HELP - caught - decision time

[michellecd9999]

It's about 10am on Wednesday. I was caught this morning. I thought my wife had left. I got up an put on one of ther nightgowns. Left the hanger with a few other nightgowns out in the closet. All of a sudden, she appears! She had not left and needed to go into the attic (through the closet)
She sees the hanger with the nightgowns out. "Why is this out? Did you take take this out?"
"No" I lied - but she knew. She was in the closet 20 minutes earlier getting dressed. So she knew it was not out then. She HAD to know I took the hanger out. She did not say anything, but I know she knew something was up.
I was laying in the bed in one of her nightgowns. I was under the covers. I quickly pulled the nightgown down and kicked it to the bottom of the bed. She got some boxes out of the attic and left. I acted like all was normal. I know she knew something was amiss, but not that I was wearing her nightgown. I have to come clean tonight. I don't know if I should just tell her I was wearing her gown and sometimes I do that OR should I come out totally - tell her I dress fully (wig and breast forms) and have had makeovers and been out in public. HELP! What is your advice? I need to hear today as I have to tell her something tonight. Would especially like to hear from GGs. Feel free to email me with your advice!
Michelle

[jamiepabicd]

jamie here,

take it from someone who knows all too well about keeping this from your so.
my advice is to tell her about it fully. i wouldn't be "all dolled up" while telling her, that should come later, slowly at first.
be open and honest about the "whole nine yards". she may accept, she may not, as my wife chooses not to. she knows i dress up in private and under my clothes and chooses not to accept or encourage but atleast she knows and i'm not keeping secrets from her.

jamie

[Emily Ann Brown]

Hun, start by telling her you lied about the hanger and that you are sorry you did that, that you did have it out because you had put on one of her gowns and that you do it often. At that point you will have a pretty good idea if you should have put on a bulletproof vest or not. Be prepared for full disclosure although you may or may not get the chance tonight. Go slow and answer all questions as they are asked. Withhold nothing....transparency will be key now. Don't be surprised at any question, no matter how off the wall it sounds to you.

Welcome to the club....there is life after discovery. I'm here on Yahoo IM (in invisible mode) or email if you need to chat [email protected].

Emily Ann

[Sandra]

Spill the beans and I mean everything, totally honesty. Be prepared for all hell to break loose but try to keep calm and answer all questions as honestly as you can, listen to how she feels and explain how you feel and why you dress. It might be an idea if possible to get her to join here and talk to the other GGs .

Good luck

[Talon DeRojo]

Michelle - I agree with Jamie and Sandra. If you don't come clean, your wife will be suspicious and that can poison the relationship. Be ready for her questions - Are you gay? Bi? Do you want to become a woman? Have sex with others while dressed? Why haven't you told me this sooner? Don't you know that your public activities while dressed might affect me and my relationships with others like friends and family? What else have you kept from me?
I don't know other details about your relationship such as how long you've been married or if you have children or what size/type of town you live in, but these facts may affect her response. And remember, she's probably having a day as anxiety-filled as you are right now. It's not going to be easy, but getting it all out in the open is the place to start. Good luck.
Talon

[Megan G]

Since I have been recently outed by my wife I can only give you this advice...... come clean with her!

I had hidden by CD'ing from my wife since the day I met her but what I did not know was that she knew about it for a long time (before we were even married)before she came out and told me she knew about it. She was waiting for me to tell her but that did not happen.

Thankfully I have a very wonderfull and understanding wife and things are great, she knows about this side of me and accepts it.She has yet to see me dressed but that will happen in time. She was upset a little that I could not find the courage to talk to her about it but givin our current situation she understood why.

Life is great now, I no longer have to worry about getting caught, no more keeping an eye out the window.

[Anita Mae GG]

Ditto to what Sandra and Jamie said!

YOu have to tell her EVERYTHING, if you don't that is just more secrets and when she finds out the whole truth she'll be even more upset.

Just come clean, be calm and expect her to flip out (she may not) but be prepared for that. It would also be helpful to have some reference material reayd for her IF she is intersted in learning more about CDING.......

Good luck Hon!!!:hugs:

[Trisha]

come clean tell her all i did and it was the best thing i ever did now im just sooo happy

[Tracy_Victoria]

I think you might be over reacting, if your wife really suspected something was wrong, she would have removed the covers from your bed, to reveal what you were wearing and probably hung around making excuses not to leave.

As Always Honesty is the best policy, and to me this reads as much as you have a need to tell her, about Michelle. maybe even more than you realise yourself?

None of us like hiding things, it like a betrayal to the one we really love, but don't rush in and break her heart. think about your next move, test the water, and move on slowly, like all woman shes not stupid, she will probably noticed things like this a 100 times, but never registered it, to warrent investigation, so treading carefully seem the way to go!!!

how many times have you put a pen down, only to not be able to find it, she probably thinks, "I'm sure I put them away this morning, but clearly I didn't" hence I would wait for her comments on this moring before cleansing and emptying your soul to her.

IMHO I think you have a need to tell her here (which is a good thing) but do it slowly, in small stages, maybe ask her opinion on famous crossdressers, ie Ru Paul, etc, just test the water, but deep down even now you will know most likely what her reaction will be already here when told. if you fear a bad reaction, then you need to be prepared for that, but what ever you say, you must be prepared for the worse, if you do that it can really only get better,

However if it clear you have been busted, like above, you need to be totally honest! just let here lead you'll know if something is wrong or not, and if she is not herself, then you know she is already wondering what is going on, and it's time to face up, and be honest, and tell all.

Good Luck

[kathy gg]

Michelle

It sounds to me like you have made up your mind and you want to tell her. So my advice is based on what you are stating, this is not advice saying "to tell", but advice to a person who has made up their mind to tell.

I dont' know if I would tell her tonight. I mean does she work?..... you could be up all evening talking. You did not mention if you have chidlren....will they be around to interupt and cause you to only get half your thoughts out or get interputed many times?

I would do it when you know you have the time and energy to stay up for a long time. Most coupels I know have all night gabfest on the night of disclosure. If things go well, she might have a zillion questions, you coudl be up for ages. if things go bad she might feel like crap the next day at work. Not a good way to start yoru day, having a rugh evening. Soon as you are both able to sleep late or can take {if you have any} kids somewhere else for the night. You need to be fully attentive and ready for anything.

Also, write down what you want to tell her. Almost a script so you dont' let your emotions or nervousness dictate the converstation. Be ready to sound firm and sure when she asks you the questions we all ask "bi-sexual?/gay?.....srs? .....do you want to live this way?...blah-blah....." If you waver it never looks good. Solid firm answers are always better.

