Is there a link between one's dress style and their level of maturity???

[Jean GG]

I sincerely hope that Regina DOES NOT mind that I have borrowed the quote below which was in response to my previous thread:


Look at a crossdresser in the same manner you'd look at a teenage girl. Then you'll see why some dress so sleazy.

I am trying now to establish IF there is a link between type of dressing and emotional maturity.

I will go further and tell you something personal so you will not think that I am playing games with anyone. When my husband and I first went to theraphy, about six years ago, the therapist concluded that, unfortunately, my husband lacked maturity (give me a little credit here...my husband does not disagree...!). At that time he dressed differently than he does today.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I honestly do NOT want my husband to dress like an old woman...no...no...no!!! I think he should dress as he likes...most of the time...and how I like...some of the other times. Luckly...there is very little conflict here as he likes my taste and loves what I buy him.

My hope is that now that his taste has matured, that he has too, emotionally. I see signs of this...especially after all of our pain in the past year+. So hopefully we will NOT have any more traumas. Ok then, back to the original question: IS THERE A LINK BETWEEN ONE'S DRESS STYLE AND THEIR LEVEL OF MATURITY? Thank YOU in advance, jean

[Joy Carter]

I think most dress as objects of their desire and some start out by dressing what they think women should look like and still others maybe because they are in a growth stage and didn't have the chance to dress as a teen so that's where they start. Makes sence to me !
0.02

[ShortSkirt]

I'm sure there is. Thinking back to when I was younger and the way I dressed, not knowing completely who I was, and who does in their teen years. I dressed to attract attention, and I still do, but it's a different kind of attention. I dress to attract my g/f, and make myself happy at the same time. When I was dressing as a teen, I was dressing to attract "anyone", and didnt even really know why. I think looking at teen's, most these days dress in a rebellious fashion, simply because their not sure who they are or what their trying to convey. As a person matures, their taste becomes more refined. Do I dress now like the average 40 y/o woman? I dont think so no.

[elizabeth nicole]

I must agree. I also think it involves our levell of education and our view of the world as we were raised.I was raised by a single parent and had four sisters and three brothers. Us boys were taught that a woman should not be judged by the way she dresses or where she lives.My mother was a educator and insisted that we all go to college.while there i learned how woman were treated and how not to treat them.Now as i close the gap on 60 i try to dress more to my actual age and economic levell. Our parents and grandparents put a lot into the way we became and how we look at things. I am still scared to death of my granmother coming after me if i did any thing to make a woman look bad. She has been dead now since 1984.my mother and grandparents never said anything bad about other peoples ways and they both knew of my dressing as does my mother.As we mature we learn to use all the things we were taught as children.0.02

[Kate Simmons]

Think so Jean. Like people when they are transitioning from being a child to an adult, sometimes we don't know what we want and may try copying or emulating a certain look or image while we are trying to figure ourselves out. While the so-called "sleazy" look is not for me, it may be a fantasy for some or as Shorty said they may do it for the shock value to see the reaction of others. That's okay with me just not my particular cup of java. It depends on what you are trying to accomplish as well. I just want to present myself as Ericka period. I'm not looking to impress anyone and don't have the need to "pass" the scrutiny of others because I'm my own person. I tend not to dress on the wild side though whether I'm wearing pants or a dress. My aim is to look nice and enjoy the company of my accepting friends and have a good time. I realize not all may have that level of acceptance. Sometimes like any normal woman, we want to try a new look. Can't blame anyone for that.It's a "crap shoot" sometimes though. Your friends will tell you for sure what they think(been there, done that). Maturity is different in everyone's eyes but the most important person is yourself. I've found that just being myself works for me and if maturity comes with that, then so be it. It depends on your level of comfort as well and it shines through accordingly when you are with other people. In short, clothes don't make the woman, the woman makes the clothes. Take care, Ericka

[DonnaT]

Maybe, for some, maybe not, for others. I'll go with: maybe not for most.

There are some who are quite mentally mature as adults, yet there is something missing from their CDing experience.

For example, some may wish they had experienced being a little girl. So, trying to get that experience, they dress as little girls and play with dolls.

Some may wish they had experienced being a teenage girl, and choose a dress style for that period.

You get the idea.

For some it may be a sexual thing, and they may dress provocatively in diffent styles they find appealling.

Some may just find they simply like a certain style of clothes for no other reason that it is visually appealing.

Everyone is different.

