Any tips on dealing with timewasting geeks ?

[Tracey Jayne]

Hi girls, and please, no glib answers about "nice girls don't do that", type of thing. Come on now, we are CD'ers, guys getting into girls clothes. I love it, it's so exciting and I want to share the moments with another CD'er. Of course it's a secret, personal urge, more so if you're married, or into a new realtionship with a girlfriend. Only 2% of women understand...and that includes 1% of women who crossdress female to male. So I like to share my secret moments with another...I join this website and others to "seek a friend". I have never met so many time wasters, girlie chat, exchange pics, then they've gone. If you get as far as arranging a meeting you're lucky, but the comes seven excuses for seven consecutive days. I'm hoping to meet up with 2 nice CD'ers within the next month, so all is not lost...but they are from a very long list of time stealing wasters.
Tracey Jayne

[Karren H]

WOW. Don't beat around the bush do you!! Looks like your looking more for a dating service than a forum... And I always thought girly and chat went together well, ever listen to a bunch of women at the water cooler!! Guess if your in such a hurry just walk outside and hike up your skirt real high and someone will be along shortly I'm certain of that. Hehehe.

Love Karren (queen time waister)

[Sharon]

I have to agree with Karren -- perhaps you should be visiting sites where dating and meeting are the primary purpose. Here, we're more about support and camaraderie -- the Personals (not even called "Personals" here, BTW) is secondary, if even that.

[Tamara Croft]

I have a nice tip for you. Don't call our members 'timewasters', because maybe, just maybe, they aren't like you who want to share everything, because they actually value their partners and aren't looking for what you want. This is forum is for support, meeting members and sharing things is secondary like Sharon and Karren have both said.

I must be a time wasting geek, cus I've just spent a few minutes wasting my time answering this bloody thread :rolleyes:

[Karren H]

Ekkk We agreed!! Hehehe.

And since were wasting time, what's the story on your new avatar, Tamara? I loved your last one!!

Love Karren

[LaceyDee]

I won't waste your time...hi.....bye

[Kieron Andrew]

Ekkk We agreed!! Hehehe.

And since were wasting time, what's the story on your new avatar, Tamara? I loved your last one!!

Love Karrennah i prefer this one........i want mine done too!!

oh time wasting hmmmm best find another thread then

[rickie121x]

These days it seems as if everyone who has minimal commputer skills tends to call those with more skills "Geeks". ...an overused term with little meaning, anyway.

But the time wasting part.... That is an interpretation of what happens to your time as you use this incredibly efficient medium of communication. Compared to just a few years ago, you are in touch with folks - huge numbers of them, and with efficiency that could not have been believed, then. It is a shame that you are not in touch with those who meet your needs for informational exchange - but that really has always been the case, only a few meet our needs....

I wish you well in you search for mates, soulmates, lovers, or just pleasing incidental exchanges - and they will be more satisfying; if you don't set your standards at an unreachable level, and if you are looking for the right things in the right places....

Rickie :dom:

[Kimberley]

I dont know, I just never could relate to the "Lets get together and play dress up routines."

Want to meet over a coffee? Sure. Some serious or silly chat about common interests besides Xdressing? Sure. (Like everyone here, I have a lot more depth than just Xdressing or discussing gender issues).

This is still the net and caution is always good so I dont think I am wasting my time by getting to know someone before meeting them. I want to know who they are besides "Silly_grl0321". If you cant put it all on the table at least privately I dont want a face to face meeting. My safety comes first thanks.

A waste of time? Hardly.

Kimberley.

[Tamara Croft]

Ekkk We agreed!! Hehehe.

And since were wasting time, what's the story on your new avatar, Tamara? I loved your last one!!

Love KarrenLOL, for a change we did hehe ;) uhm... avatar.... felt like a change? tis how I feel today :D and oh pants.. I just 'wasted' more time posting again..... :lol:

[Teresa Amina]

Lots of pickup sites out there, I come here because it isn't that. Bye-Bye!

[janedoe311]

Most of us have no one to talk to. We have to “waste” time because we need to vent. This is a stress relief for most of us and is not wasting time. For some it will quite literally save our lives!

[Kate Simmons]

Hey we can't help it if we're just girls here. Girls like to talk (about everything) that includes idle chit chat, venting and everything else. Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. If I can't accept my friends for who they are, who can I accept? Anyway, we're all friends here. Hope we can welcome you as well. Take care, Ericka


LOL, for a change we did hehe ;) uhm... avatar.... felt like a change? tis how I feel today :D and oh pants.. I just 'wasted' more time posting again..... :lol:
Not bad for "wasting time" Tamara. Works for me. Ericka

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Tracy

Maybe you need to be more selective in your judgment of people

I hope you eventually find what your looking for.