I think starting with " I am a crossdresser" is best. I think explaining that you used one of her nightgowns and then proceed slowly, giving her a few moments to absorb each piece of new information. I think if you hold back on how much you dress it will not soften the blow. Most women jsut get mad that they were "talked down to" with info, almsot like a child.

Also, rather than making this 'coming clean' try to focus on honesty, love, repect, and sharing yoru whole self with her, and that she has deserved the truth. When you start to make it sound like a Catholic confession it sounds full of shame/guilt/and just horrible stuff. But this is not horrible, not in the grand scheme of life. So giving it as much of a positive slant upon introduction will help in the long run.

Also you need to have some 'thought' in your head as to how you percieve her fitting into this new role of 'knwoing about you'. One complaint I get often on my list is " he told me, but had no idea how I fit in with it. He is looking for me to lead the way. But I am still figuring it out. How can I know what I am doing is right when he won't even say what he wants from me now?"

And please, no matter what you have to remember, you have had your ENTIRE life to figure this out....please use patience and empathy and realize that just because you are out of the closet....well now she is in one.

This board has a great gg section, at least ler her know when she is ready that she can talk to other women who are also married/dating cds.

Well....I hope you can gather your eggs quickly.

good luck and please update us when you have had your talk.




It's about 10am on Wednesday. I was caught this morning. I thought my wife had left. I got up an put on one of ther nightgowns. Left the hanger with a few other nightgowns out in the closet. All of a sudden, she appears! She had not left and needed to go into the attic (through the closet)
She sees the hanger with the nightgowns out. "Why is this out? Did you take take this out?"
"No" I lied - but she knew. She was in the closet 20 minutes earlier getting dressed. So she knew it was not out then. She HAD to know I took the hanger out. She did not say anything, but I know she knew something was up.
I was laying in the bed in one of her nightgowns. I was under the covers. I quickly pulled the nightgown down and kicked it to the bottom of the bed. She got some boxes out of the attic and left. I acted like all was normal. I know she knew something was amiss, but not that I was wearing her nightgown. I have to come clean tonight. I don't know if I should just tell her I was wearing her gown and sometimes I do that OR should I come out totally - tell her I dress fully (wig and breast forms) and have had makeovers and been out in public. HELP! What is your advice? I need to hear today as I have to tell her something tonight. Would especially like to hear from GGs. Feel free to email me with your advice!
Michelle

[Megan G]

I agree with alot of what Kathy said, if you are going to have the big talk with her make sure that she does not have to get up early the next day. When my wife and I talked we were up all night long (3am?!?!?!)

Also make sure that you are ready for any and all questions that may be asked of you, gay, bi ect. Even though my wife did not ask these of me I openly volunteered this info and this really helped as she was too nervous to ask.

Good luck, we are all pulling for you.

Trish.....

[Debbi]

you mentioned telling her EVERYTHING. while i beleive that being upfront and honest is the best road, there times that certain things should be told at certain times and in certain ways. mainly to lessen the load of information that most likely is going to be VERY overwelming. Your mentioning about your getting makeovers and ESPECIALLY going out in public should be discussed at another time. OR if you really feel the need to get those out, at least do in a way such as, " I woul dlike to get a makeover someday" " I would enjoy going out in public dressed someday"

you are not lying about thos two topics, and at the same time you are getting those points out in the open, so that she will have an idea of how far along you are. I just don't feel that her knowing you have already been out several time is going to garner a favorable response/reaction from her. in fact, the idea of you going out dressed, is most likely going to open up a whole different aspect of the whole 'shock' of your dressing and just add more confusion as well as possibaly a different kind of 'trust' issue.

as for the rest of your revelations, i feel you are already at the gates of getting it out and in the open to her. so, like the previous post have stated, be prepared for the expected list of Q&A's.

I came out to my wife 2 months after i started dressing. This after a 13 year major supression of my fem side. I didn't start the night dressed. just my usual guy like and told her that i needed to tell her something that had been on my mind for several weeks. what i DIDN'T tell her was that I had already purchased several outfirts, a wig, heels, ect. I just let those slowly trickle in a little at a time. a month into the 'disclosure', I let her know that I bought some new things, and always made sure that i threw in a few of the previous items i had bought. Some may call that decieving, but I just felt it was best to go that route as to not make the initial coming out more earthshattering then it had to be. everything has worked out well. the weekend after i i came out to her, we went shopping for makeup for both of us. a few new clothing items, accessories, ect.

it has been 2 months now and anything that i had before i told her, has already been moved from my hiding place in the rafters in the garage, to the closet we both share.

i wish you the best in your discussion tonight and hope you'll gain some help from the wonderful support here.

Debbi

[bobbipoet]

this is your chance - turn something that appears to be bad luck into something that is good luck - open up completely and be honest - and be patient - we know the reason that you hid this side, but she does not - she very likely will be hurt that you couldnt share this before - you need to reestablish trust now - it takes courage, but all other alternatives will be ultimately unhealthy, i think - good luck

[Bernice]

Michelle, you knew this day would come. Hopefully you have been preparing for it.

The GGs here have the best advice. They have been through it. Tammy Marie is an Angel - her sainthood is "in the bag".

I avoided all this anxiety by bringing it up before we engaged, but that is not helpful to you now. Except perhaps, that my wife seemed to think the whole thing just wasn't that big a deal. She asked "do you hurt anyone when you do this?" and of course I believe no-one is harmed by crossdressing per-se, only by lying about it.

Of all the advice I have read for people in your difficult situation, perhaps the best explanation for not telling her before is that you love her so much that you felt you could not risk losing her. This crossdressing is something about yourself that you cannot change, and thus if she cannot accept it, you both lose. If she can learn to at least tolerate it, you can both win.

Be willing to abide by any limits she places on this. Perhaps point out that if she only this morning found out, your crossdressing does not have to affect her life all that much. And, don't go into this expecting that you will be allowed to dress more or dress out in the open. This revelation is for her, to save the marriage, and not for you. Any rewards for your bravery can come later, perhaps much later. If the anticipated reward is your only motivation, the marriage is doomed.

Finally, get your own clothing! Come on... have some respect!

I wish both of you the best.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Kathy did a much better job of saying what I was trying to say earlier....that from my own experience tonight's conversation will last several days, and have almost a mind and path of it's own. Be ready to tell all, but don't just "unload the dump truck" on her.....be sensitive and willing to let her ask for the information she wants. I remember on day two we were out and she went to the restroom....and came back wanting to know where I went to the restroom when I was out dressed. We then discussed just that one portion for almost an hour. Then for days she didn't want to use public restrooms because a CD might be in there. Just don't get in a hurry, and give honest answers. Being out is the beginning of a deeper relationship.

