From whom is acceptance wanted and why???

[Jean GG]

I don't know if there is a limit to the numbers of threads one can write in one day, but I am finding ALL responses so helpful...from EVERYONE (even those that might APPEAR contrary to my philosophy) that I wish to learn more! I hope it's not selfish!

My husband has been busy for the past week with a sporting event thus I have had more time than usual to indulge in my quest for knowledge (not that he would mind) and understanding. Today he finishes and I will have less free time. Hence because YOUR FEEDBACK HAS BEEN INSTRUMENTAL in helping me/us move forward I wish to ask one more question... today...regarding acceptance.

I have constantly come across the statement that acceptance is key. But, from whom do cd'd need this acceptance? I understand why it is needed from wifes or girlfriends, but from whom else (other cd's) is it needed and why??? I thank you in advance, jean

[Eugenie]

For me, in an ideal world, X-dressing should be accepted by everyone. However, I would settle for having my wife, my family and my friends accepting me. But even that isn't easy to obtain. There are so many misconceptions about us CDs. My wife tolerates but doesn't accept... A couple of friend accept me completely. None of my family knows about my X-dressing.

I've found acceptance by other CD easy to get. It may need some teaching/learning in order to allow the integration in a group that is going out as it is normal for the group to seek "group acceptance" in the crowd, something that may be hindered if one member really doesn't look "femme" at all...

Love.

Eugenie

[ShortSkirt]

Knowledge is the key to happiness. :winking:

In a word? Society.

[~Kitty GG~]

Self-acceptance is way important too.

Others can accept who you are if you haven't come to terms with it yourself.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[EricaCD]

If my wife comes to acceptance (and I do not necessarily mean active support, participation, whatever - just an equilibrium where this is no longer a huge disruption in our life together), the rest is a rounding error to me.

[aprilgirl]

Agree Kitty, Self acceptance is crucial and projecting that can go a long way in finding acceptance from others.

[tvgirl4fun]

To add the the two previous answers, acceptance by everyone. After I started going out I joined a couple of support groups to find others to go out with. I haven't found anyone to go to "regular" places. They all tend to go to the GLBT associated events and venues. They're all hung up on the "passing" thing. You have to "look, talk, dress, walk, etc." like this to be a girl. In all the years I've been going out, I haven't had any negative problems. Even when I've had to show a male ID for something. To me there's something more important than "passing". It's being ACCEPTED. I guess the most important place to be accepted is the ladies room. I've had girls give me that "knowing" smile, had them start everyday chit chat while waiting in "the line", have had the ones that know make a compliment about something I'm wearing, have had the ones that don't know make a copmpliment about something I'm wearing and see the look in their eyes that their not sure if I'm a girl or guy.

Remember when guys started getting their ears pierced years ago? You'd see people nudge each other and say, "Check this one out". If anyone did that now a days it would be, "Yeah, so what". That's what we'd like people to do toward us. "Hey, check out the guy in a dress!", "Yeah, so what."

Hope that helps answer your question about being accepted.

Out of curiosity, what would YOU do if you were standing in the line or at the sink in the ladies room and realized the "girl" next to you wasn't?

Jaie

This post started out mentioning the "two previous posts". In the mean time while typing this, there have been other posts that I also agree with.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Jean, As discussed (more or less) acceptance for me is not my wife just accepting my femme self but acceptance of me as a whole person. I think she does really and acknowledges I have these feelings but just does not like the demonsterative part where I actually present myself as a female and interface with other people. For myself, it has been a learning experience. When I kept in the closet, I could never really express myself as openly as I do now. With this "freedom" I've realized that folks will accept me as an overall person regardless of what I look like.That's the point I have been trying to get across. That having been said, I really no longer need to do this. This doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to throw away all my stuff and forget about Ericka. I still enjoy being pretty and looking nice. The best part about it is that I realize I now have a choice to be who I want to be whereas before I didn't. In other words, I control my femme self, it doesn't control me and vice versa. I've learned quite a bit about the person I am inside and it's not too bad really. I'm looking forward to see what happens next. Take care, Ericka (Richard)

[Amanduhrob]

I feel it's important for me to accept that dressing is a part of who I am, and equally important that my Fiancée accepts that dressing is a part of me too. As for the rest of the world, I'm not intimate with them, so their opinion doesn't matter to me.

[GypsyKaren]

Learning to accept myself was the key for me. I always had such a low opinion of myself because I was confused and felt like a freak of nature or something. Once I accepted myself, I was able to embrace and love myself, and with that came the ability to accept the love of others.