[EricaCD]

I have to agree with Donna here. I am guessing that it will be impossible to generalize what drives our collective choices in fem clothing - just as it would be impossible to characterize why genetic women collectively dress the way they do. There may be some common themes (many of which have been identified in these recent threads), but I'll be surprised if you find broad correlations.

Erica

[TGMarla]

Yes, this is likely so. Tamara once asked me how old I was, I'm guessing because she thinks I dress too old. But I like the clothes that I wear, and I like seeing them on women, too. I'm really not into Juniors styles these days, and I really hate the layered T-shirt look that's seemingly popular right now. So I guess I dress my age, and that's a bit more mature than some. I'm okay with that.

[gennee]

I think people dress for different reasons, regardless of maturity level. I think people dress within their comfort zone. Personally, my taste has matured a bit though I am a conservative dresser.

Gennee

[stephanie100]

I think people dress for different reasons, regardless of maturity level. I think people dress within their comfort zone. Personally, my taste has matured a bit though I am a conservative dresser.

Gennee
Regardless of why we dress that has been covered before, but I dress how i feel at the time and depends on the weather if hot then I may wear a mini skirt. If cool or cold a long skirt or dress and more than a few layers on top. style depends on mood.
Steph

[JoannaDees]

It is so sad this country was founded by Puritans. It is tiring all the bad press teen girls get for dressing the way they do. Yet violence is so accepted in this country. Guns good, sexuality/nudity bad. We can see somebody get shot full of holes on TV, but nary a breast.

Because a woman has fallen prey to the conditioning machine and "goes old" does not make her more mature. Hey, I know. Let's allow them the freedom to live again .... and call it a mid-life crisis like the men get!

[nancy58]

I think there is going to be less of a link between one's style of crossdressing than there is over how one handles the crossdressing. For example, just because a man has gone out and bought himself a Porsche doesn't mean he's emotionally immature; I've seen plenty of guys exercising more maturity in such cars than in "mature" family sedans. Your SO may be into more mature clothing, but the question is really more one of whether he's keeping his hobby within the family budget, does he take your concerns into consideration (perhaps by not dressing up in front of your friends/children), etc. In other words, I think the question of whether your SO is behaving more maturely is better answered by how he treats you, not how he dresses (unless that's a very important thing to you).

Good luck with your relationship. Getting along with one's partner is always a matter of both trying to work it out, and it's an ongoing struggle, just like life.

Nancy

[FionaAlexis]

I think Regina's point is that often us TGs go through a period of adolescent experimentation especially in those early days when we start to accept who were are. Rather in the same way teens experiment with different and, sometimes, shocking looks.

Usually we develop a style and a look that we feel works for us. I suppose I'm answering 'yes' - but that does not mean that we all arrive at more or less the same style - any more than the rest of humanity.

Fiona xx

[ReginaK]

I don't mind you borrowing the quote at all.

Like others have said, for some people, it is linked to emotional maturity. As a crossdresser gets older and away from parents, they tend to go through a second set of teenage years when they are discovering themselves, their sexuality, etc. Basically, they go from one extreme to another and hopefully as they mature, they settle down a bit.

But then there are the crossdressers who just like "sleazy" clothes.

[Eric/a]

I'm scared to ask what it might mean if I have a longing to dress like this (http://www.unikarendesigns.com/images8/cheryl13.JPG)! Even if I could afford a whole wardrobe of those outfits, it's hard to imagine how I'd be able to do it as an everyday thing - unless, of course, I worked in a boutique that sold them! (Hmm, wasn't there a recent thread on what your dream job would be? I guess now I could answer that!):D

[Adrienne Heels]

I think I am dressing my age.....but the makeup takes a few years off my appearance!! The one thing I love which most GG's don't seem to is heels.....love to wear them with jeans and pants

[Yes I am]

IS THERE A LINK BETWEEN ONE'S DRESS STYLE AND THEIR LEVEL OF MATURITY? Thank YOU in advance, jean

No. And anyone who says that there is is wrong. Though, of course that is only my opinion.

[luky charm]

i would say yes, in my experience, i went from "sleazy" looking lingerie, to teen style skirts and shirts, and finally "business casual" dressing, then to simply comfort. i recently bought a long floral skirt that is light and summery. if you were to ask me 3 years ago if i would by clothes just to match the season, i would've said, "if ain't sexy, it ain't me!" but that's changed,as i've changed, my fem is more involved than simply acting out being a tramp, she's more "mature" now, and dresses accordingly.

ps, if i'm writing in the wrong tense, forgive me! (and let me know, i'm new here!)

charmed:o

[Trisha]

i dress how i feel and look at the time but dont dress to ****ty

[Deborah]

No. And anyone who says that there is is wrong. Though, of course that is only my opinion.