Emily Ann

[michellecd9999]

Thank you all for your comments. It's 2:45pm now. I have had quite a few exchanges in the chat room and via email. I especially appreciate the info from the GGs in here. Thank you all so much. I plan to take her out to eat then tell her when we return.
By the way, I am 49, been married 26 years, 2 kids in College so they are not home now. My wife is a teacher. We are active in church and community so outing to anyone else would not be good. I hope she can understand and keep it a secret. Tonight might be okay as the students last day of school is today and that takes off a lot of pressure. I need to check with her to see if she is under a lot of pressure at work. If so, I may have to delay it until she finishes up next week. (thanks for those whose advice made me stop and think about this)
I will keep you all advised!
Michelle

[ashlee chiffon]

you're TOAST *as in burnt toast" if you don't come clean now...as any GG here will attest, lying to a Woman is as bad or Worse then the actual breach of trust that's she's going to hit you with...It's going to be rough, but you need to make her believe you REally love her and this won't be a problem between you!
Sorry, but thems the facts, Mam!

[LucyTwitch]

Hi

Tell when you feel the time is right and I agree you have to be prepaired for a lot of questions.

Good luck

Love
Lucy

[Julie York]

Lie!....Lie through your teeth till you're blue in the face......!!








No wait , that's not right is it....

[michellecd9999]

It's almost 4pm. I was checking to see if any other info I had not thought of had come in. Thanks again to the GGs and gurls for all your help. I will test the waters tonight. I can't imagine her NOT following up again as to why her nightgowns were out. I hope she is feeling relieved with the kids gone, but I know she is also under a lot of pressure to get grades in etc. So I need to check with her when she gets home. I am prepared to be totally honest with her.
Michelle

[Carole/CCD]

You have received a lot of good advice and it sounds like you are prepared let us all know how it works out best of luck

[Krissi]

Be prepared for a backlash. Teachers, (I'm a former one) tend to be very protective of their public persona. I can tell you now that she is going to have a huge fear of being discovered. Schools, especially here in the bible belt south, are known for getting rid of those that don't conform to the highest of standards. That is going to be a big hurdle before you even get into the Church thing. I agree with those that said to write down responses, and on the gay, bi, thing don't be too anxious or too forceful with your answers. Still to this day, and my wife has known for over 6 years, her biggest fear is that I"m going to want to become a woman.

I kinda agree with Debbi, be honest, but temper what you say a bit. Sometimes I like to try on some of your things has a much more pleasant sound that every day when you leave the house I like to become a woman. You want this to be as calm as possible. You don't want emotion to take over, so try and stay away from topics and wording that will push her buttons. Even if she totally accepts everything you tell her, remember this is only the 1st of many discussions you will have on the topic, that I can promise you. Also remember there is a difference between tolerance and acceptance. Most wife's tell you its okay, I support whatever you want to do, meaning deep down, go ahead and dress just dont get carried away. Where as we hear support and get excited and think that she is going to drive us to the salon for our makeover and then go shopping with the girls. Get ready for some ground rules, and honestly you should be the one to suggest that. Give her the keys and the ride will be smoother, if she has to take them, it can be a rough get away.

[SherriePall]

Well, Michelle, you're only a couple years younger than I was when I told (read that Blurted Out) my wife. I was married about the same number of years as you.
I don't know why I told her. There were no nightgowns laying around as in your case. But I did. Well, I didn't sleep much that night. Not because we were talking, but because I was upset because she left the bedroom crying. Oh, she did ask a couple of questions before leaving. The usual.
A couple of days later we talked. That's nearly seven years ago. She's still not thrilled. She's still not seen me dressed. But she does allow me some room for my clothes and delicates.
She still loves me and I her.
So, life goes on. Always for the better (whether we can see it or not).
I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers the next several days.

[azure]

wierd!

Hi anyway, in summary of what Im sure I posted, see a counsellor, and be honest, truth isnt nice but its better than lies.

[Phoebe Reece]

Michelle, it's good you decided to come clean with your wife. It will probably take some time for things to settle down. Don't forget that if and when your wife is ready, there is a local group that can help. She can meet and talk with some other wives here in Atlanta if she wants to. Best of luck.

[Abby Lauren]

I join the ones who advise you to come clean and have an open and honest relationship with your wife. I have never regretted coming out to my wife and our relationship is better than it ever was before.
There are no guarantees that everything will work out but I believe you'll feel better about not having to live a lie all the time.
Good luck and I will be rooting for you.

[michelle19845]

It's about 10am on Wednesday. I was caught this morning. I thought my wife had left. I got up an put on one of ther nightgowns. Left the hanger with a few other nightgowns out in the closet. All of a sudden, she appears! She had not left and needed to go into the attic (through the closet)
She sees the hanger with the nightgowns out. "Why is this out? Did you take take this out?"
"No" I lied - but she knew. She was in the closet 20 minutes earlier getting dressed. So she knew it was not out then. She HAD to know I took the hanger out. She did not say anything, but I know she knew something was up.
I was laying in the bed in one of her nightgowns. I was under the covers. I quickly pulled the nightgown down and kicked it to the bottom of the bed. She got some boxes out of the attic and left. I acted like all was normal. I know she knew something was amiss, but not that I was wearing her nightgown. I have to come clean tonight. I don't know if I should just tell her I was wearing her gown and sometimes I do that OR should I come out totally - tell her I dress fully (wig and breast forms) and have had makeovers and been out in public. HELP! What is your advice? I need to hear today as I have to tell her something tonight. Would especially like to hear from GGs. Feel free to email me with your advice!
Michelle










i'd highly suggest to start with you wore it,don't say you've been dressing and getting makeovers.that could be too much at once.see what the results are when you say you were wearing the gown and see how that handles,then you'll know what direction to take it.


michelle19845

[michellecd9999]

Well, It's Thursday am - Let me give you an update. Let me give you an update. I was all prepared. I was going to take my wife out to dinner and then come back and tell her. Well. at 6:30 she called. Asked about dinner. I told her I wanted to go out. She reminded me she had her woman's bible study at 7pm tonight and needed to grab something quick. (I had forgot about it). We agreed to meet at a fast food near her. We met, ate, nothing said. I came home. She got in a bit after 9pm. We watched the end of American Idol and had a glass of wine. Afterwards we came upstairs and planned to make love. We took a bubble bath together (out normal routine). When we got out and she went to the closet to get a nightgown. I thought it would come up. But... nothing said. We made love and had a great time. Nothing said. Went to bed... nothing said.
So, I am sure she knows I was doing something with her nightgowns, but she does not want to face it. I have to leave before she gets home tonight and will be out until late, so tonight is not good. Then my kids will be back from college tomorrow through the weekend - not good. So it will be Monday or Tuesday night before I have another chance to approach her. I guess I should.
Thank all of you who have posted or emailed me advice. I really do appreciate it! It is amazing to see so many reach out to me - a person they really don't know, but in need of help. Thank you all. Please... if you have any other words of advice, please let me know. I guess I will come out early next week.

