Is this a common thing? xXx

[Fayth]

:tongueout [FONT="Century Gothic"][SIZE="3"][COLOR="DarkRed"]
Hi Everyone. x
I want to start by expressing myself, simply for the fact, i dont feel in control!
I used to XD when i was 16, It was a fetish thing really, or so i thought. I used to feel a strangness inside me.
I knew it was wrong, ecspecially when i was found out at 18.:( I was told i was sick and needed help, by my mother.:mad:
I moved out soon later, but to this day im sat here as Fayth,
A cry for help maybe, but Im a big believer in fate, probably due to past experiences, what goes around comes around.
I remember my first XD experience, and think to myself, it was a long time ago. Is or was this a cause?
I read sources, on why it happens, is it a generation thing? Could be a number of things?
Alot of what i have researched for the last year makes sense, I feel more informed, Other ppl do it, At least I know im not mad, although my partner does not agree, which is selfish?, cos im sure it hursts her so much when Fayths around. lol.:hugs:
It has become my 1st concious now, & i feel like my male personna is slipping away to 2nd best, subconcious is what keeps me in line,:evil: not to go out in public.
Although this is something i should do, I still feel like im unarmed, in a kind of sense. I need alot more confidence and direction.
This has turned out to be an essay and I could go on, but I hope you understand what i mean.
Gettin to know anyone would be great, so please. X

[Kate Simmons]

Don't know about Fate, Hon. It may have something to do with Karma though. I've gotten in touch with my self (both of them) and have realized this is who I am to be at this time. I just accept it and go with it. Ericka

[Faye Emmette]

Fayth Welcome and glad you know you're not mad:thumbsup: And you're not.
There are many 'causes' or 'reasons' for the desire to fulfill our feminine side and the main thing that can cause pain is other people in the world. That is, other people who do not or will not try and understand. You know, how society oft frowns on anything different.
I cannot decide whether your "Partner" will be with you forever but please remember that Love is a sharing thing, I suppose so even with "Partners", and you'll have to ease off a bit on dressing, thinking of her and hope she can, over time come to understand your inner feelings.
Cheers and keep posting,
F.

[carol ann]

The difficulty is not with your feelings - we all have differing feelings ,tendencies, emotions amd matters that drive us - it is how we react to our feelings in a way that affects others.

WE cannot expect those close to us to understand when we inflict changes on them after the development of the relationship. It is often stated that if our SO loves us then they should be able to accept us in any way. that is a vast over simplification. It can equally be said that if we love our SOs then we should not try to impose a lifestyle on them that they may be uncomfortable with.

I believe it behoves those of us who dress to realise that we have to be very sensitive to how our crossdressing might affect others and be prepared to back off when contra indications are received. If necessary that means retreating into the closet or even further isf that is what is required o preserve vital relationships

[susiej]

Fayth,

Joining this forum was a defining moment for me last August. Before that moment, I was in a long, dark tunnel, 40 years long, all by myself. Never before had I been able to admit my femininity, and actually celebrate it, with any other live human being.

Now, there are thousands of us here with the same orientation. No, you certainly are not mad.

Take it easy, and take it slow. We are all here to support each other. Love your family and your partner, and everything will work out.

Hugs,
Susie

[miss-x]

Yes I To Love This Place, I Have Grown Into Diane More Just Coming Here To Read All The Threds Evereone Has Written.my Wife Has Grown With Me And Has Excepted Diane As Her Best Friend. I Have Been Dressing Now For A Very Long Time. It Has Become Second Nature To Just Get Dressed The Way You Want To Without Trying To Hide. It's A Great Feeling.

DIANE

[older not wiser]

Hi Fayth, NO, you are not mad or going mad!!!! As all the girls said accept who you are and concider your partners feelings along with your own. Discussing your"need" is utmost of importance here. honesty is and will be its own reward.
BTW, Welcome to the family sweetie.

Love; BonnieAnne0.02

[Danielle]

I call it being diffrent but we are still human inside and sometimes it's hard to explain why we do it??When I don't xdress I start feeling moody so I gotta have some femme time Welcome girl enjoy yourself here and learn learn!

