Swamped by the little details

[azure]

Im going to London tomorrow to have my first appointment with my specialist, its going to cost me £200, but it is a start on my path to becoming me. I spent quite a few pounds yesterday on accessories, some shoes, a new wig and a beautiful gypsy skirt.Last night I made sure everything was familiar and comfortable to wear, and put my makeup on and wore my wig. I was exaspperated because no matter what I did I could not even though I had shaved, the area of facial hair still showed underneath concealler, and foundation, and powder, and no matter what I did, I could not get the wig to look or feel how it felt when I went to have it fitted yesterday morning, this sent me deeper into worry. Now Im worrying that the weather is going to be awful when I arrive in London, and there might be lots of football fans on the train. Obviously if I go to see the specialist in male mode he isnt going feel that Im 100% commited to transition and even less likley to prescribe hormones, which is understandable. Im toying with an androgynous look, but my issue isnt with my clothes, its mostly with my makeup and hair, Ive got to fix this or Im going to get read in seconds. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
Im sure this is a challenge that other girls hee face quite often , I just needed to say somthing. I really hate going through this. If there was a way to simply make me 100% female, and never remember any of this, I'd take it.
I think Im going to set off tomorrow looking kind of ok, and get to the appointment a complete wreck. Though an ironic thing, is that in male mode Im often getting mistaken for a woman, its beyond me.
Its an important day tomorrow, and I just want to at least be confident, and be able to go about my business without half the western world wanting to make it thier business.
YesI know, Im rambling now. Im going to do some hoovering, and do the washing up.

thanks for your time

[~Dee~]

Hey there.
its ok to rant .. better out than in, as they say :happy:
its a stressful time, going to the first appointment... afterall, its hard to judge what to expect and what the outcome might be.

when i went to my first pshrink appointment i felt oddly calm with everything .. but i did go in boy mode too .. i dont see anything wrong with that. i have reasons not to turn up there in girly clothes .. and thats just that. i dont think that that speaks of your conviction, just your circumstance.
for my first appointment it was a waste of $255, as we soon found out that this person, to whom i had been recommended, didnt believe in transexuality and thought that all TS's are simply differing homosexuality.
:straightface:

now, at least you are going to a person who will understand you and accept that you have concerns. thats half the battle right there.
i dont think that you need to stress yourself out, run yourself amuck or dress ultra girly. just be who you are and dont worry about trying to convince them with every little detail... let your insides speak for you.
whether you are there in a skirt or a pair of jeans, i think that if they hear you out, then thats whats going to get you the 'ok'.

lots of my ts friends go to their appointments in boy mode for whatever reason. and they have all been ok'ed.

im sure you will do fine.
just relax a little of you will have a heart attack before you get there :D
good luck and keep us filled in.

D.

[Clare]

Hey there Azure. I'm not TS, but I'd like to offer some impartial advice if I may.

I think the PDoc is more interested in your emotional and health state rather the clothes you are wearing to be honest. I mean, you and the PDoc know (in theory) that you are TS even when you're naked, so the clothes are a minor factor when you think about it in context.

To ease your anxiety, I'd go in femme pants/jeans, a knitted top, and ankle boots or low heeled pumps. Minimum makeup, just enough to show you care and no wig perhaps. The androdgenous look I guess is what i'm saying.

Concentrate on being comfortable and relaxed in your mind. If you're overly worried about what you're wearing, you won't get the best out of the PDoc session, which I think is more important right now. Plenty of time in the future for RLT!

[Maria D]

Obviously if I go to see the specialist in male mode he isnt going feel that Im 100% commited to transition

NOT AT ALL Azure! Especially who you are seeing, he understands totally what it is to be transgendered, and that you don't have to go round like Emily Howard all the time. Although tomorrow the umbrella might be handy ;)

I know how nervous you are, and I don't think anything will calm your nerves really. Just hang in there, it'll be over soon enough, and you'll probably have enjoyed the day. :hugs:

As regards hormones, the HB standards will be followed, and if you've taken them before he will be allowed to prescribe, if he decides it's appropriate.

If it's any consolation, my lip hair shows, so I know how you feel. Just remember it's OK to be you, you owe nothing to anyone you walk past, they have no bearing on you. Most of them are just wrapped up living their own lives and don't notice anything around them. While worried about your appearance you probably walked past daleks without noticing, so don't worry. :)

Good luck :)

[tori-e]

Obviously if I go to see the specialist in male mode he isnt going feel that Im 100% commited to transition and even less likley to prescribe hormones, which is understandable.


I see a doctor that sees mostly trans patients. I saw him in guy mode for several months and he never seemed to take me too seriously. (Agreed that I was GID but was sceptical about HRT.) One day I arrived as Tori and with by wife in tow. Since then he has treated me quite differently. My counsellor (FTM) figures that most docs are somewhat this way. I think I'd cancel an appt. if for some reason I had to go in guy mode.

