Your first public outing

[calliekat]

I keep trying to "go out" in public. And I am always "confident" that I will, but at the last moment I chicken out. To be honest, I don't think I can handle the (probable) laughed at and other negative comments.
Still, the idea of wearing what I am comfortable wearing is strong. When I am home I am almost always wearing a skirt or something "unmanly."
I am not able to get the guts to just "do it" and go out in public. I'd like to know how you guys first did it, and how you dealt with the comments (if any).
I am shy by nature, and take ALLOT to heart. So I don't know when or if I will ever be able to enjoy wearing what I want in public. But if anyone has ideas, please share. I am choking.

[Jennaie]

I don't know what to tell you. I suggest that you go visit a very close friend and see what they think of how you look.

The first time I went out, I was outed and laughed at in public. I drove home crying and did not dress again for about 5 years. So if your sensitive like me, you better get tough or make dang sure your passable.

[luky charm]

i know what you're going throuh Callie, i'm thinking the same thing. i've only been "out" once, and i had so much support from my friends, i wouldn't have gone if i hadn't. try going to another town or city close by first, and bring friends in the know, if possible, some one who is already "out", ie) gay out or cd out. talking online is fairly safe but you want some one who knows the ropes, at least i did.

my bioggest hang up is that i grew up here, when i go shopping i worry about the fact that my exgirlfriends mother works where i shop, so going out is a BIG issue for me, and that is just shopping! i started small, first going "underdressed", some thing fem under my drab, then going out in shorts with shaved legs, drew no reply from those who saw me. i guess it really depends on your city. i'm in a small town, and every one would look and remember, we don't even have a gay community in town, so a cd would be pretty put out around here.

if your town is too small or uncomfortable, then try in a larger area first, maybe where they won't recognize you, and they certainly wont' mind. it's all the advice i can give, as i'm too shy to go myself, hope it helps....

luky charm:o

[mskilmer]

Hey Calliecat!

I guess I was very lucky in that my wife really got into the idea of me going out en femme and we did it together. I wasn't very good with makeup or picking out clothes, even with her help, and I did get noticed a fair amount. It was nerve wracking and exhausting, but also it was exhilerating! I don't know if I could have done it alone. Like you I've always been very shy.

Now I'm better with makeup and clothes (OK ... not great, but OK) and I go out by myself sometimes. It's still a lot easier and more fun with her there, but I'm way more comfortable now.

Looking back, I think my biggest mistakes included:

Trying too hard to dress in a way that would not get me noticed. What happened was that I found myself dressing in rather "man-like" fashion. I needed more feminine clothes to take some of the attention away from my masculinity.

Too much makeup and the wrong foundation and powder. I kept looking like Herman Munster! Now I've found a foundation that actually blends in with my skin tone and it's WAY better. I think I had an erroneous idea that more makeup would hide my masculine features. That was wrong. More makeup just called attention to me. Better makeup (and less of it) works ... well ... better.

I also think I had convinced myself that everybody was staring at me all of the time. That made me nervous, and THAT made people notice me. Now when I go out I say to myself, "I'm just a guy in a dress" and I try to stay as confident and comfortable as possible.

I worried too much about my voice. My normal voice is pretty deep, but I've found that if I just sort of "soften" it without changing the pitch or anything, nobody seems to think anything of it.

I have no DOUBT some people "read" me when I'm out. Heck, I've had to show my ID a couple times at bars, but even then I didn't get even a weird glance.

Early on I read advice from several people who were saying it's not PASSING that's important, it's going out and feeling good about yourself. I thought that was a lok of hooey then ... I don't think that anymore.

Wow ... I got long winded there ... sorry about that! If you wanna go out en femme, you will. There are a lot of friends here who will still be here when you get back. Let us know how it goes!! :hugs:

[Betty H]

Callie,

Maybe if you plan your first outing to a TG friendly place you might feel more inclined to go.Or try reaching out to an experienced CD (someone from the board maybe) to accompany you. I am planning my first public foray myself,hopefully for next weekend ,and that is what I will try to be doing. Good Luck.

