Do you shun other CD's

[wannabie]

I’m looking for an honest answer to this question. Have anyone in this forum ever scorned another CD or ts?

The reason I’m asking this question is because I was at a local duane reade the other day and I saw two gay men acting all girly. Like the other customers in the store I kept my distance hoping not to be associated with them. On my way out I felt like a hypocrite because I CD all the time and probably do a lot of things that are a lot more feminine than they do. Hell you can say I consider myself an aspiring woman.
Just seeing those two guys bought out something that made me switch to my deep voice and the shoulder walk and I know as my female side I would be talking to them getting to know them.

Has anyone felt this way? If so what did you do about it?

[Karren H]

Well, not exactually....we have a couple openly gay guys in the office, and sometimes when I see them I just want to beat the crap out of them. Not because they are gay, because they are out and accepted by society and we aren't!!! Actually they are really nice people and I wouldn't hurt them, unless they were on the opposing ice hockey team!!! Then anything goes!!! hehehe

Love Karren

[Wenda]

I can't say I have ever had negative feelings towards other dressers or tgs. I have, however, had negative feelings towards gays and lesbians who flaunt their sexuality in public. For example, in the building where I had an office several years ago, the small lounge was a gay hang-out. I took some clients there one evening for a drink, and we were really distracted by the two guys one table away french kissing and fondling. Hetro or trans sexual, there are just some things that polite people don't do in public places. It seemed as though these guys were going a bit overboard to showcase themselves.

[Scotty]

I've been really shy towards some others but not shunting - I hope I didn't come across that way! I'm just not ready to go public and well, you know :)

[NikkiT]

I’m looking for an honest answer to this question. Have anyone in this forum ever scorned another CD or ts?

The reason I’m asking this question is because I was at a local duane reade the other day and I saw two gay men acting all girly. Like the other customers in the store I kept my distance hoping not to be associated with them. On my way out I felt like a hypocrite because I CD all the time and probably do a lot of things that are a lot more feminine than they do. Hell you can say I consider myself an aspiring woman.
Just seeing those two guys bought out something that made me switch to my deep voice and the shoulder walk and I know as my female side I would be talking to them getting to know them.

Has anyone felt this way? If so what did you do about it?

I probably would've acted the same way too. Although I dress up and head out to the bar frequently, I don't act overly feminine or flamboyant when I do. There are a few CD support groups in my city, and I avoid them as they're full of guys that enjoy having 'girl talk' and other things that I find immensly boring and lame. I enjoy the clothes and the attention I get when I dress up, but that's about it. Girl talk is boring and sucks on so many different levels, and roleplaying is almost always awkward and creepy. I might be pigeonholeing myself into a lonely corner by ostrascizing other CDers in my area, but I really don't care.

I don't think I share something in common with every crossdresser on the planet just because we all like to dress like women. That's like saying that you could be friends with everyone you see in rush hour traffic, since they all own and operate automobiles. Don't feel bad about looking down on other CDers; everyone dresses for different reasons - you have yours and they have theirs.

[Delila]

i have never openly declared myself a cd but i would never scorn an open cder if anything i would congratulate them. But I understand your thinking as that it could possibly associate you with them.

[sparks]

Shun them! Hell in this town you might never find'em. I'm a hard core introvert in person. So often just come across as unfriendly. Though my attitude is very neutral. I'm pretty accepting of most things but as stated before I don't like sexuality shoved in my face. Time and place for everything and if ya can't keep your hands off each other get home very quickly!

[Lisa Golightly]

No... never shunned anyone apart from the odd sexual predator... 'Get off me leg!' ;)

[Lynn]

Everyone certainly has a right to there own opinion. But my opinion is I don't like to see gay bashing or TG bashing or CD bashing or any kind of bashing. We all want to be who we are and accepted by others. Let's stop bashing everyone elese. How can we be accepted as who we are if we don't accept others as how they are ?