Michelle

[~Dee~]

well good luck and heres to a good 'early next week'

[Tracy_Victoria]

Michelle

As I said, just take it slowly, and keep testing the water, to gauge her feeling on crossdressing, not you dressing!

Remember, she may actually already, know! but prefer it if she ignores it, in the hope it will go away! if she clams up at mention of the subject, you have a good idea she might know, but it maybe her upbringing as well.

basically, small steps is the way to go. ie little and often, but once told, there is no way back to where you are now! (so make sure your both ready!)

Good Luck!

[KimberlyS]

.. nothing said.
So, I am sure she knows I was doing something with her nightgowns, but she does not want to face it. I have to leave before she gets home tonight and will be out until late, so tonight is not good. Then my kids will be back from college tomorrow through the weekend - not good. So it will be Monday or Tuesday night before I have another chance to approach her. I guess I should.
Thank all of you who have posted or emailed me advice. I really do appreciate it! It is amazing to see so many reach out to me - a person they really don't know, but in need of help. Thank you all. Please... if you have any other words of advice, please let me know. I guess I will come out early next week.

Michelle

Michelle, may I suggest that you make the first move and set a time up with your wife to talk some time next week. Tell her it is nothing that is really a big deal, just some things that you would like to talk to her about. This will also give you some time to gather some information to give her if she wants it and time to write down some notes for yourself. At least I know for me once I get talking I forget most of what I want to say until well after we were done talking. So both my wife and I went to having personal journals to write things in.

Good Luck,
KimberlyS-CD

[michellecd9999]

Thanks again for the post and email. I just returned from lunch with her. Nothing mentioned. I have to leave early for an event tonight and will not be back until late. I am consumed by this in my mind and spend the day thinking it through and reading your post and emails. It's funny over 1200 people have viewed this thread and only 30 posted something. I really do appreciate the post and advice /encouragement. I am hoping for some form of acceptace from her, even if it is just that she knows I do it but not in front of her. Or that I could bring my clothes out of hiding and hang them up properly instread of crammed into the secret compartment where they are now!

One other question - are there ANY GG's reading this and wish their husband had never told them - had kept is a secret? Do you feel this is a burden on you and you wish he would have kept it to himself?
Michelle

[~Kitty GG~]

I know that I've come back several times to see how the thread is going. So even tho there are only 30 replies.. return visits from posters could count for quite a few of the visits.

As for if I wished Dee hadn't told me.. no way!

When Dee finally came out to me it stopped years of misery. We were fast heading for divorce. The only thing that kept each of us from suicide was our refusal to subject our families to the pain it would bring.

Even tho we were married. Wanted to be together. Loved eachother...
Because of the secret we were both alone and miserable.

I thought it was all my fault. That I was a disappointment and a failure. I lost all trust in Dee and if she had waited very much longer probably would have lost love as well.

This is our experience and I'm not saying this how it will be for you and your wife. One thing that concerns me is that you mentioned her attending bible study. She may have principals and beliefs that can't tolerate CDing. Expecting someone to go against their principles or beliefs to accomodate you is in effect asking them to not be themselves.. so that you can be yourself.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[bobbipoet]

let us know what happens - we will all be hoping the best for both you and your wife.

[gennee]

I was where you are in March. SO found my panties, so I had to come clean. She doesn't approve but at least she knows. Tell her everything.

Gennee:straightface:

[Julie Avery]

You could say that you'd been visiting soccer chat rooms and befriended a woman named Julie York, who turned out to be a male-to-female crossdresser who managed to track you down and change your clothes while you were sleeping without otherwise doing any harm. However, sustaining this or any similar improbable story will likely become exponentially more difficult with every hour you sustain the attempt.

You're caught. I'd come clean. Lying (which will certainly give your partner persistent nagging doubts about your truthfulness, probably be perceived immediately, and almost certainly be detected eventually), will only make your crossdressing seem to your partner more like something you have good reason to be ashamed of - as mudanjel GG mentioned in the "Why won't most GG's accept us" thread, where she said, "If it's not bad, why are you hiding it?"

So if you want to begin to be in a position to say, "I've come to understand that it's not bad," a good way to begin would be to quit hiding it (from the partner who's basically caught you), IMHO.

[Jennaie]

Michelle:

You took notice of how many people read your post and how few responded. I would like to tell you why I believe that your post did not receive the response you expected, at least from me.

I have a very hard time giving someone advice when it comes to relationships. I feel like I am not you and I don't know your wife. I think you would know much better than myself as to what to do, how to deal with, and or talk to your wife.

I tend to shy away from giving advice on this type of thing and only offer hope and best wishes, which is what I am doing. I hope that all works out for the best between you too and that she is understanding of your dressing. :hugs:

[Sandra]

One other question - are there ANY GG's reading this and wish their husband had never told them - had kept is a secret? Do you feel this is a burden on you and you wish he would have kept it to himself?
Michelle


No way do I wish Nigella hadn't told me. It was very hard at first but now our life together is much better and we are a lot closer with each other

[kathy gg]

hi...I just thought of something. I remember a lady on my yahoo group a long while back had a story which she recounted about her hubbys cding. She too would often find her clothing looking mishandeled or in places she did not leave it, all prior before she knew about the cd stuff. BUT...her husband used to also buy her gifts, of undies, nightgowns, blouses, shoes. So she actually thought he was measuring her stuff or taking it to the store to have so he could buy her the right size. Becuase on her birthday or other gift giving occasions she usually got something clothing related. WHen he did finally tell her about being a cd, it was for much of the same reason you are about to tell. He thought she had figured it out ....but she never had, she literaly thought it was him going through her stuff to buy a a gift for later! Needless to say once he told her what he had been doing with her stuff she was a little surprised it was not to measure for a gift...but to use for his own purpose.

This is just another angle thatI thought of which might be going through her mind rather than what you really think she is thinking.

But...until you confront her...well you wont' know what she is really thinking.

Anyway, thanks for not dropping a bomb on her at a bad time and waiting till you both have time to really talk with no interuptions and you can focus just on her and her questions.

still wishing you luck!

[Julie Avery]

Anyway, thanks for not dropping a bomb on her at a bad time and waiting till you both have time to really talk with no interuptions and you can focus just on her and her questions.


Is that really how serious issues in long-term relationships should be addressed - waiting until one partner is prepared to roll over and beg like a dog?

Why is the CD and his issues unworthy of consideration equivalent to the consideration you suggest for "her"? Because she conforms to social stereotypes, and he doesn't?

