Career goals and TV/TSism don't mix

[AmandaM]

This is one heck of a big problem for me. I am in my forties and want to change careers from the IT world. But! Every time I consider some different career, my TV/TSism gets in the way! How can that be you ask? For instance, I have a belt in Kung Fu. Sometimes I think about teaching it for a hobby and maybe pursuing it instead of IT. But, my gender confusion gets in the way. I don't want to feel trapped in a macho career if I decide I'm really TS. Even if I'm only TV, my Kung Fu career could come to a crashing halt if some of my students saw some left-over nail polish, etc. I can't think of anything that would kill a macho career faster than that. The gender confusion is killing my ambition because I feel like I can't choose. Now I'm sitting in the middle of my career, not knowing what to do. It's like my TV/TSism has made me spin my gears for years "thinking about" careers, and not actually having one. My God, how do I get past this?

[Teresa Amina]

Interesting observation. I've never had what would be called a "career" as such, just a series of jobs of no particular interest. Have wondered recently if all those years of suppressing my "gender" situation had something to do with that, with a degree of subconcious effort always going in the background to keep on some sort of "guy-ish" track that never quite fit.

[heather_nouveau]

Amanda:

I'm also in IT and similar in age; I have exactly the same dilemma. I'm a consultant and have clients I've worked with for years. If I transition, I don't think most of them will be able to deal with the "real" me. I've been contemplating moving to another city and starting over; trying to work in my field, but with new customers, and surroundings as a woman. I don't think I have the courage nor the support to transition on the job as other have done.

This is so hard!

My two cents.

Heather, IT chick.

[Clare]

Hiya Amanda.

I understand where you're coming from, but I think you need to step back and see matters objectively. Women work in a diverse range of occupations these days and i'm sure there are many suitable employment options for us members of the TG spectrum.

Sure there are obstacles to overcome, but you don't have to be overtly femminen to work do you (unless of course you are transitioning)? I think what you really want is a job where you can express your femme self a little without major repercussions for your career.

Just think about careers that are popular for women and see if any are appropriate for you. You might surprise yourself!

[Sarah Smile]

I have heard this said about transitioning and I am coming to believe it because the urge to transition is mounting within me as well:

If it is in your destiny to transition, the time will come when the urge will be so great that you will no longer care too much about these issues. You will simply decide to transition because you have to. Going through all the trials and tribulations will be worth it to you. It will not matter as much what others think of you.

In short, it's somewhat of a self-image issue. Where is it written that "female" = "ultra-feminine" or "completely 'non-masculine'"? I feel I am female inside. My love of baseball and computers does not change that.

I took another "baby step" in this direction myself today. I have a "women's" sweatshirt with three rose bushes on it. On the left one is a caterpillar, on the middle one a cocoon, and on the right one a butterfly. The roses are pink and quite glittery. I wore this to school all day today (I am a full-time college student). No one laughed or pointed. (Though I ignore those who do anyway.) I even got two compliments on it. (Sincere ones from female friends).

[AmandaM]

I guess my point is, that I fret so much over my gender issues that it clouds my thinking and I can't decide on a career that actually suits me. It's made me really wishy-washy. I keep doing the "what if's"...
and then I do nothing.

[joanlynn28]

Amanda
I wouldn't be so hard on yourself regarding career choices. I have friends that are both just crossdressers and others that are pre-op transexuals who have very macho careers and it is not a problem for them. My friend is a building contractor who does custom homes and for one of her hobbies she is also a hang glider pilot. Come on this is the 21st century and you can do whatever it is that you want to do just like any genetic man or woman. Just because you maybe TG is no reason not to be the person that you want to be. So just go out and take a chance, I'll be there for you and if you want to get together let me know, I live in the San Diego area too.

[Teresa Amina]

you can do whatever it is that you want to do just like any genetic man or woman. Just because you maybe TG is no reason not to be the person that you want to be

Perhaps, though, being TG makes it hard to tell just what that is. Is it a struggle between what you think you should want to do and no clear idea of what you do want to do?