[KateW]

The only times I have ever been out dressed were when I went to see the Rocky Horror Show. While walking down the street with a GG, a guy further down the road whistled at us. When he walked past he suddenly realised I was a man and looked really embarressed. (Made me chuckle). After the show, a middle aged man with a family asked me to take a photo of them. Afterwoulds, he winked at me and said "thanks for that honey". Apart from that, no one said a word on my way to or from the theatre. The only advice I can really offer is to be confident, ensure you have support with you, and enjoy yourself. Even if people read you, they are more likely to go home and tell a friend about it, then say anything to your face. If they do - laugh it off and don't take it personally. But above all else, be safe!

[bredalee25]

Callie if you really want go out in public do what i did. I know it's a long ways off now but wait til halloween and go out. At least then you can test your look and if you don't pass they'll just think it's your costume for halloween.

To give you a few details about my outing . It was near halloween and i got all prettied up and just went out the door and hopped in my truck and drove to the post office and bought stamps. I walked in and asked for a book of stamps. The young man working the window told me the price and I got my wallet out of my purse and paid for them. He even called me mam. He said " have a nice day stop again mam " It was such a thrill to be referred to as a woman even if i wasn't passable he knew i was a guy but treated me like a lady anyway.


ttfn

[luky charm]

christmas, holloween and valentines day, the perfect time to shop for the perfect woman, lol! no one askes, just get holiday stuff 2!

luky charm:D

[Rikidee]

Halloween is the perfect time to go out but I will tell you how I went out the first time. I was fortunate enough to find a lady that owned a second hand shop and I went in and tried on a couple of outfits and found she really didn't mind. I went back every chance I got and she would let me wear clothes all day. I got to the point that I would leave the motel dressed and go to her shop dressed and stay dressed all day. On halloween I had a real field day. She was a very special lady.

[michelle19845]

i drove the first time out didn't get out,second time i went out at night dressed fully smiled and wasn't noticed at all.don't worry so much confidence plays a big role,smiling is the biggest thing,otherwise you may show signs of guilt.i dressed for 10 years before i went out i took help from this forum and lots of right outfit matches.don't forget your femme walk.


michelle19845

[myMichelle]

I think that a lot of the other girls here have offered a lot of good advice. Although going out "enfemme" for the first time is something we all share in common, it is also an experience that is as uniquely different for each of us. Once upon a time, I used to venture out just before it got dark. That helped me work on my self-confidence and gave me a feeling of security, too. The bottom line is that you've got to do what's comfortable (no pun intended) for you. If you do not feel comfortable, do not do it...Just hang in there. One day you'll look back and laugh at how insecure you used to feel.

Good luck,
Michelle

[Connieminiskirts]

Hi CallieKat!

When I first started going out several years ago I started going at night. I would put on my lingerie nylon etc under my male clothes, drive someplace dark, change in the car and then just drive, maybe stop someplace and pretend to use the payphone or maybe get a coke from a machine. It did not take me long to get to where I just dressed and got in the car. I would drive on the freeway for an hbgour or so, then turn around, I also would stop at the highway restareas and take a walk. It did not take me long to start going our earlier in the day, before it got dark. or maybe return to my little place after daylight.

First time I EVER went out fully in the daylight was the 2nd year after my mother passed away. I dressed in a nice outfit, from head to toe, wig, makeup jewelry and all, then I drover to the cemetary, parked and walked to her grave where I placed flowers and talked to my mom and introduced her to Connie. I was seen by a lot of people who came and went from the cemetary. And then on the drive home. Not one problem came from this. And it was the first of many wonderful experiences.

It is hard to get started, and sometimes it just does not go well. The best think is be careful, choose where you go, dont get yourself in a bad situation and above all ENJOY your self.

Hope this helps. Hugs,
Connie Lynn

[Elon]

Hey,you must do it. Dont think about what people are thinking. Be like a NIKE and just do it.

