The Fit Hit the Shan

[Laurie Ann]

Well girls the worst thing that can happen to a closeted dresser happened my wife discovered Laurie. It happened over a week ago and it has been a very hard time time since then. The usual fears and questions came from my wife and she told me if it ever happened again she would divorce me. She has continued to talk about the situation and claims she is trying to understand. I am at a loss and do not know what to do. For the time being I will be laying low and as time allows I will try to continue to check in here from time to time and hopefully, time will heal this wound. The hardest part is coming to grips with the loss of Laurie and what she means to me. I hope that with time my wife will allow me to show her the other side of me. I want to thank everyone here for the past year and I hope and pray that it will all work out for both of us.

[Breanne]

We're with you and here for you, Sis.
My prayers for you and your wife.

[Deidra Cowen]

I am pulling for you Laurie Ann and hope it all turns out well for ya girl!

[Teresa Amina]

Hang in there girl!:hugs: We're here for you.

[wannabeagirl]

I with you too. How'd she find out?

[renee k]

Hi Laurie,
We're all praying for you, things will work out for you and your wife.

Huggs, Renee

[Wendy me]

so sorry to hear that...my wife knows but is not fully accpteing of my dressing...we are trying them small steps...if you need to talk let me know i wish you and your wife the best....

[Barb Valentine]

To my dear sister
I hope that you and yours will be able to work thought this
You know that we missed you very much
You will always be in my thoughts
Nice to have you back
:hugs: :kissing:
Barb

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Laurie,

I'm so sorry to hear this. The fear/anger combination is a tough one to work through. The fact that she is trying to understand is - at the very last - a starting point.

I'm not sure were in NJ you are, but I work in Jersey City. PM me if you want or need an ear. Typing is all well and good, but sometimes you just need to talk.

You are both in my thoughts.

Regards,
Donna

[Jolene]

Good luck Laurie Ann and we are all here for you. I hope you can work through this............... Jolene

[KateW]

Sorry to hear you are having problems, and wish you the best of luck. I found the following sentances (which many will be familiar with) to be quite helpful:

1. No, I'm not gay.
2. No, I don't want a sex change.
3. I'm still the same person, and I still want to be with you.

Also try and explain that you are still the person she fell in love with.

[Tamara Croft]

Aww Laurie :( I'm so sorry to hear that. Divorce is such a harsh word, I'm sure she didn't mean it. She's probably in shock and is very defensive right now. Keep talking and keep us updated when you can. :hugs:

[Carlacd]

You know how to get ahold of me. I am there for you Laurie.

[Sandygal]

Hi Laurie....Hang in there. Its going to be rough for awhile for you both. Even if you stop dressing, she will treat you .....Lets just say different. If the love is there, you both will work it out. Many of us are in your shoes, so please come back for help when you need it.
Best wishes
Sandy

[Sierra]

Its hard now, but now its out and you can slowly move to a more free and honest relationship with time.My wife freaked at first,now she buys me such great womens clothes at the best prices.

[Phoebe Reece]

I wish you luck Laurie Ann. About the only thing I can suggest is you take a second look at all the other threads that have been posted here in the last year about getting caught (and there have been a lot) and how others have dealt with that situation. It sometimes has a happy ending and sometimes... you just don't know where the situation will take you.

[suanne]

Hi Laurie. I believe I understand what you are going thru. I got caught years ago and went through a living hell. I think you are smart to stop dressing and just go slow if you want to save your marriage. I know this is a very hard time right now. We want to encourage you any way we can. You are correct when you say it is a closet dressers worst fear. You just do the best you can right now. I tell you that my wife and I made it through this but it doesn't help with the dressing. I hope you can come to some understanding. You are in our thoughts. If you can, please keep us posted on how you are doing. If it is to risky we understand that to. The most important thing now is to work on your relationship with your wife.

Suanne

[EricaCD]

Good luck and hang in there. We are all here for you if you need help!

Love,
Erica

[Adrienne Heels]

Good luck , Laurie. I hope you and your wife can work it out. Just go slow.

[TGMarla]

Yikes! You know I know just how you feel. I wish the very best for you. Hugs and prayers.

