Feminine or myself?

[Kate Simmons]

I really enjoy being Ericka and look forward to my time en femme but have found that I look forward equally to my time as Richard. I've come to sort of a point of "balance" after many years and have learned that if I try to be exclusively one or the other, I get off balance. I've always been both and don't know what it would be like to be JUST one or the other. As Ericka I can be as feminine as the next gal but have integrated aspects of Richard and have settled into a kind of "no nonsense", pragmatic "tomboy" approach and am not pretentious at all about things. A lot of my CD sisters say I am denying my "basic femininity" because of this but if I did otherwise, I would be compromising who I am as a person. I feel this is the ultimate version of who I'm supposed to be. A few other gals on this forum have reached this point as well and it's not a bad place to be really. So is it important to be just feminine or to be myself? I was wondering what you other gals think of this? Take care, Ericka

[~Dee~]

id say that being yourself is the best thing that anyone can do, unless you are some kind of axe weilding murderer .. then you might want to look at being someone else instead.

but as far as i see, having the courage and tenacity to be yourself is the only way to go.
as you know im TS so its a little bit different in terms of point of view - i didnt decide that id try the other side .. i realised that i was the other side.
my normal behaviour is the other side.

but its the same principle .. if you feel that your 'normal side' includes expressing a bit of both .. then whats wrong with that?
sounds like a neat way to live as far as i can see ...
i dont think that people should look too closely at extremes or absolutes .. if you put too much thought into absolutes, thats when arguements tend to form and you know how great they are generally .. :rolleyes:

be yourself.
we like ya that way.
:happy:
and if you like ya that way too .. it should be settled at that.
afterall, we are the only ones who matter .. right? :D

[Butterfly Bill]

I have never felt the need to adopt a schizophenia to explain my desires, a split personality to accommodate things that aren't supposed to go together. I am a single personality that is capable of behavior that is either masculine or feminine, as regarded by other people. I don't need two names, and I have found that other people feel a lot easier using just one.

[Xandra]

Hi Ericka,

I feel that the most important thing is to enjoy feeling feminine and feeling masculine; the guilt and negative feelings associated with denying one or the other seem to be where problems arise. I don’t feel as if you are denying your “basic femininity” because we all have both masculine and feminine sides - it’s just that the wonderful people on this forum have more of the feminine than most of the population!

For me, I am only now (for the past six months) really throwing caution to the wind and letting that feminine side of me find expression. Denied it for too long!

Finding the right balance is the road of contentment...

Take care,

Alex

[Kate Simmons]

I have never felt the need to adopt a schizophenia to explain my desires, a split personality to accommodate things that aren't supposed to go together. I am a single personality that is capable of behavior that is either masculine or feminine, as regarded by other people. I don't need two names, and I have found that other people feel a lot easier using just one.
Hi Bill, I can appreciate that. I actually have a lot more names than the two, but that kind of gets into esoteric stuff which I really don't expound on in this forum. I think it's neat to be able to "bleed over' feeling wise one way or the other. Ericka

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I'd say the important thing is to be who you feel comfortable as. It sounds like you've reached the right balance for yourself, so I wouldn't worry about what others say. (If need be remind them that different people have different reasons for dressing -- and that there's no one size fits all "femininity" for genetic woman either.)

[TGMarla]

I agree. This balance has been an important part of my development as a transgendered person. Once it was not so. I often allowed my feminine pursuits to override many of the important things in my life. I allowed it to be in control. I've been much happier since I found a better balance between the two. Now, I value my feminine aspects, rather than loathe them for having been too overpowering to me. Now I just accept who I am, and I'm comfortable with it. I am he is she is me.

[Brianna Lovely]

Ericka, many people spend their entire lifes trying to find out who they are. You seem to have accepted that you are female and male, and you can't ask for more than that. If one trait is stronger at the moment, then go for it, but most importantly, enjoy life, it's a wonderful journey.
Hugs,
Brianna

[Olivia]

I'd say the important thing is to be who you feel comfortable as. It sounds like you've reached the right balance for yourself, so I wouldn't worry about what others say. (If need be remind them that different people have different reasons for dressing -- and that there's no one size fits all "femininity" for genetic woman either.)

I think that Marlena's just about nailed it here. I don't know how many members we have here, just on this forum, but I'd say that each and every one of them is at a different point on the crossdressing continuum. Hey, there is no right and wrong way to crossdress. There is only the way that you feel about yourself. Most us have spent a lifetime trying to make sense of our needs and desires. When you find that "balance" that suits you; that place where you feel most at ease and comfortable about yourself, then please don't worry if it meets(or doesn't meet) someone's notions of "femininity" or perceptions of what crossdressing really is. Enjoy being yourself. Be yourself and enjoy those things that seem to suit you for no one else can possibly say that what satifies you is wrong simply because it's not right for them. We each have to stake out our own "ground" in this life-if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. Olivia

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks guys, gals, whatever. I appreciate everyone for who they are, regardless of which side (or sides) they come from. It's what makes the world go around. Take care, Ericka

[Sonia_cd]

Hey Erica!

You said "balance" and that really is the key. Congratulations to you on being able to find that balance that makes you happy and gives you a sense of comfort on who you are. THE most important thing is to be yourself, straddling all aspects of you. Acheiving that balance is no mean achievement and you have probably found the key to many happy days to come.

