How long did you wait b/4 telling your spouse?

[myMichelle]

This is likely a topic which has been hashed and re-hashed, but many of the recent posts have made me curious. How long did you wait before telling your wife (or SO) about your femme self?

Maybe I'm just strange, (Ok...what else is new?) but I confessed to my then girlfriend, now wife, after we had known each other for only two weeks. Absolutely I was nervous, but I simply--and, I think, correctly--figured that if things went badly, it would be a lot easier after only a couple of weeks than it would be after months, years, etc. I am truely not trying to pass judgement on anybody, but I am constantly amazed to read that some of us have waited for 20 plus years...Wow!

How about the rest of you girls. When did you come clean?

[Talon DeRojo]

myMichelle - I totally agree with your thinking. I have a thread going entitled "When did you tell your S/O that you were a CD?" I told the woman who would become my wife on our first date. Not having to keep a secret makes things so much easier if one encounters any level of tolerance/acceptance/participation. I'll be looking in to see what others have to say on this thread.
Talon:)

[SherriePall]

Michelle -- I waited over 25 years to tell. That's 25 years of marriage. While it may seem wrong now, I believe years ago I was in the majority, while Talon would have been an exception to the rule. BTW, my wife says she wouldn't have married me if she knew way back then.

[Julie Avery]

First spouse - 20 years married, never told.

Current relationship - waited about 4 years. Would have been better to tell up front, but I didn't have it in me.

[ErikaLeigh]

Ive been married 13 years, and my wife doesnt know. Maybe someday. My wife probably wouldnt have married me if she knew either. I just hope she accepts me when I do tell her :happy:

[JoAnnDallas]

Many of us older CD's are from a age where tolerance was not like it is now. Back then, if your daughter was dating a Black boy, the boy would have been taken out and beaten. Back then if you told you parents that you were Gay, you would have been thrown out the house and disowned. Back then if you said you were a CD, you would either be told that you were sick in the head and needed treatment for the disease or you were a PERVERT and was thrown out of the house and disowned.
Today that has all changed. Today is no big deal if your daughter is dating a Back boy or if your Gay. Same apples to CDing.

[Olivia]

I told my wife well before we married. We've been married since 1977. Keeping a secret such as ours is a very corrosive thing for any relationship IMHO. If I had to keep it a secret, I wouldn't have married her. Olivia

[Sharon]

I met and started dating my wife in 1983 and told her about myself within three days when I realized I was already thinking of spending my life with her.

[Joy Carter]

Hard to describe but never CD after twelve but it was a thought now and then, maybe I felt it was an adolescent thing. Met her in 67' we dated till 69' married and things got tough between us and dam it came back ! I told her within the first few months but even now she reacts like she just found out. Then I get the "What Abouts etc" Everyone considered but me and how I feel. Sorry; I'm not feeling sorry for myself just don't know how I'm going to make it happen without hurting the one's I love and that love me.

[cajunkittycat]

I told my wife recently, (a few weeks ago), and to my surprise, she has been accepting that this side of me exists. I kept this secret for almost 6 years, and now regret that I waited so long. We enjoy shopping together, although I haven't bought anything for myself yet while with her. She has told me she's not quite ready to meet Kitty, but because she loves me, Kitty will be a part of our lives.

[Bernadina]

I told her very soon after we met. Then took her to a girls night out. She thought it a bit odd, but was and is still is very supportive.

[cyancd]

I told my wife-to-be about my crossdressing very early in our relationship. We dated for five years and have been married for almost 34 years. I knew this was something I would need to share with her in our marriage and it has all worked out wonderfully....

Cyan

[Joanie]

I first really went the CD route when my wife of two years was out of town visiting her parents. Because I felt so unnerved by trying on her clothes (and loving it) I told her about the Sunday night of her return. She was and is accepting to a limited degree but has never said things like "Are you gay?" "Does this mean you don't love me..." etc. We are still married today, 22 years later.

[Krystenw]

I told my wife before we were ever married. It was the best thing I could have ever done. Have been married 32 years.