[Kate Simmons]

Hell no. I'm usually the one who initiates the conversation. It seems most gals are pretty bashful but when you "break the ice' and show them you're not some kind of nut, they usually open up pretty well. I'm the same way with gay people. I just want to show them we're not freaks because sometimes they are not sure of us either. There is a lesbian couple where I work. I shared with them the fact I was a CD but told them it was not for general publication. We get along fine and have a lot of respect for one another. There is also a gay guy there I get along great with and he's always telling me about what he and his partner are doing although doesn't discuss it with anyone else. I'm pretty open and don't put on airs with anyone. Ericka

[oztallulah]

I would like to meet some. I know there are clubs and stuff around to go to, but I am not a clubby/organisation type. Have seen a couple wandering in the shops, but don't have the balls to go up and talk to them. Maybe I should???:happy:

[EricaCD]

In New York City CDs, TSs, gays, lesbians, whatever are pretty common. Like any New York girl, I pay no attention to them. Don't think I react either especially friendly or hostile when I do interact with one though....

Erica

[Lilith Moon]

In normal surroundings, malls and so on, I hardly ever notice any other CDers. Either they are very good at passing or I'm not very observant...or it could be where I live. On the rare occasions I've noticed a CDer I've carried on minding my own business, partly because of my natural shyness and partly because I don't want to spoil somebody’s day by letting them know they have been read.

0.02

[Tiffy]

I asked a friend of mine this same question the other night. And I think it has to do with conditioning. My male have is trained to be that way. So when I am out as male he takes over even if the fem side says he should nt do thoes things. I have not learned how to get around being this way. But, I am trying.


April Marie

[azure]

On the main issue of this thread, I chat to people who are CD or TS, as long as I can talk without other people listening. I think its realy important to reach out that hand and say, "hi, nice to meet you". I cant say Ive had such an experience often, but if the situation is right then yes I like to make contact. Im going to a nearby Cd/TS support group to make some new friends.
On the issue of people in the gay community, I do admit to (maladaptivley) becoming "annoyed" by the way gay,bi, and lesbian people are more or less
accepted, and they do display their sexuality(andso they should be able to)
but all I want to say is that it upsets me that people who are CD or TS are singled out as bring less accpetable. I refer to my recent call to a radio 2 talk show who were discussing children who came out as gay, yet callers on several occasions spoke negativley about the issue of crossdressing or associated behaviours, and how they acccepted the sexulaity of their offspring but (indirectly) not if they were wearing garments of the opposite sex.

[tekla west]

Never. Its not like I see myself as the Welcome Wagon for girls coming out into the light, but I don't shun them either. I remember what it was like, so if I see someone who looks a bit alone and a bit asunder, then I go up and make nice. Sometimes I've made great friends, other times not. That's the way it goes.

[connie rotten]

Well Hon,
Look at it like this you gave them space not intruding into their campy moment. No Queen likes to be up staged.
We are infomus for our temprement don't be so hard on your self. Some of the game is being a b__ch out there.
The posts in here and the gay scene I have been exposed to most of my life are worlds appart. Most of what I have read here the larger percentage are not gay crossdressers, So you shunning like you did is a natural defencive reaction.
Be kind to yourself ;being the 3rd sex is got enough problems with out beating on yourself for being human,

[Siobhan Marie]

A good friend and work colleague is a pre-op TS and I would never shun her. I've outed myself as a TG in her defence at work a few times recently and would do it again if I have to. If I saw another CD or TS I would certainly make the effort because to shun others to shun yourself and you shouldn't do it.

:hugs: Anna x

[fionasboots]

To be honest I can only think of one time that I've actually seen anyone (two people in this case) that I have recognised as CDers, well I assume they were anyway.

At the time I was out with my wife and mother-in-law and I can definitely recall joining in with the weird looks and comments about "they're odd aren't they".

Was quite a while ago now but for some reason that does stick in my head and even at the time I was concious of being hypocritical.

