Depression

[Vallari]

I know that being TG has it's ups and downs. Lately I've been feeling less and less happy and more and more angry with everything and everybody it seems. Not just at one thing in particular, but it just seems it's everything lately. I've managed to reject two of my friends in the last 24 hours. I'm more impatient with others lately and I sometimes resort to vandalism to vent out anger. This usually is directed at my car so now it's like full of scratches, dents and broken things. And now it's to the point where I can really care less what my parents have to say about it (the car I mean). I sleep in late more and often miss morning classes, but lately that doesnt even phase me. And now Im more nervous about driving becuase I am more easily irritated by others who tailgate, etc. It's like Ill just slam on the brakes, jerk the car violently around, and drive with high beams on to piss off people who irritate me. Im getting worried now and am unsure if all this is a sign of depression or just some kind of mental phase or a katharsis of some kind.

Does anyone have any insight or knowledge about this? Maybe someone who is going/or went through similar emotions?

Lately Ive been thinking about taking some sort of long vacation or something to get away from life in general for a while.

[samanthajay]

hun its stress from class and work. i to felt very un happy for awile. so what did i do i found a girlfreind who loves me for me, a better job with less stress and what i want to do, and i have been meeting new freinds, keeping around the old ones that are good for me, keeping away the people who say are my freinds but really not, and finally moving out of the house. i feel better now i have a better life. dose this make since? if you feel depress do somthing about it and just don't complain about it. and seek help if you need it. there is nothing wrong with asking for help. i did everything i said above in less then a year. hell im even going out in drag alot too. thats all i can say to you and that is all the advice i can give. i hope i have helped ya and i hope you make it out ok.

[Vallari]

Yeah I understand your point. I wanna get a boyfriend I think and get into a relationship. I think that would be one of the best things that I could do right now because I just want someone to be with and be emotionally connected with. It would help out greatly I think if I had someone to share my life with face to face on a regular basis. No offense to the forums, or anyone here! I just want someone I can interact with and get away from the PC for a while.

[Sharon]

Yeah I understand your point. I wanna get a boyfriend I think and get into a relationship. I think that would be one of the best things that I could do right now because I just want someone to be with and be emotionally connected with. It would help out greatly I think if I had someone to share my life with face to face on a regular basis. No offense to the forums, or anyone here! I just want someone I can interact with and get away from the PC for a while.

Rachel:
I think the most important thing to do now is to find somebody you can talk with, someone you trust. If that person ends up being a boyfriend, then that's fine, but I think you need to talk to someone now. Occasional depression is normal for everybody, but even more so for we who live these secret lives, particularly at an age when you're still discovering and questioning so many things.
If there is no one you feel comfortable talking with, go see a therapist. There is no stigma to be felt in doing this, millions do it regularly. If you do see a therapist and they don't seem capable of helping you, see another one. And then another one if need be.
I've been where you are Rachel, you are not unique in this regard, although it sometimes feels that way. I imagine every other member of the forums has been there also, and probably many going through it now.
You're striking out at things because you're bottling things up inside yourself. We can do this only so long before we strike out where we normally wouldn't under less intense circumstances.
If you don't want to see a professional (look in the phone book for free services if need be), find a friend or adult to open up with. Just find somebody you feel is mature enough to listen.
You don't need advise. You know what you're doing is destructive and potentially dangerous. You just need an ear and a hug.

Take care of yourself Rachel, and although I'm on the other end of a computer "window", I really care what happens to you. And you can be sure I'm not alone.

Love,
Sharon

[Jennifer_Ph]

Wow, Rachel. I honestly can't offer you any good advice, but I can offer you some support. Remember that taking classes will lead to a job that will lead to your own place that will lead to you being who you want to be. Don't give up on yourself. You are at a critical point in life right now, decisions right now can and will change the rest of your life. Pick yourself up, set your alarm clock, and tell the world that they cannot change you. Not sure if you are into country music at all, but Garth Brooks song "The Change" can be inspiring.

One hand
Reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer
In the fury of a storm

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

This heart
Still believes
The love and mercy still exist
While all the hatred rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone

I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me

What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

[ladytan-sherry]

I know that being TG has it's ups and downs. Lately I've been feeling less and less happy and more and more angry with everything and everybody it seems. Not just at one thing in particular, but it just seems it's everything lately. I've managed to reject two of my friends in the last 24 hours. I'm more impatient with others lately and I sometimes resort to vandalism to vent out anger. This usually is directed at my car so now it's like full of scratches, dents and broken things. And now it's to the point where I can really care less what my parents have to say about it (the car I mean). I sleep in late more and often miss morning classes, but lately that doesnt even phase me. And now Im more nervous about driving becuase I am more easily irritated by others who tailgate, etc. It's like Ill just slam on the brakes, jerk the car violently around, and drive with high beams on to piss off people who irritate me. Im getting worried now and am unsure if all this is a sign of depression or just some kind of mental phase or a katharsis of some kind.

Does anyone have any insight or knowledge about this? Maybe someone who is going/or went through similar emotions?

Lately Ive been thinking about taking some sort of long vacation or something to get away from life in general for a while.


WACOXTGIRKL IV BEEN CROSDRESSING FOR 200 YEARS AN I HAVE BEEN IN WERE IV HAVE MAD AT THE PUBLIC BUT NOW I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE AN I HAVE GOOD FREINDS THAT I LOOK UP TO AN I STILL CROSSDRESS STILL. PRAY TO GOD EVERY DAY. THANK GOD EVERYDAY AN AT NIGHT WHEN YOU GO TO BED.

[Vallari]

WACOXTGIRKL IV BEEN CROSDRESSING FOR 200 YEARS AN I HAVE BEEN IN WERE IV HAVE MAD AT THE PUBLIC BUT NOW I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE AN I HAVE GOOD FREINDS THAT I LOOK UP TO AN I STILL CROSSDRESS STILL. PRAY TO GOD EVERY DAY. THANK GOD EVERYDAY AN AT NIGHT WHEN YOU GO TO BED.

I seriously doubt religion will help me. Thats actually one of the things that gets me really angry actually.

[JoannaDees]

It is best to look within yourself. Try to understand the deep source of angst. Are you completely "out"? If not, I'd suggest you do that first. Find acceptance in yourself first, and all other acceptance will follow. I know, easier said than done, but it is all that you have power over.

[Sara Kat]

WACOXTGIRKL IV BEEN CROSDRESSING FOR 200 YEARS AN I HAVE BEEN IN WERE IV HAVE MAD AT THE PUBLIC BUT NOW I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE AN I HAVE GOOD FREINDS THAT I LOOK UP TO AN I STILL CROSSDRESS STILL. PRAY TO GOD EVERY DAY. THANK GOD EVERYDAY AN AT NIGHT WHEN YOU GO TO BED.
Your caps lock button is broken.

[Vallari]

Your caps lock button is broken.

Aww :o Look at our little forum technician hard at work! Its soo cute!

[Marlene4a]

Don't you be depressed Rachel. Life is too exiting !!!


I want more of it!.

Love

[Vallari]

Gals, I cant thank you all enough for your support here. It means a lot to me and I'll take everyone's advice greatfully. Vacation sounds good right now and Ill definately find someone to talk to. Have a great Thanksgiving everyone and Ill see you all around the forums! :)

[Sweet Susan]

Waco Texas Gurl, you need to get out of Texas! You're 18. Join the Navy and see the world. Give yourself a break, take a break, relax, take a chill pill, stay up late and watch corny horror flicks, laugh at yourself, go have a picnic, go to the mall and watch the legs on the ladies, go to the mall and stare at panties in the women's lingerie (don't laugh, works for me), take a bath and shave, shave, shave, shave, shave, shave, shave.

[Vallari]

Well Im off for the rest of this week so I'll definitely consider it! :)

[Bonnie-OR]

Rachel. It sounds like you've taken the first step, and that's admitting to yourself that something is wrong. Everything the other girls have written is the best advice I could give. Yes, a vacation will do you a lot of good. Take some time and get to know yourself and what you want in life. Then set some realistic goals for yourself, and start working toward them. You are young and the world can be a great place. You might even take Susan's advice and join the Navy! I did 21 years in the military, and saw a lot of the world. It's not an easy job, and can be a real BITCH for someone with our little hobby. Just ask Sara Kat. But it can have it's rewards. Okay, enough recruiter talk. One other point was made about friends. Surround yourself with upbeat friends that you can trust. Depressed people that will take advantage of your good nature will not help you. I am clearing a few of those out of my life right now, and feeling a lot better. Anyway, I hope this helps. You know we are here for you when you need us. Huggs, Bonnie

[samanthajay]

Yeah I understand your point. I wanna get a boyfriend I think and get into a relationship. I think that would be one of the best things that I could do right now because I just want someone to be with and be emotionally connected with. It would help out greatly I think if I had someone to share my life with face to face on a regular basis. No offense to the forums, or anyone here! I just want someone I can interact with and get away from the PC for a while.
thats what started it with me. as soon as i met my girl friend life started to get alot better. i had online girlfriends but they were not as good as having one personally. thust me when you fine the someone just for you*sorry chobits again* you will start to see you life get better. it may take a little while but the way it happen for me? girl let me tell you. if you think a boy friend will help you then by all means go for it. :)

[samanthajay]

I seriously doubt religion will help me. Thats actually one of the things that gets me really angry actually.
bible thumpers? :confused:

[Marlene4a]

But I am a Bible Thumper.

