Transitioning When?

[Kimberley]

I would like to throw this out for discussion. Many, if not most of us grew up hiding, forcibly as a defense mechanism for self preservation. Very few had the luxury of a parent(s) who were supporting of a TS child.

So wasnt the real transition the move to the male mode for survival?

Is not the "awakening" and resolution not so much a transition as a return to the true person?

Just some random thoughts.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[CharlaineCadence]

for me it the survivel mode was full of lies. lies to stop me from being beaten by my parents, lies to stop the bulling, lies to survive. Thouse lies now haunting me. But I work proudly to change that being different then ever bettering myself as I can. transition also was a way to break from the largest Lie i ever told the lie that I was a man. A straght man when my whole like I knew I wans a homosexual woman. Sounds odd I know but It is true I have known my whole life that I was a women in love with women. when I told my parents it was a huge waight off my shoulders. then to find that they finally accept was even better for me. but at times the old lies are still their holding me back in some ways.

[CaptLex]

ISo wasnt the real transition the move to the male mode for survival?

Is not the "awakening" and resolution not so much a transition as a return to the true person?

Just some random thoughts.
Good point, Kimberley. For me, I'd say the "awakening" (good word for it) was definitely a return as well as a re-revelation of the true person. But I wouldn't call the mode I undertook for survivial a transition - perhaps supression and denial.

[Kimberley]

Quite right Capn. Suppression and denial is common. In my case there was no denial but suppression was paramount to survival. Learning to be male just drove things deeper and deeper.

I kind of like the term awakening too. Thanks.

Kimberley.

[Ms. Donna]

It seems to me that we do not make a conscious decision to surpress / deny / hide ourselves: it just sort of happens.

Much like growing into hand-me-down clothes, we grow into this hand-me-gender role. It's 'given' to us and the message is that it will 'eventually' fit. And it does... sort of. We wear it, walk around in it, interact with the world in it, but it's not ours - it just doesn't fit right. Too baggy here and too tight there, it was made for some other being - on us it will always be ill-fitting.

But you look so handsom... And you look so pretty... The world sees the clothes, but not the person. And we find that in the day to day world, it is just so much easier to not fight it all and play along. Yes, it is a survival mechanism, but a covert one.

Then years later, we wake up, look in the mirror and wonder who the oddly dressed stranger is staring back at us. Then memories, feelings and lonelyness comes flooding back into our consciousness. We tug at the clothes, realizing that no matter how nice they look, they never have and never will fit us. And when we finally rip them off, we are left - possibly for the first time in our lives - with the nakedness that is who we really are.

For me, that was the 'awakening'. Standing in the harsh light of reality - that I allowed myself to be perceived as something I was not.

Personally, I abhor the term 'transitioning': it sounds like one is mutating into something. But that's just me. As I said in another post, I view this all as a becoming: the removal of the impediments - both real and imagined - which kept me from becoming the person I was to be all along.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Clare]

Many, if not most of us grew up hiding, forcibly as a defense mechanism for self preservation.

So wasnt the real transition the move to the male mode for survival?

Is not the "awakening" and resolution not so much a transition as a return to the true person?Indeed Kimberley, you seem to have that gift of interpreting issues from an external perspective.

I guess one reason why I had to portray male mode during my early life was because I had no knowledge about crossdressing as such (did it even exist or was I a one off?), so I had no choice but to fit in with the male role as I grew up.

In other words, if i'd had access to crossdressing / TG resources as a youth, perhaps i'd have had the opportunity to 'blend' my real self with that of the male role. It would have at least been a better alternative to the real life 'male' experience I had to grow up with!



Good point, Kimberley. For me, I'd say the "awakening" (good word for it) was definitely a return as well as a re-revelation of the true person. But I wouldn't call the mode I undertook for survivial a transition - perhaps supression and denial.Very good point Capt! Suppression of how I wanted to live my life as a teenager with transgender tendancies is exactly the phrase to use. As I grew into adulthood, denial became a very strong influence as I felt my lifelong femme desires were absolutley wrong and I tried hard to ignore them for a long very time.

Of course, here I am today decades later acknowledging that i'm transgender and regretting the years i've wasted in the interim.

[Stephenie S]

Oh Kimberly, I agree 100%. I think you said it just right.

Now I am cleaning up the mess from years and years of surpression.

Right on, girl!

Stephenie