Do you ever hurt?

[Caitlintgsd]

This is probably a stupid thread. My apologies. It's six something in the morning and I just got home. I just spent the last 3 hours with a real dear friend of mine. I was a totally sniveling idiot. I should look like a prune for as much as I cried. I hate who I am. I just can't stand this anymore. I'm real tired of putting up with this internal struggle I'm always facing. Does anybody else ever feel like this? Crap, I'm crying again...

[~Kitty GG~]

:hugs:

I think everyone feels that way sometimes.

The trick is to not get stuck there.

If you want to talk.. pm me or any one of the wonderful people here on the forum.

Crying is ok.

Problems will always exist. Sometimes they look much bigger than they really are.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[~Dee~]

:hugs:

of course.

its not an easy situation .. sometimes there will be moments that you feel it more than others .. where it kind of becomes a bit more overwhelming and hopeless .. ive cried lots since ive started transition .. im just glad that im able to cry nowadays, otherwise it would be even more painful.

if you need someone to talk to, drop me a pm .. or if you are on yahoo .. add me asap.

just remember that you dont have to be strong 100% of the time .. its ok to cry and be weak for a time too ...
i feel its good to let it all out .. and just try not to get stuck in that overwhelming sensation ... there are always things that can help move you along.

[Ms. Donna]

If I did some digging on Google, I could pull up past posts from eight years ago to this effect. For something more current, have a look at my post here Welcome to Nowhere (http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21970).

You know what Caitlin, it sucks sometimes - really badly. I spent Memorial Day weekend crying over this crap and I hadn't done that in years. Stuff simply needed to come out, and it did. WHen will the next scheduled 'release' happen??? Who knows...

It's not easy being us: not now or ever. We have a lot with which to deal and unfortunately, we need to deal with it ourselves. Sure, we can get support and advise, but in the end - it all comes down to us as individuals.

For me, the biggest step I took was to work on and finally accept myself: who I am, what I am and what that means to me. It eliminated much of the internal struggle - not all of it - but most of it; enough to make it possible to get on with life. Before that: I had seriously compemplated suicide, I never liked myself as a person and I did some relatively self-destructive things.

I never cried about it - I rationalized the hell out my life, lied to myself and others in my life - all the while pretending to be 'normal'. And finally in 1997, it all collapsed in on me. It was time to fish or cut bait - I had to deal with this and find a way to make my life work. It took me a solid two years to sift through things in a way which worked for me. Time well spent in my opinion.

Please give my thread on self acceptance (http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27586) a read. Because while it might not be easy, it need not be that hard either. I believe that to a large extent, we are our own worst enemies and create for ourselves situations which seem hopeless.

Don't be afraid (or ashamed) to share - it's the best way we have to get through all of this.

Hang in there. :hugs:

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[CaptLex]

This is probably a stupid thread. My apologies. It's six something in the morning and I just got home. I just spent the last 3 hours with a real dear friend of mine. I was a totally sniveling idiot. I should look like a prune for as much as I cried. I hate who I am. I just can't stand this anymore. I'm real tired of putting up with this internal struggle I'm always facing. Does anybody else ever feel like this? Crap, I'm crying again...
Don't feel bad, Caitlin . . . being able to cry is so much better than not being able to cry. It's not fun while you're going through it, but afterwards . . . what a relief. I've been to both extremes - spent years unable to cry and then had days when I couldn't stop crying. I hate the crying process because I have no control over it (and I'm a control freak), but it does ease the the pain. When you can't cry, the pain stays with you. Unfortunately, I never know when or why something will make me cry, but now I just go with it for as long as it takes.

[heather_nouveau]

Caitlin:

Yes; it happens to me a lot; lately at the strangest times.To borrow a line from R.E.M. "everybody hurts" I think part of it is that I'm in mourning for a "normal life" since I've finally started to confront my feelings and acknowledge who I really am.

It's been hard for me to cry; but it's okay. It's good and cathartic. Hang in there; you are not alone!

Hugs,

Heather

[Karinna]

"Cry little sister" - Sister of Mercy
It's a natural pain relief, it feels better afterward, it's the best thing you can do. I cry with you.

[Maria D]

Yes, absolutely, sometimes so much I thought my soul would fall out. Sometimes so much I'd punch the wall out of, I don't know, sheer emotion that wouldn't go away. I know how you feel, and I'd hug you if I could.
It's important to remember that it's NOT wrong to cry, quite the opposite. If you find yourself in a mentally challenging situation, it's quite appropriate that you DO feel like crying, and it's good for you that you can do so.
What would be better of course, is if you can deal with the problems that make you feel like crying, but that's an altogether different and harder prospect. I'm not sugesting a course of action in the TG sense, rather, perhaps get some gender specialist help to give you some clarity on what you need to feel happy. :)

Take much care, we're always here. :)

[Amelie]

Yes, I feel this way every day of my life, the internal struggles that I have make life unbearable at times, but I don't cry. I haven't cried for many years now, I have no more tears left to cry anymore.

[tori-e]

For most of my adult life I was a miserable old fart. The last year or so I've traded grumpy for letting go. I cry a lot now. I cry for sad movies, happy movies. Sometimes no matter what I do, when I look in the mirror all I see is a man. That makes me cry too. It actually feels so good. And I am a much happier person now. Crying is a natural human response to stress or other things that are bothering you. In our society men aren't supposed to cry. Now your on the girls side, so go for it! Embrace "feeling". I think this is why women live longer that men.