As for the process of arriving at the balance, I personally believe it involves experiencing both ends of the gender curve (if one can call it that) and then settling down into a groove. I would think if you were labelled insufficiently "feminine" then it might be because your friends are still in the process of striking the balance and lean towards the "overtly very feminine". I'm only thinking aloud here and am not being conclusive. From personal experience, I know I desperately feel the need to fully explore and understand the feminine side of myself and not being able to do that results in frustrations, anger, stress and borderline depression.
Point being, your gender expression is uniquely yours and is reflective of all that you find comfortable and feel at home with. As for what others feel about that, don't give it a second thought!

Love,
Sonia

[Angie G]

If it works for you then you go with it.

[Jennaie]

I have somewhat found the same type of balance for myself. I don't have to be dressed to be Jennaie. I love to dress and I love to do the things that I do as a male. I think things have blended together quite well. I do have to "control" Jennaie and not let that part of me rule my life.

[SherriePall]

Ericka -- To paraphrase that great philosopher: "You are what you are." So, unless you can mentally split yourself in two, you have reached the point in life many of us are aiming for. You have reached that balance, so don't worry about what others say about your denying your basic feminity.

[myMichelle]

Don't ever let anyone call you a dumb blonde, Ericka! Sounds like you've got an excellent "handle" on the situation. Bravo! You go, girl! (or guy) I tend to bounce back and forth myself in terms of which gender I relate to on any given day--or even at various times throughout the day. I'm comfortable that way. It works for me...

[Julie Avery]

For myself (I think we're all surprisingly different), I'm beginning to think that the business of having a femme name and femme personality is not for me. I am always a genetic male who wants to crossdress. It never changes. I was born with the name "Doug", so that's working for me right now. I don't mean that I don't want to be totally crossdressed. Just that you can call me "Doug" when you find me in a dress. I know that nags some peoples' sensibilities, but it's working for me.

[michelle19845]

i am pry in the same boat.i hesitate on seeing a therapist,definitely not a psych,all they do is deliver you prescriptions and make their big bucks off that.my femme side has been revealng more as time goes by and i am happy and content with it.it's just if family knew,that would develop a big problem.i'm trying to find similar people that are like me and so far those i've met have been great to be around and chat with.being yourself is the key thing,not who you aren't.freedom of expression.



feel free to email me whenever you need to chat,
michelle19845

[Siobhan Marie]

I'd say the important thing is to be who you feel comfortable as. It sounds like you've reached the right balance for yourself, so I wouldn't worry about what others say. (If need be remind them that different people have different reasons for dressing -- and that there's no one size fits all "femininity" for genetic woman either.)

:iagree: with what Marlena has said and can add no more as she has hit the nail on the head.

:hugs: Anna x

[Kate Simmons]

All of your responses brought tears to my eyes. I know that's not a "manly" reaction but my feelings never the less. It shows who my true friends are. Just being me. Sentimental Ericka

[Casey Morgan]

Erika, I know what you're saying. For who knows how many years now I've been able to be male as long as I've masked off a part of myself. And I can be female as long as I mask off some other parts of myself. And I think there's some small part that's always masked off no matter who or what I try to be. And I'm starting to get sick to death of masking off parts of me.

It's scary to be the complete me. But I'm working on it. I'm glad to hear you're comfortable with the complete you. after all, that's the person you spend the most time with.

You know, it strikes me as kind of odd that those CDs can knock you for "denying" your "basic femininity" but they don't say much about "denying" your "basic masculinity". Interesting, very interesting.

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks Shari Ann, The part that was the hardest was the balancing. That's what I'm all about really as one part without the other is incomplete. I dunno how to explain it really, the Yin/Yang principle I guess. None of my efforts are successful, unless I have my whole self in balance, then things seem to flow naturally regardless of what part of myself I choose to highlight. I'm better off for doing it overall and have realized the wisdom of it being a gift to a select few. Ericka

[Sharon]

As Ericka I can be as feminine as the next gal but have integrated aspects of Richard and have settled into a kind of "no nonsense", pragmatic "tomboy" approach and am not pretentious at all about things. A lot of my CD sisters say I am denying my "basic femininity" because of this but if I did otherwise, I would be compromising who I am as a person.

Unlike you, I am TS, but I have also come to accept the fact that no matter what I do, no matter what physical changes I undergo, I will always be a "tomboy," at least as seen through the eyes of others. A lifetime of pretending to be what I'm not is difficult to erase, and I'm not willing to change the person I am simply to fulfill someone's notion of what it means to be female. There are things about myself that I am constantly trying to improve -- particularly the manner in which I walk and talk -- but I have no intention of adopting new interests or hobbies, although many of those I enjoy are said to be masculine.

Be yourself, accept yourself for who and what you are, and don't worry about playacting just to satisfy other's opinions of what it is to be feminine. The whole idea of needing to prove oneself is ridiculous to begin with.

[Janet_Johnson_cd]

Are you saying that you'd be a male for a day and a woman for another? Correct me if i'm wrong. ;)

[Julie York]

I am lucky. I can pretend to be 'JY me' when the mood takes me. The rest of the time I am me. There's a conflict, but it doesn't impinge on a working sensible male me. The worst I experience is a double take and dilated pupils at a skirt a girl is wearing that "works".

[Kate Simmons]

Are you saying that you'd be a male for a day and a woman for another? Correct me if i'm wrong. ;)
I guess Janet. I don't have a problem being either. I'm usually Richard during the day when I work but am Ericka during the night and most of the weekend. Either way, as Sharon put it, I'm not going to change my basic self just to please anyone else, whether I'm Rich or Kay. Ericka