signs of TS?

[michelle19845]

i would like to know what some of the symptoms of knowing you're differen't and not like all the others of your "assigned gender" are.do turn ons differ according to what gender is trying to attract you? what kind of everyday interests you have and what goals you work on for yourself such as weight or shopping for a particular item.
since i've been more accepting of myself and not been purging lately i am more and more interested in finding and revieling my inner self.i am evaluating myself from past things and connecting them to being an unusual thing for genetic males to do or interest in.i also see bodily features that are quite feminine.i'm acting more openly how i feel and have been having such lil anxiety and stress lately.i feel so much better,but i also feel like there's something hiding and needs to be brought out to the people around me.is this familiar to any non/pre/post-op TSs?i am getting strong thoughts toward getting a professional evaluation of "who" iam,cause idon't think i'm close to average or normal at all.


thank you for your help,
michelle19845

[Nyx]

Having wanted to be a girl since early childhood. This is pretty much the only "symptom". The rest is mostly a matter of showing a therapist that you have enough courage to go through transition...

[CaptLex]

Well, Michelle, the big one for me is looking in the mirror and seeing someone who doesn't resemble the person I know should be looking back at me. There are other symptoms, but that's the one that clinched it for me.

[michelle19845]

i tend to see someone else when i look at my smile in the mirror.most of all my eyes are the most femme asset i have.i have no pleasure anytime i've been with a woman in my past.i tend to not "arise" to the situation and have always been a submissive person,not once have i been the dominant one,i tend to give in easily ,i also have soft feelings when it comes to emotions,i tend to cry if the situation is too deep and too stressful.i get very angry at my "plumbing" because it doesn't tend to work when i want it to,but it has the capability if i'm in my femme personna.i am so confused.it prevents any relationships to ever work out,it's horrid!i can't live like this forever,i gotta find what the deal is.



michelle19845

[GypsyKaren]

I've always known in my thoughts and in my heart that I was born wrong, that a mistake had been made. It took me a very long time to understand it all because I had other issues to contend with, but for me there was never any doubt.

I do suggest you see a transgender specialist, you might find it to be of some help. I'll PM you the name and number of the woman I'm seeing now, I think she's just great.

Karen

[~Dee~]

personally i never knew that i was supposed to be born female.

its something that a pshrink brought up to me and threw back in my face .. saying i wasnt TS enough to transition ... but thats a different story. :rolleyes:

but.. though i never knew the specifics of it .. i did know that there was something wrong.
i didnt like me .. i hated me in fact .. i wished that i could just die off.
i knew that i liked certain things that soon became evident that most lil boys dont .. so i kept those things quiet for the most part.

i lived like that for years and years .. fear, shame, guilt and humiliation.

i think Karens suggestion of a gender specialist is a great one .. i think sometimes it can really help if you have someone else who knows whats going on .. and being able to sit down and chat with them for a while can really help people push past the confusion.

thats what i have a Kitty for .. shes great at clearing up all the muddled thoughts i have .. and i know id never see the wood from the trees if i didnt have her to be able to talk to.

[Deborah]

Hmmm why does this sound like:

You might be a TS if...... ;)

[Ms. Donna]

i would like to know what some of the symptoms of knowing you're differen't and not like all the others of your "assigned gender" are.
Not to sound trite, but if you're asking this question, then you already know you're different. I suspect we're looking for some validation here, so I'll play along. :)



since i've been more accepting of myself and not been purging lately i am more and more interested in finding and revieling my inner self. i am evaluating myself from past things and connecting them to being an unusual thing for genetic males to do or interest in.
If you are going to hold your feelings and interests up against what is stereotypically associated with 'men', then you most likely will find that - taken as a whole - yes, your's are 'unusual'. But, are they unusual for you? If you are like most of us here, you have felt this all your life - these are your 'normal' feelings.


i also see bodily features that are quite feminine. i'm acting more openly how i feel and have been having such lil anxiety and stress lately. i feel so much better, but i also feel like there's something hiding and needs to be brought out to the people around me. is this familiar to any non/pre/post-op TSs?
Actually, Michelle, this is familiar to almost anyone - straight, gay, trans, whatever - who has come to accept themselves. As we accept ourselves for who we are, there seems to be a need - a drive almost - to stop hiding and 'come clean', as it were, as to who we really are. It's all about acknowledgement, acceptance and validation.

At a minimum, We want to be our acknowledged for who we are - and not for who or what we have pretended to be. In order for that to happen, people have to know who we are - who we see ourselves as. We can generally get acknowledgement with little effort, but this is usually a stepping stone to acceptance.

Acknowledgement is the open recognition of your difference. People now know about you - they may not like it, but they know. Acceptance means that these people see past the differences - that for them it is a non-issue. You are not treated differently because of your difference. You are valued as a person, an individual, and not as a collection of traits which either conform to a stereotype or not.