[eleventhdr]

Are the peoples going to realize that there are something's you can not change no matter how hard you try being transgenred is not the easeist stuff to ever come down the pike very old saying

I just fali to see why others can not love us dispite our own falinigs what have you.

Until that time we will never achive any kind of lasting peace be it on a personal levle or elsewhen!:

Jay Suzy!:

[flatlander_48]

Just remember:

Nothing worthwhile is ever easy or simple...

[ashlee chiffon]

so sorry to hear horror stories like this...the worst of the worst and the toughest situation for a cd to face! Now you have to torture yourself with withdrawal and repressed needs...you may need outside consuling or a good therapist to start seeing...this will be tough and hard to control, as you well know! Maybe the two of you can go and a compromise can result to allow a minimum of acceptance!?
its soooo hard to just quit dressing...sorry and big hugs, luv...my best thoughts to you and please check back in...us gurls will miss you!!!:hugs:

[Billijo49504]

Good luck, I wish you the best....BJ

[Wenda]

I am sorry to hear of your situation, but there has been some good advice alread::
Put the clothes, makeup, wigs, shoes, etc away. (don't purge)
Listen to your wife, and HEAR what she is saying, as the others have said, she is probably feeling:
1)afraid, that she has lost her husband to another, strange, indescribable woman who lives within her husband
2) betrayed, if you can lie about something this huge, what else have you misrepresented
3) hurt, A friend of mine lost his wife to her lesbian lover. It nearly killed him. Made him really doubt his own male identity.
4) embarassed, what if friends and family found out?

You need to understand her feelings. Don't worry too much about Laurie Ann, you know where to find her any time you need her. All the best, w

[joaniieann]

She loves you and eventually she will feel better and work with you.

[STORMYDAVID]

Ok just be patient mine had a difficult time with it, and after very lenghy discussions she now goes shopping with me. Though it has not been many times I am hoping she become more comfortable with it.

We are here if you need us........
0.02
Danielle

[GypsyKaren]

I'm so sorry to hear this Laurie Ann, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Karen

[Sarah Rabbit]

:love: :hugs:

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Maddie]

Laurie
sorry to hear but remember you are the same person

youu are strong and will get through

talk with her and take the time to show that you love her

time is the answer

Huggs Maddie

[Kate Simmons]

We're always here for you to talk to Laurie, you know that. I hope everything settles out. Love, Ericka

[Sally24]

Sorry to hear about your troubles Laurie Ann. As others have said, don't make any big changes. Just give your wife some time and see how she does. It takes time to process information like this when it's suddenly revealed. People have to find ways to deal with it that make sense to them. I told my wife ages ago and she was ok with it at that time. Then she "forgot" about it for 15 years! Her way of dealing with it then. Now she is great, but everyone is different.

Good luck and stay in touch with your sisters.

Hugs,

Sally

[Amelie]

Laurie, I hope all works out between you and your wife, don't lose her. Also your daughter needs both of you in her life right now. I know your life will be difficult, I just hope things turn out for the better for you and your family.

[Joy Carter]

You need to listen and remember every thing she says just let her talk then when she is willing to listen you go over her thoughts and statements in a calm sensative approach. Ask her what about you she loves and how that might just be Laurie Ann she is talking about. Good luck Hun marrage is something to fight for when you both love each other.

Joy :hugs:

[MsEva]

Oh, so sorry for your situation Laurie. A lot of us have been there. I have and I think I understand just how you feel. There are a lot of very wise women here. Take comfort in knowing we are with you and your wife in this troubling time. Take heed of the good suggestions and keep your head up.

