i know i am new here but i need HELP

[cd300]

well i am new here like 2 weeks i thought i had my wifes support she was seemingly coming around well.. boy i was wrong she is so not into this that she has left me and took my son as well. and now as long as i deal with things the way she wants and respect her decision this will be easy as can be (to her) b/c she is back home where we met and she (still 100% not sure this is what she wants) will bring my son and let me see him as well when work allows i will go down and see him. now here is the dilema she may be (possibly) interested in working on things (if i can kill off my other self).. now i know this is not likely but is there anyone who has dealt with this or heard how i may find a way any way to get her to understand me ( truly ) better or where a c/d really got rid of this ? any i mean any ideas will help i am about to die (insde) w/o my family

thanks
male side of jess

[btmgrl6]

You can try and get her to talk to councelor ,along with yourself. I don't know the extent of your dressing. Could it be something that you can walk away from?
Would you be unhappy if you could not dress? would you dress behind her back, lie to her? How long have you been dressing, did you dress b-4 you married her? did she know?

Steph

[cd300]

talked about counselors no go there.. dressing is a sleeping thing i work overnights occasionally usually with her supposed support around the house.
i have tried 2 times to give it away wont die ,then she comes back with it is ok this time and i have had it back for 3 weeks or so and she had me join here and also created an entire new I D on yahoo with cd name and all. now she say she cant deal with it and wont deal with it if i ever want to have my family back 24/7 thenjess dies and peranently. wish i could just do that she says she knows that is why she left..she even said she would be ( jess's girlffriend ) when myson is not around. i am a mess when i do not dress i am worse then a women on pms ( sorry gg's).i need some of my time my job takes alot of my time and it drives me too my dressing. ( i am in charge of 500 associates + corporate crap)behind her back was ok for a while but i was hones and told her i felt like i was lying and also my time was extremely limited b/c of my son i had him while she worked.been dressing since i was 15/16.. yes i told her she thought i was kidding (boy i wish) when she found my stash she tossed it thinking it had to be my ex /gf stuff when she moved in .now it has gone back in forth panties ok then not. ok bys me lingerie then not ok mow she was with me and she saw a maids outfit i got it and a few other things bra panties . then it was cool/funny for a few day now this i am lost says she cant deal with my c/ding
thanks
male side of jess

[Danielle]

When it comes to family I believe they come first and crossdressing second,it's hard to quit and throw everything away.Your SO needs to talk to the GG's here so they can calm the situation for you and hopefully little by little she will understand maybe not accept but understanding is a big step..I will pray for you take care!!

[btmgrl6]

If professional help is out, and she honestly can't live with it, and you want to keep your family together.....you may have to quit...bottom line.
I don't know why she is sending you mixed messeges. Maybe she was trying to accept it, but when it came right down to it...she just couldn't
Have you tried to get her to talk to the gg's (genetic girls) here on Crossdresser's .com? They may be able to help her understand what this is all about
Steph

You have come to the right place. There are many people in this forum that have much more experience with this sort of thing than I do. They are very nice and very caring. i am sure that when they read your thread you will get a lot of helpful advice, there are a lot of cd's here that have been or are now in the same boat that you are in. i hope it works for you and your family

steph

[Veronika]

Hi, I am the girlfriend of a fellow cross dresser. He gave me acess to his account on here to find out more. I understand where your partner is coming from. She is confused, like me. She wants to be supportive but is scared. I told my man I was fine with it, the next day I said if he ever did it again I would leave him. We also have children so that puts more persume on us women to accept it, like me I am sure your partner is scared one day your kid will find out. Finding out something like that about daddy could cause serious problems to family relations. I love my man very much and I want to except everything about him but I think I may very well be still in shock. I always thought I was open minded. I am........ just not when it comes to things in my own home. I feel betrayed, like maybe being with me does not satisfy him. I also feel jealous, maybe because this is something that is really important to him, yet it doesn't involve me or our children. There is also a lot of misunderstanding involved. I see cross dressing as something gay men, or men who want to become women do. I hope I have not offended you or anyone else readin this. I only meant this to be another womans honest point of view. I thought maybe it would help to know that my partner is going through exactly the same thing as you right now. Take care and be strong.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Jess

it takes a very special lady to understand this hobby we have, it takes a very acceptional one, to fully accept both the dressing and the mindset of there partner, as each CD/TV is different. (don't forget some Will be TS as well!)