[~Dee~]

going out can be a bit daunting.

when i first went out kitty took me to a park at night and we got to play around on the park equipment and then come home.
it wasnt much .. but it was nice.

if you take it in smaller steps, then its not going to be so bad.
try getting fimiliar with where you are going to go before you go there fully dressed up, that way you take away at least one unknown from the equation.

when we finally got around to actually going out, it was fun.
me and my kitty went with two other TS's to a busy cafe and had dinner.
sure, some people noticed us - but they werent rude about it or anything.
the waiter came over and asked if the ladies would like anything to drink, stuff like that.

it was a very wonderful night out, though it was rather noisey and the prices were a bit high.
but again, i know that the person who had suggested this place had done so for a reason. it is apparently owned by a very nice gay gentleman and most of the wait staff are gay too .. so we had a kind of home ground advantage in case there was any problems that we couldnt handle ourselves.

there are chances that there can be problems or some idiot who has nothing better to do than say something stupid .. but isnt there always?
baby steps will help build your confidence and then it wont seem so bad.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Like most have said here, going out is a confidence thing, so you need to build up slowly. however walking round dark parks invites it's own dangers therefore you need to think about where your going to go, and what your going to do.

There are several different types of passing, ie passing from a distance, passing in a car, and passing fully in a crowd, so basically, start slowly and go away from where your known and likely to be notice. take small steps and set yourself a small goal that possable to achieve, and then work you way up to bigger one. passing is a matter of looks, confidence and time, you will get looks, you will get read (or doubted) but if you look and play the part, and give people that element of doubt, ie it could be a man, but might be a woman" then most will not bother you, and accept you as a masculine female, over a man in a dress!

To pass, you don't need to look like a super model, you just need to look right in the role you play, and then live it, but you won't pass if you look like a guy in a dress, so like I said before, it a matter of points, ie think of a pair of scales, with male and female points on each side, the more you can tip that scale, or score more female points ove man ones, the easier you will pass.

Ie if you wig doesn't look like a wig, your make up is good and not to heavy (ie looks natural) you have a female shape (and that doesn't matter if you short, tall, fat or thin females come in all shapes and sizes,) Dress smartly, but also right (ie women, don't go to walmart/tesco's, in 6 inch heels and fishnets!) you will have already scored major female points.

but if you have a wig, that looks like a wig, heavy make up, unsuitable lines and clothes, each on of them will raise an element of doubt, as to you being not female, therefore the more female points you score the better!!!

Maybe it might help if you post a few pictures so people can see you here, not to judge you, but to offer advice and guidance, as thats what this places is for, to help each other in our goal.

Good Luck

[AngelAshley]

Alcohol is a great way to remove those mental barriers you put up around yourself :) But as always, be carefull. The first time I went out dressed I was drunk as a skunk, and ended up just feeling really silly the day after.

I started off by going out dressed to a heavy metal club. I'd bring a change of clothes and change at the club because there was no way I'd 'pass' at the time - I felt safe enough inside the club mainly because I find the type of people that go to this type of alternative club are FAR more accepting of ANYTHING abnormal than the type of people who go to vanilla clubs. I actually became a bit of a 'mini celeb' at that club - had loads of people come up and talk to me about it who were really interested, ended knowing a lot of people!

As time went on and I got more and more passable, although still not 100%, I ended up going out to different places, and not bringing a change of clothes with me. Doing it step by step, building confidence up in places you know really helps.

[Sally24]

You've got to find a time and place you're comfortable with. You could try distant exposure, like driving thru town (another town, not your home town!). Or minimal exposure, like going somewhere like a movie theatre or some place as the sun is going down. At the very least, go to a hotel with inside hallways, not those porches. Get your courage up and go down to the vending/ice area en femme. If that works for you, then go out of the lobby and around the corner as the light dims at sunset. From there you could go window shopping at an upscale mall (beware teenagers though, stay with venues that attract older, richer, shoppers).

It's all about comfort level. You will be excited, maybe even scared. I am each time, but it feels great once I'm there. I do have an advantage as my wife is my wingman each time we go out and helps me stay focused.

Good luck!

[Kate Simmons]

I just decided one day to do it and followed through. In my case it was an extended outing about 5 hours long. I got nothing but positive feedback and this encouraged me to go on. Ericka

[Adrienne Heels]

My first outing was to a mall when on a business trip in Florida. I was made as soon as I got on the hotel elevator by a GG with her hubby. I just gave her a smile and went on my way. Got my makeup done at a department store cosmetics counter and felt so good that I walked around the mall and did some shopping.

