Told a downright lie

[fionasboots]

I'm in the US at the moment flying back to the UK next week and I had a 'brilliant' plan to cover the fact that I have shaved my arms and legs.

My wife had commented in an offhand way about the hair under my arms (which is pretty ugly) and sort of said "I dare you to shave it off".

So my cunning plan was to say that I got drunk and did this and also had a hack at my legs as well (I shaved them once before and she went ballistic).

Well I just talked to my wife and managed to get this explaination out and while she didn't get angry or anything she did keep saying I wasn't "normal" and that I was "weird" ...

... and then she asked me out-right if I was wearing womens clothes.

I lied and said "not that I am aware of"

What makes it worse is that I'm actually sat here in a lacey top, white skirt, and high-heel shoes so I was doubly-lying :(

In my defence coming-out over the phone is not the right things to do obviously, and certainly not with such a distance.

On the one hand she was nowhere near as angry as when I shaved my legs the first time, then again she was at a friends house at the time.

On the other hand I think she now suspects that I'm not being entirely truthful which is generally not a good thing but could also be disasterous when I return from this trip with a suitcase full of my girlie stuff.

For one fleeting moment though, I did think that, if she could keep the same tone of voice if I ever actually tell her that I CD then maybe everything will be okay.

I now feel bad, confused, worried, and all those other things that you feel at a time like this.

:hugs: Fiona

[Sophia Rearen]

Maybe it's time to come clean. Stop living a lie.

[Kate Simmons]

I wasn't truthful a lot of times with my wife in the past. I would swear up and down I gave up my femme self and behind my back, had my fingers crossed. No way was I giving myself a mental "lobotomy". Now she is with her Mom in Florida taking care of her but also because she can't handle the situation with me. I've spoken with her a couple of times about getting things back the way they were. She told me regardless of her feelings for me, she cannot trust me because I've let her down so many times in the past and she doesn't want to put herself through that again. Can't say as I blame her because when it comes to Ericka, there is too much at stake. I probably wouldn't trust me myself. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this Hon. Richard

[fionasboots]

Maybe it's time to come clean. Stop living a lie.

This is possibly true but, as I have posted on this forum before, I have quite alot to lose if things go badly wrong; not just my wife but my son also and then a whole lot of my life also.

It is very tempting to try and have the same sort of life that other people have here; they have understanding GG SOs. I am not convinced that my wife would be so understanding.

We have been arguing alot recently but this is more down to the large amount of travelling I have been doing (which has given me the opportunity to CD more but that may ultimately not be a good thing now).

I was never really into the CDing thing *that* much before, over the past few years though it's something I've thought more of and now having the opportunity has meant that I have explored alot more of this part of me.

So I'm less inclined to want to give up but the risks are certainly more (easy to hide a pair of knickers and bra, not so easy to conceal several pairs of shoes/boots, skirts, tops , etc).

:hugs: Fiona

[fionasboots]

I wasn't truthful a lot of times with my wife in the past. I would swear up and down I gave up my femme self and behind my back, had my fingers crossed. No way was I giving myself a mental "lobotomy". Now she is with her Mom in Florida taking care of her but also because she can't handle the situation with me. I've spoken with her a couple of times about getting things back the way they were. She told me regardless of her feelings for me, she cannot trust me because I've let her down so many times in the past and she doesn't want to put herself through that again. Can't say as I blame her because when it comes to Ericka, there is too much at stake. I probably wouldn't trust me myself. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this Hon. Richard

Thanks.

Though it would be really nice if I wasn't alone if things actually turn nasty :rolleyes:

I guess this really does highlight that it really, really, really is best to be open about CDing right from the very start of a relationship. For anyone that is thinking of coming clean up-front, my advice would be that you really should!

When I started the relationship with my wife I wasn't really into the whole CDing thing, I had done it but felt very embarrassed and went through the whole denial thing several times (looking back it was a huge waste of money/time/clothes! :rolleyes: )

So really I just convinced myself that it was a phase I was going through, something to do with curiosity and lack of sexual experience.

Now I find that it is something I really think about alot and do dream of being able to dress less in secret and more openly, though I'm still not sure if I really would not be able to cope if I couldn't dress at all.