[MsJanessa]

The good news is that you can finally level with your wife---the bad news is that she gave you an ultimatum---quit dressing or I'm going to leave---It's extremly difficult to stop---and those who do end up repressing an important part of ourselves. After all, your spouse didn't really find out about "Laurie"--she found out about you---the first question you have to answer is can I really stop and be happy---or will you resent your spouse for forcing you to stop--assuming that your answer to this is no--"I can't stop and still be content"--then you should talk to your spouse--explain to her that youre not a transexual or gay(assuming that you aren't) that you still love her, that you won't embarrass her by going out with her in public etc, but that this is part of you that you have to explore---explain to her that she doesn't have to participate in it if she doesn't want to but that it is a part of you that you really don't want to change. Then I would go really slow and see what happens---I would not force the issue by dressing at home with her around. Just wait---if she sees that you are still you---the guy she always knew then in time she may well come to accept it, if not actually participate in it with you. If the answer is that you can stop and still be happy then I wish you all the luck in the world----J

[ava_bruna]

You do have to do what's in your heart hon, sorry your having such a hard time of it, Im one of the lucky one's so cant say to much cept " BEST OF LUCK" and hope it all works out for the both of you:( God bless

[Casey Morgan]

Sorry to hear that Laurie Ann. But I'm glad to hear she's willing to talk about it and is trying to understand. Hang in there. I hope everything works out for the best for you two.

[jami]

I know what your going through.I`ve been there and it is hard both everyone .Take your time .It has ways of working out.Good luck.

jami

[Ms. Laura]

I'm so sorry that things have turned out like thy have. Keep in mind that acceptance takes many forms and can be very slow. If you feel you must stop to keep her, you can do it if you want it badly enough, just remember that resentment builds up over time. I hope that she realizes that it's really not the end of the world and comes to terms with who you are. That would be best for both of you, and keep the faith, it can and does happen.

[kingroy]

Laurie,

First,my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife and i sincerely hope this situation works out for the both of you. I imagine it's not a lightweight situation you're dealing with. In time,perhaps she'll come to accept you for who you are and realize she hasn't lost a husband but gained a new friend. In the meantime,you have the support of all of us.

Kevin

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hoo boy...

this hits very close to home...for us it hit because i was getting more "addicted" to my femme self and in the end this was creating a distance that i didnt see.

by the time i disclosed this to her, it was too late...

i would have stopped---but wait..i say that now, could i really?? this is such a huge question and its not fair to you but its not fair to your wife either if she doesnt want xdressing in her husband..

its so sad that it boils down to this but i would strongly tell you that despite all intentions, your desire will never stop and that must taken into account

good luck...i hope what is happening to me doesnt happen to you

[Sophia Rearen]

She has continued to talk about the situation and claims she is trying to understand. I am at a loss and do not know what to do. For the time being I will be laying low and as time allows I will try to continue to check in here from time to time and hopefully, time will heal this wound. The hardest part is coming to grips with the loss of Laurie and what she means to me. I hope that with time my wife will allow me to show her the other side of me. I want to thank everyone here for the past year and I hope and pray that it will all work out for both of us.

Laurie, I wondered why you were MIA. So sorry to hear of your situation. Laying low is probably a good idea. You seem to have a good sense of humor, Laurie. Try to make some fun of yourself when talking to your wife. This may eleviate some of the stress from the situation, as well as showing her it's not a life changing event. It's certainly not a life or death situation. Please stay with us as much as possible. You'll need us most, now.
Laurie cannot be "lost", it's not going to happen. Your wife needs to discover for herself, that this is a part of who you are and to take Laurie away leaves a void in your being and the husband she thought she knew before this discovery will not be whole anymore. Is this what she really wants?
Hang in there GF, you'll be fine, I'm sure.
Love,

[Sonia_cd]

Dear Laurie Ann,

You are probably scared and worried at this stage at the various possible consequences of being discovered and quite rightly so. I want to say there will be light at the end of the tunnel but I don't want to give you flase hope. What I can say is that we are here for you all the way and want to listen to you and support you in any and every way we can.

Please take care and try and check in here as often as your circumstances allow. Wishing for all the strength and understanding to help you deal with the situation as it emerges.

Take care,
Love,
Sonia

[BethCD]

So sorry to hear that. You're both in my thoughts and prayers.

