How Do You Tell Your So

[Georgette]

Sorry Fiona for stepping on your thread but I just got caught up in the moment.I have had an internal battle with my inner self here the last couple of weeks and I don't quite know how to handle it I have written I don't know how many letters and then deleted them as i still wasn't quite sure they sounded great when I was writting them ,but after reading the proof I hit Delete and started over .
Girls I have over 40 years of marriage and I don't want to throw that down the toilet, I love my wife and I know this would litterly devastate her if I told her, but at the same time I am the one suffering.
I have tried to find an answer, any thing that would help would be greatly appreciated. :confused:
Right now I have second thoughts about myself and this whole scene I have trid before to walk away from my CD nature but to no avail, I am at the roads end.
Oh well as I have ofter said to my complaining employees if you are looking for sympathy you will find it in the dictionary.
LOTS OF LOVE :rolleyes:
PS Any encouragement would help :(




Georgette

[Sandra H]

Dear Georgette.

It seems to me that you have three options. The first is to tell your wife, the second is to keep things, as they are, namely, keep dressing as you do now, but keep it to yourself and the third is to give up everything relating to your CD side of your life.

If you are anything like me, you will find it very difficult if not imposable to give up fully your CD side and live happily. So that only leaves the other two options. After 40 years of marriage, only you will know how your wife will take the news. We may very well feel like women, want to be a woman and dress as a woman, but we are men and as such cannot really get into the mind of a real woman.

How they truly thinks and feels on emotional subjects like learning that her husband is a CD or is having an affair. They tend to be more emotive while we men are more practical. So if you do feel it could be fine to tell your wife, please bare this in mind. She will not understand that you can be a CD and not be gay. So she will worry about losing you it cuts both ways. So by offering her reassurance that it could enhance your relationship because you will no longer be holding back part of your personality. Bear in mind that women will tend to think, “if he has kept this secret, what else is he keeping from me”. So if you do go down the route of telling her which if all goes well would be far the best for you then please remember to consider the following.

1. Tell her that you love her.

2. Reassure her that being a CD will add to your relationship and so you will be able to make her even happier.

3. You wanted to tell her because it was upsetting you to keep a secret from her and you want her help and understanding. You want to be with her till death.

However, remember if telling her it would upset her and after 40 years of marriage you should know if it would. Then it is your “problem” and maybe it would be best to keep it to yourself. You say it is you who is suffering. Ask yourself this question. What would be the most upsetting, if I should tell my wife and lose her? Or what would cause you the most pain, not dressing and giving up your CD part of your life, or to keep dressing as you do now, but have the pain of not telling your wife. Only you know the answer to this question.

Sorry for going on, but I understand that this is a very important concern for you and it deserves a proper response. I wise you the very best with your task and remember you both have been married for 40 years it cuts both ways. Would your wife want to lose you by leaving you because you dress? If the answer is yes then not only to you, but any other CD who are in the same position may have to come to the conclusion that their marriage is not a strong as they think it is.

Take care, I hope this is of help and the very best of luck.

[Georgette]

Julie I think you hit the nail, I try to have a rough exterior when dealing with other people relating to my business but deep down iI also have afeeling of remorse and sympathy for people this is what I think guided me to this forum. Right now I just typed another letter to my wife and I probably will delete it in the next day or two.Do I want to pass as a woman out side my home I have only been out 2 times and that was under cover of my car, no I just want her to let me do this in the privacy of our home. I don't even want the kids or friends to know I want it to be our secret.
If I tell her she will have the last call, on this. I hope I don't have to say good bye to all of you but if that happens I will never forget each and every one of you.
LOVE & HUGS ALWAYS
Georgette

[StephanieCD]

All I can say is good luck and I hope you find happiness.

[Sharon]

Georgette,

After seeing how you handle your employees I wonder why you would ask for help from anyone. But I'm not one to hold grudges so here goes -

Ask yourself what you would do if you never told her. You have hidden this for 40 years so why now?

Where do you want to go with this? Do you want to dress in the house, go out dressed, what?

Your comment about your employees and sympathy tells me you have a hard exterior. Could it be because you are repressing your CDing? (I ask this because I have first hand knowledge of it) When we can't be ourselves, resentment takes over. Is the reason you want this out, because the pressure is becoming overwhelming?

I'd say you need to do some soul searching and figure out where you are and where you want to be. If this would devastate your wife, she should never be told until you give her the tools to handle it. Books, articles, as well as knowledge you share with her personally, can all help. Here's a link (http://www.rainbowtrail.info/article.html) to some excellent articles that should help.

Good luck, and start treating your employees with some compassion - let the girl in you come out. She'll know how to do it.


