being told what to do

[jennig]

Hi girls my question Is how to change before its to late. hears whats going on
over the past few years It was not enough for me to just dress a few times a week I liked the hair to much nails womans shorts unlike mens shorts that go down to you knees[whats up with that anyway? the past few years I have not realy gone out and looked for a gg realonship I guess I got to the point that I was happey by myself I keep my nails long I have grown out my hair and just had it cut into without a dout is a womans style . well a woman that was IN my life has just came back into my life and at first she did not say anything about my nails shaves leggs I thought I would go slowley and tell her about the crossdressing when the time was right . well last night I went to get my hair cut and highlighted the girl thd did it just cut my hair like the wigs she has cut for me a bob style stacked in the back it looke great . my girl friend came over last night and thier is no hideing this hairstyle her words were you look like a woman do you want to be a woman are you gay you know we have all herd it. so i told her about the cding she said I have gone way past that and unless I get a mans hair cut were done. well I have to admitt its a little over the top but it has taken me over a year to get it this way and Iam not sure if I want to give it up for her or anybody.not that its going to be easy to explain the hair but people have come to understand I sing to my own song. please give my your thoughts
hugs jennig

[Kimberley]

Jennig,
I think you have it all together with this. First you know who you are, what you are, and what you want. Being alone does not make you lonely. (After all, we are our own best girlfriends)

Many GG's cannot accept us because of what their perceptions are about gender and sexuality, or should I more accurately say their misconceptions. We cannot change people, they have to want to change; nor can we change. We might purge for a time for some "lofty" ideal but inevitably we return because all of this is a part of our core.

Some GG's do accept us, some can come to accept us, some will tolerate us but the majority wont because of socially defined roles. I am sure that you will find the right GG. In the meantime you have friends here who will help you and just as importantly, listen to both your problems and your advice. I think you are in a good place.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[jennig]

thang so much as you said I will find the rigah onr that wii accecpt me for me and untill that time I know we have each outher.

thanks jennig

[lostmyhubby GG]

I wonder if you give in to her first demand how many others will she impose upon you ? i know a understanding gg doesnt come along everyday, but she's not at the point of comprehending you are you and the way you want to be, not how she demands you to be......so think twice about continuing this relationship unless she can come to the realization she either likes/loves you for you and who you are and look.....your not playdough for her to mold you how she wants you to be.
Be happy above all, life is too short.

[Tracy_Victoria]

I find it a bit of a suprize that you made so many changes in your life, yet your girlfriend appears to have know nothing about your crossdressing? I also find it strange that when you told her about your CD, she just said well you gone way to far! I think there would have been a little more said than that surely?

You have to decide here, what you want to do here, Crossdressing and living with another person means you have to take the other persons feelings in to consideration, she is certainly not with you due to your cross dressing, she is looking to you to be the male partner in this relationship, and clearly it seems it a role you now don't wish to undertake? (well thats how it reads above)

All this person wants, is the deal she signed up for, ie you man, her woman, and if your crossdressing is a total suprize to her, you may find there are some very rocky times ahead, ie your not what she thought you were, and clearly your crossdressing is taking over yours (and more to the point) her life, and this might be something, she does not want, or even can handle! Certainly as it seems to have been dropped on her right at the last minute as a total after thought!

Crossdress, and living with an SO is a matter of balance, ie you have to give up for them, as much as they have to given up, or or tried to understand for you. the best way to think of (crossdressing/and living with an SO's relationship is, to think of a tree at the edge of the forest! If it does not have support and care the tree dos not grow, but with care and love it can grow in to a beautiful and special tree, getting more sunlight and wamth than most, and with special and tender care it's develops in to the most healthly tree in the forest. however in them troubled times when the storms come, the tree must some time yeild, and bend, in the oncoming fury. ie sometimes it must give way, or snap, and if it trys not to give way, and just tries to stand up alone, the force sometimes breaks part or all of the tree, and the beauty of it is gone for ever!

so it your time to decide, if your girlfriend has not just totally freaked at the way this has been told to her! Ie do you want to stand alone here, or do you want more than just crossdressing in your life. To most crossdressing is a fantasy, a life we live at small times a tiny parts of our life, to others it their reality, my choice is to bend, when my partner need me to be me, ie I found I can be more of a female, by being more of a male, in my non dressing times. in your case you need to decide which path you wish to take, but becareful, because sometimes fantasies, are no longer as special, when there no longer a fantasy, but become reality, and that reality is known to all! Or if we living them all the time, then it no longer is a fantasy any more!

the choice is clearly your now?

Good luck what ever you decide!

[older not wiser]

Hi Jen, I agree with the other girls on this, if you cave on the hair it will only be a matter of time before she makes another demand on you IE: if you don't stop wearing lingerie we're done( this is only an example). My question to you-----
Were you happy doing what pleased you before you two guys got back together? Only you can answer this one!!! Why did she accuse you of being gay? This draws a conclusion that just because you have a woman's hairstyle or wear woman's clothing you are gay, NOT SO. BE YOUR OWN PERSON.


Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

[Tracy_Victoria]

This draws a conclusion that just because you have a woman's hairstyle or wear woman's clothing you are gay, NOT SO. BE YOUR OWN PERSON.

Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

No it doesn't, but it is an asumption others sadly draw, and therefore she might not feel comfortable with others drawing that asumption?

[Tina Dixon]

Well your still only dating, so tell her this is the way it is, love me or leave me, your choice.

[jennig]

thanks for the replys years ago she was my girlfreind she married someone eles and i married my former wife she came back into my life just recently.I know if i cave in in the hair that will be it she will control me and at this point in my lif I dont want to be controled. geing alone is fine but some times it dose get lonley but its better than being controld. last week she had said something about my nails and I tole her I liked them that way and she said it was my nails and droped it so I thought she might bee cool whith the whole thing. well thangs again I guess as we all go down the path of our cding we will all have things that come up and its nice to know we have each outher

love jennig

[Veronica E. Scott]

What happened to singing your own song?

Ask me to do something and I will break my back doing it, Telling me to do the same thing and I will get my back up.I for one don't like being told to do anything. My wife dosn't like me shaving my body or letting my hair grow she keeps trying to get me to quit but I like it and wont stop just because she dosn't aprove. Sing your own song and be happy with your self.

[kathy gg]

THis is really a simple solution. Go on being 'you'. If you are in the dating stage and she is imposing her regulations on you that is just being "*itchy" and controling. Really if any gg came on here {or any forum} and was just in a dating stage with a guy who was telling her how to wear her hair I can promise most gg's would be saying this is the begining of a controling guy who 'might' turn mentally or physically abusive in time.

These are the flashing red lights telling you to "watch out" for a future of control and silly rules.

[Kate Simmons]

Do what you have to do, Hon. It's your life and you know if you need to be restricted like that. If I were in your position, however, I would continue to be myself. I worked long and hard to be myself and won't give it up now without a fight. Ericka

[Angie G]

If you live to your g.f fashen I don't think you will be to happy
If my wife said I can't dress I be real buming.

[ava_bruna]

jennig
im not even going to read the other post's now, I dont want any other post to sway my reply to you. DUMP HER !!!!! :( you seem to know what you want and have worked so hard for it so look at it this way, what's more important, her or your desire's? Amen. best of luck

[ava_bruna]

Kimberley? Had I seen your post b4 I didmine I would have said, """ " " " ditto. RIGHT ON !!!!! that's what great about this forum, the advice is free and if not to your likeing there always will be one that is,

[~Kitty GG~]

Hi girls my question Is how to change before its to late. hears whats going on
over the past few years It was not enough for me to just dress a few times a week I liked the hair to much nails womans shorts unlike mens shorts that go down to you knees[whats up with that anyway? the past few years I have not realy gone out and looked for a gg realonship I guess I got to the point that I was happey by myself I keep my nails long I have grown out my hair and just had it cut into without a dout is a womans style . well a woman that was IN my life has just came back into my life and at first she did not say anything about my nails shaves leggs I thought I would go slowley and tell her about the crossdressing when the time was right . well last night I went to get my hair cut and highlighted the girl thd did it just cut my hair like the wigs she has cut for me a bob style stacked in the back it looke great . my girl friend came over last night and thier is no hideing this hairstyle her words were you look like a woman do you want to be a woman are you gay you know we have all herd it. so i told her about the cding she said I have gone way past that and unless I get a mans hair cut were done. well I have to admitt its a little over the top but it has taken me over a year to get it this way and Iam not sure if I want to give it up for her or anybody.not that its going to be easy to explain the hair but people have come to understand I sing to my own song. please give my your thoughts
hugs jennig


Here's what I see from your original post:
1. You've asked how can I change before its too late.. but haven't told us what you want to change. Is it the relationship? your CDing? your hairstyle? What exactly do you want help with here?

2.You've admitted yourself that you're past just CDing. But then you've told your GF that you are only a CD.

3. She recognizes that you have gone past CDing.. she doesn't know how far you have gone for sure.. or how far you will go in future. Her response was to basically test you. If you are just a CD she figures you would be content with a man's hairstyle. She didn't say no CDing. No wigs.. etc.

4. You never say that you know how far you want to go. So its unclear whether you know this yourself.

5. You don't want someone to tell you what you can and can not do. And she wants to know what you are and are not. But neither of you is going about this logically. You are demanding that she accept you for what you are but aren't telling her what you are. She's demanding that you be what she wants you to be without saying exactly what she needs.

6. You're here asking us instead of discussing what the haircut means to you and asking her what she needs in an SO.

~Kitty~