In the closet? Perhaps NOT why you think.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I originally posted this as a response to another thread, but I think it deserves its own Thread heading.

I have always thought that the "Closet" aspect of my CDing was based upon a fear of public ridicule, but "The great revelation" I had a couple of weeks ago, as I was driving over to see my (GG) Lady friend, sort of gave me a new outlook on things that I had not realized before, and might be interesting for some members of this forum.

Now I KNOW my GF is open and sympathetic to CDs and CDing, but I havent told her about ME. I was thinking of this during my long drive, and how i would handle it if I DID tell her. I realized that I would feel "uncomfortable' CDing in her presence----THEN I realized why----To me CD is a PERSONAL activity, something I do and would do in PRIVATE no matter if others knew or not. I suppose this attitude developed in my earliest of CD days when I DID hide to avoid ridicule and I had little insight into what CD really was.

So I have been going around years "in the closet" THINKING I was doing it to avoid ridicule, but really, now, its because I personally feel that CD is a private personal activity. This "revalation" really does little to help me OUT of the closet, but it does tell me why I am still in there. It also explains my attiudes if have felt when I saw CDs in public.

But then again I dont feel the NEED to get out of the closet. I am perfectly happy the way things are. Discovering my REAL thoughts on the matter, however, is refreshing and enlightening.

[Karren H]

It's personal for me also, Marina and even though I go out in public It's almost always solo..... And unless your 24/7 and/or your out to everyone you know, I guess were all in a closet of some sort.... Mine is just larger and has lots of strangers walking around in it. hehehe

Love Karren

[Kate Simmons]

It's personal for me also and always has been. It's just that now, I've widened out so that a lot of my personal time as Ericka includes my friends. Ericka

[Scotty]

I agree, it's a private thing for me as well.

[TGMarla]

That's an interesting viewpoint, and it applies to me as well. My wife knows darn well I CD, but we never discuss it. It is something that I always do when I'm by myself, like you. I would also feel really uncomfortable doing this around my wife. I know it's something she wants nothing to do with, and I know that I do not wish to include my circle of immediate friends with this. I really don't know any other crossdressers, except for the ones I know here. So alone it is. My closet is not only about avoiding ridicule, it is my comfort zone, too.

[Marla S]

I agree it is a personal thing. But for me it is also a part of my personality.
I am just trying to integrate this part of my personality in my day to day live. This means to show it in some sort in public (including neighbours, friends) too, and if I hopefully find a companion again it shouldn't be too surprising for her to find out that I am a CD. I think it will end up with what one would call an effeminate man for the public part. Kind of the right balance between the joy of being me and the fear of being rediculed I can stand on a day to day basis.
Other aspects are pure personal (intimate) and will stay in the closet without any regret.
I have problems right know with those aspects, that are kind of at the border.
I.e. it appears idiotic to me to wear heels, or better said explicite female shoes, in the closet (would be a place for slippers but not for street shoes ;)), but the special situation of being a CD might make it necessary to assign this to the intimate side (or to become less vulnerable).
So, to me the closet is an personal place for some aspects, but it is also a protected place for others (I am not very happy about that part, but have to arrange).
I think each of us girls has to find her own balance here.

[Sophia Rearen]

Mirana, That's fine. But will you're girfriend be understanding when she catches you enfemme? Or will she consider it your perversion behind closed doors?

[Marla S]

Or will she consider it your perversion behind closed doors?
Good point. This vicious circle is annoying.:Angry3:

[EricaCD]

I have to agree with Sophia: whether you view your crossdressing as a solo activity (which is perfectly fine) is wholly separate from whether your SO should know about it. I assure you, the fact that my cding was a solo activity was of limited consolation to my spouse when she learned of it.

That said, it is always a good think for you to have a good sense of your own personal comfort zone--and to have know that dressing strictly by yourself does NOT necessarily imply shame or guilt.

Erica

[KarenXDR]

I'm not closeted - my wife LOVES my dressing - BUT I have no interest going out in public, and never will.