[Deborah]

GOOD GRIEF!!!

What is with some of you people? If you're really worried about being caught why didn't you watch her and see her drive off?????
When i first started dressing up at around age 12 i would watch out the windows for everyone to leave...lock the doors...then check the windows every few minutes to see if anyone was coming back!!!!!
Same thing when i was married (She guessed i was TS though and yes i came clean) I would watch her leave. It wasn't until i showed a little to much interest in all things femme that i didn't have to hid anymore.
Now i'm single (no not divorced for being Deb) i don't have to worry about hiding anymore.

[karen fox]

Lie!....Lie through your teeth till you're blue in the face......!!








No wait , that's not right is it....

you are soo funny Julie, that made me laugh!
Good on ya.

[Joanie]

Is that really how serious issues in long-term relationships should be addressed - waiting until one partner is prepared to roll over and beg like a dog?

Why is the CD and his issues unworthy of consideration equivalent to the consideration you suggest for "her"? Because she conforms to social stereotypes, and he doesn't?

Tell it, Julie! Good points, sooner or later, if a wife knows, she OWES it to her husband to at least try to discuss the issue. Wish I could get mine to talk about it in the same way she talks about other things but I suppose her reluctance to discuss speaks volumes about what she thinks! Hence, this "Don't ask, don't tell" policy that exists here. Gets old.

[michellecd9999]

I appreciate all (well most) of the posts here.

Kathy GG - you bring up a good point. Although there have been several "signs" of my CDing over the years and she did not actually see her gown on me, she may still be totally in the dark. I talked with one woman who works a lot with CDers. She said most wifes don't even think their husband are CD even though they find clues. They ignore it (not my husband) or reason it is something else. Some wil only think that their SOs dressing is limited. ("Oh, he puts on my panties sometimes. At least he does not dress up all the way like those TV's do."). She has not said anything so I think she is not thinking about it at all. I continue to think through if and how I should tell her.
OK Deborah. I was just stupid! I normally do check. I had fallen back asleep. I woke up, looked at the clock and knew she normally left by now, ususally 15 mins ago. I don't hear anything downstairs. She had been leaving early every other morning this week. I admit I lasped in my judgment. I normally also take great pains to have an quick change in case she shows up without notice. And I always take great pains to make sure any kind of evidence (makeup powerder, a hair from my wig) is not on the floor or bathroom vanity!
Michelle

[Khriss]

..freudian slips... are'nt lacy enough for me !:eek: :D "K"

[lostmyhubby GG]

Dear Michelle,
First let me say that there were times i would look at my husband and think gee he seems feminine, just little things he did without knowing he was doing anything nor did he know i was noticing anything. I use to tease him and tell him he had a "girly ass"....it was only one evening we had a couple drinks and were going through some of our lingerie wholesale lot we had bought to resell on ebay...and i had made a comment about something being uncomfortable or looking to be uncomfortable to wear and he said he thought it would be wonderful on....so i threw it at him and said well then put it on....at this moment he was incredibly excited...wearing this piece of lingerie well needless to say we made love and i could tell it was incredible for him...not lying i enjoyed it and fantasized while making love that he was a woman....however after the fact he said wow i havent done this in years.....and it all came out....at first i was horrified,we fought,argued,i asked question,irritated him,insulted him ....etc....in the begining it was very hard for both of us, but he/she is the same person i fell in love with 5 years ago....and i have come to accept it and enjoy his comming out sooo very much. Today was our 5th year anniversary and he has been dressed as Trisha all day and we have had a wonderful day together.
In all actual fact I as well as she feels that we are closer now than we ever have been....and to go shopping together is fun.....
My only thought about her not accepting this about you is she is a school teacher.....i imagine school teachers to be reserved somewhat....and you are church members so she has strong beliefs and tradition must be of one...man is man...woman is woman sort of thing....I would feel her out maybe mention something about how times have changed and how men dress in womens clothes etc....see how she reacts.....test the waters so you can plan better how to bring this up to her....but no doubt no matter what I would recomend telling her, secrets between two just dont seem fair.
I know Trisha/my husband is happier now than he has been in years as he has been locked away all these years and now he feels such relief and much less stress.
I sooooo wish you all the luck in the world Michelle, just reassure her its you,a part of you that will never go away it is you!!!!! tell her you will never force it upon her or condem her if she cant find it in her heart to accept it..but you just wanted her to know about it because you love her very much and dont want to keep it from her anymore. (Stress U R not gay!!!!) its a big misconception to some of us uneducated GG's.
Good Luck and God Bless
Diane(lostmy hubby GG) & Trisha

[kathy gg]

trying to figure out if you are criticizing my post or wtf?

Julie....can you please explain this, either I have not had enough coffee or you are wanting to use me for target practice.

ANyway...if you will read the original first post the person who started the thread made you would see why I responded {both times} the way I did. The poster initially wanted to just bring it up, and my original suggestion was to wait till you knew the wife and you could afford to have a {hopefully} long discussion. In other words, be prepared to spend hours chatting and talking, as that usually happens. How is that.....Begging like a dog? Can't for the life of me figure out where on earth you are reading that into my posts...

And fyi Julie....I am not fan of "social conformaties".....

maybe you have never read one popst from me before, but I am into this. Looked for a cd when I was single. And duh his issues are totally worthy. NSS. I am just saying be prepared ...and to me being prepared is sharing this when they both have the time necessary to talk. How on earth you read what you wrote into my post is almost funny.







Is that really how serious issues in long-term relationships should be addressed - waiting until one partner is prepared to roll over and beg like a dog?

Why is the CD and his issues unworthy of consideration equivalent to the consideration you suggest for "her"? Because she conforms to social stereotypes, and he doesn't?

[Raychel]

In my opinion you should tell her all. But be careful about the timing. You will need alot of time to talk and she may very be very angry. My wife was very upset when I came out to her. But after all the dust has settled I have to say that it was probably one of the best things that I could have done. We have a very open and honest relationship now. There isn't much that we can't talk about. Not that we get very much alone time or time to talk.

But you also have to keep in mind some other that have come out and ended up in divorce. So if you have a strong relationship and want it to be even bettr then telling her is the best thing to do, BEFORE she finds out some other way. It is much bettre to have control of the situation, then to find youself getting thrown into the street in a dress and heels.

Good luck and Do keep us informed.
Raychel

[~Kitty GG~]

Michelle~

I think you're doing the right thing in waiting 'till there's time for a thorough discussion.


As to other suggestions:

Is that really how serious issues in long-term relationships should be addressed - waiting until one partner is prepared to roll over and beg like a dog?

Why is the CD and his issues unworthy of consideration equivalent to the consideration you suggest for "her"? Because she conforms to social stereotypes, and he doesn't?