Beth

[SherriePall]

Laurie Ann -- First, my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your wife.
Second, I went through a similar situation just about seven years ago. However, I was not found out, I told my wife one evening (actually, just blurted it out). Lots of tears, a couple of questions, and then she left the bedroom.
A couple of days later, she started talking to me (it wasn't easy for me to go to work those couple of days). We talked about my CDing. She says she didn't have a clue, even after 25 years of marriage.
Today, she is not thrilled. Has not seen me. Doesn't buy me clothes. But seldom says anything if I take time out to be me. Shares some cosmetics with me and washes my clothes. And gives me room in the closet (my clothes not me). So, just take it easy. Make sure she knows that you love her. And try to keep in touch with us all.

[Julie York]

Good luck.:thumbsup:

[Tina Dixon]

Wow i thought all this time you were out with her, hope every thing works well for you.

[Jenn2716]

Good Luck, hope everything works out.

[Marla S]

Arrrgggghhh. Hi Laurie :love: I am very sorry to hear.

I just brokeup (was made to) with my SO the day before yesterday.:cry: :sad: :straightface: :happy:, my CDing being not the only but an important reason. Right now I get the growing impression the closet and her "non"-acceptance (though she knew all the time) and non-understanding contributed to eat my soul. I wish I would have known earlier and I would have tried harder to help her to understand. Either this would have contributed to save our relationship or the both of us would have saved a lot of time.

So my advise would be, as I doubt you can get rid of Laurie (part of yourself), try hard to make her accept Laurie and try even harder to accept her fears.

I wish you all the best and that it will work out for the both of you.

[x_girl]

My wife and I went through a very tough period after I told her, but you can get through this. You have just turned her world upside down and she likely doesn’t understand her feelings. Give her time to reflect without adding further unsolicited discussion on the topic.

I recommend that you pay her extra attention and show her how much you love her. She needs to know that your relationship is no different than it has always been and that you are still the same person she loves.

Good luck

[Laurie Ann]

Thanks everyone I know that you all wish the best for both of us. Time will be needed to get through this. However if the choice is Laurie or my wife Laurie loses.

[Siobhan Marie]

Laurie, I hope you it all works out, I really do. We're here if you need us, we won't cross to the other side.

:hugs: Anna x

[NatalieBliss]

my thoughts and best wishes are with you...

[Clare]

Hey Laurie. I have only just seen this thread and I don't know what to say! I just hope you and the Wife can reach some level of compromise and understanding in the long term.


Thanks everyone I know that you all wish the best for both of us. Time will be needed to get through this. However if the choice is Laurie or my wife Laurie loses.

[Jodi]

Good luck Laurie. But remember, you can put Laurie away, but Laurie never, ever leaves. And to all the other girls here who are in the closet and are married, you are living with a timebomb. You will be caught, and you must be ready to live with any consequences. I know this sounds harsh, but I've been there. My ex-wife knew about Jodi for many years. After a long marriage, she gave me the ultimatum--either Jodi or her. I knew that Jodi would never die, and putting her away would probably drive me over the edge. So, I now live alone. We are both much happier.

Jodi

[Rachel Morley]

Oh no!......I am so very very sorry Laurie Ann. I don't have anything new to add to what's already been said by the girls here, but hang in there sweetie we're all routing for ya.

Big hugs :hugs: :hugs:

Love Angel

[Noel Chimes]

My Ms. accepted me from the begining. Since we have moved into a new neighborhood, I have been out more often in the neighborhood.The only ones who haven't seen me are next door. My thoughts and prayers are with you Laurie.

[michellecd9999]

My prayers and thoughts are with you. I thought I was found out a few weeks ago, but my wife let it drop. I understand your concern and her reaction. I hope you two are able to work it out. I HATE seeing relationships end over CDing. Other women put up with so much worse (affairs, violence, abuse, lack of love, etc)
Michelle

[uknowhoo]

:hugs: Oh dear, sweet Laurie, I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

As you know, a month or so ago my marriage was at the edge of the precipice. It was heartwrenching and agonizing. At the same time, the experience brought into sharp focus just how important our love, our marriage and our family are to us. Coming that close to losing it all, really made us appreciate just how much we had to lose. We still have some hard work and bumps ahead of us, but my wife and I are both committed to rebuilding and making it stronger than it was before.