I have to agree completely with Julie, especially about the rough exterior part. Has your wife also been subjected to this personality for 40 years? If she's stuck by you for all this time, she might be willing to put up with anything!
Good luck.

[Nikki A.]

After such a long time it is really hard to say how your wife would react. She will feel that you have lied or kept a secret from her for all these years.
I told my wife before we got married and now after 16 years she is upset that my feelings have escalated. In truth I had repressed what I felt and only lately have I been honest with myself.
Please think about what you want to do because what is said can not be undone. My best wishes

[Georgette]

WOW and a big SORRY for I have let myself become hardened to point that I feel I have to have a rough exterior to cope with everyday situations in my life., but here lately I have beentrying to get those feelings out of the way.
I have a very soft interior as I hate fighting and arguing with anyone, so I put up a front that I am a hard SOB on the people that don't conform to the rest of the world, while on the inside I am repressing my real emotions.
Sometimes after a confrontation with a person I go off in a private place and cry like a baby , and really feel ROTEN. I am trying to change that as I get to the point of selling my business and completly retiring, this is what The wife wants me to do.
I notice as I divest myslf from the every day routine of going in to work (I have cut it down to about 2 days a week) I have a greater inner peace with my self, and with others not in my business.
One of the things thamakes me a rough person on the outside is the competiveness of this trade that I am in, I have been from bean soup to steks every night in this business and I think I have let that harden me.
Enough rambling I just want to say I really let that side show on my first thread, again SORRY to each and everyone of you. With that said I think I will Take a break for a few days or weeks what ever it takes to colect myself, and really examine you I really want to be.
HUGS
Georgette

[Wendy me]

georgette i am in a the same boat kinda ,i am in coulceing now to fix my own conflictes between him and wendy ,my wife is real closed minded i want to tell her but right now i have to get my our issues fixed when will i tell her????????after i get to the point that i am all right with me.......be easy be slow ,make shure your ready
good luck

[Sharon]

WOW and a big SORRY for I have let myself become hardened to point that I feel I have to have a rough exterior to cope with everyday situations in my life., but here lately I have beentrying to get those feelings out of the way.
I have a very soft interior as I hate fighting and arguing with anyone, so I put up a front that I am a hard SOB on the people that don't conform to the rest of the world, while on the inside I am repressing my real emotions.
Sometimes after a confrontation with a person I go off in a private place and cry like a baby , and really feel ROTEN. I am trying to change that as I get to the point of selling my business and completly retiring, this is what The wife wants me to do.
I notice as I divest myslf from the every day routine of going in to work (I have cut it down to about 2 days a week) I have a greater inner peace with my self, and with others not in my business.
One of the things thamakes me a rough person on the outside is the competiveness of this trade that I am in, I have been from bean soup to steks every night in this business and I think I have let that harden me.
Enough rambling I just want to say I really let that side show on my first thread, again SORRY to each and everyone of you. With that said I think I will Take a break for a few days or weeks what ever it takes to colect myself, and really examine you I really want to be.
HUGS
Georgette

Okay then. Just remember that you can still be tough, as long as you're fair.
Love, Sharon

[Rachel Elizabeth]

:)

My wife and I have been married for 42 years. I told her 2 years after we were married that I liked to wear women's clothes. It was "hell" for 2 weeks and then it slid off the radar scope.

As I grew older, the more I needed by be me. She found my stash and went into a tirade about not being able to afford to feminine wardrobes. After 2 weeks of "hell", it slipped off the radar screen.

In 1993, it really hit the fan. I was under tremendous stress at work and Rachel needed out. I went on a 2 day trip. She ESPed what I was doing. She went into a month of using the methods of the Spanish Inquisitor. Was I gay? Why was I doing this? What was going to happen to our marriage? What would our friends and family say? Needless to say, the only thing that I could really answer was that I was not gay [she didn't ask about "bi."]

It has taken every ounce of my persuasion powers, my communications skills, my asking for forgiveness to keep our marriage going. After the 1993 episode, she withheld sex.
The way she put it was: "After I allowed you to have sex with me a week ago, you
dressed again." She had crossed my line...."allowed me to"....that was the line. We
have not had sex since. I believe that she would but now I am the one. The comment that she made, cut me deeply. But then, I put her through many years of anguish....by not being able to explain why Rachel existed. One time she told me that if Rachel were another woman, she would know what to do. Since Rachel was me, she had no idea of how to combat her.

All I can say is: if your marriage is worth saving, make compromises; agree not to dress around the house [I did]; talk about other things; focus on her needs; and above all, love her. It may not work but then again, it might.

Love.....