Kathy advocated that a good amount of time be available for this discussion. How on earth does that mean that one partner has to roll over and beg like a dog?

The CD and his issues have been in the closet for a goodly length of time. Why should the wife be suddenly rushed and overloaded with this when there won't be sufficient time for the two of them to communicate? Why set your marriage up for miscommunications that could ultimately destroy it?

I am amazed at this post.

How can it be considered helpful to anyone on this forum???


Tell it, Julie! Good points, sooner or later, if a wife knows, she OWES it to her husband to at least try to discuss the issue. Wish I could get mine to talk about it in the same way she talks about other things but I suppose her reluctance to discuss speaks volumes about what she thinks! Hence, this "Don't ask, don't tell" policy that exists here. Gets old.

And this post has equally floored me!

First of all we don't KNOW that the wife knows. Its suspected. And if she did.. she would in no way OWE it to her husband to discuss something that he's been hiding from her.

I think we have things mixed up here.

What your wife thinks or does not think could be cleared up with some COMMUNICATION between the two of you, not by fanning flames in someone else's marriage.

I'm pretty sure this thread was asking for advice on how to make things better. Not on how to make the whole CD issues the wife's fault.

not happy
~Kitty~

[Ms. Donna]

I'm pretty sure this thread was asking for advice on how to make things better. Not on how to make the whole CD issues the wife's fault.

:iagree:

One thing we all seem to forget is that we brought these issues into the relationship - not our wives. And just as 'we are the way we are', so are they - to ask them to 'change' the basic assumptions around which they have built their identity and lives is alot to ask.

Change is difficult and acceptance even moreso - for both parties involved. Let's keep than in mind when we trash the women in our lives.


As you were...


Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Sandra]

I thought this was a thread asking for help and a bit of advice, not a "lets have a go at each other".

[Julie Avery]

Tell it, Julie! Good points, sooner or later, if a wife knows, she OWES it to her husband to at least try to discuss the issue. Wish I could get mine to talk about it in the same way she talks about other things but I suppose her reluctance to discuss speaks volumes about what she thinks! Hence, this "Don't ask, don't tell" policy that exists here. Gets old.

I wish you well, Joanie. It's a tough road you're on. The easiest way out is to walk out. It's a credit to CD's that that's not normally the first option taken into consideration.

[Julie Avery]

trying to figure out if you are criticizing my post or wtf?

Julie....can you please explain this, either I have not had enough coffee or you are wanting to use me for target practice.

ANyway...if you will read the original first post the person who started the thread made you would see why I responded {both times} the way I did. The poster initially wanted to just bring it up, and my original suggestion was to wait till you knew the wife and you could afford to have a {hopefully} long discussion. In other words, be prepared to spend hours chatting and talking, as that usually happens. How is that.....Begging like a dog? Can't for the life of me figure out where on earth you are reading that into my posts...

And fyi Julie....I am not fan of "social conformaties".....

maybe you have never read one popst from me before, but I am into this. Looked for a cd when I was single. And duh his issues are totally worthy. NSS. I am just saying be prepared ...and to me being prepared is sharing this when they both have the time necessary to talk. How on earth you read what you wrote into my post is almost funny.

I stand by what I said. I understand where you are coming from, and I know that you are unusual.

I object to the idea that a CD should bite his tongue, roll over and play dead in order to have a first discussion with his partner. I don't think a woman who likes CD's would have to do that. And I am 100% in favor of women who like CD's.

[Anita Mae GG]

I object to the idea that a CD should bite his tongue, roll over and play dead in order to have a first discussion with his partner.


I think you are misunderstanding Kathy on this. All she is saying is that a good time to tell her would be when there is a decent amount of time to talk about it. When you break the news there are lots of questions etc. All Kathy is saying is that maybe waiting til it is a good time where they have PLENTY of time to talk and not be interruped by daily chores etc.

[kathy gg]

I'll tell ya what Julie, I am going to chalk this one up to miscommunication due to computer medium and call it a day on this thread and your "stand".

Dont' see anything I wrote which indicates rolling over and playing dead. hey...if you think this guy shoudl tell his wife on the day their kids arrive from school or the next morning when they both may have big meetings at work and will have had little sleep...well okay. This perosn did ask for advice so I suppse the person who asked for advice can take yours and see how awesomely that works out.

Also, I am not the wife we are talking about, we are talking about a school teacher church going wife of the poster...not trans advocate Kathy..... how "I" would personally react is completely irrelevant to any of this discussion.

Michelle, I am going to let Julie Avery dole out advice and I will no longer use this thread to defend my post nor derail this thread any longer.

I am sure what ever road you choose as a starting point, you can rest assured that all of us are wishing you good and positive thoughts.

Sorry to have accidetnly hijacked this thread. But I really think it is bizarre when simple advice that is more common sense advice than anythign else is completely overhauled and twisted into something it never was to start with.





I stand by what I said. I understand where you are coming from, and I know that you are unusual.

I object to the idea that a CD should bite his tongue, roll over and play dead in order to have a first discussion with his partner. I don't think a woman who likes CD's would have to do that. And I am 100% in favor of women who like CD's.

[sierracd6]

Tell her now hun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Best to do it now before there is too much time for her to think all sorts of crazy stuff. Make her trust you, and the only way to do it is to come clean now...........

[Dana]

I'll tell ya what Julie, I am going to chalk this one up to miscommunication due to computer medium and call it a day on this thread and your "stand".

Dont' see anything I wrote which indicates rolling over and playing dead. hey...if you think this guy shoudl tell his wife on the day their kids arrive from school or the next morning when they both may have big meetings at work and will have had little sleep...well okay. This perosn did ask for advice so I suppse the person who asked for advice can take yours and see how awesomely that works out.

Also, I am not the wife we are talking about, we are talking about a school teacher church going wife of the poster...not trans advocate Kathy..... how "I" would personally react is completely irrelevant to any of this discussion.

Michelle, I am going to let Julie Avery dole out advice and I will no longer use this thread to defend my post nor derail this thread any longer.

I am sure what ever road you choose as a starting point, you can rest assured that all of us are wishing you good and positive thoughts.

Sorry to have accidetnly hijacked this thread. But I really think it is bizarre when simple advice that is more common sense advice than anythign else is completely overhauled and twisted into something it never was to start with.


Good post!

[michellecd9999]

First,
Thanks all for your posts. I agree there are some comments which could be misunderstood. That is always the problem with emails or post or other written communication. We all put our emphasises on words which can change the meanings or use words which can have several interpretations. Kathy, I know were you were coming from and appreciate your comments. We often get off subject on this site and start bickering back with others who posted on something that the original post did not intend! Anyways - I know you all have the best in mind when you post. Yes, being Christian, active in community and conservative circles brings on additional challenges. Of course there are CDers in all of these, but probably most remain very much in the closet.