I hope that the two of you are able to work it out. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Tammi

[Zelda Noe]

Laurie:

I know this is a stressful time for you and your wife right now, I think you are dealing with it wisely. Time can heal. Listen closely to your wifes' needs, assure her by your daily actions that you are for her and continually assure her of your love for her.

We are here for you on Crossdressers and rooting for you to come out a winner in this difficult situation.

All the best,

Dandy :happy:

[tabytha chai]

I have been there before. I lost my then fiance when I "came out" to her. I really hope that this turns out to be a good thing for you and your wife.Just go slow and try to empathize with her fears. Hopefully she can find it in her heart to understand. There will be awkward stages to get thru but it could very well work out for the best. Good Luck.
hugs
tabby

[Laurie_Ann_CD]

I wish you good luck to through this phase.

[Annesah]

Not to burden anyone but this thread reminds me that all this heartache could be avoided if we just came clean about the cd issue. It IS a mater of trust and faith! Please.... You younger girls still dateing. Figure a way to present yourself when things start to get bit "serious". It will show her you are honest, upfront and courageous. She will probably love you for it and neither of you will ever have to deal with this again. 0.02

[Tiffy]

Laurie, You know I love you. Keep your head up and time may help. Just please do not think you can put part of yourself away. I tried that in my first marriage. I found out April was stronger and would never leave. So I had to adjust. I know that is not something you want to hear. But facts are facts. I wish you the best and will keep my fingers crossed for you and you are in my thoughts as well as my wifes. And remember we are all here for you sister. We love you!!!!!!


Love, April Marie

[Kelly_TGirl]

Are the peoples going to realize that there are something's you can not change no matter how hard you try being transgenred is not the easeist stuff to ever come down the pike very old saying

I just fali to see why others can not love us dispite our own falinigs what have you.

Until that time we will never achive any kind of lasting peace be it on a personal levle or elsewhen!:

Jay Suzy!:

What i fail to understand is how YOU can feel like that. A woman falls in love with the man, IF she hasnt been told of the femme side. I have told all my female partners about my femme side , then further down the road there are no surprises. DEMANDING a female accepts a male being a tv is just plain wrong and shows no respect. A female doesnt have to acept the femme side, she will feel her man has been lieing etc etc. Which is why i have told all my partners. I now have one who LOVES my femme side, is turned on by it, buys me clothes and make up all the time and everything is good.

To any tvs out there, TELL your partner, 1 they may LOVE it, 2 they will respect your honesty and 3 there will be no surprises for her.

[Holly]

Laurie Ann, my heart aches for both you and your wife. Things may seem bleek at the moment but time does have a way of changing our perceptions. Give your wife some time to sort out her feelings and you also have a need to process where you are at as well. As the two of you work through this period of your life, don't make promises unless you are 100% certain that you will be able to fulfill them (nor should she). You are still both the same people who fell in love with one another and have experienced the ups and downs of a committed relationship over the years. If you wanna talk...

[jerseycarla]

Hang in there, only time will tell, and time heals all wounds.

[Dixie Darling]

Kelly,

I just couldn't let this one go by without replying to it. With all due respect to responndee Kelly TGirl, it seems as though you may not fully understand that not all CDs had reliable and current information available to them which is available today prior to their marriage. The availabilty of this information - ESPECIALLY through the internet - has provided a whole bunch of crossdressers with PRE-marriage information that enables them to bring the issues up BEFORE making the marriage commitment. Those who have been married since long before the internet came into being were extremely limited in the amount of reputable information available to them. Most had the mistaken idea that once they were married, the propensity to crossdress would go away, and I think we are all in agreement that THAT'S not going to happen. Then (usually several years down the road) by the time the couple is completely committed to each other, and he discovers that the need to dress is stronger than it ever was, he is faced with the decision to either tell her and risk losing her and everything they've 'built' together, or staying in the closet.

