SO's sccret burden

[Jaydee]

I have been a deeply closeted CD for most of my life (This forum is the first time I have come out to anyone), and been married for over 30 years. I am fairly new to this forum. I have read many posts discussing comming out to our SO's. I have been considering it. I would be interested in hearing from the GG's if they felt an extra burden after beeing sucked into the closet, through no fault (or interest) of their own. How did you deal with it?
We CDs tend to be a bit narcisitic (I am not narcistic, if it really IS all about me). I would not want to do anything that would add to her burden. Just looking for your thoughts. :love:

[Anita Mae GG]

Thanks for asking. I personally didn't or haven't found it an added burden. I found it a blessing, that Danielle loved, and trusted me enough to come out all the way to me. I cherish that. I may the exception to the rule on that. I have heard other CDers saying that their wives flipped out etc. Only you can judge how you THINK she will take it. As far as it being a burden, not at all. Best of luck to you :) :hugs:

[Wenda]

My SO was quite nervous at first, but after she went shopping with Wenda on a trip out of town, she found a new friend, and is part of the shared secret.

[lostmyhubby GG]

The only burden i have seen or thought about is where to put all Trisha's clothes and shoes...we went from a husband and wife living in the bedroom and now my lesbian girlfriend has moved in too!!!!!! he he
Honestly there is no burden it was difficult at first....all the worries ...is he gay. etc...the uneducated stuff that first comes to mind....but now i just wish we had more time,more money and more space for her.
I do however get jealous of her....looking so good when she dresses.
But good luck to you

[Sage GG]

I don't feel sucked in to the closet I feel let into a part of my hubby's heart. A wife "knows" something is off, if you don't tell her what it is she will come up with different ideas of what it could be.

For me it was mostly relief, now I understand more about him and its made us closer. Sometimes its a different set of problems, clearing all traces of Rena from the common areas of the house before the kids come over or charging to much at Macy's but we have been together for a long time and we work it out.

One of the most important things and something you left out of your questions is love. It may sound a little old fashioned but I really do love my hubby. Love will get you through almost anything.

[kittypw GG]

To be totally honest, yes I have felt the extra burden of being sucked into the closet. I have always known about my husbands desire to CD. I just never thought of it as a burden until my husband became confused and thought he was a women trapped in a man's body. His desire to dress exceeded my desire to participate. Now he believes he is not a women trapped in a man's body but his desire to dress will always exceed my desire to participate. This is the burden for me. I want to participate but I need to feel inspired to do so but most of the time I feel obligated to participate. Instead of it being fun for me it has become a burden and something that is expected of me. He gets upset if circumstances beyond my control interfere with a plan to crossdress and has said things like "well you got out of crossdressing again" or we have to deal with the bad mood because he lacks the ability to just suck up his dissapointment and go with the flow. I have resented all of the time that has been spent on thinking about cd'ing, reading about it, doing it etc while others things, equally important and deserving of effort get ignored. I guess that the lack of balance is really the biggest burden.

Kitty

[angie^]

after 23 yrs of marriage, my wife and I are closer than ever,she buys all my clothes for me, we joke about my dressing when we are in public, and she loves my dresssing in the bedroom, we are soul mates, I know what she is thinking, and vice versa, be close to your loved one, share experiences with her, be together as one
angie ^

[Kristen Kelly]

To be totally honest, yes I have felt the extra burden of being sucked into the closet. I have always known about my husbands desire to CD. I just never thought of it as a burden until my husband became confused and thought he was a women trapped in a man's body. His desire to dress exceeded my desire to participate. Now he believes he is not a women trapped in a man's body but his desire to dress will always exceed my desire to participate. This is the burden for me. I want to participate but I need to feel inspired to do so but most of the time I feel obligated to participate. Instead of it being fun for me it has become a burden and something that is expected of me. He gets upset if circumstances beyond my control interfere with a plan to crossdress and has said things like "well you got out of crossdressing again" or we have to deal with the bad mood because he lacks the ability to just suck up his dissapointment and go with the flow. I have resented all of the time that has been spent on thinking about cd'ing, reading about it, doing it etc while others things, equally important and deserving of effort get ignored. I guess that the lack of balance is really the biggest burden.

Kitty

Kitty point well taken, I will accept that as good advice because I know just how selfish I can be, you said it well when you said "Balance" one of the hardest things for me to do in life, I tend to concentrate on one thing and excel at it then move to the next. My GF would disagree if you saw the way the renovation of my house is going working on 4 rooms at a time. :rofl:

[Jean GG]

[QUOTE=I guess that the lack of balance is really the biggest burden. [/QUOTE]

I find it a burden too...for many reasons which can be summerized in Kitty's quote above. j.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Kitty,

My heart aches for you.
I think I know what you are feeling because I once (in previous relationship) acted exactly the way you descibe. I can remember going on trips where I had planned to CD and when it just didn't work out I would pout and be miserable company. Or I would try and use guilt against my SO about her reluctance to participate.

I know now that I have a loving and accepting wife (who, to be completely honest, would be just as happy to see this all go away) who loves me and respects who I am. So, she is as accepting of Stephenie as I could ever want.
BUT, and this is a big but, if I EVER acted the way you are descibing, it would be the highway for Stephenie and maybe for Steve as well.

You are a kind and caring person, Kitty. You deserve to be honored and respected, all the more so for your willingness to accept this part of us that you really didn't sign up for. I think that there are aspects of your relationship that need to be worked out that have nothing to do with CDing that once taken care of will allow your husband's CDing to flourish. And as a bonus will give you both a happier, fuller, and more loving future together.

So hang in there, get some counseling, together, and do not ever forget that you love each other.

Lovies,
Stephenie