Acknowledgement is good, but acceptance is better. :)

Finally, we want validation. We want to hear, from people external to ourselves, that we are fine as we are. That our differences are not of paramount importance. While we do not need external validation, it is something we want. We all want to be loved. To be loved is (amongst other things) another form of external validation: to know that we have value on a personal, emotional level to another individual.


i am getting strong thoughts toward getting a professional evaluation of "who" iam, cause idon't think i'm close to average or normal at all.
A therapist can not tell you 'who' you are - only you can do that. They can help you to uncover aspects of yourself, help you deal with issues and possibly even make some suggestions as to life choices... But 'who' you are - that, my dear, you need to discover for yourself.

Eight years ago, I saw my therapist for about two years (N.B.: have just started seeing her again) and she helped me to work through many things. At no time did she ever tell me 'who I was' or what I needed to do and any other good gender therapist will do the same. I agree with the others here that seeing someone can probably be of benefit, but be wary of being 'diagnosed' - it is important that you decide what is right for you, not someone else.

First and foremost, you need to understand and accept yourself. You need to understand what it means to be you in the world. After that, then you can look to what it is you need (or want) to do with regards to all of this. Have a look at this thread on self acceptance (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27586). This was - in large part - how I managed to work through much of this.

It is a tough path we walk. Sometimes we walk alone, sometimes we are accompanied by others - but at all times it is our path and ours alone.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Ms. Donna]

but.. though i never knew the specifics of it .. i did know that there was something wrong.
i didnt like me .. i hated me in fact .. i wished that i could just die off.
Hey, no fair copying me! :)

Seriously though, up through high school, this was exactly how I felt. I hated who I was, what I did and how I felt. The summer after graduation I had fully intended to just check out early. I saw no compelling reason to stick around.


i knew that i liked certain things that soon became evident that most lil boys don't .. so i kept those things quiet for the most part.

i lived like that for years and years .. fear, shame, guilt and humiliation.
Fear, shame, guilt and humiliation - that about sums it up. It's a vicious cycle from which we sometimes never escape.

We all learn to 'keep quite', to hide this part of ourselves - to play the part and appear as everyone else wants us to. We do our best until our best isn't good enough anymore - then we have to do something better...

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Natasha Anne]

I often find it amazing how I struggled with myself internally for so long. Looking for symptoms may be a fruitless exercise. It is so easy to repress symptoms that you may not display any. Many friends of transsexuals often say things like, "I never saw anything feminine about you!" because of how repressed the symptoms were. Likewise, self-denial can cause the same within you.

As soon as you stop fighting, things become clear. It's not that I did not accept myself, or that I was in denial. I just never allowed myself the time to sit down, relax and think things through. So here's my little story:

In November 2004 I went away on a trip to find myself. I spent 6 days in the middle of nowhere, not saying a word to anyone.

After Day 1, the noise that surrounded my life vanished and was not replaced by something else becuase of the silence that surrounded me, and I was able to focus. You will be amazed how things like background noise, work deadlines, and bills can take over your whole psyche and prevent you from thinking about what really is important.

During the rest of the time away I started piecing together all the things in my life that were important, based on what I knew about myself and came to some rather startling conclusions.

1. My material possesions are not important to me, the only things I have that are really important are my family photos and videos, so I back those up and keep them in a safe now.
2. My children are such a valuable part of my life, and provide a richness in my life nothing else ever could
3. I had always known I was female, but realised there that knowing that was never going to calm me, only change was. So I decided to surrender myself to it, instead of fighting it, and started taking actions.

So on 3, I started to dress more androgynously. Then I went to some company functions all dressed up to the nines (I posted about those occasions) here at the time.

At the same time I started allowing my feelings about the subject to enter my thoughts, instead of repressing them. It's actually harder to do than some may imagine!

As I started expressing myself more freely in my thoughts and my appearance, I started becoming happier about being myself, and then one day in May 2005 I decided that the time was right to start changing.

One thing I've learned, and I wish others would learn, so they can get their own lives sorted out earlier. Take the time you need to work through the issues you face in your life. Some people call it "me" time. "Me" time is not about time on your own for shopping and stuff, it's about reflecting, thinking about who you are and how you contribute to this world positively. When I gave myself that time, and used it effectively, then I stopped looking for and hiding symptoms. I just recognized what was, and am much better of for it.

[Sarahgurl371]

Michelle, I feel similar to you and some of the other posts here. The feature that I "see" the most is my eyes. Every time I look in the mirror, no matter where I am or how I am dressed, Its in the eyes.

[ChestyXXX]

I agree with Nyx. I am torn between two worlds, one I was born into and the one I wanted to leave. Kids are brutally honest. My little brother and I would play with some friends of ours, a family with two adopted Korean children. The four of us would play "House" together. I was always chosen to be the Mom. Tony and Shawna(their names) could see something in me. Shawna seemed to just know it.

I never complained, not once.

[michelle19845]

i am finding out more as i go by ,especially after meeting lots of TSs and discussing what feelings were had and where they are now and were before.i had lots in common with them and it kinda pointed me towards the ts side than androgynous.also i was told that i was very passable and cute it boosted my confidence a lot.as i look back through the years lots adds up towards my femminity.i will be taking small steps thoughone at a time.


michelle19845