I've recently found that I'm being more vocal in my support of CDing in 'normal' (with non-CDers, e.g. work colleagues) conversation, e.g. I'm not just avoiding joining in with "that's weird" sort of things but trying to promote the idea.

I guess there's the obvious reason "one of these days you're gonna find out I do this" but I've also checked myself a few times when I've been about to act/say something blokey in front of my son. I feel he shouldn't have any bias at all and should be brought up to be totally accepting of other people.

:hugs: Fiona

[simonep]

:idontknow: There is an interesting problem here, one we should support one another as partners on a common but parallel journey, but in order to do so we probably must read the other CDer!! That may depend on the effect they are trying to achieve.

I agree that we may want to quietly say, "Good on you, and hi we are on the same path" - they may welcome and I suspect would welcome the attention. On the other hand they may not!

Isn't life full of little quandries!

Love

Simone

[Joy Carter]

Simply said if you shun someone for what ever reason you just might be missing your next great friend. :thumbsup:

[Bernice]

Simply said if you shun someone for what ever reason you just might be missing your next great friend. :thumbsup:
Good point Joy! For reasons especially you can understand!

:hugs:

[Barb Valentine]

I trying to be more understanding since I joined this forum
If they said Hi I would say Hi back but if they didn't say anything
I probably just walk by them

[RenaCD]

Simply said if you shun someone for what ever reason you just might be missing your next great friend. :thumbsup:

Joy I like the way you think! And on that note a Little story. I was the one being shunned this month by Sister Cds TGs and it was very disturbing to me because they didn't even now me! It seem to be a class thing or something I can't even get an answer to. In this little tiny state of Connecticut, the T part of GLBT is so fragmented its disgusting, you would think we would all pull together. But no, Its All Me Me Me and their little groups. this is a little hard for me to even talk about, I can't remember when I was hurt so badly by any group and its caused me to question my view of the entire community.

Hugs To All Rena

[MarinaTwelve200]

I have discovered that I personally feel that CDing is an activity I would consider as "private"----sorta like "jerking off" if you get my drift.---nothing wrong with it but definately NOT something to do in PUBLIC.

To me, CDing in public is just like streaking or going out in public naked.---of course I would avoid a naked person in public---the same would go for a CD.

This is a recient "revelation" I had to myself---That I emotionally "see" CD as a "Private thing" which explains why I prefer to remain in the closet. And from THIS revelation, I realized that I have the same reason for feeling uncomfortable around other CDs in public----The same feeling for seeing a NAKED person-----(Something to be done in private association)

Interesting how the MIND works----my internal "feelings" sort of conflict with my "intellectual" attitude towards such things. I know its right to be tolerant and accepting===and thats the way I behave, but the internal feelings are just that--- "feelings" As I scientist I put NO confidence in nor act upon them, but they ARE interesting just the same. ---and nag at me to act in certian innapropriate ways.

[fionasboots]

I have discovered that I personally feel that CDing is an activity I would consider as "private"----sorta like "jerking off" if you get my drift.---nothing wrong with it but definately NOT something to do in PUBLIC.

To me, CDing in public is just like streaking or going out in public naked.---of course I would avoid a naked person in public---the same would go for a CD.

This is a recient "revelation" I had to myself---That I emotionally "see" CD as a "Private thing" which explains why I prefer to remain in the closet. And from THIS revelation, I realized that I have the same reason for feeling uncomfortable around other CDs in public----The same feeling for seeing a NAKED person-----(Something to be done in private association)

Interesting how the MIND works----my internal "feelings" sort of conflict with my "intellectual" attitude towards such things. I know its right to be tolerant and accepting===and thats the way I behave, but the internal feelings are just that--- "feelings" As I scientist I put NO confidence in nor act upon them, but they ARE interesting just the same. ---and nag at me to act in certian innapropriate ways.

I can sort of understand what you mean here and agree to a certain extent.

I think everyone would have to objectively agree that acceptance and tolerance are things we should have - this is logical and I guess can probably be argued from many points of view.

