned is to value myself more! This seems to have helped me a great deal thus far hence it will help both me and my husband going forward.

Have fun...but not at the expense of openness.
jean


Thank you girls for your words, it does help, but at the same time I think the more I think about it the more confused I get... Aggghhhhh! It has been a little while since he dressed in front of me or for me. Yet we still look at pictures of other TS an CD's online and for clothes for him. We even went shopping for him the other day. He can now buy things in a store instead of all online because I am there with him. But then,he dressed alone again. I am sure he knows that I am 100% accepting. I think I may be afraid of losing him to this. I asked him when we were looking at pictures of TS if he was wanting to have an experience with that. He replied, "not really". But that means maybe right? When he first told me about the CDing he said to me, "you know I am a man, its just a fetish " I said of course. Should I be afraid that by me making him more comfortable with it he might be more comfortable taking it to the next level and straying from sharing this with only me??? I am feeling very strange right now and wonder if my words sound silly to you, yet I wont speak to any friends about this, he asked me never to tell anyone and I have to respect that even if I do have a friend that I think would understand. I need you ladies, I need reassurance or advice or a better understanding,:o :(

[DonnaT]

Should I be afraid that by me making him more comfortable with it he might be more comfortable taking it to the next level and straying from sharing this with only me???

No, what I think you should do is tell him flat out that you are there for him and that he need's to be there for you. That any interest he may "someday" have in exploring things with others, without you, will be unacceptable.

Let him know exactly where you stand. There should be no guessing on anyone's part.

[Tracy GG]

Dear Frankie,

I have experienced the exact same thing with my husband. I am trying to be a supportive wife but I am a woman and yes I expect my husband to fulfill his obligations.

I am very interested in your remarks re his private activities. This could explain things.

Tracy