Now for the update - It's now Tuesday am. We had a busy weekend since our sons were home from college and lots of activities and friends over, etc. This is the first chance to get on the computer. She still has not said anything or acted like there was any problem. We had an enjoyable weekend. She did not actually see me wearing her gown, but she had to know I pulled the hanger out. My wife probably has no idea. I appreciate the advice from many that I reached out to. Some say tell, some say don't unless she brings it up. Right now I am thinking not to say anything unless she does or if she begins to act like something is wrong. I know some will disagree with that, but we all have to make our decisions based on our individual situations. I will keep you posted on any developments. We were alone last night but it was late and we were both exhausted. Tonight will be the first time we can relax together early, so it is going to come up I feel it will be tonight. I am prepared to reassure her I love her, I am not gay and not TS, but I do CD and let her ask questions from there. I will not tell her information she does not ask for. As many have suggested, to take it slowly...
I will keep you posted if any developments.
Michelle

[Sonia_cd]

Hey Michelle!

Hope things are going ok with you and you are able to handle the stress that you have been facing over the past few days!

Well, to be honest I've been checking in on this post and like Jennaie said, I'm a little hesistant to offer advice on relationships. Having said that I would just like to offer my take on what your current situation.

With all due respect to every other CD out there, if I were in your position and nothing had come up for this long, I would not say a word or volunteer information. Neither would I test waters by discussing that topic of crossdressing/TG/TV, simply as a topic of discussion. The reason? Simple. If I love my wife and family (as you clearly do) to bits, my priority would be preserving and strengthening those bonds and making sure that they are happy. Yes, it comes at some personal cost but then every relationship is about some give and take and some compromises.
The alternate would be blow the lid of the topic and bring everything out into the open, the consequences of which are uncertain and definitely unpredictable.

At the end of the day, its only you who is in the best position to gauge the relationship and only you who knows your priorities. Sure, we are more than happy to venture opinion on your feelings and troubles, but only you know the full intensity and range of your stresses. I'm sure you would do whats best for you, the only question being who comprises the "you"...

I'm sorry if I've rambled on for too long. Hope you find some equanimity and peace of mind soon. Please take care. :hugs:

Love,
Sonia

P.S: Have you considered following your gut feel or intutition? I've found it pointing me in the right direction many a time.

[tinaashley]

Only 10 days ago I was thinking that I would spend the rest of my time as a closet CD with my wife not knowing. A couple of comments from her that I pursued and a couple of "forward" remarks by me received favourable responses. Within a couple of days we then went to me asking to try on her bra, to me asking her to buy me one, to her measuring me for my own bra, to her actually giving me one of her own and telling me that I could wear it 24/7 and also I could dress as I wanted even to full dressing.
We have been married 20 years until this came about with me having dressed fully in earlier years but not with her knowledge.
Nobody knows your partner like you do. Maybe a small comment or mannerism might enable you to make a comment in return designed to solicit a favourable response. I was probably at the stage when our relationship was great and the sex was fantastic & the time was right to pursue the subject. You will know the right time. By the way our sex is the best its ever been - even with me wearing a bra all the time.

[Tracy_Victoria]

I know some will disagree with that, but we all have to make our decisions based on our individual situations. I will keep you posted on any developments. We were alone last night but it was late and we were both exhausted. Tonight will be the first time we can relax together early, so it is going to come up I feel it will be tonight. I am prepared to reassure her I love her, I am not gay and not TS, but I do CD and let her ask questions from there. I will not tell her information she does not ask for. As many have suggested, to take it slowly...
I will keep you posted if any developments.
Michelle

Michelle the choice is totally yours here to make, and yours alone! however you seem to have made your decission, and if so, good luck with it.

However there is nothing to stop you testing the waters, asking question when the moment arrives, or the chance to talk about simular matter comes up (radio/tv/life) who know's dispite her not having any clues about your crossdressing, until you probe and ask, you will never know her feelings on the subject, ie there is no need to lock yourself in the cupboard yet!

I know this from experence, myself and Raksha have had our ups and downs, and some heavy downs have come after some really good times together and as we moved on a little more, the problem has never been hers, but actually mine, though fearing a reaction, and my inablitiy to my telling her how I feel, hence i bottled it up through fear of saying what I felt, and away we went.

A couple of days ago, we sat down and talked, and in her words she made it clear "it was not my crossdressing that really bothered her" but my abiltity to express my feeling, and it's now sort of become clear to me that my feeling of doubt (and self doubt) and waiting for it all to go wrong, were actually the cause of the problem, ie my own feelings where making it more difficult for her.

We still have a very long way to go, not sure if we will actually ever reach and end, but thats for us to try and see where we go, all I know, is I'm so grateful she is trying for me.

(thanks Love :love: )

[michellecd9999]

Had a good day yesterday and made love last night.
She has not said anything or asked any questions. I think she does not want to talk about it or acknowledge it. Things are good between us otherwise, so I'll let it stay as it was before.
Thanks to all for your help, comments, support, advice. Nice to know we have a community to turn to!
Michelle

[~Kitty GG~]

Had a good day yesterday and made love last night.
She has not said anything or asked any questions. I think she does not want to talk about it or acknowledge it. Things are good between us otherwise, so I'll let it stay as it was before.
Thanks to all for your help, comments, support, advice. Nice to know we have a community to turn to!
Michelle

Its me again, Michelle..

I'm happy that you're feeling more settled and that things are going well. I do think you're forgetting the other possiblity - that she really doesn't know.

I'm only cautioning you not to count on her knowing but choosing to ignore it. That might color your future decisions and even how you think of your relationship.

Wishing only good things for both of you.

.:hugs:.
~Kitty~

[purple_spider GG]

Hi Michelle
All of us GGs will tell you that the lies and deceit were far worse than the cross dressing. You will spend your days acting like you have something to hide and your wife will notice this. I can assure you that honesty is best now especially as she suspects you are hiding something; I bet she already suspects you were wearing her nightgown. At worst she will suspect you are having an affair so come clean and then give her time to deal with the CD aspect of your life.

Hugs
Debs
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Bernice]

Having been one of the first to weigh in on this thread, I have little more to add except perhaps to observe that the GGs who responded here were overwhelmingly in favor of your terminating the deception, and sharing your whole self with your wife, albeit gently of course. It seems to me that they should know best!

You are the pilot in command, and the rest of us who would dare to criticize are nothing but Monday Morning quarterbacks. Just remember, she will find out eventually anyway. Only you can have any effect on when and how.

Think of this decision as an opportunity to show her just how much you love her.