Karen

[Joanie]

More acceptance from my wife. She came back from out of town last night, she knows I do dress when she is away but generally doesn't want to discuss it. I told her about a purchase of a Capri pants outfit that I really enjoyed wearing on Saturday and was met with a wall of silence. I wanted her to see the cloths, not on me (that is an ideal that I doubt will ever happen) but to look at them on their hangers. No go. It meant alot to me since I rarely make purchases as I usually wear lingerie or old skirts/dresses at home, items she no longer wants. All I wanted was her womanly opinion on the outfit, its color, style, etc.

I have found acceptance from women who work with Cosmetics (makeovers at Merle Norman where one is afforded privacy unattainable at say the Estee Lauder or Lancome counters) and this is very nice and even affirming, have had great discussions with these nice women but can't compare to if my wife would open up more about it. She does accept seeing me in hose and panties on bedroom occasions but not comfortable with seeing me "all the way." Wish she would humor me, just once!

Love her very much though as she never said "you must be gay, you don't love anymore, etc." Never any of that, so on the whole it is more positive than negative.

Bottom line, female acceptance (especially that of my wife) is what I crave. What other guys may think matters not to me.

[Joanie]

Learning to accept myself was the key for me. I always had such a low opinion of myself because I was confused and felt like a freak of nature or something. Once I accepted myself, I was able to embrace and love myself, and with that came the ability to accept the love of others.

Karen

Self acceptance has been a problem for me as well, I have felt just like you...."I must be a freaking freak!" and at times still do. Let's hang in there, we have lots of company.

[Jean GG]

Out of curiosity, what would YOU do if you were standing in the line or at the sink in the ladies room and realized the "girl" next to you wasn't?
.

I probably would strike a conversation...and would have done so before I married a CD...that is what all of this posting is making me realize...that perhaps God... (if you believe in God and I only do when it is convenient for me :)) had a reason for crossing my life with my husband's. He needed a strong woman and I needed a gentle soul.

Since I discovered my husband's cd...I have noticed several men who were likely to be cd's...and I wanted to talk to them BUT I did NOT want to invade their privacy. THANK GOD (again :) for this forum! jean

[elizabeth nicole]

I have always accepted who and what I was made easy by an uncle that every one in the family knew was gay.If he could deal with his way of life then i could.I had a larger problem dealing with the things I did in the military,as a combat pilot.I must be blessed since all of the relaionships i was in i was at least accepted and now have a very loving and caring GF that is accepting.I dont care what the rest of the world thinks .For whereever I go i try not offend or embarass anyone.Me i cant be embarassed any more,been there done that attitude now. Now i do hope that society does change its views for those that are a lot younger .

[Shelly Preston]

Acceptance can be different things for different people

Self Acceptance - This is important as knowing who you are and being happy with it are not always the same thing.

SO acceptance - This can be cruicial to some as the keeping their dressing a secret, makes them feel guilty. Due to not being honest.

Society acceptance is more difficult to achieve. There are still people out there who are so narrow minded they could walk a tightrope.
Things are changing very slowly similar to when being gay started to get mentioned in the media.

[Rachel Morley]

I have constantly come across the statement that acceptance is key. But, from whom do cd's need this acceptance?
Anyone and everyone. Obviously loved ones (especially wives and girlfriends) is the main area, but we all know that, at best, society doesn't consider wearing women's clothes as "normal behaivor" for a guy.

I would love it if people of the world were to accept me for what I am. I don't expect them to fully understand it the way I do, but it would be great if they could accept me for what I am....which is a happily married hetrosexual guy, who sometimes likes to pretend that he's a woman, because I happen to enjoy expressing a side of me that is facilitated by making me feel feminine....and obviously the clothes help this tremendously :)

However in reality I don't expect this to happen anytime soon. I'll settle for society accepting that I like to be "different" and that what I do is non threatening and nothing to be concerned about......although I don't expect that this will happen anytime soon either. I'm working on self acceptance as the way forward, then I won't care what others think.

[tvgirl4fun]

After reading some of the posts after mine I'd like to add to my opinion to acceptance (and actually everyone elses'), that it is relative to what "level" one dresses at. Meaning, do they just dress at home or actually venture into the real world. If they don't go out, then obviously they want acceptance at home. If they do go out, then it's relative to who they interact with. Guys, girls, or both. (There was a time when I would go out dressed, I would only go into a coffee shop if there was a girl behind the counter.) Or do they only go out to GLBT places.