...., but sometimes it makes you wonder. ??

[luky charm]

a big boost to my cding came from my high school sweetheart, she'd bring her lingerie over and we'd both wear it, and i wasn't into shopping for myself, so it started on a very sexual note. usually i wanted to know how she was feeling while we were intimate, so there was a lot of "****ty" conotation, at first, so i say my cding had matured as i have.

charmed

[Delila]

I have a little theory on this. Most womens styles develope as they age, and the same thing may be true with cders but the difference is that your average crossdresser started dressing in their teens so much later in life and they only dress occasionally so their style developes a little more slowly. I first noticed this because girls that came out earlier seem to appear more mature at least in the photos I have seen. Just a thought.

[luky charm]

i like your theory megan, and i'd say it depends on how out you've been. i've only been in public once, but the more i socialize with people who know, the deeper i reach into my femenine power, the more mature my views on it. i have to admit i started out pretty shallow, but as my sex drive matured, so did my dressing and my view on dressing, mostly because i can be fem with my friends, whether im' dressed or not, so maturity comes from openess, i think...

charmed

[Kristen Kelly]

The way I dress now not so much on my mood but were I'm going and if I have to blend in. I still regularly wear juinors clothes when going out clubing, or jeans and a nice top for Mall or a trip to Atlantic City. The only thing I vary depending on my moods is hair color and shoes.

24838

[Caitlintgsd]

:iagree: This thread makes me think about the cd's who occasionally enjoy the ruffley, lacy "sissy dresses" (for lack of a better word, didn't mean to offend anybody). So no, I don't think there's a correlation.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

As others have said, it's hard to generalize about everyone, since different people have different motivations.

That said, Richard Docter, whose "Transvestites and Transsexuals" is one of the more in-depth research books on crossdressing, concluded that there is a "career path" that tends to be typical of some people.

Usually, it's a more fetishitic approach initially (typically involving partial dressing, typically lingiere, and an...uh...more stylized approach to "feminine" appearance and behavior). Over time they switch to full-dressing and presenting themselves in a way that's more "realistic" -- often corresponding with a desire to go out in public. (For me, when I decided I wanted to get out of the house, I knew that I'd need to improve my presentation if I wanted to blend.) Docter also observed this pattern in crossdressers who began late in life, i.e. someone who started at 40 would dress in a more fetishistic manner that resembled the way many crossdressers who started in boyhood would dress in their teens and 20s.

Part of it is probably due to a more fetishitic interest and part of it may simply be a bit of a parallel to how young teen-age girls go through a period where they're exploring the power of their looks. Although it's may be much more a man's idea about what that's like -- since from what I've seen actual teenage girls are often extremely self-conscious about their bodies. Since we're typically closeted during this experimentation period, there's usually no counterweight -- i.e. parents to say "you're not going out dressed like that" nor worries about being labelled to school ****.

FTM Raven Kaldera had some insight thoughts on this issues:


Sometimes when you drag out an opposite-sex persona - so to speak - you find that it's been stashed in the same mental closet as all the things that you don't like about the opposite gender, and they've become stuck all over it like barnacles, or growths. They won't flake off until that persona has been exposed to the air for a while, and gotten a chance to rub up against real people and real circumstances. This may mean plowing through years of humiliating stereotypical behavior until that part of you evolves and grows into a fuller human being. I've seen it again and again, especially in people who are just starting to cross-dress or whose CD persona only gets out once in a while. Stereotypes abound: the trashy *****, the catty and manipulative upper-class bitch, the irresponsible little girl, the supported housewife who never has to work or deal with the outside world, the delicately passive - and utterly useless - ornament, and, of course, Mom. In the bedroom, the sexual stereotypes can be even more cartoon-like, from Sweet Gwen the Victim to the Dragon Lady, but is most commonly the passive, receptive do-me-queen that men don't usually get to be. Sometimes their personas are clearly signposts pointing to the issues that they are bravely working through. Yes, it's brave. You try it and see for yourself.

Women are often horrified and offended when men deliberately imitate women, whether it's a female impersonator in a drag performance or a fetishistic cross-dresser in ratty nylons and a bad wig. They feel that these performances of female gender are a bad caricature, and don't actually resemble the real experience of women. While it's true that a performance, or even a persona, is by definition shallower than a person, there's still a grain (or a sackful) of truth to these performances. For every one of these stereotypes being performed by men, I've met the same ones being performed by women, and in larger numbers. I've met the biologically female version of every one of these caricatures, and I'm sure that the women who complain about the guys in dresses probably have, too.