Tori

[heather_nouveau]

Azure:

I wouldn't get too worked up about external appearances; your specialist should not care how you are dressed. Just go and be comfortable with yourself. I've only showed up in guy mode to all my appointments so far and it's been okay. (Although my specialist did say it was okay if I came en femme.)

Just be who you are and get the help you need.

PM me if you need to talk.

Hugs,

Heather

[azure]

I really appreciate your kindness, and level approach and advice, I am very
grateful for your thought. I am so glad this forum exists, to enable girls who come here to share experiences and support. Thankyou!

[Maria D]

How did you get on? :)

[Kristen Kelly]

Look forward to to post how you did for your trip to the DR.

[pattyme]

I had my third session yesterday. She isn't going to care how you dress. Initially she looks for commitment based on your answers and mannerisms.
Then she looks at what level of readiness you are at. Guess what, don't even try to figure out what she is looking for. When she has her answers she will let you know. Don't, don't try to second guess what answers are right - you will only hurt yourself and mess up her analysis of what time line and treatment is best for you. The only statement you had to make you have made - after all you are doing something and that speeks volume.

Last thing, she won't try to change your mind.

Best of luck love,
Patty
__________________________

Bin there, done that, did it all wrong.

[azure]

Thankyou for all your thoughts and support, I finished a night shift, caught three hours of sleep, then with everything ready I set off. The journey there went really quickly, I think I was running on adrenaline. I was wearing a bew skirt that had arrived and a pair of slouch boots for that ethnicy boho look. I felt fantastic, but I think I could have looked much better. I managed to trip over my skirt on the way up some steps when I arrived(must rememeber shorter steps in longer skirts). By the time I found the clinic I was a bit hyped, but I was early so I managed to find a loo and calm myself down to a point where I wasnt emiting sparks : )
The receptionist was lovley, she said my hair looked nice(hmm it cost enough!). I was apprehensive, but when I went in to see Dr. Curtis he was chatty and I relaxed enough to discuss where I was up to. he asked me about my first transition, and my experiences since. I told him about my lazer therapy next week, and that I have loads of support and friends who care about me, especially on here!The appointment was over really quickly, and it was time to get my paws moving. I think I was high on the happiness of the day, becuasue I wasnt looking around me when I was back on the train. I realised that I was being stared at, two girls were opposite me, and were sniggering and nudging each other and glancing over at me, I decided that if I left theyd definatley say or do somthing, so I sat myself upright and read my magazine, in the end they left at a station and laughed loudly as they passed me. That was the only crap part of the day, though by the time I was home my adrenaline was running out, and Ihad to go back to work straight away until late, by the time I was home again, I was on autopilot. My next appointment is July!

[Alison Michelle]

Arure,

You made it! That first meeting is a big hurdle you can be glad to accomplish.:whew!: I am working on setting up my first meeting for some time in July.

Other ladies here have mentioned how easily girls can spot a nonGG. I guess not having anything important to talk about, they critique every one round them. I wouldn't worry about them, the more comfortable you become, the more natural you will act.

Well good night all it's 12:00am here, about 8:00am east of the pond and I really need some beauty sleep! Any one know where I can get some? :heehee:

[~Kitty GG~]

You did great, Azure.

I wouldn't give those girls a second thought. Some people have to find something to look down their noses at. Who's to say they wouldn't have been just as nasty if you were dressed in drab? Anyone who's looking for something to make themselves feel superior will find something to laugh at. Other people's clothes, hairstyles, books, accessories.. anything their tiny little minds settle on.

Can't imagine how you could work, have only a couple hours sleep, have such a hectic and nerve-wracking day, then go right back to work. As I said.. You did great.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

ps.. sounds like a "proudest moment" to me. :joke:

[Kieron Andrew]

ok calm down girl.......i assume as it is costing 200 quid and you going to london, you are going to see Dr Richard curtis, who is a very lovely approachable man.......going in either mode will not sway your appointment either way.........he is interested on what is going on for you psycologically.........like i said calm down take time out tonight with a glass of wine and relax.......he isnt in the least scary and his receptionist Tess is lovely, both of them trans so they have travelled down the same path as you are about to venture on...........just go there with an open mind, he will ask you things about ur past no doubt but its par for the course.............best wishes and let us know how you get on...........im telling you now! you have absolutely nothing to worry about

oops you beat me to posting (i must read the end of threads in future) lol

[azure]

I really appreciate the time and care everyone has taken to answer my post,
Thankyou! Today I went for my first lazer treatment on my face, it went well, and I have another booked in July, after my 2nd appointment with Dr.Curtis.The importance of the support in this forum cannot be underesimated at all. Transition is a path that where you need friendship and a place to speak to people in similar places in thier lives, and share support.
I am so glad this exists!.