Time is most important.... We would all love an hourglass figure.

[Tracey Jayne]

Well now girls, am I on this planet or not ? Don't any of you read New Posts ?
I'm not knocking this site, it's one of the cleanest and best, and I'm honoured to be able to air my views on it. Instead of helping, and answering my question, you gang up with sarcasm and ill founded wit. Have you NEVER arranged to meet another girl, a perfect stranger, for coffee, only to find you're the only one there ? Wouldn't you think you've wasted your time ? The sarcastic advice about "lifting my skirt", or "go to a dating site", is totaly unfounded. There is no way you can meet a person for the first time, who is not a stranger. You see how you all jumped to the WRONG conclusion that sex was the reason. Shame on you all !!
Thanks for answering in a civil manner Ricki121x.
Tracey Jayne

[fionasboots]

Maybe in a forum such as this and subsequently over e-mail/IM whatever it is very easy to agree to all sorts of things that invariably seem a lot more daunting in the cold light of day.

It's quite possible that people here are more likely to need support and (en)courage(ment) than being labelled as time-wasters.

On the other hand I can see that, if you are prepared to meet people and have the confidence to do this it may be hard to appreciate that others don't.

[ Oh and to be brutally honest, sitting in front of a computer is generally going to be a waste time when you could "Turn it off and go and do something less boring instead" - I feel a "Why don't you" moment here :rolleyes:
Hmmm, don't think that TV prog ever suggested "Don't sit in front of the TV become one" ]

:hugs: Fiona (Wasting time in front of a computer)

[connie rotten]

Try www.tvchix.com or urnotalone.com those sights are more geared to what you want to get into.
Face it girlfriend this one is not a make a date place. The two I mentioned are really good ones for that.
The people who run this sight guard it with vigilance to protect their pupose.
The first sight I mentioned is wild you'll love it.I have friends there tell them I sent you & they will cast lots of friendly abuse your way.
Good luck with the meeting quest.:thumbsup:

[EllenCD]

TJ I like people like you that know how to "cut to the chase" and not waste any time. So, which Gay bar would you like to meet at for a "hookup"?:Angry3:

[Dee 1062]

Think I will stay out of this one,,,and just drink my tea:)

[jami]

We help each other not disbelievers as you seem to be

[Joy Carter]

Iv'e never had this much fun with my pants on or were they off +? LOL :lol: :lol2:


Gabby Joy !

[Bernice]

Tracey Jayne,

I see how you could feel that the others over-reacted to your initial post. However, I also see how the words you chose to use initially could easily be misinterpreted.

Written communication is the least effective form, especially when someone wants or needs to vent.

I share your frustration with meeting someone, but I have been patient, waiting for just the right person, and getting to know and really like my friend before we meet, and laying the groundwork and trust in a relationship such that we would both feel cheated if the face to face meeting failed to come to fruition. Heck, if this were easy, we would all be out of the closet.

Being agressive, or overly forward, or impatient, or even the appearance of same, is likely to make another CDr question your motives for a meeting, even if your motives are pure and chaste.

I also agree that arranging meetings is clearly not the primary purpose of this forum. But there are several friends I have made here, whom I would be honored to meet with in person.

And lastly, I expect by now it has ocurred to you that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. Feel free to try again, based on what you have learned.

[Billijo49504]

TJ, I think you are in the wrong forum. Most of us are happily married, so we aren't interested in playing with you. Sorry bud, but you AREN'T MY TYPE.I like real girls...BJ

[Eleanor]

Waste not want not I say!

[size7satin]

Yes it not much fun when people play that stupid game.... I have sat many time alone when I was suppost to be meeting someone waiting & waiting & waiting and finally going home sadden, depressed ready to cry....... In time you will find a few good friends that are not going to waste your time but cherish it....




TJ, I think you are in the wrong forum.

I think your in the right forum.


Most of us are happily married, so we aren't interested in playing with you.

Some members are NOT happily married or married at all & maybe want to play!


Sorry bud, but you AREN'T MY TYPE.I like real girls...BJ

Good for you some of us don't, some of us like other cd'ers.

Point being is this site is open to all crossdressers NOT JUST YOUR TYPE.

[tekla west]

Ditto. MOST is not ALL. Its just most. And reading the posts here, I'm not all that convinced about that. And so, if he was meeting a girl, what's the difference. Time wasted is time lost, no matter what.