[KarenNY]

My first public outing was with my mother when I was in ninth grade. She had been accepting and supportive ever since she found me out when I was 12 going on 13... to the point of purchasing me some girls clothing and lingerie and a wig, etc. and allowing me to dress around the house. Finally, she decided to take me out and let me experience being a girl in public -- just for shopping and dinner. She took me first to her hairdresser Donna's salon (a home business, actually) -- my mother had told Donna all about my CDing and Donna was apparently eager to see for herself and do a makeover on me... so I had my first transformation (the first of many) with Donna doing my makeup and nails and brushing out my wig... and I wore a white ruffled blouse, gray/burgundy/navy plaid skirt and a burgundy velvet blazer with puffed shoulders (this was in like 1984), plus hose and gray heels, and a girls gray tweed dress coat over everything... and my mother took me to do some shopping at a mall about a half-hour from home, then to dinner at a restaurant... Thankfully, I was short, small and looked feminine, so no one "read" me and I must have passed... my mother was very proud of me and happy to have "female" company for shopping...

I had a lot of outings like that over the years with my mother and/or GG friends, but they have been fewer and farther between since I was in my early 20s... marrying a woman who turns out to be non-tolerant will do that... :(

[Brianna Lovely]

My first time was only a few weeks ago.
I had gone to a friends house, in another town 30 miles away, to get some advice on using makeup.
I brought along a couple of wigs, a red blouse and short black skirt, just to get the whole picture.
Anyway, when we were done, Jack suggested that we visit a friend on the next block. When we arrived, our friend Bob had four other friends sitting around ready to play cards. Now, I was ready to face Bob, but not a bunch of other people. I smiled, said hello and tried not to faint, my heart was racing with excitement. Two of the men I knew, but they did not recognize me and two were strangers.
Two of the men said that I looked lovely and two said nothing.
When I left (it was around 4:00 PM) I stayed dressed and drove home that way. It was scary but wonderful at the same time.

All the girls here have given good advice. We all must do things when we are ready, so when you're ready honey, go for it.
Hugs,
Brianna L.

[Melanie R]

My first outing as Melanie was in 1981 when my wife urged that she and Melanie on her first time out in public go to a local restaurant/club where Christine Jorgensen (first public sex change surgery) was doing her act. There were at least 200 in attendance primarily couples. I was frightened to death of discovery especially when after her show was completed Christine walked past our table to the next table where Houston's famous newspaper society editor was sitting. As she passed she was followed by local television cameras which obviously filmed our table. Nothing happened as no one "read" me and I was not fired from my job. After that experience I knew I could go anywhere and do anything without fear.

Hugs,

Melanie

[calliekat]

WOW!!!!
I didn't expect to get so many responses with your stories and suggestions!
I appreciate them and allot of the recommendations are good, and many of the stories are similar to how I am feeling about " going out" for the first time.
I wish I just had the guts to -Just- Do- It, but I don't. I'm never keen about being laughed at.... and I know I will be.
I can probably get over that, IF... I don't actually hear it. And unless I get some good help from a GG or someone who knows what they are doing with clothes and make up, I won't pass doing it on my own. For the most part I'd look like a guy in a dress. Not that this is a bad thing, after all it is about being comfortable then passing... for me. Though allot of times I would like to have the help and dress as well as possible.
Damn, why does society torcher me with their "you must dress and act like a man" rule.

[Scrunchie-Bunchie]

When I was in Berlin I saw many transvestites. It's a pretty open city as it was in the 1930s when Marlene Dietrich was living there.

I saw one being read by on older man who started berating him and he took off at speed and ran down the street. It's a pity that amidst tolerance is intolerance.

It's just a cautionary tale.

[MistyCD]

Callie, you might want to consider a few things...

First, try going out in a with female attire under your male clothes for a few times. This will help to build your confidence. Next try going outside wearing womens jeans or a pants outfit. You can also venture out at night, go for a drive in the car. Buy a skort and a top. Bring some male clothes to change into if needed. We've all done it.

Hugs Misty

[Butterfly Bill]

My first times in female attire in front of other people were at Rainbow Gatherings and Grateful Dead shows, but my first time out in Babylon (general public) was at the Harvest of Arts festival, an outdoor art show and concert of local bands in Lawrence, Kansas. It was a place where lots of liberal people into alternative views were to be found . (Lawrence is where the University of Kansas is.) I watched one young woman is beatniky/hippy garb show all the signs that she was getting a crush on me. (It ultimately didn't work out, but but was nice while it lasted.) From then on, it was into my skirt as soon as I got out of the showers after work.