Worried

[Tracy GG]

This is a question to all forum members.

While I am trying to be supportive of my husband's crossdressing and I feel that going to a support group is good for him, he has just let slip that he and some of the other members go to gay venues after most meetings. He says it is harmless fun and just an outlet to have a drink and a laugh with his friends but to be honest I do not know how to feel about this.

Is he looking for something else?

Do any of the CD members here do this?

Do the other GG members share my concerns if their hubby also does this?

Thanks for any answers you may be able to give.

Tracy

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Tracy,

I don't know but there is a safety issue in going to a gay venue where cd's are likely to more accepted. Maybe that's it. Perhaps you could offer to go along as well.

Em

[Julie Avery]

What Em said.

[Caitlintgsd]

Yup, I do that. Mainly because as the gay folk are also an alternative lifestyle, they can be more accepting than some of the straight, hetero places. I also go to some straight places. I'm not saying all gay locales are accepting, there's some I won't venture into and not all straight bars frown on the tg community. It's a comfort thing. My wife has gone with me from time to time.

[Tina Dixon]

I think he goes there because those places are friendly to crossdressers, were they to go to a straight bar people would probably give them a hard time, meet him at the gay bar next time and check it out, hell he told you where they go, your a lucky gal and so is he.

[Rachael Warren]

I wouldn't be to concerned.

Look at it this way, a man dressed as a woman is less likely to get into trouble in an environment where men are looking for men and women for women.

It is a safer place than a straight bar for us.

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Tracy,

Further to that, I wouldn't go to a gay venue simply because I find some gays irritating (but that's just me - :)) Incidentally, I am bi-sexual when dressed and I still wouldn't go - so I don't think going to a gay venue means anything necessarily.

Finally, you should feel how you feel. You may choose to think differently about it but if it makes you uncomfortable then that's how you feel and you should make your feelings known.

Em

[purple_spider GG]

Hi
Don't worry about it too much I am sure it is only social. The trans scene in Manchester largely congregates around the 'gay village' (slowly becoming the trendy scene of Manchester and now becoming the straight village). Traditionally gay venues have been more accepting of transgender people so they feel safer there. You should go out with her one night :)

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[Lesley]

I too, am a TV. I am straight, but many of my other TV friends are gay. They do like to go to gay clubs and I have been with them. While I don't feel entirely comfortable being hit-on by men.....it pales in comparison to what might happen in a place where TV's are not accepted.

I did have something funny happen one night. As I left the club alone walking down Cedar Springs in my miniskirt and black high-heels, a car began to slow and shadow me. I made my way to my vehicle as quickly as possible and almost ran down the man in his little car as he made his way toward me. I later recounted my story to my TV friends and they even knew who this man was, because he evidently does this all the time, and they even told me his name!

But no, I don't think going to gay clubs is necessarily news that should cause alarm. Often, where we feel safest is with another group that is equally shunned by society and keeps to itself as well.

[GypsyKaren]

You should go with the next time, you'll probably have a lot of fun. My wife and I used to do it all the time, but now we tend to hang out in straight establishments. We always found the crowds there to be accepting and very friendly, so give it a try.

Karen

[Julie Avery]

The fear that a crossdressing husband might be bisexual - let's address that. A bisexual person will either be promiscuous, or monogamous. Being monogamous while being bisexual is only slightly more difficult than being monogamous while hetero - every person on earth is someone you could potentially cheat with. That may sound scary from a partner's point of view, but I'm here to tell you, a monogamous bisexual knows things about being loyal that few people ever learn.

[Kate Simmons]

I go to a GLBT club regularly. Not because I'm "looking" but because it's where my friends are. Ericka

[Jennaie]

I went to a transgender meeting once and they planned to go to a gay venue after the meeting. It's because they feel safe there. I did go that time but not since, I can't stand the smell of ciggarrette smoke, especially when it is getting all over my clothing.

[carol ann]

I am not sure.

I am hetrosexual and love beautuful women and would much prefer to be in their comapny. If I am totally honest I would find the idea of going to a Gay Bar distasteful. Crossdressed, I would feel threatened in an envirenment that is predominantly homosexual.

Does that make me a prejudiced human being? - I don't know

[btmgrl6]

Does that mean that he's loyal to whichever sex he is with at the time? I've never heard that term..live and learn . And anyone,hetro,bi,str8,gay ..can be either promiscuous or momogamus.. I fail to see your logic here. And why would a momogamus bi-sexual know more about being monogamus than other people?

Steph

[EricaCD]

I really would not worry.

[ShortSkirt]

Monogamy: The practice of having sex with only one partner.

If you trust your partner, why worry?

[trannie T]

Too bad there are no Crossdresser Friendly heterosexual bars.

[LucyTwitch]

Hi

Sexual orintaion is a matter for the indevidual where they are CD TG Gay Hetro or what ever.