You're correct in stating that a wife doesn't HAVE to accept her husband's feminine side and it's a fact that many of them don't. You made the statement:
"DEMANDING a female accepts a male being a tv is just plain wrong and shows no respect." I'll agree with that entirely, but on the other side of the coin, and recognizing the fact that dressing is an undeniable NEED that a CD has, is it also reasonable and respectable for his wife to DEMAND that he cease to dress immediately and forever more? And especially after he's worked up the intestinal fortitude to come out to her so as to not have to lie or sneak around behind her back any more? In doing so she is essentially telling her husband that he is to rid himself of that portion of his personality. Oddly enough, some of the very parts of that personality are usually what attracted her to him to begin with and even if it was possible to do away with that part, the end result would most probably be a personality that she would like even less.

You also said:
"TELL your partner, (1) they may LOVE it, (2) they will respect your honesty and (3) there will be no surprises for her." I will agree that if there's a REASONABLE chance for even some tolerance and understanding that CDs ought to come out to their wives. As far as a wife respecting her husband's honesty by him telling her, it would appear that these wives would do so. . . . HOWEVER, all too often the news itself overshadows the guts and honesty it took for him to come out and the respect for his honesty in wanting her to know about his feminine counterpart is cast to the wayside. In regards to your # 3, it's true that there may be no futher surprises for the wife, but at the same time there might be many for the CD depending upon whatever the wife's reaction(s) might be post disclosure.

Dixie http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[suanne]

To Dixie Darling. "And the Choir says.........AMEN!!!!! :thumbsup:



Suanne

[Angie G]

: Laurie sorry to get this news my prayers are with you.
You must let your wife know hoe much you love her she needs to know this
at this time above all.
Good luck in working things out we are all with you:hugs:
Angie G

[donna h]

Best wishes 4 you and your wife, I feel 4 you both. I gave my wife some info from Geocitie I think Dixie was on here already, its good stuff 4 her 2 read. We had a big talk and I wrote my wife 4 page letter trying 2 explain me. I gave her stuff 2 read from Geocities such as the other woman and it helped. She learned it is just a fact of life, and that I still loved her. The deception part is hard. You need to show her by words and ACTIONS you are still the man she fell in love with. My wife read the stuff as she wanted, no pressure from me I stressed it was 4 her 2 learn,hopefully with the info available 2 you and her you both can overcome this. I can say once she knows a little and accepts a little you will feel alot better inside.Once again good luck my thoughts are with you and her

[Gale R]

Nothing i can add to what has been said already but if your wife is still able to discuss the situation, there may still be hope.
Good luck Laurie.

[Julie Avery]

Laurie, I'm really slow at finding posts these days, and I just found this. I'm hoping for the best for you.

Doug

[Missy Anne's GG]

Laurie,

I feel so sorry for you that this situation has developed. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, :hugs:

Missy Anne's GG

[Barb Valentine]

Not to burden anyone but this thread reminds me that all this heartache could be avoided if we just came clean about the cd issue. It IS a mater of trust and faith! Please.... You younger girls still dateing. Figure a way to present yourself when things start to get bit "serious". It will show her you are honest, upfront and courageous. She will probably love you for it and neither of you will ever have to deal with this again. 0.02
Not to say that we shouldn't tell them
But it's easier said then done

[sparks]

Best of Luck! Work on the Marriage then on Laurie! With a little luck and alot of us praying, it will all be perfect in the end.

Luv ya!
Sparks

[gwenrob43]

Hi Laurie,

I truly understand your plight! This morning I had just turned on the US Open to get early 3rd round coverage when my wife asked me if someone had been here yesterday. I had no idea what was going on except I must have screwed up somewhere. She came out with a comb and brush in hand that weren't hers. Oh Crap! Of course, they were mine. I tried to lay it off on my daughter who had been here last week. Well that seemed to appease her for the moment. I was turning flips by this time, I knew that my wife would ask my daughter about it when she called; and she calls nearly every day. About 2 hours later we are getting ready for a short shopping trip and she brings up the subject again; I say sit down, I got something to tell you. I tell her that's the comb and brush are mine not our daughter's and that I've been crossdressing when she went to work. She accepted that with this statement, "We got to be who and what we are." I thought she would really cringe and cry and all sorts of things when this day came. But all is OK. :happy:

Wish the same could have happened to you. I thought my world was coming to an end, but instead all is OK. This evening I found the comb and brush back on the counter in our bathroom. Hope everything goes well for you after a cooling down period and emotions aren't so high. LOL.:hugs:

Love, :love:
Gwen

[rghelen]

I recently found out about my husband's crossdressing and it came as a huge shock to me.I understand fully why your wife is hurt and threatening a divorce.Admittedly, i did the same too at first.I quickly came to realise that i was not only hurting trish ,but i was also hurting myself.I love my husband dearly and i could not see myself without him in my life.If it means he wears a dresss/skirt/makeup then so be it.He makes me so happy then why shoulnt he/she be happy too.
I hope your wife comes to realise there are a lot worse things in life than you dressing enfemme.

[Bernice]

Laurie Ann,

I'm rooting for you, but I am not surprised. You knew this day would come, which is exactly why you dreaded it, which is in turn why you postponed it for however long you have been married. Facing the music, as it were, is quite so difficult because the outcome is so uncertain.

Communication is the key. The lack thereof in previous years is the fundamental reason for the crisis you have today. So now, everything hinges on your being able to be the best communicator you have ever been, at precisely the time at which she is least likely to want to communicate. The pressure and stress are intense.

You do have some points in your defense: It may not have been common knowledge when you married that sharing your CD trait upfront would be the best for everyone. She will be unable to provide a single example of someone that is harmed by your crossdressing per se as discreetly as you have (as distinct and separate from hiding something from your trusting spouse). If it is true, you could tell her you thought CDing would stop after marriage, and now you realize it really can't.

You might try making a list of behavioral character faults that a bad husband might have, such as spouse abuser, sex criminal, philanderer, drug addict, obsessive gambler, etc. For no particular reason, add crossdressing to the list. Remind her that nobody is perfect, then show her the list. Ask her if she could choose a spouse with only one such character flaw, which flaw would she pick from the list? Odds are, if given time to think about it rationally, she will pick the crossdressing. QED!

If she continues to press for divorce, ask her if turning her entire life upside down with a divorce would really be less stressful than coming to grips with a crossdressing husband who ignorantly though he could protect her even from that? Everyone loses in divorce.

To other married CD ladies still keeping CDing a secret from their SO's: Your day is coming, no matter what you do! Get prepared!

To other bachelor hetero CDs interested in marriage: Learn from the mistakes of others. You don't have time to make them all yourself!

[Di]

Laurie Ann , Hon I just now found this post.....i'm so sorry and hope you both can work this out. I,m praying and sending good vibes your way.

[JoannaDees]

3. I'm still the same person, and I still want to be with you.

Also try and explain that you are still the person she fell in love with.

Not true. He hid an integral part of herself. How long, I don't know, but he's now a very different person in her eyes. Why can't closeted and outed CD's accept that? Relationships are hard enough without duplicity and secrets.

[Anita]

Laurie
I hope you can both work it out to your mutual agreement
The best of luck
Anita xx

[semper34]

Laurie,
I hope that she's coming to terms with you. What she needs to realise is that you've not become some sort of monster with this discovery, you're still the same person that you always were, only that there's a more sensitive side of you that she has only just found out about, the fact that like many of us the way you express it is by cd'ing is no different to putting on overalls for a dirty job, or wearing your teams shirt when going to the big game, wearing what is right for the occasion goes for all of us.
Good Luck.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Not true. He hid an integral part of herself. How long, I don't know, but he's now a very different person in her eyes. Why can't closeted and outed CD's accept that? Relationships are hard enough without duplicity and secrets.

Walk a mile in their shoes before you Judge them.

Sarah R.:bunny:

[simonep]

Laurie

As someone who exposed my CD side to my SO in a controlled manner I know I am lucky. I keep my fingers crossed for you.

Love

Simone

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Laurie Ann

I am extremely sorry to hear about our situation. Time and small steps would seem to be the key here. Theres no point in me repeating all the solutions.
As a long standing member you have probably read them all.

Please dont make promises you can keep it will only make it worse.
If she really wants to understand i#'m sure there are a lot of gg's who would talk with her.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. :hugs:

Best Wishes