It *is* part of me, even if I never dress again and that's maybe something that I should think more about. It *is* (or maybe was if I have to stop) something that makes me me even if my wife (and everyone else) doesn't know.

Hmmm, it's much easier to tell all this to a computer than a real person :( I only wish I had kept close to the friends who I think I could/should have shared this with. Hindsight is a wonderful thing :(

:hugs: Fiona

[Sophia Rearen]

This is possibly true but, as I have posted on this forum before, I have quite alot to lose if things go badly wrong; not just my wife but my son also and then a whole lot of my life also.

I completely understand, most of us are in or have been in similar scenarios. However, how do you think she will react upon seeing your "things" once she finds them, either on you or in a case?


It is very tempting to try and have the same sort of life that other people have here; they have understanding GG SOs. I am not convinced that my wife would be so understanding.
Seems like you are having "the same sort of life". You're shaving and buying and wearing womens clothes. You're just doing it alone and not bringing your wife along. Her replies, to me, seem very typical. Not many wives are going to jump into their husbands cd'ing enthusiastically. Generally, it takes work. And that work is communication. Have you missed some opportunities for dialog for fear of the unkown responses?


I was never really into the CDing thing *that* much before, over the past few years though it's something I've thought more of and now having the opportunity has meant that I have explored alot more of this part of me.

You're only 30. Chances are this is not going to go away. More likely the desire will only increase. When is a good time for this to blow up?
Sorry for the tough love.

:hugs: Fiona[/QUOTE]

[Kristen Kelly]

I hear you and totally understand, while I don't have as much to lose I am working on coming out to my longterm girlfriend, knowing she might not accept it well. She needs to know because our relationnship can not develop further without her knowing, and I have to be who I am, not living my own lie.

[Kerry Owens]

I am so glad Lawren told me right off about the CDing, life is much easier understanding what's going on. He made the right choice. Telling the truth in the long run is much healthier than than to live a lie with all the secrets you're going to be fighting to keep.

[connie rotten]

For some of us just dealing with being a crossdresser and comprimising by not going totally girlie as often as we would like or not ever getting to go totally girlie at all is a full enough plate.
Right now why should you try to explane something you don't fully undestand youself to some one you seem to susspect would not be too understanding of you crossdressing to begin with.
Your lies are a fearful response to a real reason to be afraid. Hey you have all my sympathy. Not to make lite of telling lies to your wife. But I've been there done that. At least you own your own woman's wardrobe.
Afraid to shave our own legs in a world where when I'm shopping for men's underwear at a department store women are pawing through them beside me and even over me and it is totally exceptable.
Life is so full of double standards for us we need to not be so hard on our confused crossdressing selves.

[EricaCD]

I have to agree with Sophia. I'll amplify a bit: you have crossed what is, to me, a significant point: you are no longer merely hiding your crossdressing from your spouse, you have affirmatively lied about it. I know that most SOs here will probably not consider an omission to be significantly better than an outright falsehood, but I don't think I could have ever actually told my wife that I did not crossdress in reply to a direct question.

I would strongly urge you to come clean at this point, and be prepared to pony up in terms of personal time to discuss, counseling, etc. Make sure you have done all the research beforehand of course. My educated guess is that your wife already knows; your best chance of getting through this is to help her up the learning curve ASAP and assist her in overcoming her (probably erroneous) conclusions regarding your sexual preference, whether you intend to go 24/7, etc.

It IS tough love but I also think it's your best option.

Erica

[Marla S]

I'm in the US at the moment flying back to the UK next week and I had a 'brilliant' plan to cover the fact that I have shaved my arms and legs.

My wife had commented in an offhand way about the hair under my arms (which is pretty ugly) and sort of said "I dare you to shave it off".

So my cunning plan was to say that I got drunk and did this and also had a hack at my legs as well (I shaved them once before and she went ballistic).

Well I just talked to my wife and managed to get this explaination out and while she didn't get angry or anything she did keep saying I wasn't "normal" and that I was "weird" ...

... and then she asked me out-right if I was wearing womens clothes.

I lied and said "not that I am aware of"


I can understand that you lied about your clothing. If, I'd talk about it face to face anyway. I also have total understanding for your situtation and fears concerning relationship, children, and job.
But what I really don't get is why you had to think of a "brilliant" plan to justify your shaving.
I kind of can understand the reasons, but let me say it clear:

This is completly stupid, gratuitous and degrading IMO.