Sooo, I guess I,m agreeing with you in the final analysis.

Lipstick kisses

Karen

[Lilith Moon]

Good point. This vicious circle is annoying.:Angry3:

Yes, it is definitely a self perpetuating habit.

I am only partially out to my SO. She doesn't want to know the extent and intensity of it. For example, she would flip if she knew that I love to go out in public and blend in.

I feel inhibited when she is around, to the extent of not dressing much at all. I just feel awkward and embarrassed at being seen as a guy in a dress and it just isn't very pleasant. She prefers not to see me dressed anyway and so the whole closet thing re-enforces itself and I end up secretly dressing in private and going out in public. Yeah, I know, time-bomb scenario, hey Karren ? :(

[cajunkittycat]

Nothing wrong with staying in the closet if you wish. I only dress occasionally, and not out in public. Not for fear of not passing or anything, just not what I wish to do. 0.02

My SO is aware of my habit, although she has expressed that she is not prepared to see me dolled up at this point in time. She has told me she'd like to see pics.

[Marla S]

Yes, it is definitely a self perpetuating habit.
Right. And in the end you believe it yourself: You are a pervert :Angry3:, though you've only been made one.

[Sally24]

Wow, it is interesting to see the different forms that CDing takes. I always thought that most crossdressers were about the same and did the same things. Now I see people that range from very private, by themselves dressing, right up to the ones that go out gardening in their yards en femme or clubbing and dancing!

I've been very inactive and closeted for 50 years. Now in the last 2 I've started actively dressing, with my wife's help. We've gone out a few times and I find the attraction of that stronger and stronger. I'm a very private person normally, not any kind of exhibitionist, but this part of my life is different. I'm even considering going out to a club next week with a GNO group!

Go figure!

Sally

[Diannna]

You make a good point Mirina. I think most of us are somewhat in the closet. In my case, I was there many, many years. Now that I'm getting older, I seem to get braver. ( or more dumb, depending on how you look at it. ) Where at one time I was afraid of rejection, even the slightest, I would seem to go deeper in the closet. But now, I view it mostly as criticism, and try to use it constructively. My g/f enjoys my cd'ing and helps me with what she can. Where I use to feel very self conscious, I now welcome her comments. I want to learn to be a better girl when in girl mode. I don't go out in public. At one time I did a few times, but even my g/f would like to share an evening or day with just the two of us out together. that is a real compliment, coming from her. I always look at things like " moderation". Go slow and adjust. When you adjust, your feeling of confidence arises, and that can be a good thing. the way I look at it is we're only on God's earth a short time. It's a shame we put off doing some of the things we'd like to do, till it's too late.

[Marcia-B]

