What's Wrong With This?

[Sophia Rearen]

Can somebody please tell me what is so wrong with this crossdressing stuff?
Is it so horrid?
A husband being caught, should the wife file for divorce because he wears clothes meant for women?
Is it so wrong to express some femininity?
Heaven for bid, if we ever reached society's acceptence, would the world ever be the same?

[SherriePall]

Sophia -- Do I detect trouble at home? You know you're asking the wrong crowd those questions. Most of us don't believe its so horrid. Is it grounds for divorce? I don't think so if everything else was fine before the discovery. And the CDer doesn't go overboard spending money or neglecting his work, wife, or family.

[Marla S]

The norms are wrong.

They stamp you with the lable CD, make you sick, make your SO feeling uncomfortable and embarassed, make people laughing at you and make lovely people feel miserable.

It's the norms.

[Sophia Rearen]

I'm just ranting. The whole Laurie Ann thread sent me off. From her writing, I bet he is a wonderful person, yet, she wears clothes meant for the other gender. Oh, the horrors!

[SherriePall]

Sophia -- Just read Laurie Ann's post after I replied to yours and now I understand where you're coming from.

[Siobhan Marie]

Sophia, I personally can see nothing wrong with it, you do what makes you happy. Crossdressing makes me happy and I would guess that it makes us all happy otherwise we wouldn't be here. You've got one life, live it as you see fit.

:hugs: Anna x

[Karren H]

Can somebody please tell me what is so wrong with this crossdressing stuff?
Is it so horrid?
A husband being caught, should the wife file for divorce because he wears clothes meant for women?
Is it so wrong to express some femininity?
Heaven for bid, if we ever reached society's acceptence, would the world ever be the same?

Frankly I think its ok but then again I'm biased. And if the world did accept it I guess it wouldn't be as exciting. Might have to take up enfemme bungy jumping or enfemme sky diveing?

Love Karren

[Julia Cross]

It's no that horrid, not in the least bit. Unless you want to mow the lawn wearing only your bra and panties or sleep with your heels on. That's when others doubt the validity of crossdressing. Who can blame them?

Julia

[Julie York]

It is very easy to forget that to the average person...seeing someone you love and care for acting insane is a very scary and frightening thing. And crossdressing is an act of insanity......if you are not aware of the underlying reasoning.

To the average person it is not NORMAL for a man you know and love and care for to secretly wear women's clothing. In fact, to the average GG it is disgusting and abhorent. It is very frightening to discover, as it genuinely seems like some form of mental illness or breakdown.

Now o.k. WE know what we know, but only from years of wondering what the hell was wrong with us and finding sites like this.

Imagine if you never read a site like this? Imagine if you feared for the sanity or mental health of your reliable sensible sane guy and had no way to deal with it when you suddenly find out he is some sort of sick pervert that has hid this from you for years?

[Joy Carter]

Thanks now I don't need to post because you said it all. :D

[Sophia Rearen]

It is very easy to forget that to the average person...seeing someone you love and care for acting insane is a very scary and frightening thing. And crossdressing is an act of insanity......if you are not aware of the underlying reasoning.

To the average person it is not NORMAL for a man you know and love and care for to secretly wear women's clothing. In fact, to the average GG it is disgusting and abhorent. It is very frightening to discover, as it genuinely seems like some form of mental illness or breakdown.

Now o.k. WE know what we know, but only from years of wondering what the hell was wrong with us and finding sites like this.

Imagine if you never read a site like this? Imagine if you feared for the sanity or mental health of your reliable sensible sane guy and had no way to deal with it when you suddenly find out he is some sort of sick pervert that has hid this from you for years?

Yes, true. However, is it so bad? Case in point. I was in the chiropractors office with my wife. He, the chiropractor, knows I am a CD/TG. Something in the conversation caused my wife to lightly say, " I don't know why I married him?" My chiropractor replied," you could have done a whole lot worse than this one" Now this guy is pretty darn conservative and he gets it.

[Julie York]

Oh I get it Sophie. I'm just putting a spin on it.

:D

I think it is sad and a shame that there is not more understanding of the subject etc but as I am still in the process of doing my own discovering, I can clearly see and remember the feeling of self disgust. I can therefore still empathise with some poor soul who has never even come across the subject.

What we are doing, technically, is not wrong at all. But it strikes deeply into some level of genetics that is pre-programmed. Or maybe pre-educated. It is the same primitive fear that people experienced when they met a 'foreigner' in 1800s who would steal your baby. Or a gay person who would obviously rape you at the first opportunity...etc.

It is not based on sense or education of what is REALLY going on, but a base level of fear of the unknown threat.

[Deidra Cowen]

I think Julie is dead on! She usually is even when she is joking around which I don't think was the case here anyway.