You just like it !!! Period.

That's no lie, though not hole the truth.

It is not unusual that men are shaved. Just look in a journal. Even in women's journals there a almost only shaved men.

Instead you accept to be seen as completly drunk, weird and out of control to shave your body with a confused mind.
If I'd be your SO I'd be really scared and would worry about you.

It happened, but as there are good reasons not to come out, there are good reasons for certain things too and you don't have to play the insane.
Be carefull but be self-confident too !!!

[lostmyhubby GG]

Its my guess that she might suspect something already....but the terms she used about you being weird etc...tells me she needs serious insight and education about crossdressing and about you, the whys and etc....all the questions us GG's ask....I dont think i have ever told my hubby he was weird or needs help etc....about this subject i take it seriously and take it to heart this is him/her...the same person i married 5 years ago and feel honored he/she trusted me enough to come out and not hide from me.
Good luck, my heart goes out to you, i cant imagine being in your high heels!!! wanting to come out but yet being so frightened to do so because of consequences that might occur or not occur.....
I love my husband soooo much I couldnt imagine life without him...therefore life with him includes the her side as well...and they are both wonderful.
keep us posted...and if you do come clean....direct her to us GG's here...we will embrace her whole heartdly and help her as much as we can with loving support.

Best of luck to you, keep your courage up but no more lies....

[Stephenie S]

Dear Fiona,

The correct answer would be, "No, they are not womens' clothes, they are mine."

But seriously, you can't lie and expect her to be OK with it. It will come out at some point and then, watch out. No wife (or anyone for that matter) will be happy to find out they have been lied to.

Good luck, dear.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Scotty]

Tough one here...

Lets assume that you do tell her everything - and end up getting a divorce....

First, and I don't meant to sound mean but you'll get to know your wife better than you ever have - any man that has been divorced can tell you that - and you'll find that this entire thing will probably be drug into court.....

She might say she doesn't want your child around you.......and there's that possibility a judge might agree.

Keep that in mind, maybe lay low a bit.

I agree with the comment about shaving in a "drunken" state - I shave my legs and I won't go back - I love having them shaved and when someone asks me about it I just say that - It's more comfortable. Not everyone likes it but that's not for them to like........I tanned for quite a while outside today, shaved legs and all and my neighbors saw me.

So you may have to compromise with her, maybe you can shave but not dress.........?

I wish you well, and I can't offer any advice because you know your wife, we do not.....honesty is the best policy but it may have some severe short term consequences, or maybe long term if she refuses to accept it.

[fionasboots]

I really can't argue with anything anyone has posted - and many, many, many thanks for the words of support and advice - even those of you talking 'tough', I still appreciate what you have to say even though my heart sinks ever further at the prospects ahead :(

I am, again reluctantly, inclined to agree with Sophia that these feelings I have are unlikely to go away - please see the pictures I've just posted http://uk.360.yahoo.com/fionasboots and I think you'll pretty much agree I've kind of past the point of no return (please someone post some scathing remark about the pictures, anything to take my mind of the serious stuff in life!)

I think that maybe the inherent problem here is that my relationship with my wife is not really that deep, or I don't feel it is at the moment. All the travelling I've been doing and generally being quite absorbed in work have certainly made things quite strained recently.

We have had quite a few rows and my wife's (understandable at times) frustration with my absence and just life in general has often boiled over and started lots of shouting. She will often resort to snap phrases like "you don't know me anymore" or "you are self-absorbed with your work".

The word "never" and "always" seem to be prefixed to every sentance during such rows which I find makes it hard for me to understand what is going on since it makes me sound so bad (maybe she's right). When she has finally calmed down the excuse for such out-bursts is usually "I'm tired".

Having read what I've just written I think it's clear that we have problems already. I'm pretty sure (I'm sure the GGs will agree) that quite alot of the problems my wife and I have are likely down to me (unrelated to CDing at the moment). I do get absorbed in work, I do find it hard to take a break, that's just me I suppose, I like to keep busy.

On the other hand I wonder if really we should not be together, if maybe we have drifted apart. We are really quite different in alot of ways and possibly the whole CDing thing (thought I best bring it back to that to have at least some relevancy to this forum) is maybe only a tiny aspect of a much bigger problem - possibly I'm getting more into the CDing because there's something missing.

Sorry to have babbled on incoherently. I guess I really have more on my mind than I'm admitting to myself, much easier to type it into a computer than face reality.

Hmmm, lots to think about I think :(

:hugs: Fiona

[fionasboots]

Okay I just read what I wrote (okay, I didn't read all of it again, it's too embarrasing) and clearly it is pretty much doom and gloom. Sorry.

On a lighter note, I did try to justify the shaving using a suggestion I read on this forum a while ago, i.e. that all the male model etc that you see are generally completely hairless ... my wife just burst out laughing and the prospect that I was comparing myself to a "male model", I can't say I blame her really :D

:hugs: Fiona

P.S. I may try the "'cos I just like it" reasoning regarding the shaving because, to be fair it is MUCH more comfortable (well until it starts to grow back a bit) and certainly way less smelly/itchy in the arm department. I don't see why you GGs should have all the advantages of shaved legs/underarm! :D

[Billijo49504]

Same on you! How would you feel if she lied to you? She deserves better.



tell the truth and hopefully she will still love you..BJ

[Marla S]

P.S. I may try the "'cos I just like it" reasoning regarding the shaving because, to be fair it is MUCH more comfortable (well until it starts to grow back a bit) and certainly way less smelly/itchy in the arm department. I don't see why you GGs should have all the advantages of shaved legs/underarm! :D

That's the right tenor. And if she asks you again "why", ask her "why not". Would be curious about her answer and justification. Maybe you can have another laughter :D
Ok, if she just don't like it :sad: Bad luck :D

PS: Using an epilator prevents itching.

[Tina P Hose]

Telling a lie is maiking a pact with the devil....just ask George W. Busch lol

[rosiegurl]

hate to be the downer here, but lying to her is BAD. I lied to my EX-wife for 5 years about it cause I knew full well what her reaction would be (she thought all CD's were jerry springer rejects), and we ended up in a very nasty divorce where she turned around and used it all against me in a very public way.

all it does is breed her mistrust of you, she obviously already has an idea of what you are doing, and just think of her reaction later down the road when she finds the proof, or you finally pony up to her.

at least now, you have an out, you can say something like you wanted to discuss it in person or somesuch.

you know, this is a hard truth, it may well mean the end of your marriage, or the last straw from her point of view, but from a man who escaped from one, and went on to find a loving SO who actually understood and accepted, as much as I loved my EX, I can honestly say, I have never been happier in my life.

you do have my sympathy, cause I know it isn't easy to open up like that to someone who seems to have such a bad view on it, but really, you are sat on a time bomb now and just waiting for it to explode

[tekla west]

Lies are bad. Bad for the teller, bad for the receiver. I've been open with every woman I've ever been intimate with. Lucky for me I'm strongly attracted to - how did Rick James put it - "The kind of girls you don't take home to mama." But I've had little rejection, some wanted to play along, other did not, but it never figured in the overall relationship one way or the other. Even the divorce was about money, drinking, money, her drug use, money, and of course, money.

I loved her, at least at one time, and when she left me I wanted to die. But I didn't, life goes on. At first I was very sad, then I was pretty sad, then I was just sad, then I felt kind of blank, then I got a little happy, then more happy, and I can honestly say that five years later I love my life more than I ever have. I love what I do, I love where I live, I love my freedom and openness and the sex hasn't been bad either.

Yes, lots of models shave. That is not an excuse or reason for anyone else to I don't think. After all Kate Moss does lots of stuff that we should not. But I've been shaving for over five years - legs and underarms and what ever part of my chest is below the scoop neck. No one has ever said anything about it. Though some of the girls like the non-hairy legs rubbing against theirs - but that is too much detail and I should end this now before I lose my PG rating.

[Kahlan51]

I have slowly told my wife all my secrets. I used to lie about dressing and other things to her and our relationship suffered. There are a lot of ways to share our big secret and I think that looking through th e stories on this site will help you especially the one's from GG's so that she won't feel that you are weird. Take it slow and be very patient. I did and now I am so happy .
Kahlan

[Karren H]

Well for one thing, place all the girly clothes in a separate nylon tote and remove it from your suitcase before you get home! as far as the legs....since you told her already maybe if you keep them hidden from her for a bit it won't get her riled up.

I typically shave during the winter months and fuzz up in the summer to pass as male on family vacations! But I use the old mustache trimmer to keep the leg hairs shortish and bleach them with blonde hair color so that they don't show under hose.

And I always talk to my wife on the cell phone while I'm dressed enfemme and she knows I'm dressed, just doesn't want to talk about it! I did admitted I crossdressed over the phone too, while I was dressed enfemme!! And don't know if it would have been better in person? For me it was probable better, less crying and screaming!! Well at least on my part less! Hehehe. She cried enough for both of us....

Good luck!!

Love Karren

[Angie G]

I was like you the lies and all (it not mine and all) now my wife knows and is 90% O.K. with me dressing.
thank God life is so much better now we even go shopping together.:happy:

[Anita Mae GG]

Sounds like she may suspect already due to her response to you regarding you wearing womens clothes too. Lying is the worst betrayal to your spouse right after cheating. A lot of times in these cases when the cd finally comes clean to the SO, the lying and secret life is what hurts more..........

[~Kitty GG~]

I agree totally with Tammy Marie and would like to just add one point:

If a marriage only has the one issue.. just the CDing. I don't think there are very women who would even consider divorce.

If I were a CD.. I'd fix those other things. And come out of the closet and be the real me to my wife. It truly is amazing to me that we allow so many really bad relationship problems out in the light of day and yet keep this so secret.

Its really an upside down world sometimes.

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~

[Tamara Croft]

You should ask yourself why she would ask you if you are wearing womens clothes in the first place. I suspect she already knows and lying to her isn't going to help. Maybe it's the time to tell her, she already thinks your weird, don't make this any harder for yourself. If she finds out later on down the line, shes gonna be super pissed you lied to her instead of telling her the truth. We teach our children to be truthful, this shouldnt change when you get older should it?

[Kimberley]

... I have quite alot to lose if things go badly wrong; not just my wife but my son also and then a whole lot of my life also.
:hugs: Fiona
********************
Fiona,
This is the same sort of dilemma I faced. I decided to go back into the closet because of my needs for family first. I have paid a dear price for it but it was the right decision for me.

I wish you all the best in your search for answers.

Kimberley.

[sharifemme]

Fiona...

Been there! Lied for 30 years, dropped the bomb, received trial acceptance which diminished to tentative tolerance due to my attitudes and insecurities. Still it is better that she knows and I wish I had told her before I married her. She deserved the chance to make her own decisions before we got totally involved with each other.

Anyway, whatever happens, you've got friends here.

Sharifemme











I lied and said "not that I am aware of"

What makes it worse is that I'm actually sat here in a lacey top, white skirt, and high-heel shoes so I was doubly-lying :(

In my defence coming-out over the phone is not the right things to do obviously, and certainly not with such a distance.

On the other hand I think she now suspects that I'm not being entirely truthful which is generally not a good thing but could also be disasterous when I return from this trip with a suitcase full of my girlie stuff.

For one fleeting moment though, I did think that, if she could keep the same tone of voice if I ever actually tell her that I CD then maybe everything will be okay.

I now feel bad, confused, worried, and all those other things that you feel at a time like this.

:hugs: Fiona[/quote]

[Bonnie D]

Fiona,

I agree that honesty is the best policy, however, it is not a simple matter. The longer the lie has been occurring the worse it is. As many have said, and I whole-heartedly agree, tell her everything before you are committed to each other in marriage or a serious relationship. The times are slowly changing compared to twenty-some years ago when I got married, being gay or a “transvestite” was not something easily divulged or understood, by oneself even. The internet has opened up the world and we are better informed now. But how do you tell your wife? It’s not easy that’s for sure. Your wife has given you an opening, her asking if you were wearing women’s clothes has indicated that the question has entered her mind. You could ask her why she asked that and this could open the lines for communicating.