Whether these women performed gender in this way because they were trying to have a particular effect on men, or whether it was just part of who they are, is debatable and irrelevant to my point. I simply wonder whether part of the reason women are so offended is because it hits home on some level. She may not be a trashy ho, but if all women are supposed to be sisters, then she has to share sisterhood with one somewhere. Men, being outsiders to the female experience, can see the more negative sides of women in general, just as women can do with men. Sometimes it's these questionable, worrisome parts of femaleness that become absorbed close to home and must be dealt with first, just as FTM TVs sometimes start out with personas that are big mean abusive guys, or sissy fags that get beat up. If women are actually going to ever accept each other as sisters, even the sisters who don't act in acceptably 'enlightened' ways, than they need to stop reacting to men's negative female performances as knee-jerk insults. Instead, it would be more educational for them to probe into whether their reaction would be more or less comfortable with a biowoman who acted the exact same way - and, yes, there's always going to be at least one out there, and you probably won't be able to change her by explaining to her how wrong she is - and explore their discomfort with that way of being female in the world.

The only quibble I have with Kaldera is it's not necessarily "things you don't like" about the opposite sex as much as it can be things that you're ambivalent or envious of -- both of which are more complicated emotions.

[Khriss]

I started crossdressing at an early age and was profoundly influenced by the fashions of the time -and mostly during my adolescence I'm sure . Revisiting those times of miniskirts and boots may seem emotionaly stunted..but in fashion -"whats old is new again" often rings true !? Judgements about "****ty" dressing reminds me of the mindset like - the rape victim was "asking for it...the way she was dressed"!? I prefer not to buy into other peoples evaluations of my emotional fittness or moral integrity....
...theres plenty of Charles Keeting types in the world..setting standards for others while avoiding, even an occasional , hard look in the mirror...

[Florence Crook]

When my husband and I first went to theraphy, about six years ago, the therapist concluded that, unfortunately, my husband lacked maturity (give me a little credit here...my husband does not disagree...!).

Jean, as a therapist I'm gobsmacked that another therapist made this highly judgemental and normative statement. And this was helpful?

[Tiffy]

Simple..................................NO Just dress depending on my mood and I bet many people do. I know women who dress in many styles from trailer trash **** to high dollar bussiness woman. Just depends on her mood.

April Marie

[HaleyPink2000]

I was told I dress like a Grandma by one of my Peers at the TriEss meeting last month. Gawd, am I 55 really? I guess I am. LOLOL:)

Oh and 7 Grand Kids later. Yeah I'm a Grand Parent. Proud of it. I don't go out in public dressed ****ty. Or like I just got out from under a car, or with holes in my clothes. Or with Pants I have to hold up with one hand.

I'm a grown up and proud of it.

[LucyTwitch]

Hi

Maturity?

Well I dress to please the mood I am in. Which smotimes can be a young age or the more bussiness style. I don't think there is a link between emotional maturity and drees for me as I am the same leval headed pearson what ever I am wearing. I feel its just my longing to wear the clothes I wonted to wear as I grew up but necer could.

Love
Lucy

[Jean GG]

LET'S NOT FORGET THAT THE REASON THIS THREAD STARTED WAS THAT SOMEONE HERE SUGGESTED THAT IF ONE WANTED TO UNDERSTAND WHY ONE CROSSDRESSES THE WAY ONE DOES, ONE NEEDS ONLY TO LOOK AT YOUNG TEENAGERS. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/images/smilies/Love.gif
:love:

It's been extremely intersting to get EVERYONE'S perspective and my conclusion after reading them all is that...yeah...there is a strong correlation between the two! http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/images/smilies/hugs.gif
:hugs: Like I said...luckly my husband has graduated from this stage as I found it rather unappealing. I do, however, continue to find sexy...very appealing...and sexy often means leaving something to the imagination :)
jean

[Ebonee_Tgirl]

I think sleazy gets a bad rap. I'm 20 so yes you could say i'm not mature yet but i like dressing "hot" or what some might call sleazy. I think society throws words like **** and sleazy around too freely and I really think teenagers and 20s get dumped on too much for how we dress. My Mom and some of her close friends who I grew up around dressed "sleazy" and still do. (Mom is 38 and looks great!). So maybe that's my influence. I have no idea how I'll dress when I'm 40. I think it will partly depend on my body (exercise exercise exercise! lol).

My point is dress how you feel and don't worry about labels or "maturity".:D