I have a problem...

[CharlotteSomers]

This is kind of a unique problem, but it's a problem that I think I can only to talk to you girls about. Not many other people would understand.

A few days ago, I was chatting on yahoo and met this girl from Canada. She initially contacted me. I don't usually tell people my gender right away and so she thinks I'm a GG. I can't tell you how much I regret not telling her the first time we chatted. We just clicked so fast.

Well, over the past few days, we have chatted for many hours online - even while at work during the day. I've even sent her a few of my pictures which she thinks are beautiful. I have grown so close with this girl and she has with me in such a short amount of time. What have both talked about how much we feel for each other. I just can't explain the unbelievable connection we have with each other. It's like nothing I have ever experienced or felt...ever.

Now I know what I'm doing is just plain wrong, but I really can't bare the thought of hurting her in any way. I don't love her, but we have both said that we have been thinking alot about that.

Does anybody have any opinions on what I should do here? Should I tell her? Should I just stop chatting? I know both of those would hurt her..and just about kill me. I really need some help here.

[MissBosie]

Tell her straight away. The longer you let it go on, the worse it will be for both of you. Lies never pay in the end.

[genevieve_ohara]

Hey darlin'....

Don't be too hard on yourself. These things happen.

Sometimes when things happen fast, it's hard to think clearly...with your head, not your heart.

But if you look inside, it's always easy to know what to do.

Do the right thing.

You know what it is, and you know it's hard. But it's also the right thing to do.

Do it now, when it's still brand new...don't wait until love grows.

And if you fall, we'll be here to catch you.

Love

G

[Wendy me]

are you going to meet her????? what do you want?????????what dose she want?????
i would say think if it was the outher way around would you want to know????????

[Rachelle A]

The Truth will put her feelings to the test.
If she really cares about you, she will continue to be your friend.

You know what they say, there is nothing worse than a woman scorned!

Good Luck!

[StephanieCD]

I vote tell her right away. While it's still early! In an open and honest email and then just wait for a reply... let us know! We're hoping for ya!

[coral_s]

The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. The pain on both sides will also increase. Don't let build up, just bite the bullet and tell her.

[DonnaT]

Tell her. The anxiety will haunt you until you do. Now, what if she tells you the same thing?

[CharlotteSomers]

Dammit. I kew you all were going to say that. ANd you all are right. Here is the email I'm sending her right now. I'll let you know what happens.



Dearest Suzanne,

Over the past few days that we have been talking, I have to grown to feel closer to you than anyone in my life, ever. I never thought I could feel this way for anyone, let alone someone I have never met. If we were to continue chatting, and I honestly hope that we do, I think I could fall in love with you. In my eyes, you are so perfect in every way imaginable. I would never want to do anything to hurt you.

What I am about to tell you is tearing me up inside so much I can't explain it. I know that this will hurt you and you may never want to speak with me again. I hope with all of my heart that this is not the case, however I will completely understand if that is what you chose.

Well, let me just get right to it. I am a male crossdresser. I usually don't tell people this right away because most the people I talk to are jerks and it's none of their business. I don't want to be a girl or live life as a girl, nor am I a gay male. I am just a male living my life. I know I should have told you as soon as I found out you were not one of those people I normally chat with, but with the feelings I have for you I was not thinking straight at all. I wanted to tell you this before we both got any closer than we are now.

I am actually sitting here at work, knowing what you wanted to say to me tonight when we chat, and I'm crying as I type this. My heart is racing and I am actually shaking because I so afraid of telling you this. I will say that everything I have said to you about how I feel about you is the absolute truth. You may have a hard time understanding this, but everything that I've said to you was me, not me trying to be somebody that you would like. All of the pictures I sent to you are actually me. All of the fantasies we have talked about, I wish could come true. I really feel like you are one of my best freinds and that we have a deep connection with each other. Deeper than I have ever had with anybody.