You also said that your relationship seemed to be going downhill and it’s not about crossdressing. I think it could very well be that. If you told her about your crossdressing or she found out on her own and she didn’t want anything more to do with you, wouldn’t it be better for you if your heart wasn’t completely in her hands. So out of a certain amount of self-preservation you withdraw some of your feelings for her and sabotage the relationship to some degree.

Risk, there’s a lot to lose if she’s not accepting to any degree. Children being number one. Finances has to be taken into account also. Can you afford to live on your own without affecting your wife’s and son’s standard of living or will they be forced to move to? I wouldn’t want that but you can’t live on the street either. Your son is still young so you would miss a lot while he was growing up.

Risk, there’s a lot to gain if she is accepting. Your relationship could very well improve and you could stop having to lie and hide and constantly worrying that your secret will be discovered. The longer you wait to tell her the harder it will be.

I hope all goes well.

Bonnie

[MsJanessa]

While I agree that telling the truth is the right thing to do, I also agree that it is not always the easy thing to do. So before I join the bandwagon about how "awful" it is to lie to your spouse, I'm going to remind all the truth tellers out there that the consequences of telling her the truth can be equally as bad---like divorce court, alimony payments, child custody fights with the wife accusing a person of sexual perversion, public exposure by a spouse who wants to get "even" , etc.---It's really not very pretty and no matter what many of the GGs who post in this site and who are married to TGs out there may say about accepting it, many women are horrified about it and would react in a very negative way, trying to damage the TG as much as they could. We like to think that with patience and kindness, we will all be accepted by our SO---more often than not it doesn't work out that way---the best may be to tell them up front when the relationship is new, but I bet for many of us, the XDing doesn't even raise its lovely head until way after that time---something we may have done in the past but in the blush of a new relationship we have put it away---only to have it come to the fore later. So My advice is to cut Fiona some slack and give her some constructive advice on what to do now instead of castigating her for something that she cant change now---as far as shaving your armpits and legs, if your wife simply can't handle that then let them grow out again---you can always wear outfits that cover them up. If the urge to crossdress becomes so strong that not shaving is unacceptable than you may have to make a choice of whether you want to tell her and face the consequences(whatever they may be) or leave her---I can't tell what your situation is with her, whether you have children at home etc, but it sounds like your relationship is rocky even without the crossdressing, and you might want to consider the option of divorce. Getting some personal counselling would be helpful to you in this regard. Whatever path you chose, I wish you good luck

[fionasboots]

First of all, thank you all again for the words of advice, comfort, reprimand, etc. It's worth hearing *all* points of view as they are equally helpful (though I wish you could all come to a consensus, geez, do I have to make decisions for myself :rolleyes: )

I'm flying back home today (arrive early tomorrow morning) so I'll see how things go. My wife has made the odd crack about me shaving myself but nothing unkind or nasty, she just seems to be making light of it.

There will be a few big tests to how tolerant she is; obviously when she actually see what I look like hairless, but before that we've actually got a BBQ to go to and I'm likely going to be wearing shorts (long ones) so other people may see my hairless legs as well!

Their reaction could be 'fun' (hopefully the jet-lag and effects of hastily consumed alcohol will make this easier for me) but my wifes attitude to this could be telling. I think she'll probably want me to cover up (because she is embarrased), or maybe she'll just say something like "well, it's your problem, deal with it" - the second response is better I guess.

Anyway, I hope she can at least tolerate the shaved-look and then maybe I can move (slowly) on from there.

On a more positive note, I hope that I can manage to arrange a long weekend away for both of us (wedding anniversary soon) which might help fix (well start to fix) some of the other problems we have. I think, as some people have pointed out here, that sorting out our other problems and me not trying to distance myself may be a good start.

Wish me luck!

:hugs: Fiona

P.S. Have (obviously) bought a few presents while out here and these included, at my wife's request, some 'nice' underwear. There's two funny things about doing this, first it was more embarrassing then when I buy things for myself and second ... I've been looking covetously at it, it really does look nice :D

[SherriePall]

Fiona -- Good luck. I won't add to the advice of the others. Just take the high road -- love and respect her.

[Julie Avery]

I think you're between a rock and a hard place here, and expect you already knew that.

Lying makes you feel guilty, and this could go on for many years.