I can also see that 'feeling' that something is best kept in private may also be a perfectly valid response.

However, you must ask yourself, logically, why you 'feel' that CDing is akin to going out in public naked. Isn't this down to external influences? Ultimately isn't it down to, potentially, irrational fear and predjudice from society.

Before I get too deep (no, I know, I'm not really being deep, I just like to kid myself that I am sometimes) I am reminded of a sketch by the (in)famour Mr Izzard where he referred to a news report saying that a recently captured werido was a transvestite as if these two things were linked. He suggested that this was an unfair link since this person was clearly a "weirdo transvestitie" and not the "normal" transvestites that you get.

Really we should try and apply objectivity to how we also feel about these things. We really shouldn't be shunning anyone for what they do and equally we shouldn't be feeling ourselves that this is something that should only be private/secretive (says she who still hasn't 'come out').

I do understand how you feel though and have exactly the same thoughts/feelings also. So I am in no way criticising you for voicing this opinion, in fact it's good that you did.

Okay, now I better stop typing as I've clearly had *way* too much to drink tonight and I'm only going to start ranting about persecution of people because they are different (scientific link: it's always pissed me off that Mr Turing in no longer with us, possibly due in part to the persecution he recieved).

No, defintely drunk in charge of a keyboard! Sorry!

:hugs: Fiona

[ReginaK]

I've done it, but never aloud. When I see the CDers who put on the whole helpless, damsel in distress or Baby Jane act, I just kinda roll my eyes. But I have to remember, we're all individuals and are free to express ourselves however we wish.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I can sort of understand what you mean here and agree to a certain extent.

I think everyone would have to objectively agree that acceptance and tolerance are things we should have - this is logical and I guess can probably be argued from many points of view.

I can also see that 'feeling' that something is best kept in private may also be a perfectly valid response.

However, you must ask yourself, logically, why you 'feel' that CDing is akin to going out in public naked. Isn't this down to external influences? Ultimately isn't it down to, potentially, irrational fear and predjudice from society.

Before I get too deep (no, I know, I'm not really being deep, I just like to kid myself that I am sometimes) I am reminded of a sketch by the (in)famour Mr Izzard where he referred to a news report saying that a recently captured werido was a transvestite as if these two things were linked. He suggested that this was an unfair link since this person was clearly a "weirdo transvestitie" and not the "normal" transvestites that you get.

Really we should try and apply objectivity to how we also feel about these things. We really shouldn't be shunning anyone for what they do and equally we shouldn't be feeling ourselves that this is something that should only be private/secretive (says she who still hasn't 'come out').

I do understand how you feel though and have exactly the same thoughts/feelings also. So I am in no way criticising you for voicing this opinion, in fact it's good that you did.

Okay, now I better stop typing as I've clearly had *way* too much to drink tonight and I'm only going to start ranting about persecution of people because they are different (scientific link: it's always pissed me off that Mr Turing in no longer with us, possibly due in part to the persecution he recieved).

No, defintely drunk in charge of a keyboard! Sorry!

:hugs: Fiona

Yes I have always thought that the "Closet" aspect of my CDing was based upon a fear of public ridicule, but "The great revelation" I had a couple of weeks ago, as I was driving over to see my (GG) Lady friend, sort of gave me a new outlook on things that I had not realized before, and might be interesting for some members of this forum.

Now I KNOW my GF is open and sympathetic to CDs and CDing, but I havent told her about ME. I was thinking of this during my long drive, and how i would handle it if I DID tell her. I realized that I would feel "uncomfortable' CDing in her presence----THEN I realized why----To me CD is a PERSONAL activity, something I do and would do in PRIVATE no matter if others knew or not. I suppose this attitude developed in my earliest of CD days when I DID hide to avoid ridicule and I had little insight into what CD really was.