[Sky]

Julie... (what was her last name again?) told you to lie. A couple more ladies told you to wait and see. Used at the right moment, both are good advice. No, really!

I really don't believe that full openness is always the best policy. Sometimes a white lie is better. A gray one is usually ok too, and a few black ones, well, if no one is looking...

Sometimes people just don't want to know it all if that means facing a harsh reality. I fit in that category. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. (I'm so original!) If you come clean with your wife now, yes, she could give you a big hug. Or ask for some time to think it over. Or send you to a shrink. Or pack her things and leave without saying goodbye. Or attack you with a flamethrower (replace this with any other heavy / dangerous thing you may have at home).

If you just do nothing, she probably would let it that way. I said "probably". She might think you were just fooling. Or, on the contrary, she might think you are a cd, have always been and will always be. I don't know and you don't know either. But one thing I do know, by telling her, you risk more than by shutting up.

And if she finds out, tell her it was a silly impulse and it won't happen again. What's the worse that can happen? That she answers "that's too bad because I always wanted my hubby to be a crossdresser?" Nah, don't think so.

I know this is not the kind of answer most ladies expect, but I really believe it to be the best possible.

[~Kitty GG~]

And if she finds out, tell her it was a silly impulse and it won't happen again. What's the worse that can happen? That she answers "that's too bad because I always wanted my hubby to be a crossdresser?" Nah, don't think so.

What's the worse that can happen depends.. for who?

If this shoe were on the other foot.. and it was the wife with the secret and telling the lies. Would it be worse to keep on living in the dark? Would it be worse to hear the truth or be lied to again? Would it be worse to have to face a possible life changing situation at your present age.. or would you prefer to face it when you're older?

What were those silly vows the preacher had us repeat at our wedding... I can't quite remember them.. ?

~K

[Sky]

Would it be worse to keep on living in the dark? Would it be worse to hear the truth or be lied to again? Would it be worse to have to face a possible life changing situation at your present age.. or would you prefer to face it when you're older?~K

Living in the dark is only bad if you know there's light on the other side.

Ok, that was lame, I'm sorry. What I meant is, until you know you have been lied to, you have nothing to feel bad about, simply because you don't know. Do I know everything about my wife? No way. Would I feel bad if I find out that she's been living a double life as a bearded Norwegian sailor? (I have a vivid imagination). Maybe yes, but only after I have found out. And I'm not even sure about that. Hold on, she could be living with the Norwegian sailor. Well... nah, not that bad either.

My point is, you assume that eventually the other party will find out, and that would hurt more as time passes by. But it's not a given that she'll find out. Do people keep secrets -some heavy, some light- all their lives? Absolutely.

Sorry I don't remember much about the wedding vows, the preacher couldn't make it... :)

[~Kitty GG~]

You can still suffer w/o knowing you're being lied to.

There are lots of things that come w/ dressing that keep the wife at arms length. The CD may get into bad moods or low moods and she has to live with this and not know why.. May take the blame for it.

And then if/when its found out there's the hurt and disappointment. And so to find out 2 years from now.. and realize that your spouse had a good opportunity to tell you now but chose not to......

I don't subscribe to "what you don't know can't hurt you". And I think that anyone who goes for this is more concerned about themselves then they are for anyone else.

I stand by my original statement. The worst that can happen isn't always what can happen to the liar. It pretty much sux to be the lied to.

The liar can be forgiven. The wife may stick with you and realize she still loves you. As the lied to.. what option do we have? Can we make it so that we weren't deceived? Can we go back and not have invested our youth, our love, and our lives in someone we thought was honorable and truthful?

Its fine to say the easier option is to keep lying. But to put such a noble twist on.. that you're not causing hurt by being so selfless as to keep this to yourself goes agains the whole point of finding a supposed soul mate.

~K

[Melora]

I think that you have 2 choices,
1, Admitt to her that You have crossdressed AND come clean to her ONLY IF you "think" that it wont destroy your LIFE with her...

OR

2, DO NOT Admit to her that You have crossdressed AND DO NOT come clean to her ONLY IF you "think" that it WILL destroy your LIFE with her.

It depends upon YOU, and What you FEEL is best for YOU.

This is the Philosophy of "Selfishness", which I reguard as a LIFE TOOL..
Now Let me say this to you hun, You and I have different belliefs, you are Christian and I am a Wiccan, BUT please THINK about this...
I "Think" that I was caught "dressing" by her a long while ago....It has produced No Problems...NOTHING...I ask my self "Do I REALLY HURT ANYBODY" if I am dressed up? = The answer is no.. AM I a Good Husband? = Yes I AM ==SO...THE ANSWER IS YES IT IS OK TO HAVE A PRIVATE LIFE "of my own" AS LONG AS IT HURT NONE!!! = What do I hurt when I am dressed up as a Female? = NoOne! = I Just want to explore privately a "side of me that I like to keep under wraps at this time".
Be at peace sister! Enjoy! AND HURT NO one. And IF you ever feel to tell her your secret, you MIGHT JUST HURT her OR open up a door that you NEVER DREAMED OF, It is YOUR CHOICE! Now IF you are to be caught again AND IF you are questioned the BEST BET IS to ... Tell The Truth.. Because to tell a lie to her face is to HURT HER!
Good Luck!
HUGGS from Melora

[Abby Lauren]

It seems to me that Michelle has arrived at her point of closure. She is content to keep this information to herself given her current set of circumstances. We, on the other hand, have lots of issues with this and won't let it lie (pun intended). Michelle seems to feel quite content at this point. Does anybody have any suggestions about what the rest of us should do?

[ava_bruna]

OK, here's from the horses mouth:D my wife, no she isnt a horse, that's just a funny line, both she and I say, TELL THE TRUTH, you know the old saying? tell the truth even if it hurt's, well maybe it wont, yes , maybe it will but dont make it so hard on yourself, you can alway's promiss not to anymore?:( huggie's, Ava.

[sexi_jo]

You think that is bad...nobody knows that i crossdress,and last thursday i was all dressed up in my room with no1 in and then the front door opens, i think automatically to get undressed, but, the zip on my skirt wouldnt undo and where i am trying realli hard to undo it, my sister sees me all dressed up, makeup and everything, i was dressed like a proper **** aswel, high heels, a realli short mini skirt, a low cut top and loads of eye make up and lipstick!!
what to do? because now my sister knows, i cannot be normal around her.
but...i have had dreams in the past that i was in a girls house for example, and they was going in the shower and i would straight away go through their cupboards and dress up in their clothes...ending up in the same situation, getting caught by them dressed up, but then getting turned on aswel as them, start kissing etc but then start growing breasts, then losing my penis, and it changing into a vagina. and then my hair starts growing to a long length aswel as all my body hair disappearing and then ending up as a female...