It would also be interesting in how some "girls'" opinions come out when their in boy mode a work (or wherever) and the discussion comes up about some of the other lifestyles. Such as the punk scene with all the baggy clothes and piercings. Do they jump on the band wagon and down grade them, or stick up for them. In other words, it's OK for "me" to crossdress, but it's (fill in your adjective) for "you" to do/dress like you do. I remember a couple years ago, I went to the Erie Sisters Gala event in Erie, PA and had gone to the local mall. When I was leaving there was a group of teens coming in that spotted, and read me. One of them alerted the others and they all looked and smiled/laughed/giggled (no one made a verbal comments). The part I found funny was that the kid that first noticed me had kelly green hair! Go figure.

Jaie

[Jean GG]

I would love it if people of the world were to accept me for what I am.

I think most of us feel this way...regardless of who we are and what we practice. jean

[~Kitty GG~]

Out of curiosity, what would YOU do if you were standing in the line or at the sink in the ladies room and realized the "girl" next to you wasn't?

Jaie




I'd do the same thing I'd do if the "girl" next to me was. I'd chat w/ her.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[Helen MC]

As we don't live in a Ideal World and I doubt that we ever will, I am happy to go with the minimum necessary to live my life in peace and happiness.

Accordingly I would require is acceptance and toleration by a G/F, S.O, wife were I to marry again. This is an absolute as were she unable to accept my CD side, which would be at home only , then the relationship would never proceed beyond square one. I have always been up front with Girlfriends from the start and ended a couple of such involvements when the lady in question could not agree to this aspect of me.

As regards male friends, co-workers and women not sexually involved with me all I would ask is that if they were to be in the know they tolerate the situation as I would not crossdress in their presence anyway.

In the fictitious "Ideal World" I would be able to go into work etc wearing a skirt and people would be no more concerned than if I was wearing corduroy pants (trousers) or demim jeans or what colour of tee shirt of polo shirt I had on that day. Alas I think I will be "old bones" before such enlightenment occurs.

[livy_m_b]

For me, who tend to ts, acceptance by other women is the most important thing. Partly that's because of my age since I don't really have to worry about being attractive to men but mostly it's because I miss being able to spend lots of time with other women.

liv

[Lilith Moon]

I believe that acceptance of what clothes we choose to wear is a right, not a priviledge. The fact that we are not currently accepted by many is an outright injustice :mad:

That said, acceptance by those close to us is a start. However, if/when general acceptance is gained, I shall not be grateful for the "favor" because acceptance is no more than something we should have had all along.

[Caitlintgsd]

My wife accepts me. I jubilantly accept who I am. I think my son accepts me although I've not "outed" myself to him (wifey's wishes). I'd have to say that I wish society as a whole would be on my wish list. I'm not out to the extended family. If they ask I'd tell them. Her side is because she isn't too thrilled on letting them know. My side is 3000 miles away and we aren't that close anyway. I come from a very dysfunctional family.

[allisonrn06]

I really only need acceptance from one person and that is my wife( I don't have it,at this time anyway).Anyone else I might find accpetance from would just be icing on the cake.

[Sharon]

Learning to accept myself was the key for me. I always had such a low opinion of myself because I was confused and felt like a freak of nature or something. Once I accepted myself, I was able to embrace and love myself, and with that came the ability to accept the love of others.

Karen

Karen nailed it on the head, in my opinion. Until I came to understand and accept myself, acceptance from others was pointless.

[HaleyPink2000]

I don't know if there is a limit to the numbers of threads one can write in one day, but I am finding ALL responses so helpful...from EVERYONE (even those that might APPEAR contrary to my philosophy) that I wish to learn more! I hope it's not selfish!

My husband has been busy for the past week with a sporting event thus I have had more time than usual to indulge in my quest for knowledge (not that he would mind) and understanding. Today he finishes and I will have less free time. Hence because YOUR FEEDBACK HAS BEEN INSTRUMENTAL in helping me/us move forward I wish to ask one more question... today...regarding acceptance.

I have constantly come across the statement that acceptance is key. But, from whom do cd'd need this acceptance? I understand why it is needed from wifes or girlfriends, but from whom else (other cd's) is it needed and why??? I thank you in advance, jean

RE: I understand why it is needed from wifes or girlfriends, but from whom else

My Wife for the first thing, Big time. Big time. Big time.

My Mother, Gawd bless her soul.

My pastor at my church and the people there would be a good start. But that’s another thred on religion, sorry.

My Friends in the business I just retired from.

My friends from my hobbies. Very plural!!!

My Brother In Law, Nice Guy but very Red Neck.. Worse than Me. LOLOL

My neighbors, even though I don’t care a lot, I do care that they don’t burn my house down.


Ahhh, this is enough to keep you busy thinking. LOLOL