[Khriss]

..stating a personal vewpoint like.."I prefer breathing fresh air", will likely piss somebody off !!! .... comes with the territory..:thumbsdn:

while one "tip" might be..to target your audience , rather than alienate them ?..
.. might have been your premis in this thread ...anyhow ? the internet term for such things is described as "trolling" eh ?

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Stacey,

Over the years I have met quite a few people from the Internet. (And none of them for sex, by the way). In the beginning I had quite a few no-shows. In the past few years, I guess I've learned how to weed them out ahead of time. Here are a few pointers I've learned from the process.

1. (And I can't stress this one enough) Get to know the person ahead of time. That means in your internet chats and emails with the person, share those other interests you have. If you become real to each other, there won't be as much time wasted.

2. Make it clear ahead of time with them that you're not looking for sex. This weeds out the anonymous sex crowd and the hot date bunch. If you're looking for sex, telling them that might be helpful, too--but I'm just guessing on that one.

3. Avoid certain loaded phrases, like "hook up" and "comming" with two M's. While these may be innocuous, they are very common among the meet-for-sex posts.

4. Never allow yourself to be pressured into meeting quickly, or without what you consider to be adequate safeguards. Take the time. It's never a waste of time, where your safety is concerned.

5. Understand most of the people who respond to posts where meeting for sex is not clearly delineated. They're not really looking for sex as we know it. They're voyeurs--peeping toms. They like to watch strangers. And t-girls, to some of them, are stranger than most. Especially when we're nervous. Ewwwwwww!

6. Don't meet for no purpose. Meet to go somewhere or do something.

7. Always put a closed door between you and the looker. A door that (s)he has to open to see you. Meeting at a restaurant or bar? Don't wait outside where they can watch you (without actually meeting you). Be inside the door, in the lobby. Ladies do not meet in parking lots.

8. Don't get your hopes up. If you're told "maybe I'll see you there" that's not an appointment or date--that's an admission they probably won't be there. Show up only if you have something else to do there.

Hope these help.

Rikki

[Kate Simmons]

If I arrange to meet someone, be it guy,girl, CD or whatever, I usually pick somewhere I'm going to go anyway. That way if they decide not to "show" for whatever reason, I'm not overly disappointed and still end up enjoying myself. I met one CD gal once and we watched a show together at the club. We were going to go out afterward. I turned around just before the end of the last number and she had disappeared. Oh well, I said to myself, time to dance I guess. I realize how some may get nervous and change their mind. Ericka

[~Kelly~]

I could be wrong on this point, but it seems to me that things are getting too confrontational. When I initially read this post, I took it at face value and didn't read into it. Apparently, others however DID read into it and felt a need to try and start something. I agree with the fact that these forums are great for hearing all aspects, good or bad, on a given subject matter. But to post a reply in order to get a rise is just causing unnecessary drama (even if the initial post was put there to incite such responses, which I don't believe is the case here) Drama leads to rifts in the community and despite the fact that we ALL are individuals with perhaps different goals or interests, we are still a community. And also, please make sure to read the messages in a particular thread before jumping on the "bashing bandwagon". I noticed in this particular thread several postings criticizing the "hook-up" intentions even after a clarification was made that this was not a desire to "hook-up" By posting this I am not trying to start anything, unless that thing could be a more civil and caring approach to how we deal with each other.

[Matty]

First I think this is a rotten thing to post !


TJ, I think you are in the wrong forum. Most of us are happily married, so we aren't interested in playing with you. Sorry bud, but you AREN'T MY TYPE.I like real girls...BJ "Billijo49504" aspiring member


I'm happy and not married...so I guess this is the wrong forum for me too !

TJ brings up a very good point regarding trying to meet other like minded cd'ers who would like to meet for friendship. And I believe that is all she is talking about not the forum in general. I to have had my time wasted by people who say they want to meet only to find yourself setting in a coffee shop alone. If you don't want to meet then just be honest and say so. This is my understanding when she talks about time wasters.

I have enjoy this forum and all the info and kind and different types of people that share it, but mostly the reason I joined was to make friends near me for coffee or go shopping with.

Well that's my 1.5 cents worth..