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me but will understand if you can't. You have no idea how hard this is for me to tell you and how afraid I am that you will never want to talk to me again. That would just devastate me unbelievably.

Well, I think that's about enough from me. I've told you everything I wanted to and promise be 100% honest from now on. I will be waiting for you this afternoon and tonight if you still want to chat. You can ask me anything you want if you want to try to understand, or you can scream at me and call me names. I know I deserve it. I hope with all of by being that I will talk with you again, but if I don't I will never bother you again...no matter how hard it will be for me.

Regardless of what you decide, I want you to know that I will never forget you.

Love, Yours...Trully,

Chad

[StephanieCD]

Wow... you made me all weepy-eyed. Good luck, hun, really! You laid it all out there!

[genevieve_ohara]

Charlotte, that was beautiful.

You should be proud.

Love

G

[Jennifer_Ph]

Good luck Charlotte. The truth had to come out at some point - it's better to do it early. I truly hope this all works out for you!

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Okay, color me clueless, Charlotte, but are you saying she's a lesbian?? That she thought she was speaking with a woman (GG)?? If so, it will probably be very difficult for her to take; although each is different. Most of the lesbians I've hung out with are very specific about dating women. In fact, this past year at the annual Womyn's Music Festival in Michigan a TG woman attempted to enter and they did not allow her into the compound. Tread carefully in this area dear. And, I agree with the other grrls, you've done the right thing!!
hugs
kew

[Sharon]

It's a lovely letter Charlotte. You've got me weepy too.

[Julie]

Charlotte, really you shouldn't have let it get this far but I'm proud of the action you are now taking. I have to admit that like Kew the word Lesbian came into my mind also. I'm thinking of you.

JJ

[Krissi]

Good luck dear, and let me applaud you on telling her and not just dissappearing, I've had that happen a few times to me. It may not be love but you do develop a bond and to just dissappear hurts too. Once again good luck sweetie and let us know how it goes.

JJ :)

[CharlotteSomers]

Thanks everybody for your help. And yes, she is a lesbian. I wasn't looking to chat with a lesbian just for that purpose. I was in a normal chatroom for adults. She is the one that contacted me when we started chatting.

This waiting is killing me. I will be so suprised if she even wants to say anything at all, even if it's just to tell me to F*** off. I do feel better now that I've sent it though, although I'm still torn up inside like you wouldn't believe.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Well, Charlotte, I may have had a bit of a sharp tone but I've been ****ed with by men on the internet, so it's a knee jerk reaction for me to be a bit on the offensive here. I'm glad you told her and hope that she can at least give you an honest response so, if it's not to be, you can have closure. Hang in there okay:)

hugs
kew

[Felicity]

Best wishes. However, if she likes you as CD, we will all be jeleous. I hope she responds in a positive manner.

[susanmaid]

I agree with almost all the replies that honest is the best policy,SUSAN

[CharlotteSomers]

Well, Charlotte, I may have had a bit of a sharp tone but I've been ****ed with by men on the internet, so it's a knee jerk reaction for me to be a bit on the offensive here. I'm glad you told her and hope that she can at least give you an honest response so, if it's not to be, you can have closure. Hang in there okay:)

hugs
kew

Thanks Kew. You have every right to take any tone at all with me. I fully expect worse than that from this girl. I can't tell you all how awful I feel about this whole thing. If I can hurt someone so much by being a CD, it's enough to make me want to either stop forever or go into hiding for the rest of my life.

Well, I should here from her any minute now. I'm so nervous.