Firstly there is no cure, I tried to suppress my dressing to help my partner, it didn't work. So if it's something you do, and feel you can't stop, if she can't accept you that way, you have a long battle ahead unfortunately.

The only think that will help you understand her feeling is talking, ask her for some time to decide both your future, but from my own experence, don't tell her it will be all hearts and flowers and you will never dress again, if thats not something you can commit to. lying to get her back, will only hammer a death nail in your relationship if you say your not dressing, and continue to do so.

I don't want to speak out of turn here, but I wonder if there is something deeper here as well. I noticed your avitar, is that really you? if that is you, it's no wonder your wife is struggling to accept your the everyday male just doing this for fun. sometime we all need that reality check, just to tell us, what is really important to us in our lifes. I know if my partner ever said it's me or your dressing it would kill me to choose, not because I don't love her to bits, nor because I wouldn't say okay you win, but for the fact I know I can't stop dressing, I've tried, therefore I know I would have to lie, not something I like to do to her, as she is my rock, my soulmate, and my bestfriend, all in one.

Sometimes our partners can be so scared of our asperation, or what is our goal with this is, it scares them. Mine was and I know lives with the fear I will change from who I am now to what I don't know if given the chance to do so (it's certainly not an uncommon fear) yet I know fully where I want to take my dressing, and to me it's serious, I like to look good, maybe the fact that I don't look good as a man! So hence if I can dressing as a girl, and look and be taken as a female, then maybe thats a small victory for me deep within, however this is just a bit of fun to me, a stepping out of my male role for a short while, however I'm alway glad to step back to male again cause I might not be a sexy man, but i like being a man, and I love the things that go with it, my partner, my kids, my lifestyle, etc!!

All I can say is set out your stall with the facts and how you feel! you can't make someone love you, you can't make someone accept your dressing. but if she is confussed, or worried or even scared by this, then you can give her the facts in relation to your case, and it might help you. however they have to be the total facts, and all the facts, because if she finds out you lied, she will never trust you again. as I said, it takes a very special lady to even begin to understand!!!

[Kate Simmons]

I know where both you and her are coming from. I'm pretty much in the same situation.Mine may be a little different though since all my children are grown. I know what you mean about dying inside. My wife came to the conclusion that my female self was more important to me than she was. I told her about it in 1976. We went up and down, back and forth for years. She hung in there and kept trying to "fix" me for years to no avail of course. Finally in 2001, I'd had enough of "hiding" and came out openly. Several things happened in my life at the time and it was a conscious decision on my part. I could no longer hold the "burning need" to express myself inside. As a result, we went in separate rooms and lived that way. I'm not saying you should do this and this was my decision. I had to and have to live with it. What your wife needs to understand is that it has nothing to do with any lack of femininity on her part or any lack of love for her on your part. It has to do with expressing this part of yourself in an outward way. We are very special men and as such are misunderstood. I go to a therapist but you know what? In the short two weeks I've been with the forum, I've learned more about who we are than the last 5 years with the shrink. On my own I achieved balance between my two aspects. It's hard and takes work but it can be done. I'm only asking that you do your best and endure as I don't want to lose a fine brother/sister, a fine human being as a friend. I know it feels as if your heart is being ripped out but without both personas, I never would have survived for sure. Kill off your female self? Would you kill off a member of your family and still have a clear conscience? I don't think so. I know, I tried it, it's like being cut in half as a person and put me in severe depression. Some are lucky they can turn it off and on like a switch. Doesn't work for me. I've integrated both parts to the point, however where they are always both with me regardless of what I look like. We're here to talk to and support you to my friend. Have faith in yourself and you will be okay. Take care, Love, Ericka

[Lilith Moon]

If professional help is out, and she honestly can't live with it, and you want to keep your family together.....you may have to quit...bottom line.


And...


When it comes to family I believe they come first and crossdressing second,it's hard to quit and throw everything away.

For most, CD-ing is not just a bit of fun or a hobby. Like many others here, I would say that, quitting is not an option. Not permanently anyway. Whatever solution you eventually come up with, it will have to involve some CD-ing for the sake of your mental health. Hope it works out for you, Jess. :love:

[DonnaT]

"Family should come first"

Yes, it should, but not at the cost of your mental health. What good are you to your family if you get to a point you can't function, or commit suicide?