I find myself getting pretty brazen about being a Tgirl but reality checks are out there that settle me back down. I have two friends in Atlanta right now that came out in the open to some family and at work. Both of them are having major problems and it is very distressing to see. We get confident, feed off our other CD/Tranny friends being supportive and forget that a lot of people are really wierded out by us, not to mention are not supportive or understanding of our CDing.

Gotta stay cool about it depending on our circumstances. Unfortunately most of us either have families or we need our jobs which holds us back from being ourselves totally with the way a lot of people view us.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Killing hundreds of people in the name of some cause is an 'Act Insanity'
Hurting defenceless children is an 'Act of Insanity'
Harming other living beings just for the thrill is an 'Act of Insanity'

If Cross Dressing is An 'Act of Insanity' then we are Amateurs

Sarah R. :bunny:

[tekla west]

This is very bothersome.

"It is very easy to forget that to the average person..."
> There is no average really. Its just a statistical point on a chart full of points where half the points fall above and half below. What is more real is the old Star Trek formula of IDIC - Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination. Your here. I'm there. Everyone is somewhere.

"seeing someone you love and care for acting insane is a very scary and frightening thing."
> Yes it is. And after 30 years in the concert industry, and ten in grad school I'm sorry to say I've seen people I love go insane. Myself included. And let me assure you that wearing a dress or panties is NOT insane. Putting a gun up to your head and pulling the trigger is insane. (three in my life so far) Drinking a six pack and half a bottle of whiskey and getting on a Honda 750 super-bike and driving 50 miles at speeds in excess of 90 MPH - well I had to get there, I was late as it was from all the drinking - is insane. (me, if you must know) Giving a 16 year old a Porsche, a loaded gun, and an unlimited credit card is insane. (a close friend of mine, needless to say the kid died.) Living day in and day out with someone who you can't stand and who can't stand you is insane.(Laura Bush) But underwear and outerwear? nah.

And crossdressing is an act of insanity......if you are not aware of the underlying reasoning.
>I've talked to piles of experts on this. And I can talk to these nutbars in their own language, doctor to doctor. And they don't have any consistent answer for the "underlying reasoning." So if you do, publish it and you can win a chair at a major university. (teaching optional)

To the average person it is not NORMAL for a man you know and love and care for to secretly wear women's clothing.
>So, don't do it in secret. Secret is just an illusion anyway. And what the heck is abnormal? Well, as it turns out, just about everything. S&M, not normal. Extreme sports, not normal. Going to sing-along The Sound of Music, not normal. But... and this is the key here... there are so many things that are NOT NORMAL, and so many people, that just about everyone has one. YOU MAY BE UNIQUELY (within the range of a couple other million people or so) WEIRD, BUT ITS NOT ALL THAT UNIQUE TO BE WEIRD.

In fact, to the average GG it is disgusting and abhorrent.
>But if girls wear jeans, drive cars, play sports, vote - and a few years ago it was all the rage for the sorority girls to wear boxers - then that's somehow OK? Believe me, a lot more women find that male behavior like not lifting the seat when you pee, and missing half of it at that, drinking to excess, doing stupid human tricks and beating the crap out of people they love to be a lot more disgusting. And I doubt abhorrent either. Perhaps they are just into leather or PVC. They might not like it. They might find it "weird." But that's pretty much it.

It is very frightening to discover, as it genuinely seems like some form of mental illness or breakdown.
> This I will grant you. Its why open is good and why honesty is the best policy. The best thing about coming out, and I'm sure several of the girls will back me up here, is that you get to stop living in fear. You can't be threatened by it if everyone knows.

[GG Vanya]

I actually don't think it's the wearing of feminine attire that sends wives off the deep end.

It's a shock, yes, to discover that the macho man you have been married to for years has a not so macho side. But, in all honesty and sincerity, I think the "recoil" comes from the secret kept from the wife.

My husband and I are absolutely open and honest with each other, I think. God knows, I've told him things I've never uttered a word to another soul about, and he has done likewise in return. IF tonight, he suddenly admitted to something as profound as crossdressing that he has been doing for eight years, it would definitely shatter my perception of the relationship we have.

We both began our life together promising communication, trust, honor and integrity. It's the foundation of who we are together. If I found out that foundation is faulty, I am sure I would begin to question when the next brick would fall. What ELSE could there be about this man I love so desperately and think I know so well, that I have NO clue about?

So, in summation, I really feel it's not the "act" per se, it's the shattering of a wife's perception of the life she's created with this man she THOUGHT she knew.

And for the record, I CAN relate to a woman's feelings on this, even though I knew before becoming involved with Trudi, about her Crossdressing. In a previous marriage my then husband dropped a bombshell on our life which was so devastating that I damn near ended mine.