I feel you you should venture to this place with your partner and enjoy.

Love you all

[Alayna]

It's probably harmless, but if it bothers you discuss it with him. Don't allow assumptions to enter the mix, be it yours or his.

[Phoebe Reece]

Tracy,

I wouldn't worry if simply going out to some gay bars is all that appears to be going on. I and some of my CD friends will go to some gay bar once in awhile. It's just another place to go for us, without any significance. It's just a diversion for us. Much more often we go to "straight" restaurants and bars. One reason we don't do the gay bars very often as the places are usually so full of smoke that you can hardly see accross the room in them. I only go if I'm planning on washing my wig the next day. While getting hit on by some gay men in bars may happen, that hasn't happened to me in a long time. Most gay men around here are looking for "real men" and not crossdressers - which is fine with me. I enjoy much more going to some of the places lesbians hang out - to see what the femme ones ("lipstick lesbians") are wearing.

[Wombat]

Tracy, you've heard this from the others - the twist is that I'm also from Southern Oz and you might be from the same bit (da middle bit).

The local support group has always had a strong relationship with the gay community here and a couple of the gay bars have been known as safe places to socialise for many years. I wouldn't worry about it - he's probably just going out with his mates for a quiet drink after a meeting.

As has been said often here and elsewhere - the incidence of homosexuality in cross dressing mirrors that in the general community. If he's shown no interest in being gay in the past, he isn't likely to now ... and remember, the dresses have been there all his life so it'd show before now. If he's bi, well, he's been that forever too. Some cross dressers do find themselves interested in men when dressed - mostly this is fantasy and seeking male approval of their feminine look and those who are tempted to go further are, I would suggest, bi anyway. Cross dressing doesn't make you cheat on your partner, the strength of your marriage, your own personal committment to your partner and your own values make you cheat on your wife. Keep loving him and you'll be right.

Wombat

incidentally, and this is probably irrelevant which is why it's a postscript, not in the thread, I personally don't accept bi-sexuality an excuse for being unfaithful. You're either faithful to your partner or you're not.

[Kristen Kelly]

I go to a GLBT club regularly. Not because I'm "looking" but because it's where my friends are. Ericka

That's the same for me exactly, Its a confort level and lot less hassles. Ask if you could join her, she might be very happy to accept your invitation and hang out with the girls. Only one word of advice dont try to over shadow her or you might not get a second invite.

[sierracd6]

Go with him hun...It will make you both feel better about the situation. even if you are not all comfortable with his crossdressing, it will make you more comfortable when he is out with friends.............I wish my wife would of asked these questions......Good for you for loving him as he is, but you should also be sure how you two are also......curiousity doesn't always kill the cat..............good luck

[HaleyPink2000]

Tracy:

In our TriEss group we go out to dinner after the meetings. Usually to someplace like Smokie Bones or Red Lobster Etc. Even to Buffets. Then after Dinner some go home and some go out just for a beer or other drink. It's alsways to a Gay Bar. They are safe places for Hetro Cross Dressers. We might have as many as half of the members go. I don't myself as I have a 2 hour drive home after Dinner. But I'm told that If I get a Hotel sometime so I don't have to drive Home that night. I'd have a Hoot going out and watching the Drag Queen Show or seeing the CD comedy acts at one of the local Gay Bars.

Don't worry. Change your clothes and go with Him/Her. You'd have a blast.

[Tracy GG]

Thankyou to all who responded to my question. All great advice and interesting reading. It does make me feel a lot more comfortable with the situation, thanks again.

I wrote the question with the OK of my hubby. We have both been thrilled at the quality and thought that the responses have given.

You are truly a loving community and should be proud of yourselves.

Love,

Tracy and

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi Tracy

I can't relate to Meeting, following on and and venturing in to Gay bars, I've never been in to one in my life. However the Gay and TV comunity have always been very close to each other, in fact here in the UK, normally the clubs that cater for TV, aslo cater for Gay and Lesbian people.

this link might help

http://www.pinkpunters.com

This is a club I know of, Never been, but as you can see, it advertises to be Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender, and it known all 3 groups attend it. of late the one thing I have heard about it, is as many Str8 people are attending it as are the people it was made for.

I think if i was going to attend this place dressed as Tracy, you have to accept all others, ie there will be alsorts of people there, and it maybe there will be guys that find TV's attractive there as well, but as they say you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, so if your partner is 100% str8 then nothing will sway him from that path.

I know Many TV's go to these sort of venues, just to meet like minded people, ie there a place where just for a few hours you can be the person you really want to be, and people mostly know your a TV, and don't care, or are not worried about it. so basically I would not worry about this, if you really know your husband, it's no different from a group of guys going in to a pub, but if they all went dressed it would be a different story, so heading for the gay bar, where no one will be bothered, seems totally logical to me!!!