I am closeted but my closet is getting bigger.For most of my life I have wanted to go out as a woman but have been too scared.Fo various reasons I stopped dressing seriously for ten years.
I used to wear other peoples clothes.But in October last year it all got too much and I decided to go to the Wayout Club in London.I was in a rush and needed clothes and shoes.I went to Transformation :eek: and bought a black evening dress some shoes and underwear and clip on earings. I had my makeup done in the club for 20 pounds.It was a bit weird to see the way I was made up.I looked like somebody else and was not happy.I got felt up by a guy,(I will never wear a dress with a high split again).I threw everything away and had mixed feelings about it.
I went back a month later and then I shaved my head to stop me going out.I was really upset wondering what it would all lead to.Why was I doing this?I had never been so public, before it was all very private.I decided to stop because what I was doing was wrong but it made me really,really miserable.I couldn't concentrate on anything and was having very shaky times.I was scared that it would lead me to having a sex change and that then I would lose all my family,friends and my job and everything.I chatted to some other girls on the internet and was comforted a bit.I was so miserable that I decided not to fight it until later.I couldn't handle it.
I bought a wig in a party shop and a dress in Bond Street, and shoes from a dressing service shop.I bought a handbag and makeup and headed for the Wayout Club.I liked the clothes but I really looked terrible in the wig.It took a lot of persuading to get me out in it.I think the problem is that it makes me less convincing(not that I am).I don't really want to look like a tranny.When I stepped out in my dress and wig with some adjustments from a cross/hairdresser I was immediately approached by a man.About five men tried to chat me up on that night.I danced with one and had a bit of kiss but refused to go further which resulted in him going off in a huff.
I went on holiday for nearly a month where it was not appropriate but as soon as I returned I bought a white trench coat from M&S and a New dress ,new bag from Accessorize , more shoes.My other things were in storage during the holiday so I "needed" to stock up.It became a bit of a game with me to buy something every week or to go out and always return with something.There were things I was scared to buy but i knew if I didnt have them I wouldnh't go out.
So i have been to the Wayout Club a few times since then and also to another club which was not too savoury.
So my closet became a nightclub rather than my house.I was scared to go home dressed as a woman.I nearly went home with a guy but refused to go on the bus.I went back to the club and changed.There were plenty of cabs.
Two days ago was my first time out in the daytime dressed as a woman.I went to Brighton and changed on the beach.Everybody changes there! I found a secluded spot to change and do my makeup in the mirror of my compact.I wore a black trouser suit and shiny blue top from New Look and fairly low black patent shoes.I walked along the sea front and on St james Street.Nobody said anything to me.A car pulled up in front of me ,so I quickly crossed the road when a man got out.I was glad to see a woman on the beach smiling at me.
I didnt have any strange comments.There was no commotion.I am sure most people would have easily read me but maybe they didn't take any notice.Iheard a few girls laughing it could have been at me but I am not sure.I just smiled.I didnt care what anyone thought.I went to a pub called the Queens Arms but had to leave as my Wallet was on the beach.Thankfully I found it .I must have passed a hundred people at least without hassle.The worst thing was a blister on my little toe.

[Marcia-B]

I actually enjoyed going to Brighton more than the clubs.I think it was because I was in the real world for a short time and I enjoy the seaside.I do not normally go to bars or nightclubs dressed as a man and only went as there seems to be nothing else to do for people like me.I hadn't drunk for ten years but I managed a couple of bacardi breezers.I went to a club once on a whim and bought a dress quickly but it didnt fit properly so I spent the night dressed as a man.I drunk two pints and kept going to the toilet all night.The trannys were wondering why I wasnt chatting them up.I was almost rebuked for this but I don't fancy them anyway.

[Paula G]

Dressing has always been a private thing for me. I have dressed for my wife, but I feel much more comfortable dressing for myself. At this point in my life, I actually prefer to be in the closet.

[Raychel]

That's an interesting viewpoint, and it applies to me as well. My wife knows darn well I CD, but we never discuss it. It is something that I always do when I'm by myself, like you. I would also feel really uncomfortable doing this around my wife. I know it's something she wants nothing to do with, and I know that I do not wish to include my circle of immediate friends with this. I really don't know any other crossdressers, except for the ones I know here. So alone it is. My closet is not only about avoiding ridicule, it is my comfort zone, too.
:yt:

My thoughts exactly. I do go to bed in panties sometimes though and I have become comfortible with that. My wife always looks to see what I have on, which make me a little self concious, and I am always kinda careful to keep them covered up so she doesn't feel whatever she feels.

[Laura Jane]

I wonder why a few think its strange to want to compartmentalise your life. I could not see myself ever giving up cross dressing, but I also can not conceive of a time when I would want everyone (and right now anyone) to know of my dressing up, not because I'm ashamed of it, but because I don't want to be defined by something when there is much more to my personality. As an example, if you have a gay acquaintance, that is the first thing you think of about them, even if they were funny or intelligent or a *******, but with an hetrosexual acquaintance, you think of their personality or qualities first. Labels colour everyones views.

I have a strong desire to go out 'in public' dressed but not to be outed. That fear prevents me from venturing out in too public a place, or rather anywhere I would be recognised.

[cdamanda]

hi im kinda new here i had a question my band im filing in for has a gig ata local theater and i was wondering if i should do the show en fem or not im nervous