[azure]

Its the name of the game in this age of mass redundancies in what were seen as secure jobs for life, with promotions, pensions etc. Here in the uk even the people employed in job centres are getting laid off, how humiliating must that be. Ive been remployed as a woman working in direct sales, Ive sold cars, Ive gone door to door selling utilities, Ive stood in the street helping people get compensation, Ive worked as a receptionist in a car dealership, and Ive been an operator(on the phone). I was never denied advancement, I was up against all the other sales people and I met my targets and in one case came top out of all the sales people in my office, I did that as me, as a woman. However, I never told or informed any employer of my status as a trransgendered individual, because I reasoned that none of the other emplyees came cap in hand to the boss or HR dept and said quietly"Im a gentic whatever". To them, I was me a female member of staff, and was issued female uniform. (oh there was that large telecommunicwtions company who made me use a different toilet, and asked me to info everyone I worked about "my issue", I didnt stay there long it was a low payed agency job.
Now the name of the game is re inventing yourself, and using the skills and qualities you have instead of jumping through hoops for these employers who expect you to sweat blood for a pathetic wage.

[tori-e]

I can relate to this big time. About fifteen years ago I decided that I hated the computer industry. I read a book call Wishcraft by Barbara Sher. I've always had a passion for Architecture and residential design so I read and studied and went to a local college. I've found I've got a knack for CADD and took and an interior design course which I aced. In the design class there were only two other males. I felt so comfortable there. I keep thinking I should take all the classes, present as female in them, then start a new career there. Problem is I have many "yeahbuts". Yeahbut the classes are expensive. Yeahbut I'd have to take a big paycut. Yeahbut I have enough stress in my life. etc.etc.

I guess most of us have been there. A few just do it and are probably much happier.

Maybe take a look at Wishcraft. There are lots of exercises in goal setting. This may be enough to get you going.

I always thought transition and career change might work well together.

If you want to read about transwomen that have made it, check out Lynn Conway's success page:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSgallery1.html
In particular check out Sara that pilots 767's and Lynn herself. If not for Lynn, the computer industry would surely be much different than it is today.

Tori

[Maria D]

There aren't that many women who do my job (ironically I work with 2 and 2 men at this place), but I didn't really consider changing to something else. The question of 'not being considered capable as a woman' never arose, that'd be discrimination, and I'm good at the job.

I kinda like the concept of you kicking the arse of someone hard, while looking good with sparkly nails, done hair and possibly a ballroom gown. ;) It kinda proves a point about 'macho'. But then, I always liked Buffy for that reason.

:)

[AmandaM]

Perhaps, though, being TG makes it hard to tell just what that is. Is it a struggle between what you think you should want to do and no clear idea of what you do want to do?

I like all the comments here, especially this one! You understand it conceptually.

[Sierra]

I dont know kung fu.I work as a fitter fabricator and contractor around roughnecks and most know I have breast and that I must be something like a ******* in their minds.So what if they dont like it ,most people will not say much and sounds like you can hold your own.When you hit 40ish you'll probally not worry about it.

[~Dee~]

I dont see how teaching Kung Fu is going to turn your world so much upside down. i think you need to just relax into it a bit.

ive often thought about teaching martial arts as a hobby (again) but ive got waaaaaay too much to do at the moment already :D
so that keeps me sane. that and Kitty would beat me silly if i took up another thing.

If you want to stay girly and do what you love, why not teach a womens self defense course?
specialise in doing that and surround yourself with a bunch of girls who need help - ive always thought that that would be the avenue id take.
afterall, i know how to fight in heels :D what other teacher is going to go into that kind of thing?
besides, most of the time students are going to end up wanting to learn and be in awe of the teacher .. they arent going to critique on whether that nail polish is appropriate in the training hall.

im an artist, so my sales depend largely on people coming and wanting to buy from me. ive come out to several of my big customers who have bought from me or who are commissioning new pieces and they havent seen anything wrong with it just so long as i still give them what they want. :happy:

im a big believer in following ones dreams. my Kitty taught me that. she followed her dreams and now here she is with me :D ......... so you can see how it doesnt always work out for the best ;)