A Message For Sheena and Christian GG/Serious Advice

[Dixie Darling]

Sheena, you MUST realize that it was as difficult for Christian to make the move to accept YOU as it was for you to come out to HER. Showing your gratitude by BALANCING your dressing is the best way to maintain this new acceptance and insure further tranquility in your relationship.

Christian, I applaud you for seeking out some quality information about crossdressing instead of flatly refusing to accept of even tolerate it. You, as Sheena's SO, have a RIGHT to have your MAN around when you want him so I hope that Sheena realizes that.

As far as "giving up life as you know it", there is no reason to believe that you have to do such a thing. All that has happened is that you've opened up a new chapter. IF Sheena's dressing is balanced there is no reason to have to change your lifestyle other than making sure that the new discoveries are kept private between the two of you. No one else has to know anything and if the two of you want to make a public appearance as a couple of girlfriends there is always the opportunity to do so in an out of town location where you aren't known.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Ms. Donna]

Sheena

Girl, you need to slow down, back up, and survey the landscape. Nearly all of us here can relate to you wanting to be Sheena 'all the time' – but do you know what that really means for you? There is a point where fantasy and reality meet and I suspect you haven't visited that place as of yet. Some here have managed to go 'full time', others are 'part time' – weekends, after work, etc. – and others are in the closet. In all cases, there is a reason for where they are and that reason is in part dictated by the rest of their lives.

While it sounds like a wonderful prospect, have you considered the implications of this? Your job / career? Your family? Your friends? These are all things which can be and will be effected by going full time. Keep in mind that you cannot un-ring the bell - this would be a life altering choice – even if you were to change your mind at some point.

You seem to be trapped in a rather typical cycle in which Transgender people tend to find themselves – a feedback loop as it were. Add to that the mixed signals your wife is sending and I can understand why you are feeling as you do. The key thing to do here as to stop and get some perspective on the situation. You're Transgender – you need to understand exactly what that means to you. Forget how everyone defines it: what matters is how you define it. Once you understand that, thenyou can start to consider what – if anything – you need to do about it.

You also need to keep your wife in mind with all of this. If she is an important part of your life, then her needs / wants have to be factored into the equation. Unless this was all resolved prior to marrage (and even then there's no guarantee), she is dealing with a lot of contradictory feelings and it will take time for her to process it all. You need to be willing to accept that she might not accept this. Yeah, it sucks, but it is a possibility and, unfortunately, often a reality.

Remember, no matter what, you are Sheena 'full time'. You are but one person – there are no two separate people in there. It's just you, all the time. By and large, being Transgender is less about fashion and more about perspective and understanding.

Give my thread on self acceptance ( http://crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=393330) a read. It might help to put some perspective on things.

You have fair amount of wood to chop with all of this. I suggest you get to work. :)

Christian

:sigh: You, my dear, are a tougher nut to crack.

The whole 'religion' aspect to your side of this is fodder for a flame war – thankfully, my Nomex knickers are in the laundry so I'm not going there. Just realize that the two – TG and God – never seem to be a good mix. I'll leave it for the others here who have resolved this conflict to speak to this point.

In one breath, you say you fully support Sheena – then in the next, she's ruining your chances for greatness. You buy her stuff, you take it away. She publicly thanks you for addressing her as Sheena – and you scream for help…

I don't get it.

First and foremost: you need to educate yourself about us – about transgender individuals: that is assuming you want to know about us. Sheena hasn't suddenly changed – she has been like this her whole life and always will be. What you need to decide is whether you really love her enough to understand her and accept her. She is the same person with whom you fell in love – you need to remember that. To try and change her – to 'kill off' Sheena would be to kill part of that person you married. Is that what you really want to do? I suspect not and attribute your feelings as more 'reactionary' than anything else.

Regarding your chance at fame: how is Sheena going to impact that? Unless either you or her makes some grand announcement, no one needs to know. Yes, I know Sheena wants to be 'full time', but given what I have read so far – along with a lifetime of dealing with this – her feelings sound more 'reactive' than anything else.

When all this came to a head for me in '97, I felt the same way as Sheena. I had already planned what life after SRS would be like: the friends and family I'd lose, moving, changing careers – the whole nine yards. It's now almost ten years later: I'm still married, I didn't transition and no one is inverting any part of my body. What I needed was time and information – the opportunity to sort this all out. It took me a solid two years to come to grips with who I am, and what being Transgender means to me. In the end, transitioning was not the right decision. The two years was time well spent.

Much like Sheena, you have a sizable pile of wood to chop as well. There are many excellent resources out there: books, websites, etc. All you need to do is to be willing to learn. If you are, then just say so and I'm sure that we all can come up with a syllabus for you in short order. :)

To You Both

Girls, you need an objective third party here – someone who can help guide you both in personal understanding and dialogue between yourselves. I strongly suggest you find a therapist – not a priest or some other church related counselor – a therapist: one who understands gender issues who can speak with you both separately and as a couple.

At the end of the day, your issues are not any different than any other couple dealing with this. You both need to step back, take a deep breath and get some perspective. Remember, your relationship is a partnership with each of you willing to listen to the other.


If you can sit down and have a reasoned discussion, then you're already halfway there.


Love & Stuff,
Donna