[carolynhcd]

Charlotte, honey, I hope so much for you that it all works out well. The truth is, we can never see, at the time, what is a good thing and what is a bad thing. I have cried my eyes out for years at a stretch over some woman who rejected me, and I have always come to conclude that it was the best result possible. I don't know, nor do I think anyone can, whether her accepting you or rejecting you is for the best. But whatever happens will be for the best. I think that only you can know whether your letter to her was honest enough or too obsequious. Personally, having no more understanding of the case beyond what you have chosen to share, I think that you haven't been all that naughty of a girl in this matter. You ARE desirable and worthy of being loved for who you are and I think every girl on this site will second me in this regard. We are all lovely people who want to love and be loved and want to stretch the boundaries just a tiny bit. I hope that you will share with us the denoument of this situation and let us hold you if you fall or envy you if you win. Love, Carolyn

[softandsmooth]

Well done Charlotte,

That was a very stand-up thing to do. I stand with everyone else - it was the right thing to do and you did it very tactfully.

"Such that I have, give I to thee"

Whatever come out of this, you can say that you did the right thing.

You made us proud.

I remain,
Another Charlotte
(this one a Canuck)

[CharlotteSomers]

It's over. She read the email when she logged into chat while ago. The first thing she said was "You must know that I am crying right now". Then she said not to talk, but to let her talk. Next she said. "but I may not be crying for the reason you think. I'm very dissapointed, and hurt but I'm crying for you."

Over the next hour, she asked questions and I explained why I am CD the best I could. To make a long story short, she was very understanding once I explained how I felt. She ended up forgiving me (which makes me feel I could love her even more), but then basically said we should not talk anymore and the she will miss Charlotte very much.

I have only cried two times in the past 20 years. Once when my grandmother died, and then tonight as she was saying goodbye.

I want to thank all of you for your help in pointing me in the right direction. At least it's over and I can move on.

[Sharon]

Charlotte:
It's a bit of a cliche, but sometimes there are things that just weren't meant to be. I know this doesn't make you feel any better, but nothing will do that for you but time.
Hey -- you never know -- maybe she'll realize that she misses speaking with you and want to resume the friendship.
I hope you feel better soon!
Sharon

[Jerry]

Well, done, all around!
Hog hugs. Jerry

[StephanieCD]

True, maybe you'll make a friend... and now you know that Charlotte, as well as Chad can be loved. Maybe it was an unfortunate growing experience for both of you?

You both have my deepest sympathy. To lose what could have been is often harder than losing what was. I know :(

Chin up, dearie.

[clarissa3d]

The saying about letting go a bird and if the bird returns then it was ment to stay. If the bird leaves not to return then it was never ment to be.
In either case Charlotte, you have a moment in time which you can cherish for all time and no one can take that from you.

Best wishes

[Anita]

charlotte you had to tell her the truth and i admire you for so doing
A relationshipbased on a mistruth will never survive
I feel your pain and hope that she changes her mind after a little thought. But you can hold your head high in the way you handled it
love Anita x

[Rhonda Callahan]

I agree with the responses here, love is not bound by gender, and the sex is mostly determined by our genes and our socialization, so, stay in touch with her if she will, and see where it takes the both of you. LOL

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Hugs, Charlotte, hugs grrl. Ya did the right thing.

kew

[Nikki A.]

you did the right thing. I would not be surprised that if she really enjoyed your time together that after it all sinks in that she may not contact you as a friend. If not it would hurt even more down the line

[Rachel Ann]

(((((Charlotte)))))

We are all proud of you. And the fact that she was willing to listen to you, and explain herself shows that you chose well. Another girl might have just slammed the door and refused to talk.

I know that doesn't make it hurt any less, though. :(

Love

[Jennifer_Ph]

I'm so sorry Charlotte. You need hugs, girl! Just remember, its not the fact that you are a crossdresser that hurts people, it's when people expect one thing and get another. You've learned a tough lesson, and taught us all one at the same time. It is important for us to be honest and up front with people about who we are. Otherwise we can hurt others and ourselves. Look at it this way, if nothing else, you had some great times with this girl, and some fond memories that you'll never forget. Remember the good stuff. Then gather yourself up and move on. We all know you as a wonderful person - you will someday make someone very happy. I hope all is getting better. Good luck, and I'm sending you lots of hugs.