[Veronica E. Scott]

I waited almost 40 yeare before telling my wife about my fem side she said that if I had told her way back then we would have been divorced long a go.
Different world back then.Today she knows but does not aprove at all and wants nothing to do with it.

[Helen MC]

Im with Michelle and Talon on this. I have always told G/Fs up front and did so with my ex-wife. When we did spilt my CD activities had nithing to do with it.

[wannabeagirl]

Been married 20 years and still haven't told her. Knowing her, divorce court would be the next stop after getting my head stitched shut. But the desire to dress is stonger than ever. It's gonna come out and it ain't gonna be pretty.

[KristiMartin]

I told her a few weeks after we started dating. Normally, I would never have been so bold, but there was just something about her. She has been simply wonderful about the whole thing and still decided to marry me!:D

[suezeq]

first wife married 21years she did not know second wife told her on phone before we meet eye to eye (met wife on internet 6years ago)when we met she gave me skirt ,top bra and panties and she likes me to dress every day (i like stockings not tights

[Eugenie]

I gave a hint to my girl friend two years before we got married. During one of our intimate relation I asked her what it felt like to wear a girdle (then my favourite feminine apparel). She said try it on and let me put on her's... But unfortunately I didn't give further explanations.

Later on after two years of mariage, I had another occasion to tell her and I did. She didn't take it too badly as she took it as a pure sexual fantazy.

It is only much later on, when she realized that it was far more than a fantazy, that she started to be turned off by the idea of my x-dressing.

So even though I told her quite early, this didn't make her more accepting.

So the situation now is "I understand that you want to x-dress but I want no part in it, not even talk about it."

Recently, however, some progress was made. She seems to accept me making some allusions to my x-dressing. I hope that after all these years when she has known about me and my x-dressing we may progressively get to a more livable situation for both of us. Indeed it is not satisfactory for neither of us: I know it sadens her to know that I x-dres, even if she doesn't see me. And I also know that she would like to be more open about it to make me happyer, yet its beyond her will so far.

This to say that even if one tells his SO very early about one's x-dressing, there is always the risk that she may not accept it.
:love:
Eugenie

[Rachel Newark]

Righht at the beginning of the relationship. That way if she didn't want to know, minimal damage was done to both parties.

Fortunately, she's been brilliant about it :D

Rachel Newark

[HaleyPink2000]

Never did, Wife knew already. My Ex told her. So I was in denial phase then, so I have let it ride. I dress at home as I wish except when the Grand kids come over or family, NP. Wife don't like it, but Oh well.:D We get along fine though. 25 years now.

[Shelly Preston]

It took me around eight years to tell my wife.
I was foolish enough to think I could stop.
I did for a long while but eventually I decided it would not be right to keep it a secret.
Marriage is based on trustand we are still together after more than twenty five years.

[Sheri H]

After 4 years of dating and almost 7 years of marriage I finally told my wife. That was 2 years ago now, and things are still not good. She does not accept, understand, tolerate, yada yada yada. <sigh> :(

-Sheri

[HeatherCD]

This is likely a topic which has been hashed and re-hashed, but many of the recent posts have made me curious. How long did you wait before telling your wife (or SO) about your femme self?

Maybe I'm just strange, (Ok...what else is new?) but I confessed to my then girlfriend, now wife, after we had known each other for only two weeks. Absolutely I was nervous, but I simply--and, I think, correctly--figured that if things went badly, it would be a lot easier after only a couple of weeks than it would be after months, years, etc. I am truely not trying to pass judgement on anybody, but I am constantly amazed to read that some of us have waited for 20 plus years...Wow!

How about the rest of you girls. When did you come clean?
I have you beat.. the day after we met... ;)

[michelle-h]

I didn't really tell my wife. She discovered it when you found my femme stuff. We had been married about 5 years. Things were kinda rough for a while and I tried to quit. Of course I couldn't and I got caught again last year. But we went to counciling and I am being comletely honest with her now. She has been really supportive and is mostly just happy to know that she can trust me. Plus, she sees how happy I am now, and that makes it easier for her. We have been married for 10 years now.