Telling the truth, if it leads to separation or divorce, may lead you to feel guilty, and possibly for many years, depending on how things play out.

Feelings of guilt about something harmless that you can't change, in my experience, cripple personalities more than anything I can think of except feelings of guilt about behaviors which are actually damaging other people and should be modified, but aren't.

So what's my advice?

Try to make the best choice you can between the alternatives. Bring all the information you have and I don't about your individual situation to bear in that process, and make your choice in good faith. Then refuse to feel guilty about it.

Easier said than done, I know.

[suzanne claire]

Lying will only compound the problem.You will be relieved and your spouse will be happy if you will merely tell her that you are a crossdresser.I do wish you the best outcome in the resolution of this problem.:hugs:

[fionasboots]

... but I didn't tell her :(

I have to admit that the thought of confiding all was quite an attractive one and did make me feel really good. However, a suitable opportunity didn't seem to present itself so I chickened-out.

I didn't get too much grief for the shaved legs/under-arms but my wife did say she didn't really like my legs like that. Which is understandable as they were a bit stubbly by the time I got back.

I had a *really* easy time getting all the femme clothes hidden in the loft as my wife has to go out for an hour or so (I was really worried she may want to search the luggage!)

At the moment my wife is rather stressed and agitated (last few days of work and all the hassle of looking after our son) so she doesn't seem too understanding at the moment.

I'm going to try and see if I can persuade her that I continue to shave legs/under-arms. Too be honest it is WAY more comfortable in the heat-wave we're having at the moment! Also I do want to start cycling a bit more to lose weight and that seems a good excuse to be hairless in the leg department.

Before anyway says it: yes, I know I'm just avoiding the issue at the moment. I don't feel *that* good about this and need to work out a good time to spill-the-beans ... I realise that it is more and more likely that I'm going to have to do this as I don't think the desire to cross-dress is going away.

Thanks again for the advice/support, I'll keep you all up-to-date with what is happening and you'll all likely be the first to know (after my wife) when I finally come clean (assuming I don't get the computer thrown at me).

:hugs: Fiona

[Jessica Brekke]

You do what you have to, Fiona. In the end, none of us know your exact situation as well as you do. You have to go with your gut.

If you ever do decide to tell her, however, please, please, please take my advice and be informed, prepared and most of all, patient. And keep us all informed. It's possible that one or two of us might even have opinions on what the best way to tell her is. :heehee:

Best of luck with this. It's not an easy decision no matter which way you go.

[nishababe]

Hi Fiona,

thanks for your recent message,I have not been around for a while due to my computer crashing about 10 days ago and I have not had a chance till today to get it going .

Well i looked at your photo's and you looked so good in them ,very convincing I think in fact you look just as good as a lot of women I know and could pass in the high street without too much of a problem !! You also look very happy and contented,so it is obvious to me that your female side cannot be just popped into a box and locked away forever ,anyway more about that in a minute .
I must say that I think you are worrying too much about shaving your legs and under your arms as nowadays a lot of young women and men seem to think that it is fashionable to be fullyshaved all over and there has been a lot of recent publicity about young women and men having the ''Brazillian'' including Chelsea and England footballer ''Frank Lampard'' . So you are not the only person doing it and where I work many of the young men shave their legs and armpits and nobody even mentions it ,they all say they like the feel and most of them do a lot of sport and keep fit and they say it is a cleaner and healthier feeling .It is no big deal nowadays
Many years ago you never saw men with earings but nowadays a lot of young men do it and it is accepted so shaving legs etc will perhaps be a normal thing for young men to do ,in short dont worry about it .Just say that lots of men including lots of footballers and sportsmen do it nowadays , you feel better like this so whats the problem .

When your wife makes comments and digs at you about wearing womens clothes perhaps you should try to make a light joke about it and say that perhaps you could try it as you think you could make a good woman .
A lot of close girlfriends I know have asked me if they could make me up as a woman and and have had great fun and enjoyed doing it without me even mentioning the subject .Then when they have gone that far they have got curious as to how I would look in womens clothes and it has turned them on to put me in their underwear and dresses etc .Perhaps I am just lucky knowing lots of easygoing women !!
Hope you get over your recent problems and have luck in coming to some type of solution for your c/d dilemas .

Love Nishababe:love: