To those who can....

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Girls,

This is one of those good practical posts because I need guidance....

To all those who go out generally en femme (by generally I mean you are comfortable being out en femme in many situations rather than those who specifically go out to CD events or clubs etc), I would like to ask a question (well, many actually:D ).

What steps did you take to get to that point? Did you do it on your own? Where did you go first? How did you do it the first time? How did it go? How do you avoid panicking? Is it better to go with someone?

I'm sure there are lots of other questions along the same lines but I can't think of them right now, so if anyone wants to add advice about things I haven't specifically mentioned, please jump right in.

Thanks for your invaluable help.....again

Em

[Rikkicn]

I can only speak from my experience.

I joined a support group (Tiffanies of New England) and went to a few meetings that turned out to be mostly social. We always ended the evening meeting by going out to dinner. This was a great first step for me. It felt safe and secure being with a group of other cder's. I also got to see how others put themselves together and learned somethings to do and not do.

After this I decided to go to the mall. It was a mid day afternoon the first time and not busy. My heart was beating but I knew I needed to do this. I decided to walk against the flow of people so that I could see their faces when they saw me. No one seemed to notice me at all. Phew
I did this several time at different malls and at different times to continue to gage how people saw me. Over and over again no one noticed.

Then one on occasion I saw to women clerks pointing at me and whispering and I felt really terrible and left. When I got home I realized that the reason was probably how I was dressed. I changed that and it never happened again.

Next I decided to go to Souther Comfort Conference and that was amazing. I was dressed for 5 straight days. We went out as groups to clubs and restaurants and had lots of fun. At Fridays we talked to two GG's that were very impressed with us and one of them said she wished her husband would do something like it.

All of this added to sense of confidence as well as my understanding that I has a right to lead my life the way I wanted.

All this was in a 3 month time frame.

Over the last few years I kept going out more and more to different places, buying things in stores and trying clothing on.

It gets easier and easier as you go.

Love,
Rikki

[GypsyKaren]

My wife took me out for the first time, and we ended up at a bowling alley bar of all places. I wore pants and blended in quite well, no one paid us any attention. we had a few drinks, I used the ladies room, and we had a good time without any problems. Even the waitress didn't give me a second look.

If you want to go out, dress for the surroundings. Leave the short skirts and such for the clubs, that's where they belong. I definately suggest you go out with someone else until you're comfortable with it, it's nice to have someone to talk to and lean on for support. It's probably best to start out with a TG friendly place, but I prefer your ordinary everyday places.

How did it go for me? It was awesomely cool! It was so much more than I ever dreamed or imagined it to be. I felt very relaxed the whole time because I was finally getting to be the real me, so I was never really nervous about it. I go out all the time now dressed, everywhere and anywhere. I've had to show my ID quite a few times for various reasons, and I do so without blinking an eye. I just tell them I look a wee bit different now from my picture, and never any problems. Once you have a little confidence in the direction you're taking, anything is possible.

Karen

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi Emma

Walking out the door for the first time is a major and nerve racking experence, but it something I did for the first time a very, very long time ago. in fact stupidly I was just 15 or 16 at the time. I wrote my Bio on another website so if anyone wants to read it, it can be found here.

http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=6527

I realise now how stupid I was to do this at such an age, and the silly position I put myself in, but it also shows the drive some of us have to be accepted visually as woman (yep I know some take it further, but thats enough for me!)

As I said in another post, going out is a mindset, you must feel confident and look okay, it's no good trying to tiptoe round the mail, in heals, fishnets and a short skirts, however if you look the part and not out of place most people will ignore you, and pass you by, there own little would, doesn't need you in it.

basically it a confidence thing, if you feel good, look good, and act right, most people will see nothing out of place. however if you walk around a park in the middle of the night, lottereing from tree, to tree, or shadow to shadow, you only draw attention to yourself as this is something RG, just don't do!!!

When I started this hobby many years ago, I read many books, but the most useful were on stage craft and acting. when your out dressed your playing that role to the world, on a 360 degree stage, therefore you need to play the part to the full, live the part, act the part, and be who you are. if you look the part, and act the part, passing out becomes easier, as you learn the part or role your playing. however as your'll read in my Bio, it's so, so easy to get it wrong.

Practice, make perfect.

[RenaCD]

For the question,and Rikki and G Karen thanks for your responses. Its the first step that the Hardest out the Door!
And every little tidbit helps to ease the worries, I have often found the what I am sacred of ends up to be no big deal, but this one is a day I was too afraid of even dreaming of, But the Day has come and I have to make a Decision. For lack of a better way to say it Fish Or Cut Bait!

[RenaCD]

Thank You Tracy for the link and the Wonderful Story it's a long one, but Thank God Life Stories are. My Mom never had any Wigs was she odd??

Hugs Rena

[SherriePall]

Emma -- I took small steps. First I changed at a shop and had a makeover. Then I changed back there with no one seeing except the girl who did the makeover. This was in February of 2004. Then a couple of weeks after Halloween that year, I rented a motel room, dressed and drove to a business to see a GG friend. From there I drove to see the hairdresser who sold me my current wig. Then I drove back to the motel to change back.
February of 2005 I had another makeover where I dressed at the store, a lot of people came in while I was having it done. Then I drove to a beautician who had given me a pedicure. And then back to the store to change again.
In June of that year, I rented another room, dressed, drove to the store and then went shoe shopping at two different shoe stores. Back to get changed.
Halloween of 2005, another motel room, an appointment for a studio photo appointment at a department store. Some mall walking. Some more shoe shopping. Another store to exchange a sweater and try on a couple of skirts which I bought. And then back to the motel.
February of this year. Motel. Beauticians for pedicure and makeover. Shopping. Mall walking. Department store browsing, and shoe shopping (a cute pair of black 2 1/2 inch slides). And motel.
You get the idea? Little steps.
What's next? I hope to schedule an appointment someday for prom gown fittings (or bridal gown?) en femme. We'll see.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Thank You Tracy for the link and the Wonderful Story it's a long one, but Thank God Life Stories are. My Mom never had any Wigs was she odd??

Hugs Rena

Hi Rena

thanks for your comments! no your mon certainly was not odd, just at that period in time wigs were all the rage, everyone was sporting one.

Thanks Again

[andrea6er]

Hi Emma, like you I'm in the transition stage, up until now I've gone for drives and late night or early morning walks, often in deserted High Streets to do some window shopping. Yes I know it could so easily be dangerous, however so far I've found the men I've passed to shy or British to say or do anything, could always be that I'm a very tall girl at over 6'2". No I don't wear heels. Today I bought my very first wig and cannot wait to get it on with a face on and see whta a transformation I can achieve, thanks to my mum god bless her who taught me to do stage makeup.
If anyone wants to help me go out in public properly in Kent please get in touch, I'd love to be able to gain more confiddence.

[Butterfly Bill]

I started out with a bigger closet: the Rainbow Gathering. There was a door in that one that led to the Grateful Dead concert. After that, an intentional communbity in Virginia that I lived in for a while. In Babylon (the regular world) I started with knit pants, then went to skorts, then to skirts, finally to dresses. It was ten years from beginning to end.

[Jennaie]

Emma:

The steps you go through will depend on whether or not your biggest concern is passing or not. If passing is your objective, the steps get a little more envolved.

My objective was to pass. I first went to the places that I wanted to go en-femme and watched the women. I looked at how they were dressed, how they behaved and how they fixed their hair.

Then I went and bought a hip and butt enhancer, forms, wig, makeup. and some clothing that was fitting for myself. In this case, blue jeans, cotton top, fleece jacket. I practiced my walk every night dressed. I would go out late at night to a shopping area and walk along the storefronts looking at myself in the reflection of the store windows.

After getting to a point where I managed to get the makeup to look fairly good, I got the wig styled at a salon where a well know drag queen worked and she fixed the wig for me.

I got dressed and walked outside, looked in a mirror at my face in the sunlight and thought to myself, well it's now or never. I got into my car and drove to Barnes and Noble. As far as I know, I passed. I havn't had too many opportunities to go out since but I have been shopping at Kohls at that was so much more fun than just browsing at Barnes and Noble. I am hoping to get back out there soon.

[Caitlintgsd]

My first time was a bit unnerving. All alone, parking on a dark street and walking a block to a bar in which I knew nobody. Even getting out of the car was a challenge. I was nervous everytime I got out of my car at a new and different place for the first six months.

[Rachel Morley]

I owe it all to my wife. It was her that was making all the decisions about when and where because I was very respectful of her limits when it came to going out in public. My first time was back in November of last year. Here's the post about it. http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9796

The next time was the watershed moment for me. I shall never forget it as long I live. We posted about it with pictures. http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11789

Since then we have been, and continue to go, out pretty regularly to all sorts of places like the mall, the movies, resturants, even Walmart, and day trips in the car. The more you do it the easier it becomes, and fortunately for me, I'm one of the lucky ones as I have a wife to "protect" me :)

[btmgrl6]

a g/f and I used to meet at a small retaurant for lunch, it was never very crowded and dimly lit inside. We felt comfortable. On one such outting we drank more than we ate.We decided that we'd better walk around and sober up a bit. We weren't driunk,just tipsy. There was a large mall across the street and we headed over. The rest is history..We had so much fun that we statred going to different places en femme...then it was everywhere and I haven't looked back since..That was around 1988 if I recall.

Steph