Can one identity be enough?

[DonnaTgyrl]

Over the years I have been balancing both gender worlds (for lack of better terminology). I find myself in limbo with both my male and female identities. The separating them is becoming more difficult in that my female side is becoming the more dominant one. Yet, to make it financially at this point, the male role is almost a requirement.

My question is - can we be only one identity? Can I put my male identity away for good and live as Donna from here on out? Can I bury my male identity as I have tried unsuccessfully in the past to bury my female one?

I am single, so there is no SO involved but any SO's that wish to contribute, please do. Would love to hear your thoughts too.

Any experiences/suggestions/feelings on this will be most appreciated.

[Marla S]

I'd say this depends on what you actually understand by your male or female identitiy respectively.
IMO one thing you will never be able to put away completaly is the fact that you probably most of your life lived the male role. That burns in, dictates your thoughts to a good part, and might even influence your view on your female identity (maybe tending to stereotypes, like a lot of us).
So, I'd say even if you live 24/7 your feminine identity there are still some male aspects (whatever they are) in your life. I wouldn't worry about it, cause it is just one identity.

[Kate Simmons]

I would love to be Ericka 24/7 even without transitioning. I find however, that I need both parts of myself to balance things. I do other things besides working as Richard. I balance Yin/Yang energies to get certain things accomplished. If I were just one or the other, my abilities would not work. Something I have learned and have found to be necessary. Ericka

[Wendy me]

i always thought just how happy i could be if i just could get "HIM" to leave...
but am i ready to get rid of "him"?? and all that goes along with "him"??? tough call ....lets see lose the wife ... the family and tons more well no not ready for that so we do have to have "him" around ...

and now how abought her ?? Wendy do we lose her ???? no can't do that and most deff... don't want to do that Wendy time is like ,... well if i have to explane it we are all missing something you know....Wendy time we are not getting ride of ....

life's just complacted no matter who you are and time just sucks never enough of it... so what to do ???????

ok this is were i have come to .... yes their is a need for "him" and a need for her to be shure and some times we even need to mix it up some .... you know bring out a little of bouth of them together at the same time ....i call this "PLAYING NICE TOGETHER" .... well that opens things a step more ....

"HIM "....... HER......... AND US....................

so to answer your question no one identity is not enough......

[DonnaT]

Many of us have integrated our male and fem characteristics and thus have only one identity.

For some the male characteristics are more dominant, I reckon, and for other the Fem ones are. And yet for others there is a fairly well balanced integration of both.

Can you bury the male characteristics? Depends on what they are and why you'd want to. In actuality, there's not many differences between the two.

So, what ones would you want to bury?

[Eleanor]

Brilliant post Ericka!

[Teresa Amina]

One "Identity" yes, but with two aspects. Having buried the fem aspects all we've found is that they become more intense and demanding. No doubt burying the the masc aspects would result in those forcing their way through in unexpected ways. Imagine; there you'd be enjoying your new fem life and suddenly have a tremendous urge to wear guy clothes and go watch Nascar! Damn! Now that would really suck, wouldn't it? Especially since you could either watch Nascar en femme or wear guy stuff and not have to suffer the noisy cars going around in a circle endlessly over and over and over.....
Somehow what's needed is to find which of both fem and masc aspects are genuinely ourselves while trashing the false aspects of each which we've come to believe part of a package deal but which are not us.

[kathy gg]

Well since you said SO's could contribute...well here goes. I think our society places alot of merit on the gender 'gap'. For males this can be very difficult, even many females seemed really resetricted by their gender expectations. But for some the balance between male characteristics and female happy run side by side.

I am very competative when it comes to my sport of choice, tennis. I can remember talking excitably at a tg social about how I competed in a tournament and won and I remember a gal at our table commented on how she hated to sweat and how unfeminine it was. She seemed just very repulsed by my enthusiasm for my sport and my 'masculine' attitude. I blew it off, but I found it odd that a tg gal was so very bothered by my 'competative' nature.

ANyway, I say this becuase I embrace any testosterone that might be floating in my system. I can at times identify with what some might consider 'male' traits'. But I also can totally be emotional, empathetic, and as girly as you can imagine at other times.

I really can't imagine me being 'me' without having these contrasting characteristics live side by side in my soul. And for me it is an effortless balance. I also never had 'society' telling me to be less masculine. I was never denyed playing with trucks as a little girl, nor forced to wear dresses if not in the mood. I was given a freedom of expression that I know most males dont' have the pleasure of.

Maybe that is why we dont' have as many ftm cd's as mtf ones?

But anyway, I dont' think it is healthy to choke or restrict a person from being all the things they are. IF you are a NASCAR/Victoria Secret loving pesron....cool. Why kill off the car lover? Why try to kill off the girly side?

I think if one is not totlaly into living full time as a female or "knows" they are ts... one can balance a little of both.

good luck figuring yourself out.

[Rickie]

What I would like is to find that balance, with both sides of myself. Where the male and female melts together and makes the best Rickie there is.

I loved what you had to say Kathy GG

[DonnaTgyrl]

Thank you for the great replies. I understand how some can balance both. They have been able to make it work for them, and that is great.

Kathy GG makes a good point about the combination of homrones and I totally agree with that. As Donna there are things I may be able to do because of my male hormones that I normally would not. And of course as someone pointed out, living so long in the male role has imprinted my mind. I am sure no matter what lengths one goes ot change their gender, that will always be a part of them

I find Teresa'a comment below very interesting and beyond my understanding of the "false aspects." Anyone care to take a stab at that? Are we talking "gender expectations" or something on an individual level?



Somehow what's needed is to find which of both fem and masc aspects are genuinely ourselves while trashing the false aspects of each which we've come to believe part of a package deal but which are not us.

[Dee 1062]

I find myself in the same vote...I love my name...DeeDee

[Marla S]

I was given a freedom of expression that I know most males dont' have the pleasure of.

Maybe that is why we dont' have as many ftm cd's as mtf ones?
I'd subscribe to this and would push it a bit further. During the last 100 years women have achieved, at least a theoretical, freedom to choose between "carrier" (stereotype for the male role) and "family" (stereotype for the female role) or to combine both (most integrate both aspects today). Though there is still some work to be done, women have by far a wider range of options to express themselves within accepted "gender boundaries" --> less need to be labeled ftm. Probably not the only reason, but I am sure it contributes.


I find Teresa'a comment below very interesting and beyond my understanding of the "false aspects." Anyone care to take a stab at that? Are we talking "gender expectations" or something on an individual level?
Don't want to speak for Teresa here.
As we are all children of the society we bear not only male and female aspects but also the society's bipolar view on gender gender roles. IMO that can be made to a good part responsible for our struggels before self-acceptance but also might lead to the "all-feminine-non-masculine" viewpoint after acceptance.
(To sit on the fence is maybe the most uncomfortable position, but I think not the worst.)

[Siobhan Marie]

I find that Bruey and Anna blend into making me the wonderfully unique person that I am.



I dont' think it is healthy to choke or restrict a person from being all the things they are. IF you are a NASCAR/Victoria Secret loving pesron....cool. Why kill off the car lover? Why try to kill off the girly side?



:iagree: wholeheartedly with what Kathy said

:hugs: Anna x

[JoAnnDallas]

It would be hard for me to let my fem side take completely over. First there is my wife, but I also have many male roles that would be difficult to intergrate. First is the fact that I am a Amateur radio operator. I would have to change my call and make all new friends. Second is I am very active in Veteren orgiations and I would hate to have to give that up.

So I try and blend both my fem and male side to a harmonious blend.