Anyone can say "you should quit", but until you've tried quitting and realize that it is impossible (for most), please don't tell someone they should quit.

I've been married 30 yrs, and she's known for 30 yrs. We've ridden that roller-coaster together. She's been to cousiling and a few different counselors, and none have told her that I should quit. She still has periods she gets so upset she mentions divorce. We talk it out, but if she does make it her final decision, I've prepared myself for it. It will be for her better mental health, so I won't fight her. And yes, she knows no matter what, I can't quit myself.

So, both parties need to realize that their partner may be having such a hard time coping that it is best to go their separate ways.

[cd300]

well i have a little news (not good) she has flat out said now that the is no hope she will never look at me the same (ever). she loves me but it isnt the same either. i will have full access to my son ( thank you god) whenever i can manage time off and she'll help me by sometimes bringing him to me when my time off is to short for the trip.

as of some of the responses that is not me in the avatar that is actually jessica simpson when my wife was going through the i care faze of my c/d ing she put that in there for me..( see my confusion).

as for the quitting if i were to get the chance to work this out i will in turn attempt to get rid of the other side of me( maybe the 3rd time will be the charm) i am willing to go to therapy but she wants no part of it and i know the Dr. wil at some point want to speak to her..

thanks veronika for ur comments i wish she would've fully joines this forum she read it alot but never actually sought anyones opinion on anything.

[cd300]

continued:

as for everyone else i thank you all so much for ur insight. i do not know how much longer i will have access to this for this is not my cpu it is hers. i will try to stay in touch if not wish me luck in putting this other side of me to rest..
god bless you all
the male side of jess

[ShortSkirt]

Good luck in everything you do, and I think we'll be seeing more of you. :winking:

[EricaCD]

It's too bad that your wife has flatly ruled out counseling - one would hope that, if not for her sake nor yours, she might consider it for the benefit of your child.

While I sympathize with your wife's difficulties in coming to acceptance, I draw the line at any spouse using any child as a pawn in any marital dispute. The only excuse for unilaterally withdrawing access to a child is the credible threat of physical or psychological abuse. It sounds as though you have taken pains to keep your fem identity concealed from your son, so I doubt whether you are putting your son at any sort of risk. (Everything I write here, of course, is based on the limited facts you have made available.)

Your wife has been threatening you with your son, and has demonstrated a willingness to change her mind as her mood changes. That means your access to your son is at her whim. You need to seek out a capable matrimonial lawyer. NOW, and even if (especially if) you do not intend to separate or divorce. Preferably one who has dealt with transgender issues, but that may be impossible to find. But you need someone that can advise you on your legal rights and risks, the state's likely attitude about your crossdressing (depending on jurisdiction the answer will be somewhere between "not good" and "really bad") and how get to a resolution where access to your son is assured. You may also find that there are court mandated counseling sessions as a predicate to any divorce in your jurisdiction, or that the involvement of an expert in this area may help balance your wife's perception of unilateral control over your dispute.

Make no mistake about it: other than being a defendant in a criminal proceeding, this is the most serious legal situation you are likely to face in your lifetime. Do not attempt to face this alone.

Erica

[Joy Carter]

Not much to say here that has not already been said BUT for god sakes it's family first ! They will be there to the end of your days never out of your mind you can't disappoint them over this. I'm fifty six and I have waited till the children have grown to try and live the life I have drempt of for so long. It has not been easy my gut turns at the mear mention that this is a hobby or for fun it's been a thing I just can't understand so I go with it and try to not hurt those around me. Living A life sentence Joy Carter :(

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i'd also add that everybody is different...i severly repressed my cd feelings for a 15 yr marraige...the internet was agodsend in helping me feel less alone about it, but it also opened me up about it and in the end my wife just simpley never ever ever remotely engaged me on the topic...

i repressed it for 15 yrs...i would repress it again for the sake of family but for me..for my wife...that was it ...no chance...no discussion..

now we may have deeper problems..but it doesnt change the fact that in relationships its totally unpredictable what happens and your best intentions
are not the only things count..

its a risk to tell..pure and simple..if i had known 15 yrs ago that this feeling was unstoppable..i would have told her...she would have never married me and we'd have missed out on our 2 wonderful kids...so life is crazy and this hobby is just one facet of it..