Michelle-H

[myMichelle]

I have you beat.. the day after we met... ;)

You are a fastmover, aren't you?...lol:thumbsup:

[NatalieH]

Almost from the beginning. Natalie came into being just over a year ago, after I tried on some of my wife's silky things and felt "the thrill". Not much later, after watching what we called one of the "dancing transvestite" movies (Rocky, Priscella Queen of the Desert) and being impressed by the costumes, I suggested a dress-up night. She helped me with her things, said I had nice legs, and there's been no looking back. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been so willing to go along; probably dress in secret, not enjoy it nearly as much.

A couple days ago she had a bra fitting and came back with new bras for both of us. I'm so lucky...

Natalie

[tasha]

Took me 7 years to work up the courage, but then had to work through a network of lies that I had to set up whenever she found anything. Almost died one day when she asked, "Have you got eyeliner on and whats that on your right ear?" That night the guilt got to me and with my heart pounding, both of us crying I told her. While waiting for the slap across the face I was surprised when she said, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Then came the explanations for the lies etc, this proved to be a very long night indeed. I restrained myself on the dressing for a month and she suggested I do it as she had never seen Tasha. A few long quiet moments, some more tears from both parties and today, 2 years on everything is going great (should have told her 7 years ago).

[sue ellan]

As quick as possible. It will be better for everyone. I know i would be a lot happer if i had told my SO. So many years has been wasted at not being able to dress up like I would like to.

[momsboygirl]

:o I was married for 2 years before my wife knew. I used to wear one her night gowns and panties to bed during our first two years together. She got upset with me when i wore a bra and panty under my business suit at a dine party.She sent me to shrink ,but when he said it was okay if i was a crossdresser she hit the roof .Now 38 years later she understands my need to wear female undies,but she doesn't want to see me doing it. She kows all about crossdressing and sympathizes with me,but is afraid to let me dress completely enfemme.

[Sky]

Haven't told her yet and have no darn plans to tell her either.

If she ever finds out, we'll see.

(I keep my fingers crossed all the time) :D

[robinLynn]

before wife and I got married we came clean on all of our little dirty secrets

[yvonne10]

Iagree with you i told my then girlfriend now wife of 10 years she was fine about it then but now she can not stand it so i have to wait till she goes out to get changed she knows i wear pants and tights every day, she even buys me those but the rest no go area

[caffine]

i was married for 15yrs and the x still doest know.

[Karren H]

Since I met her or after we got married? Since I me met her - 31 or 32 years Since we were married - 29 years, 3 months and a couple days!!

Love Karren

[Eleanor]

I told her right away that I liked wearing womens clothes.She then met my mom who told her she would dress me up in my sisters clothes when I was a child!I always get a good laugh of all this!

[Staci]

About 1 year after we started dating. She seemed to understand a little. She certainly tried. We went at a slow pace. We have been married now for 25 years.

[rosiegurl]

I told her before we had even met, just talked on the phone a lot. I had just gotten out of a bad relashinship where my EX wife was exceptionally anti-dressing, came out with all kinds of hateful things whenever she found anything of mine.

so, I made a concious decision, I would never get involved with another woman who didn't know, and at the least, accept it as part of who I am, and I got very lucky, she is supportive and offers suggestions here and there

[Rene]

I told her a few months into relationship. Things were starting to get serious, so I know I had to tell her my most hidden secret.

[KateW]

I did it verrrrrrrry slowly over the first couple of years of dating. I knew that she was "the one" (but not in a Keanu Reeves, chosen-one Matrix way!), and was relieved to finally get it off my chest. It turned out for the best, and we are still very happy together. :-)

[Mz_Jenny]

After reading many stories of 40+ crossdressers coming out and keeping it secret for 20 years and wishing they had done it earlier I've decided to just start right now. I just turned 24 and been crossdressing in secret for about 7 years. I've now started crossdressing in front of my brothers and my father and my friends and will go out public today I have done so in public once or twice but this time it will be fulltime, and although I get a few comments like why do you do it, honestly it's really not such a big deal to all you closet crossdressers. I am suppose to be looking up to you girls your older then me.