So I have been going around years "in the closet" THINKING I was doing it to avoid ridicule, but really, now, its because I personally feel that CD is a private personal activity. This "revalation" really does little to help me OUT of the closet, but it does tell me why I am still in there. It also explains my attiudes if have felt when I saw CDs in public.

But then again I dont feel the NEED to get out of the closet. I am perfectly happy the way things are. Discovering my REAL thoughts on the matter, however, is refreshing and enlightening.

[Jillian310]

I seek out other CDs and love being in their company under any circumstances. I also enjoy being with my gay male friends whenever I am with them, in private homes or out and about. I don't have any female gay friends simply because I don't come in contact with any (I think).

[KateW]

I haven't actually ever met another crossdresser (one that I am aware of anyway). I have no problem with gay people, and will talk to them whenever I get the opportunity.

[Jodi]

Choosing a friend that is a cd is like choosing any other friend. I have to genuinely enjoy that person's company. I have been going out regularly for the last 6 years and have met many cd's. Some of them I have a lot in common with (other than being a cd) and others I have nothing in common with. People are people. Some are polite and some are downright obnoxious. That runs the same for cd's. When I go the the Queen of Hearts each month, or when I spend my week at Gala, there of some cd's that I can not stand to be around. They are gross, pushy, rude, etc. I wouldn't want to be around them as guys. Do I shun certain cd's? The answer is yes. I have always chosen my friends carefully, and that goes for cd's. I hang with a group of about 6-8 girls when we are out, and they are great. Some of the others, I just stay away from.

Jodi

[Lindsay Marie]

My best answer to this question is yes and no. Yes on the part of so many others who do when they see someone flaunting so much, and no because everyone I know who is gay first came out to me. Perhaps they know something is different about me. LOL

[Stephenie S]

To everyone on this thread,

Girls, (as Stepehnie climbs back up on her pink soapbox). . .

We all, I hope, want to be as tolerant and excepting as we want the world to be of us. So we should all look with love and kindness on people who are different.

That said, what the objection above seemed be to was a couple at a table in a public lounge sucking face and making out. This behavior had NOTHING to do thier being gay. What they were being was inapropriate in public. What we want to shout is, "GET A ROOM"!!

I find that what most people object to when they think of Gays is what we call "flameing" behavior. And if we stop to think about it a bit, most of us would object to this kind of behavior from a hetrosexual. Just imagine for a minute this guy, open shirt, chest hair hanging out, dripping gold chains, half in the bag, and he can't talk about ANYTHING but how much c**t he's had or is going to have. This is a "flameing" hetro, and most respectable people would object to this type of behavior in public also.

So it's really not the sexual orientation we object to, but the behavior. Because, believe me, there are PLENTY of gay men (perhaps the majority) so normal looking and acting that you would never, ever know. You work with them, play with them, go to church with them, etc. When we are asaulted by the sight of a couple of "flamers" being inapropriate in public it is easy to assume that that represents gay behavior. It doesn't.

None of us want to be represented by the CD we see on Jerry Springer. Let's give the same respect to others that we want for ouselves.

Whew, ok I'll climb down now. Where's that cup of tea?

Lovies,
Stepehnie

[robinLynn]

i wont shu anyone until they come against robin. but i dont understand why we cant come out and the gay people can and its ok

[Kristen Kelly]

Simply said if you shun someone for what ever reason you just might be missing your next great friend. :thumbsup:

Well put, maybe with age comes wisdom but 13 years ago I worked with a transitioning girl, I wanted to make friends because I could relate to her,(I was not out then, and am not to work now) but didnt want to be outcasted from my fellow co-workers, so I kept my distance. If I had to redo history today I would have approched her and tried to be friends, I have been on the other end of of color jokes around work for being different (some think I'm gay) I just ignore the narrow mindness of some people, and live my like as I see fit.

[Dee 1062]

anyone for a cup of tea....
Gay, Straight or bi...I don't want to hear about your sex life unless it's a part of mind:)
http://www.somewhereelseclub.com/