[Wenda]

Welcome Fayth, this is a safe harbour. I can understand what you mean about feeling as though your grip on reality is slipping. For me, the need to dress ebbs and flows. A few months ago, it was minimal, I went for days or weeks without checking this forum. Now, I am checking it at least twice a da, I have returned home over lunch to wear a bra. I feel like "it' is driving me, but I know from experience that will subside in time, and the emotional/hormonal pendulum will swing back the other way. Your mom was not correct, dressing is not wrong or sick, it is simply something that is enjoyed by a minority, and as such is vulnerable to stereotyping and misinterpretation.
Just to support what Carol Ann said, something I learned some time ago, "You can't control how other people deal with you. You can only control how you deal with them." It is futile going through life hoping that people will react a certain way, only to feel disappointed, frustrated, or even angry when they do not. Other people have a right (within the limits of social and legal norms) to react according to their feelings. Similarly, you have a comparable right to determine how YOU will respond to THEIR reactions. As Ericka said, you have to search internally and discover/decide WHO YOU know you really are and how you feel. What are your values, what would you risk your life for, who do you admire, then make your decisions according to those values. No one here can tell you what that will turn out to be, but we all are here to listen and help you in that process in any way we can. All the best! w.

[Fayth]

Aww ta peeps, ur advice will sink in sometime. thanx x

[Sharon_Rose]

My mother knew [after my wife told her in a fit of rage.] My father and stepmother don't know - BUT, my stepmother may suspect. I came out to my wife early in our marriage - big mistake for me. It caused many years of anguish. After she finally came to grips that I was not gay and loved her, she told me I could do my thing but just don't involve her.

I started dressing in mom's clothing when I was 4 or 5. I loved the feeling but felt guilty. I felt as if I was betraying something - I didn't know what.

All I know, now, is that I don't care what other people care or think. I do not mean that to the extent that I don't take into consideration making other people uncomfortable. I have just realized that I have a male shell. I do know that I have taken on more of the female thoughts, feelings, etc., and that has carried through into my male business life. I am much more calm and understanding. That has aided me tremendously in the workplace.

So, not to minimize the importance of your feelings, I have made a "cosmopolitan" out of a beer. [A play on if you have lemons, make lemonade.]

[avawho]

You will find that there is a wide range of people on this site, some only occassionally dress, others do it constantly and still others have decided what is best for them is to transition, the one common thread is that to one degree or other we all share one trait... we enjoy dressing in womens clothes, a passion for which most of the so called regular folks on this planet would roll their eyes and wonder out loud what are they thinking?

You most definately are not mad, bizarre or at fault for being yourself. You should also realize that from reading some of the threads on the site that even if you try to purge and 'go it straight", these feelings will never completely go away. Some of us take a lifetime coming to that realization, while others solve it in no time what so ever... You have a huge head start as compared to some of us older generations who slugged it out alone for so long, but that does not in any way diminish the complex issues you are going though and will need to ponder for yourself and for those around you that you hold near and dear... Talk to them, inform and educate them and then see how things unfold, your true friends will stick with you...

You are amoung friends here and all you ever need to do is ask and you'll be surrounded by lots of wise and sound advice...

Cheers
Ava:hugs:

[Helen MC]

Fayth, you are NOT "sick, weird, a freak" etc, you are a CD and thus you are different to the so-called "norm" where society and its customs and practices dictate that a male should wear different clothing to a female. I put it that way round as for decades women have been able to wear "male" clothing with no censure or without in many cases even being noticed. A man on the other hand is right open to censure, mockery even physical abuse if he is caught wearing a skirt or any other female clothing, even underwear.

I started to CD when I was 12 ,(back in 1965 when peiole were far less tolerant) by secretly wearing my older sister's panties. I knew I was different but have never considered myself to be in any way "sick". That was the way I was, it did no harm to anyone else, so enjoy it, was my philosophy and it has been for 41 years now!

Good luck to you Fayth and it is good to have you here on this Forum.

[Kimberley]

Hi Fayth,

The terrible trio of guilt shame and fear is a tough cycle to break. It is a part of growing and understanding ourselves. Some of us go overboard (too far too fast) and sometimes create other problems because we havent considered the consequences. I suppose I am saying, go slow, get in touch with yourself and learn who you really are. You can choose (or not) to bring others in your life into your world. There is no hard rule for this. Each of us has to carefully consider and weigh out both the pros and cons. We would all like to be out of the closet but for some it is simply not a good idea for our own safety either physical or mental.

We bury this little girl for so many years, when she comes out it is often kicking and screaming. This is where a lot of us need professional help because we dont understand or know how to deal with it. A lot of us go from one end of the spectrum (TV) to the other where we try to convince ourselves we are full blown TS. Eventually that too subsides (unless your are a full blown TS who has hit the wall) and we settle into a comfort zone we can or rather try to live with ourselves. This is where the self acceptance comes in.

It can be a wonderful journey of self discovery and eventual acceptance if you are patient and insightful.

You will find many many wonderful people here who are willing to lend you the benefit of our experiences in your own personal journey. I wish you the best and big :hugs: in welcome.

Kimberley.

[Angie G]

If it fate so be it I cd and luve being angie.
And my wife don't mind to much.