View Full Version : Midlife crisis or not ????

06-25-2006, 05:44 AM
Yesterday my friend told me she thought I was having a midlife crisis!! She said that she saw me as feminine, that was surrounding my maternal side as I have two sons of my own and a step son. She is into gender in a big way and studying for her Phd. We looked at how I had changed since I came out, initially very butch then I softened my approach to help others feel more comfortable about me in the workplace. Then I grew my hair for many reasons the wrong ones, now its how I like it and everybody says its me! Think I shocked her when I said I might want my boobs off in the future cos I hate them that much! I told her that I identify as boi when I talk on here but it's an inward thing right now only use it on the board. Very negative response she didn't think she could relate to me that way. So although she can accept me for whatever I see myself as she thinks I'm havin a mid life crisis. I left feelin deflated cos I know how I feel and I don't think I'm havin a midlife crisis, I told her that too!!
Lol I was out with my gay male friends later on ofcourse I went as as one of the boys I love gay men and find them attractive but I would not want a relationship with a gay man coz I am attrated to women. A friend of one of the guys thought I was the lad who he had pulled a couple of weeks before te he he so I passed well. That was my positive feedback. I told my best mate who I work with about the conversation with my friend and he said feminine I don't think so, lol good that he thinks that so I was set for a good evening!!! What do ya all think+? +?

06-25-2006, 07:11 AM
Honestly? I think who you are is who you are - and sometimes it's having a mid-life crisis, and other times its just people saying you're having a mid-life crisis because they can't handle you being youself, or they're worried they're losing their friend.


06-25-2006, 10:37 AM
Honestly? I think who you are is who you are - and sometimes it's having a mid-life crisis, and other times its just people saying you're having a mid-life crisis because they can't handle you being youself, or they're worried they're losing their friend.


I think Perks makes a lot of sense. I think your friend said mid-life crisis because she wants to believe that this is just a phase you're going through because of possible difficulties in your life. I think she's having a hard time accepting that you're not who she thought you were and maybe worries that you won't have enough in common to relate to each other anymore.

If she comes around and accepts all of you without wanting to change you, that's cool (it can happen - even if it takes time). Meanwhile, it sounds like you have other friends who are just fine with the real you and that's most important to have. Personally, I think I need a lot of different kinds of friends: straight, gay, male, female, etc., but they all have to be okay with who I really am.

It's a work in progress.

06-27-2006, 01:14 PM
Thanx Lex and Private! Yeah I felt that she was uncomfortable with what I said especially when I said I felt that I felt inwardly that I could identify with the boi tag. But life goes on and I know I can chat here honestly with you guys cos you know where I'm comin from. Prob won't discuss stuff with her anymore cos don't feel as comfortable about it. A bit dissappointed too really but as you said lex it's probably her inner fears that are the problem here. I do have a close friend who is into the fluid approach a bit like me she too is quite masculine and crossdresses she laughed when I told her she said ya not havin a midlife crisis lol ya know who ya are! That was very reasuring :happy:
Thanx again and if anyone wants to chat to me on my msn or yahoo messanger just let me know :thumbsup:

06-27-2006, 08:49 PM
I don't know if it's a mid-life crisis or not (don't know you do I), but so what if it is? We all go through them, some of us get to have more than one (lucky sods:rolleyes: ). It's just another buzz word for having some difficult times. Bad luck mate, you're NORMAL. Get used to it.

haven't decided whether to indulge myself and have another one yet ... the outside influences on my life are doing more than enough to keep life interesting:frustrated:

06-28-2006, 01:45 AM
It's very unfortunate when that happens. It's one thing when a stranger tries to tell you who you are but when it's your friend.. You'd like to think that they'd always be there for you but in the end they are people too.

Just remember how you feel now when someone comes to you with something you're not comfortable with.

06-28-2006, 01:42 PM
Hi Wren very philosophical and wise comments. Yes every situation we come into contact with is a learning experience so I will remember this. I am in contact every day with people who do indeed feel uncomfortable with my sexuality. In fact this weekend they are all going to my friends hen night and I am not because I feel that they would feel too uncomfortable to sleep in the same bedroom as me! I know this too be true because of a previous situation and since then I felt it was not a good idea to go. People can be so cruel and then you keep your distance especially when you are a a butch lesbian!:mad:

06-28-2006, 01:59 PM
Hi Guys,

Just a quick word from one of the princesses. LOL.

We are who we are. We know it and more importantly we feel it. We live with it 24/7. How we present is a whole different pandora's box.

Silva, I think your friend didnt expect your response and probably felt like she had been sandbagged. I am sure she will come around once she gets used to the idea and figures out that you are still the same person only now she knows the whole truth.

It'll work out in the end I am sure.


06-29-2006, 03:16 PM
Thanx Kimberley Ya probably right xx

Julie York
06-29-2006, 04:47 PM
Now see if you'd been a teenager it could all be made right for a nervous observer by saying "It is a phase". It reassures them.

But as you are older it can all be made right for the nervous observer by saying "Midlife crisis".

It's not you who has the problem. It's your pal.

And I know a midlife crisis when I see one. I have had seven.:eek: (Still not bought a Harley though haha). You are simply a blokey girl bloke-girl with bloke tendencies who happens to be a girl. Nothing midlife crisis about that. Now if you should suddenly leave your family, have an affair with a 16 year old, buy a Harley and dye your hair blond.....THEN I'd worry.

:D :thumbsup: