Wig Question, Thoughts appreciated from the GG’s

[Raychel]

A while back I totally came out to my wife. She was of course upset, and angry that I kept this secret from her all this time. At the same time she was scared that I may be gay. All of her fears have been laid to rest. We now even joke about my dressing sometimes. Anyway I have been totally honest and as open with her ever since. She knows that I have breast forms, dresses and heels. She also knows that I do not have a wig or use makeup. She has never seen me dressed and at this point I am pretty sure that she doesn’t want to.

Anyway here is the question. I have found a wig that I love on e-bay.
Should I discuss it with her before I buy it?
Should I buy it and keep it locked up where she won’t know?
Should I just try to forget about it and leave well enough alone?

Thanks for your input
Raychel

[Deidra Cowen]

Nope! Tell or ask her first before buying it. And no I'm not a GG but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night! :tongueout

Of course I'm divorced so take anything I say with a grain of salt. :eek:

[Raychel]

Nope! Tell or ask her first before buying it. And no I'm not a GG but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night! :tongueout

Of course I'm divorced so take anything I say with a grain of salt. :eek:


Thanks, I needed that laugh, I guess that Holiday Inn Express thing covers just about everything. :lol2: :lol2:

[Stephenie S]

Raychel dear,
I thought you were being totally honest and open with her now. Are you sure you want to hide something else from her?
I feel you should talk to her about it. You don't have to ask her, you could just mention you saw a wig on Ebay that you thought was pretty and that you had ordered it. But I don't think you should try to hide anything else from her. Don't you think she will only be that much more upset when she finds out?
Well, that's my opinion,

Lovies,
Stephenie

[raksha GG]

I'd suggest you have a word with her about it before you buy. It's little things like this that can make or break the relationship. If you ask her opinion it's a step closer to helping her come to terms/accept without rubbing her nose in it or having her actually see you dressed, but she can start to form a picture in her mind. If you go ahead and buy it without asking her, you run the risk of difficult questions being asked if she's at home when the postman calls, resentment because you've spent money on your habit and there may have been other greater communal needs. But you've got to be prepared for her to say 'no' she doesnt' want to get involved, or she'd rather you didn't spend the money.. And you must honour this. But at least you've been honest and given her the chance.

HTH

[~Kitty GG~]

I think that its great that you've been open with her since you came out to her. And so I way disagree with sneaking a wig into your stash. That kinda "undoes" the whole honest/open thing.

On the other hand I don't think grown up should have to get permission to do things.

But.. I don't know what boundries you two have set up. So given what you've said.. if it was me:

I would bring the subject up. I'd let her know that I was considering buying one but wanted to know find out if she would be uncomfortable with it.

I try to see how it would be like to be on the other side of the fence.. I imagine "how would Dee want me to handle this?" And so anytime that I'm considering a purchase that I'm not sure Dee would support.. even tho we don't have to account to eachother for every cent we spend.. its always better to have shown that consideration for her values/feelings etc, then it is to regret the purchase because its caused difficulties between us.

As Ellaine pointed out, she may actually be encouraged to help you and become involved at least a little bit.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[Sandra]

I would have a chat with her first, explain why you would like one and go from there.

[Nikki Dee]

I would have a chat with her first, explain why you would like one and go from there.
Agree totally...if she knows about the breast forms/dresses/heels...no point in hiding the desire for a wig surely..and why create more tension.?
Love Nikki. x

[Tamara Croft]

All of her fears have been laid to rest. We now even joke about my dressing sometimes. Anyway I have been totally honest and as open with her ever since.I think in those few sentences, you have actually answered your own question no? I agree with Kitty about adults not needing permission, but then again we don't know your situation regarding purchasing things. I think you should 'discuss' it with her, ask not her approval, but maybe advice regarding the wig... will it suit you, the price... etc... involve her, don't buy it behind her back and hide it, you might just send her back to square one.

[Raychel]

Thank you all for your replies, Of course you are right, a discussion is necessary, but I am leaning towards just trying to forget about it and leave well enough alone? All has been pretty peaceful around here lately and I am kinda afraid that it be be stiring up a bees nest. But the final decision has not been made yet.

[Kerry Owens]

My thought is yes, discuss it, especially since it's near the end of the month, when money so often is running low. If you talk it over with her, then at least you can better plan the budget. It's easier when you let her discuss with you what you're doing, for both of you.

[Phoebe Reece]

Honesty is the best policy for you to continue. I don't think you need permission to get the wig, but you certainly should not hide the fact you want it. I suggest you discuss it with your wife and then decide if you want to go ahead with the purchase. It may be a stirred up bees nest, but chances are that if you try to forget about it for now, you will be faced with a similar situation later on.

[Sage GG]

We bought Rena's second wig together and I think Your wife might like to be included in the decision. If you were to ask her opinion and show her it on line she might feel more included. We ended up having some great discussions about all sorts of things while wig shopping and as a matter of fact we just got 4 more on line this week. The fashion show was Friday night and it was really lots of fun.

[michelleliz]

Talk to her about it . Then go to paula young.com They have great wigs cheep. any where from 20.00 to a little over 100.

michelleliz

[kathy gg]

A different angle....I think how much you spend on a wig might be a consideration. I mean I have talked to gg's whose husbands spent their grocery money on a wig ......in other words, they had little discretionary funds so any femme items were very difficult to accomodate due to them being light on cash.

I think becuase it is realated to cding some women might want to be let in on this decision...but on the other hand, I also dis-agree with the whole idea of "asking permission". I mean in our household we divide the "fun" money. I can blow mine on what I wish and he can blow his on what he wants. And there is never any weirdness. But I never had a bone to pick with cding.....and since your wife did not go from the start..well you have to use good judgement. But ultimatly, hiding it....not cool.

[Raychel]

Thanks again for the replys. I was not really thinking that the hiding idea was a very good idea. But of course it is always an option, admittedly not a very good one, but still an option. The money is not really an issue, we are talking less than $50.00 and we have spent more than that going to the movies with the kids. The real issue I guess is for me to build up the courage to discuss with her that I would like to buy a wig.

For now I will wait and see if I can come up with a time that is good for both of us to talk about it. Of course that won't happen before the auction ends on e-bay. Right now she is battling with our oldest son, and it is not really a good time to bring this into the equation. But I guess that is part of my problem, it seems as though the timing is never right, there is always something going on. And never anytime for the 2 of us.

For now I will wiat, Thank you all for your valuable opinions.
Raychel

[Di]

Since she knows...i'd discuss it with her,,,not ask permission but include her...feeling left out or if you hid it would bother me much more.