BJ only if we were closer....good luck with your search .
Matty

[Tracey Jayne]

Well now girls, didn't that thread bring a lot of hypocrisy to the fore. Those girls that preached about this site being only for helpful purposes reminded me of "assasins with swords of sarcasm"...what you too, Brutus ? Not once did I ever mention girls from this site breaking dates...yet some assumed I did, and retaliated with claws out. Is that self guilt ? To those wonderful sugar sweet ladies (ahem), I am happily married, but I also love to crossdress. Isn't that the name of this great and wonderful website? During the last week I have had many, many, messages from other CD'ers who like meeting up too. So I say each to their own....you either girly chat about your latest handbag or shoes...or meet up with another girl and have fun.

I think the last word comes from a sister member called "size7satin" and I thank her for her support. If I lived just down the road from her, instead of across the Atlantic I would love to be her girlfriend...and have fun !!
XXTracey Jayne

[Tracey Jayne]

Thank you Matty and Kellygrrl for seeing my side....see, you other girlies that jumped to the wrong conclusions. I'll bet you're reading this, but making out you're not, in case someone tells you you're wasting time !! I can understand where you're coming from, as status is sometimes a dominating fact. I got no information on how to deal with timewasters at all...it seems the fact has to be faced some people "get off" on making dates, so as to break them.
I wish you ALL well.
Tracey Jayne.

[Rickie]

I don't know how what kind of plan you could come up with for timewasters. You don't know their time wasters in till they don't wasted the time. I think myself I would rather put up with a few people who do this than to take the chance of not meeting a new friend.

:hugs:
Rickie

[Sophia Rearen]

I got no information on how to deal with timewasters at all...it seems the fact has to be faced some people "get off" on making dates, so as to break them.
I wish you ALL well.
Tracey Jayne.

Tracey Jayne, I've been sitting here on the side reading this thread for days now. I'd have to say the tone of you're writing created a response that you didn't want. Asking the question differently would get you more help.

So, let me try to address your concerns from my point of view. I would love to get together with a gf or two from here for non-sexual meetings. Of course, I would get to know them from here, emails, chat or telephone first. Now, once that was done comes the difficult part. As a married cd with children and all that goes with that life, it is often VERY difficult to meet another CD. For me, all the planets and moon need to be inline before I can get out the door. For all the times I wanted to go out anywhere, I'd say I'm only 25% successful. Something always ruins my plans. Am I backing out? No, just can't do it, it's not easy. However, prior to the meeting, I make it quite clear to the person I'm intending on meeting that these scenarios do exist and do come up.

I've met a couple of girls from here and it was a last minute deal and all worked out and I'm happy it did, as they were fantastic people. I also flew to Minneapolis on business and packed all my Sophia clothes to meet a dear friend that I met here. Unfortunately, she was unable to get away from her wife and I was left alone, oh well, went to the Mall of America by myself. Is she a time wasting geek? I should think not. I'm sure she would have loved to join me as her fem self. Such is the life of a crossdresser.

[MsJanessa]

I agree with you---there are way too many wannebes out there who get their kicks "pleasuring themselves" on the internet with no intention of acutally meeting you---don't know what to tell you hon except hang in there---you will eventually meet people who are serious and want to meet you too

[Toyah]

Let me start by saying that before I joined this forum I never assumed that I would ever meet another CD and it was never my intention to get out there and meet face to face.
I started chatting to others through this forum and found many dear people but still never thought that we would ever meet because of distance or work issues.
I never actually planned to go out in public but through a number of coincidences and friendships and curiosity about crossdressing I have now met a number of sisters, a few GGs including Tamara and Bev06 and have been to a big CD event.
My advice is take your time, get to know people it really is a big step for a lot of us to go out and meet others. Its taken 2 years to get this far for me. Please dont think anyone is wasting your time just chit chatting thats really not nice, if you like someone, talk to them get to know them in your words waste some time then, maybe, if you are lucky, you will get to meet.
All the best in your search

[tekla west]

I really like what Ericka said - mostly I guess because its my policy anyway. Sure, we can meet - but only if its somewhere I'm going to be anyway. And - Just for me - I think its best to do it were people KNOW me. Safe is not a bad way to think.

But I tend to prefer the people I meet IRL more than the net deal. You know right off.

And I'm not much on the sex deal either, which is what more of the net stuff is about.

[Ebonee_Tgirl]

i agree with kellygirl's post. BTW Kelly, you are beautiful. No i'm not a timewaster trying to hook up. Just stating fact. :D

[Stephenie S]

Gee whiz, Tracy, lighten up.

Steph

[janedoe311]

Sounds like testosterone poisoning to me. If we want to “waste our time” so what. It is my time to waste. NYOB. Go to a CD personals site there are many.

PS have no intention of meeting a CDer. I like women not men and am happily married.