Caitlin, if I can ask why are you hurting? It's good you have a friend, but if you are in some kind of crisis, please seek out some help! If you want to talk, please PM.

with love,
Tori

[Sarahgurl371]

I have felt like crying so many times in the last couple of years, and I for some reason just don't allow myself to. It seems that I have been afraid of my emotions for a long time now.

Lately I have been allowing myself to cry at times. It feels good to know that I can. That sounds weird, but after not doing it for so long, being on the fringe of it, just knowing that I do feel, is a good thing.

I find that sad movies, sad songs, as well as very happy endings and postive stories of love and acceptance get me most. But at times this whole Gender issue brings it on.

I definitley think crying is good for the soul, and should allow myself to got there more often. I think its really about repressing things I feel. Its like I am not really sure how the emotions will be perceived by others and myself. I guess its all part of the hiding.

[azure]

I think an important place to start is where you are, you have a friend who you can talk to and hear yourself speak about the issues you are expereincing in your mind.Its important also to speak to a trained counsellor or psychiatrist, not becuase your ill, but just to relate your inner turmoils, and dissonance, to provide you with some answers, or explainations, even if you come to those yourself with the aid of the counsellor refining your thought processes. You then start to hopefully find some peace, or better coping mechanisims of dealing with the feelings that make you unhappy.
It doesnt necessarily have to do with being transgenderd, its a way of helping people through thins that they cant deal with themselves, two heads are better than one : )

I hope you find some peace.

[Kayla Smith]

Caitlin,

When I was trying to be "HIM" I never allowed myself to cry which in turn would make even more unhappy with being who I was pretending to be, now that I in the process of becoming my true self, I do cry alot due to all of the emotions that I now feel but just like what all of my sisters have posted it is ok to cry, if you didn't then the pain inside of you would just increase.

If you need to talk, PM me sis.

Hugs and Love

[Kim E]

Yes, I cry occasionally.....sometimes for absolutely no reason. I think crying is a normal emotion that allows us to release pent up feelings. Males are conditioned not to cry. Its thought of as a display of weakness for a male to cry. I'd much rather cry and release it than hold it in and let the feelings build up.

Kim

[Clare]

I think crying is a normal emotion that allows us to release pent up feelings. Males are conditioned not to cry. Its thought of as a display of weakness for a male to cry. I'd much rather cry and release it than hold it in and let the feelings build up.

KimYes, I have to agree Kim. Your comment in the last line I learnt the hard way! Today, my emotions are a lot closer to the 'surface' than they ever were.

PS: I like the new Avatar too Kim.

[CharlaineCadence]

I cry all the time over some of the dumbest things and or comments. movies, happyness. guilt all caus me to cry. but on the good side it makes me want and eat more chocklete grin

[Vivian Best]

Cry! I don't any more. I have in the past. Like you, my emotions were like a roller coaster. They were up in the sky and then down in the dumps. I grew up in the era before information was available on transexuality and befoe the internet. I was alone in the world! Why did I feel like I did? Why did I want to be a girl? Was I the only boy who wanted to be a girl? Why did I feel like a girl on the inside? Why wasn't I born a girl? What if my parents found out? Confusion, embarrassment, emotions, stress, fear and others were my constant companions. They were with me all the time, from the time I awoke in the morning till I went to sleep at night and then I'd dream about them.

I tried to the best of my abilities to consider all my options as the years went by. I married and had kids. I loved my wife and kids. But, my emotions were still there biting at me, nagging me, consuming me. Slowly, I realized that transitioning would cost me my family and everything that I had in life. My family won out and they didn't know it!

I'm in the twilight of my life know and I'm comfortable with my life. I will say one thing however, if I could live my life over completely, knowing what I know now, I would make different decisions. But, for this life I made the right decisions. You have to make some decisions in your life. I don't know what is causing your anguish, but I hope you can make a decision of some sort that will remove some of the stress that is causing your emotions to hit rock bottom. You will not be able to make decisions that will completely eliminate all your problems at once. Just try to make just one at a time. Make it a little one, solve it. Then go to another one and resolve it. I hope and pray you are able to make baby steps and then giant strides toward getting some measure of peace in your life.

Hugs, Vivian:rose2:

[Kimberley]

Caitlin, we all do it, we all feel it. For me it comes and goes seemingly without any kind of warning. It just happens. I might go for months then get hit with all those feelings and I'll be in the dumper for a day, a week, a month. All we can do is let it all out and start to rebuild again.

I try to get busy, to do things whether I enjoy them or not. Actually it is usually at these times that I am at my creative best because I am so in touch with my feelings. I use that to the best of my ability. Sometimes I will get buried in something and forget to sleep or only nap for a couple of hours at a time. It just happens.

Keep your head up and dont forget to wipe your mascara hon... (Just a little humour. Sometimes it helps.)

:hugs:
Kimberley

[michelle19845]

it helps release so much and is only a safe natural way to get rid of stress if an opening isn't opened sooner or later a hole will happen.you can't keep things bottled up forever they'll need to be brought out.finding someone you trust can be the best thing to do for talking.it does wonders.

[~Kitty GG~]

Are you feeling better, hun?

Things do usually look better for me AFTER a good cry..

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~