[Sophia Rearen]

Thanks all. I'm out of here. No, not out of the forum. No, not in life. Just going to sit in a beach chair for a few days and try to forget all this heavy CD stuff. Yea, right. Not with all the GG's on the beach. Cya.

[Julie Avery]

I think Julie (York) should be force-fed a quart of stout, and then asked her opinion on these matters.

Sophie's original question resonates with me. There comes a time, you (a CD) weary of explaining and apologizing.

It's just one time among others. But I can relate to it big-time.

- Doug

[Julie York]

Tekla

Whilst I am impressed by the amount of people you know who have tried to kill themselves or others in imaginative ways, I think my statement holds true.

[JudeGG]

It's a shock, yes, to discover that the macho man you have been married to for years has a not so macho side. But, in all honesty and sincerity, I think the "recoil" comes from the secret kept from the wife.

We both began our life together promising communication, trust, honor and integrity. It's the foundation of who we are together. If I found out that foundation is faulty, I am sure I would begin to question when the next brick would fall. What ELSE could there be about this man I love so desperately and think I know so well, that I have NO clue about?

So, in summation, I really feel it's not the "act" per se, it's the shattering of a wife's perception of the life she's created with this man she THOUGHT she knew.
.

I agree with Vanya. I've only known for a few weeks - I don't profess to understand it, I don't even accept it yet but the fact that it was hidden for so long - is the reason that my marriage is in crisis.

I now look at hubby differently - not only just because of the CDing but because he is able to keep such a secret for so long.

[Kate Simmons]

Sophia, Think you are asking the wrong people here. We all have a vested (no pun intented) interest in it. Ericka

[Clare]

Can somebody please tell me what is so wrong with this crossdressing stuff?
Is it so horrid?
A husband being caught, should the wife file for divorce because he wears clothes meant for women?
Is it so wrong to express some femininity?
Heaven for bid, if we ever reached society's acceptence, would the world ever be the same?I've been wondering the same thing for 30 years Sophia! Tho I was only married for one decade and crossdressing wasn't the cause of our split (it was a well kept secret)!

[MarinaTwelve200]

Its really very simple. The "uneducated" person thinks CD is a SEXUAL thing (rather than IDENTITY) and MUST mean you are--- GAY! HORRORS!

Women can be just as ignorant as most men in these matters.


It amazes me that in nearly all of these situations the subject of the wife's concern for the CD's SEXUALITY is seldom mentioned or ever brought up. Why do you think she would want a divorce? It is OBVIOUS in most cases that the wife thinks that CD=GAY----and the Gay thing is associated with all sorts of "disgusting and horrifying" things in the uneducated mind. I fully beleive that all efforts of reconsiliation must be directed towards EDUCATING the offended party on what CD really is rather than trying to work out "compromises" or making deals that the CD will not be able to keep.

[Tiffy]

I just read the whole Laurie Ann thread to my wife. Who is now running around the house yelling about stupid women. She can not understand how people can be so rude and crule to someone they love. It seems we are demons of some kind or something.


April Marie

[GypsyKaren]

Sorry to get in so late on this, but it really saddens me to see marriages thrown into crisis over tranny issues. Yes, I know many feel betrayed by having such a secret kept from them, which I won't try to excuse or rationalize, because it is in fact wrong. I only hope that after being here awhile, the GGs can see perhaps why we did it, and understand the sheer terror we lived with all our lives at the thought of anyone ever finding out.

Perhaps if I'd found out that Kat had kept a huge secret from me, I'd feel betrayed too, who knows? It's just that after discovering the truth, don't they see that their SO is still the same person they fell in love with in the first place? Does something change all of a sudden and they stop being the kind, loving person they knew to become something evil? That's what I don't understand.

You know, Kat's best friend Janet thinks I'm weird because I'm TS, she doesn't understand why we're still together. Her husband is a manly man, a real man! Of course, he treats her and her kids like slaves and dirt, but he is quite a man, so she's happy? He once grabbed her daughter by the throat and shoved her against the wall, and she not only put up with it, she's still with him, but I'm weird? I buy Kat cards and flowers all the time "just because", I give her breakfast in bed, and I always save the last piece of cheesecake for her, but Janet thinks I'm strange? Kat's happy living with someone who isn't a man, just a loving person, why can't that be enough?

Karen

[~Kelly~]

I personally agree with Tekla AND Vanya. "Norm" is an illusion.....there is not a single person on the planet who can be classified as normal, because normal does not exist. However, I also I agree with the fact that keeping secrets, especially BIG ones is the larger fault. I am personally not married, so I can not give any kind of personal experience on this matter, but if I was, it would be a much bigger blow to my entire system to find out that the person I loved couldn't trust me enough to confide in me than ANYTHING they could possibly say or do. Sure it may be shocking that my boyfriend is into midget mud wrestling (as an example).......but the fact that I wasn't trusted enough to confide that secret in would be the REAL issue

[Ipexx2]

There nothing wrong with cd. Be your shelf. Only weak minded people have the real problem.

[Joy Carter]

God this thing about secrets from the SO just blows me away. Maybe we were scared to loose the one they love because of a deep personal issue. Maybe we thought it would go away in time with living life. Maybe it not a matter of trust but just plain fear ! I have never felt so alone and so vuneralbe till the day she told me she wished she knew about me before marriage, I'm still hurting from thouse words. I see women all the time wanting to "change" that alcoholic and "staying" with the abuser what physical harm can come from being one's self as we are ? We give our hearts and minds to that person hoping to support, love protect and care for their feelings give credit where credit is do for God's sake. By the way what's wrong with Laura Bush Tekla ?

[Connieminiskirts]

Can somebody please tell me what is so wrong with this crossdressing stuff?
Is it so horrid?
A husband being caught, should the wife file for divorce because he wears clothes meant for women?
Is it so wrong to express some femininity?
Heaven for bid, if we ever reached society's acceptence, would the world ever be the same?
__________________
Sophia

Goodness gracious!! He should be taken out and FLOGGED in the public square!!!!!! NOT

It my own persnal opinion, that the reason many wive's/so's get mad when they find out is because it has been kept secret for the wole relationship and when they find out they wonder, and quite honestly they should, "What ELSE is HE lying to me about? What else is HE hiding.

BUt NO IT is not wrong to express some femininity. ITs perfectly fine and good! Gives little bit more understanding to ones own self and to otherws aw well.

Would society be the same? I certainly hope not!!!

[Barb Valentine]

Only In a prefect world could it happen
But we don't live in a prefect world

[sparks]

The Divorce word still comes up here every once and awhile. But we are still together.
But then again I just shaved my legs for the first time. We shall see.
This is not a perfect world and it's a battle to stay sane sometimes. But gosh doesn't society dictate far too much what we can or cannot be! I'm afraid to tell family and close friends a intimate detail about myself because I'm scarred of being prosecuted and judged guilty.

[Phoebe Reece]

Here’s my theory:

It’s biology at work. Most females have an instinct to seek out a dominant male to mate with. This is one reason why major sports team members never seem to have a shortage of girlfriends, even if some of the guys in question are jerks. When the female who has selected her dominant male (at least on a subconcious level) suddenly finds out that he wants to take on attributes of the female, her selection criteria has just been thrown out the window. She cannot accept that her selection criteria was flawed, so she tries to force her male to give up the behavior that so blatently contradicts her ideal. She does this without realizing she is also “throwing out the baby with the bathwater”.

The male does not understand this because his instinct is to simply mate as often as possible with as little difficulty as possible. Selection criteria tends to be more centered on availability (especially after a few too many drinks).

This, of course, is a major oversimplification - but it may explain some behavior.

[Bernice]

Sophia,

"Can somebody please tell me what is so wrong with this crossdressing stuff?" Of course not. Women do it all the time.

"A husband being caught, should the wife file for divorce because he wears clothes meant for women?" No, I think mostly the wife files for divorce because the husband was not honest with her.

"Is it so wrong to express some femininity?" Judging only from many rather masculine women, you'd certainly think so!

"If we ever reached society's acceptence, would the world ever be the same?" I certainly hope not!


I personally can see nothing wrong with it, you do what makes you happy.

I agree 90%. The other 10% says that you can't do things that make you happy if they harm other people. And for that matter, we have a new law in Kansas because some very sick people were "made happy" by setting dogs on fire. Anna, I don't mean to infer that you meant your remark in this way. I'm just clarifying.


It's no that horrid, not in the least bit. Unless you want to mow the lawn wearing only your bra and panties or sleep with your heels on. That's when others doubt the validity of crossdressing. Who can blame them?
Julia

Wait just a second there, Julia... What's so wrong about sleeping with your heels on, assuming you are sleeping by yourself? I've also fallen asleep with male shoes still on, and I didn't see anything horrid about that, unless perhaps that it promotes fungal growth.

Julie York: For once, your post #9 is right on the money! I now see how nice you can be - when you leave the sarcasm out. I prefer this side of you.

Everyone: Right and wrong are not always binary. There is a grey area. Not everyone is as educated on crossdressing as we here on the forum. I still hope that most people can rank their dissaproval of various forms of human behavior such that torture and murder remain high on the list, and crossdressing is either at the very bottom or forgotten entirely.