Coming or going - out that is?

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Girls,

This may be a little complicated but bear with me - I am very interested in your views.

Prompted by a comment from Angel Darling, do you fnd it easier going out in public en femme or coming out to friends and relatives?

I am also interested in what you do for a job. I'll explain why. Years ago a salesman told me that as a general rule salesmen types would rather stand in front of lots of people they didn't know and present, than in a group of their peers where they feel uncomfortable. Conversely a technician type would rather present to a group of friends/colleagues than a large group of strangers. There is a certain amount of crossover too.

So are you a 'salesman' or a 'technician' and are you more comfortable going out or coming out? I just wondered if there was any connection.

I appreciate it may be difficult to identify which category you fall into but, for me, I am in IT and therefore a technician but also with a sales bent - and unsurprisingly have gone out and come out. I'm more of a technician and find coming out easier than going out.

If anyone can offer any psychological explanation as to this I would be very interested.

Now all this coming and going is giving me a headache so I'm going to lie down in a darkened room :)

Em

[rosiegurl]

definitly a technician *grins*

there are really just other words for extrovert and introvert

the phsycological, well technicians are mostly a solitary jobs, that tend to have a bit of an outside intrest in, such as computers. find them sat at home a lot playing on their various devices, computers, ham radio etc....

salesmen, you would find having a more extroverted life, going to clubs a lot and things like that

[Clare]

Years ago a salesman told me that as a general rule salesmen types would rather stand in front of lots of people they didn't know and present, ...Yup, this is me! I have no drama presenting to a crowd of strangers (although there are always some nerves). I don't necessarily agree with Rosie about salesman being a clubber and the like as I'm not an extrovert personality, but I don't like being alone too much either!

I like the way you explained your question - very thought provoking!

[Joy Carter]

Both Hun ! Just me I guess I'm tech minded and skilled and can sell my services better than others I work with. But I'm having trouble making the sale to the SO on this Cd thing. LOL :D

[Teresa Amina]

Interesting! Always considered myself an introvert yet have found that, working in retail, I've been able to push through that and am now comfortable presenting that Sales Personality. But presenting Teresa and going out somewhere?:eek: Gotta deal with a few things first, but the day is coming!
I'm only out to one old friend but really enjoyed doing that, was a great relief to drop the facade and just be Me.

[EricaCD]

Very extroverted (though my job is equal part sales and technical, I guess), and no question that I would rather go out en femme than come out to a single person I actually know. So I guess the hypothesis holds for me.

[Butterfly Bill]

When you're going out, you are dealing with people who are replacable; if you don't do well with them you can find others to start over again with and hopefully do better, and not have to concern yourself with the first ones. When you are coming out, you won't be able to escape the consequences and you may or may not get second chances. I was going out long before I completely came out. And this applies both to the introvert and extrovert.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Emma, :happy:

I'm a Manufacturing Engineer which I guess makes me a technician of sorts, but also my job involves training so standing up in front of a room full of people talking to them is also quite normal for me.

I guess I have already shared my opinions in a previous post, but I find it very easy to go out fully en femme almost anywhere and with anyone, at anytime of the day or night, but coming out to someone I know fills me with dread and fear! :o

[Barbara G]

I spent 42 years developing software and resisting any form of "management", so I guess that makes me a technician.

I feel much more comfortable going out than coming out. In fact. I have come out to only my wife.

One counter-example to your suggested theory.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I don't really think it has to do as much as with whether one is introverted or extroverted as much as it has to do with potential consequences.

I'm an "out-in-public, but not out" crossdresser (although I have come out to a few people who know me).

Being out in public, I'm dealing with people who don't know "me," (unless I run into someone, which has never happened) and often it's people I'll never see again. So, so what if they know I'm a guy in a dress?

Whereas coming out to friends and family means they're not going to see you in the same light again. Not that I mean inherently a worse light, but no matter how much we protest we're really the same person, we're no longer the person they thought we were.

Conversely, we'd like to think friends and family are going to be more accepting (although obviously that's not always the case), while there's often a fear that strangers are more likely to make fun of us (although that's usually not the case).

So it's just two different types of calculations. And I'd say for most people going out is typically the easier choice to make first because one can still be anonymous.

[Teresa Amina]

we're no longer the person they thought we were

Exactly why I came out to an old trusted friend; I'm not entirely the person I was thought to be! It does produce that wide -eyed "what the hell..." look, too, but in my case all went well.

[Phoebe Reece]

Going out is definitely easier. I am a semi-retired engineer. I manage construction projects, so making presentations in front of groups has always been a regular thing for me. One of my other hobbies is amateur drama and I have acted on stage many times.

[carol anne]

:rolleyes: It is very interesting to read not only your post but also the various answers.
I certainly would have to consider myself a "salesman" type even though I only sold ideas and thoughts for a living.
I love getting dressed and going out shopping or for recreation among others but find it impossible to face up to admitting my crossdressing to family or friends. I my case the theory seems to be workable and very plausible. Carol Anne

[JoAnnDallas]

Since I am still in the closet to wife and family, I have to say yes, it's easier going out in public than coming out. As one said, if you clocked in public, it may be a little embarresment, but chances are you will not see that person again. Wife and family is a whole different ballgame.

[sparks]

Totally a salesman! I hate talking in front of people I do know. That is what makes this place special for me. I don't know any of you and most likely never meet any of you. This makes it easy for me to reveal things about me that are personal.
I'm believe or not a total introvert. I would rather shut myself in all day than spend time with others.

[SherriePall]

Put me down as one who finds it easier to go out dressed than to come out about dressing. So, what does that make me? Unemployed at the moment.

[trannie T]

I'm out to lots of people who don't know me. I have no problem outing myself to a stranger. For friends and family, I'm still deep in the closet.
It is a lot easier to be out when you're anomoyous.

[NatalieBliss]

I have come out to two people and only gone out once... So I guess I fall into the technican side. Also I didn't last at the only sales job I ever had because I couldn't sell the products...

[Sophia Rearen]

"If anyone can offer any psychological explanation as to this I would be very interested."
Ones need for approval is a major factor. Talking to equal peers as a technician is a way for getting respect. Coming out to friends and relatives is like asking or wanting for their respect and approval. Converserly, while going out enfemme, we get our needs met by fitting in or "passing". Talking to a large group of strangers is similar. The typical desired outcome is just to make it through the speaking engagement. Most people fear public speaking more than death. Not yet out crossdressers probably consider going out similar to these fears. How will I be accepted?

[allisonrn06]

I think it would be definitely easier for me to go out than to come out.I could always go someplace public where there shouldn't be any one to recognize me,but my family would disown me if they were to find out about my cd'ing.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

For my sake, I'm a very shy person and I h ave trouble in social situations. For me it was much easier to come out to my family (father, mother, sister, cat) than to go out. I first went out in public about 8 years after I first told the family.


veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Karren H]

Underground mining engineer.... I stand up and present things to small groups of my peers and large groups of strangers. Neither has ever been a problem for me. So I guess going out enfemme in public doesn't bother me one bit either. Heck, I even crossdress and go out enfemme with coworkers staying at the same hotel. Lucky that Karren and I don't look a like. Hehehe

And my wife knows that I still dress, and as long as I keep it out of her face, were both happy girls!!

Love Karren

[Teresa Amina]

come out to my cat

Actually one of my cats had a very hard time with it. Seriously! He was my late wifes' favorite and missed her as bad as I did, so when I started dressing fully a lot he really got "funny". But now he is a real buddy- he likes Teresa more than his "dad":D