I never used to be. As a matter of fact I was the opposite.

I hated people, was mean, and would punch you in the face for absolutely no reason.
I had no resistance since at that time I weighed 270 lbs, and NOBODY got in my way !!.
I would look at you, and you would not want to say anything that would get me angry!!, I am tellling you.! Because, I was an (alter ego) even with female tendancies, I would counterreact with "macho" tendencies (Susan or Julie M, help me out here)
I could hit someone in the chest with my fist, and they would go down. And stay down.
But Jesus, came to my rescue, and delivered me of myself.


He set me free. What else can I say.

The results are un-imaginable and free.

Love.

[samanthajay]

but im a christain too but im spoiled. i will not go to another church except the one in maryland i used to go to. i tried but never liked it. and i dont like it when people try to shove it down your throte. i find it disrespecting. i pry every night. i still love god. but sometimes you need to follow him in your own way in life. i did and life got better. i believe in god, jesus, the bible, the 10 comandments, what i feel, what i have seen, and what feels right in my heart. i dont need no preacher telling me: boy your hair is long its a sin boy its a sin cut it off or youll go see the devil. it wasn't really like that but that how i felt. i repect other peopels beliefs. if they dont want to beleive in it then im fine with it. i fell like god helped me in life and i know he has helped the ones i love. i thank god for my dad making it through surgery last week and my grand father for pulling it through after what he went through. and i pry for his surgery on friday to go well. im not going to say youll burn in hell for not beleiving cause i feel that is not true. like i said im open to alot of things and one thing that intrest me is the paranormal. i felt ghost and spirits. i have seen them. hell i have seen my girlfriends gaurdian that is only been in her dreams, in our bedroom. and i have felt her and she has kissed my hand. im not joking either and im perfectly sane. i maybe crazy but im not insane. so here is what i say to everyone. believe in something. god, buddah, mohammed, thor, or anything that is confertable to you. and be good to people. give to them, love them. forgive a person now and then. tell them about you and how you feel on life. my paster once told me as long as a person believes in somthing and that they are a good person they will have there own paridise. maybe not the ultimate one but one never the less. there thats my one time sermane. :)

[Alayna]

Rachel, it could be that your depression is the chemical imbalance type. I get the same way when I miss my medication and although I was pretty timid as a child I was also pretty violent. I put more than my fair share of holes in the walls when I was a kid:rolleyes:. Even though I'm older I still end up punching things (never people or animals of course:p) and can get a little road rage from time to time. Usually It's because I missed my Wellbutrin that day, but it doesn't go that far most of the time. Usually I'm just in a pissy mood and get frustrated easily and find any excuse to bitch about something I don't like. I still get that way sometimes regardless, and we all get mad now and then, but I know when it's chemical and not just regular emotions. It feels a lot different. I'd go see a psychologist (hope you have insurance) to get diagnosed, and then go talk to a therapist to get advise and release. Everyone can benefit from therapy - it's not just for crazy people and the really messed up ones. It's a way to get a trained and objective opinion on your problems - and since it's confidential you can say anything without it getting into your daily life if you don't want:cool:

[carolbitv]

hi i suffer from depression. i take meds to help but they don't always work. i feel the same way you do. but you have someone to talk to i don't except for here. i have professional help also which is good. so just slow down a bit. when i was your age things didn't bother me but that i am older now they do. but i will hang in there CarolBiTv :)

[Krissi]

Rachel,

I know exactly how you feel. Stress, pressure they all build and build and you find yourself on edge. I find myself feeling the same way in the car. I get more aggressive with drivers that piss me off, someone cuts me off, I cut them off and worse than slamming on the brakes, I'm in a standard, I'll drop a few gears, slow down fast, and no brake lights show. When I do that I know its well past time to chill. When I was in college I let it get so bad that I started having stomach problems, I developed some strange gagging thing, it was all too much. Its amazing how good a change of scenery feels. Get out of town/the routine a few days, get your mind on other things can be great.

The girls are right, realizing something is wrong and questioning what you can do is a great step. Its hard at your age to take some time for just you, but you have to do it. School, friends, parents, you name it pull at your time, not to mention Rachel. Take some time for yourself/Rachel, schedule it if you have to, but get away from your place, take a stroll, relax and take a look at life around you, enjoy a guilty pleasure or two (besides dressing). It always helps me.

Krissi :)